I've got to vent I'm sorry

[Sapphirez]

I don't know what section of the forum this would most be suited for so I hope it's ok here.

For anyone or everyone not wishing to read all that I wrote lol but at least a little interested or invested since you opened the thread, I will summarize here:

I want to take care of my daughter turning one this month as best as she deserves and my fiance who I rely on financially and to support me otherwise is unopen to listening to and reasoning with me or finding the best answers together. the only other family around is his mom and her husband who are more ignorant and generally follow what my fiance says or thinks. even my own family mostly doesn't understand and wasn't around except some became a lot more present after the baby was born. I had some decent support and outlets online but don't really anymore, one of the reasons I returned to this forum recently and I want to honor my spiritual side again cuz I know it is the best path.. I don't know why I feel compelled to post this here on the forum but I wanted to get it out through this outlet and maybe have some support from open-hearted people who don't have skin in the game lol. ideally of course I would love to be agreed with and supported in that sense but it's enough for me to just be able to post here and I don't expect anyone to agree with me about stuff anymore no matter how right I think I am. I know people here have wider more expansive consciousness to add too. thanks for reading and being you.
lastly just wanna say though I kind of said it below, the reason I am posting it here is cuz I didn't have to worry about others as much in my life before but now with a wonderful child it's even more important than it ever was. I also want to get myself better so I can be better for her.


I am in so much pain and so sad and scared because I don't know what to do. before I didn't have much interaction with family or friends except online, mainly facebook friends that I made with a common interest in spiritual and health and higher matters.


I suffered with health issues myself, physical and otherwise including serious anxiety so that prevented me from having much of a social life offline, especially after I quit drinking some years ago. well I was content to work on improving myself and learning important things to help myself and others live better lives. but I was living with my mom who wanted me gone as I was already in my 30s. I paid rent most of the time through the years but you could imagine there were other issues. so I was extra sick at the time and woke up to a lot, and was beginning to trust the universe and divine life.

well now I had nowhere to go but magically found a place and person to go to, and there have been troubled times but also wonderful ones where it seemed meant to be. and now there is a baby almost a year old. which I love more than I thought I could of course, but it makes the issues of the things I thought or learned were important more and moreso because it's not just me or other adults effected, but my growing baby daughter.


I feel so unsupported and betrayed and confused as to how the things I think are evident and even common sense are trampled on and disrespected. there is evidence to back up what I am trying to have, like fresh raw foods for my baby mostly vs processed cooked foods, and keeping chemicals and **** like that away from her.


My fiance (which it's questionable whether to continue calling him that too often) is more awake than most on a lot of matters, but he doesn't eat fruit himself, besides the vegetable fruits.. and somehow doesn't see the difference between plastic pouches and fresh live food homemade. this is literally a matter of life or death in more than one way and it is so important that I am willing to fight for it. I was fighting for the truth of this in my life and to people before, mostly about fake or synthetic and chemical-laden things vs natural and pure, etc.. but right now the main matter is feeding our daughter. His mom and her husband are the only family that live nearby so I am extra alone, though my family was not that present or supportive of me before I moved here over 2 years ago. I could kind of only count on a young cousin who was about 8 living up north some hours away from us, and sort of my brother though we weren't super close and he was living in a different state when I left. but he has maintained some loyalty and kindness to me through the years and my little cousin was just super sunshine and adored me about as much as I adored her though we didn't get to see each other that often.

Anyways I am sorry for the length of this. basically I don't make money and my fiance is capable of making plenty with a respectable job selling ADT security systems and was wanting to support me since I came here, but that has since waned.. and I feel like an idiot not making my own money or sharing that responsibility, though I do watch our daughter most of the time of course. anyways so it hurts that he and his mom and others whoever are not willing to be open about the issue of feeding fresh foods vs the sickness of plastic pouches. plus they cost more than real food, sometimes more than a few times extra. there's no comparison but they act like I'm insane for trying to speak for the baby getting mostly fresh foods instead. My fiance gets mad me usually and says and does hurtful things and I don't understand how he doesn't know or want better. I get upset and impassioned too but I remain open and try to come from love.

His mom loves the baby a lot too but is less awake than he is of course, and would just follow what he says anyways and won't listen to me. one of the issues is this chemical fragrance she keeps wearing and she says she's not wearing perfume and none of her beauty products are scented but it is obvious a very strong fragrance is coming from her most of the time including now when she says she is not wearing anything.. and it gets all over the baby and it takes a lot of scrubbing and stuff and even a bath doesn't get it all off.. I have researched it and these chemical fragrances are very toxic and especially damaging to little babies. I don't understand why she won't look into the facts about the fragrances because she has other scented stuff that she uses like candles and it's all harming her and her husband too. I also am baffled that she can be wearing and covered with the scent and somehow think she is not wearing any at all!? it doesn't make sense.

I was talking with my mom earlier this evening when fighting began and my fiance called his mom to come over though he is the one who was acting out of control telling me to shut the * up and get out and stuff when I was raising the issue about the processed foods again because he makes this formula for her in the blender with the plastic food pouches and other ingredients, none of them really alive or full of vitality which food is supposed to be. but anyway my mom wears synthetic chemical fragrances too and worse than his mom but I asked her to use different shampoo last time she visited, and she is coming to stay for some days again next week. well I guess I am going in circles as usual and said most of what I wanted to say. I know I should perhaps not provide so many details when sharing these things but I guess I want to be understood so badly because I feel these are important matters. there is a lot more I could have added and am tempted to but I will try to refrain from doing that,

I just wanted to express how sad and alone and scared I am. I don't want them to try to take my baby away or something drastic because I keep trying to stand up for what's right and best for her. it hurts that people don't know better and that they are so against even trying to learn or open their minds or be logical. honestly I have been used to this kind of disregard and anger from people unwilling to open their eyes and minds. it took a lot of restraint, work, and love for me to even get here and stay here with this man. an online friend was helping me with the EFT technique otherwise I don't think I would have wound up here cuz my fiance proved difficult from the beginning, and I also knew how much I had to work on my issues of trying to force things on people. but this involves an innocent life that is being hurt unnecessarily and I want better for my daughter than we got or have. I wish people knew how to care enough to stop being afraid of finding the truth.
I wish that I was truly loved by my fiance and he could support and believe in me or at least be open to informing himself whether he found the same answers as me or not, at least he could take a little time to look. I don't like to give up on anyone but I of course feel rejected by him too and that he doesn't find me worth it. I know that my having my own income would help and prevent some issues but it still couldn't prevent them from feeding her whatever they want. I could try to fill her up with fresh foods so she wouldn't want what they offer, though she does go to stay at his mom's sometimes.. but I just don't have total control and I want to relinquish control in a lot of circumstances but this doesn't feel like one I should. I know that processed substitutes for food are harmful and toxic chemicals are too and neither can compare to the beauty and bounty that nature offers.

I constantly feel so hated and scorned for trying to help us live better and be better. in the past I cared a lot about people online and the scattered ones in my day to day life and I fought for what I thought was right for them too, but this is different and I can't just focus totally on myself to get the best solutions because there's a baby in the middle who I need to help get what she deserves, and everyone agrees that she deserves the best but they are unwilling to investigate or open their eyes and hearts to see. I know that the government would probably not side with me and think that my shaming processed shelved baby food is wrong. and his mom and I have loved each other but she also has seen things wrong from the beginning and as you might expect sided with her son no matter what dumb stuff he did or thought. and she has called CPS and stuff too.

[MissCreativeSpirit]

Have you seen the YouTube Abraham Hicks video where she says ..."We are judging everything we put into our mouths. It's a wonder we can find anything to eat."

Some things just aren't on fire or that bad now. Judgement will corner you Everytime. I have a lot of anxiety in my past.

[MissCreativeSpirit]

Have you tried taking flush free niacin for your anxiety, it so worked for me.

[Blue Tiger]

I considered responding to your self-described rant.

But I see no point in it tbh. You wouldn't like my opinion, I'm quite sure.

So instead please let me wish you the very best of everything, including peace and love.

I would suggest speaking to a trusted pediatrician about what nutrients a growing baby needs. What you eat is your own business, but growing children need so much more in the way of nutrients, and I know that she is your primary concern.

[Lucky 1]

Like BlueTiger.....I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like what I have to say about your situation either.

So like BlueTiger, I'm just going to wish you the best!

Well.....one thing I will say is your one month old baby would be best off being breast fed.....providing you are lactating and healthy enough to do so. .....if not stick with a top brand of formula. Infamil is very good.

[inavalan]

A family needs to discuss and agree together what's best for the family. It should be a kind of democracy.

Also, any civilized state has an interest in children's welfare, has laws and enforces them. Unfortunately, or fortunately, this overrides individuals' beliefs, and frames their liberties.

Although you have the best intentions, and strong convictions on the subject, what if you're wrong? How would you live with yourself if something goes wrong with your child because of what you do against the largely accepted wisdom on health and diet?

You're probably too extreme in your dietary beliefs. Look around that the overwhelming number of children grow up healthy on conventional diets. Do you have any reliable examples of a large number of children raised to be healthy on fruit based diets, or other extreme diets?

Any way, if you differ so much with your fiancee, you should consider breaking it up, and finding means to support yourself, and your daughter. The state is there to protect you too when in need. But, be aware: the state won't allow you to care for your daughter as you wish if that's against the state's regulations. And, your fiancee will fight you for his right to have a word regarding the welfare of his daughter.

[inavalan]

By the way, Sapphirez, assuming that you've followed that fruit based diet for a while, have you checked your B12 level in your blood? You should read up the consequences of B12 deficiency!

[Sapphirez]

there is alarming evidence that children and adults do not grow up well on conventional diet. I'm sorry but is this a joke? who is really arguing against humans being fed food the way God designed it? even on a spiritual forum? I don't understand, what is wrong with the way God made fresh foods? why should they be destroyed with cooking and processing in factories that remove the oxygen and enzymes? it doesn't make any sense and it saddens me further that I have to argue with people on a spiritual forum about this too?

but for the record the main reasoning that my fiance and his mother don't give raw foods is because of laziness and thoughtlessness. sometimes his mom gives the baby banana but besides avocado like once that is all, and she won't buy organic bananas (though she does get organic processed baby food) even though they cost between about 20 and 30 cents per banana. not all organic brands or manufacturers are trustworthy, but at least when it comes to conventional vs organic produce there are many poisons sprayed on and used to grow conventional produce that are not allowed with organic. if you buy conventional you're almost 100% guaranteed to be buying something that was poisoned, literally.

with all the childhood cancer raters and other epidemic diseases and disorders, and the adult health crisis as well I am confused how anyone can say that people are doing just fine. these disorders are not supposed to happen. it's not how God just happened to make people, to make them sick and their divine perfectly designed bodies suddenly stop working.. no that is not how it went sorry if anyone actually believes that. The human body is always trying to return itself to homeostasis, by medical definition the perfect harmonious state of order and health.. the only thing that prevents the body from doing that is what it is exposed to, internally and externally. or as some bring up, what it doesn't get internally or externally. and the reality is that cooked or conventional or processed factory foods cannot compare with pure raw fresh food delivered practically right from God's hand.. who is arguing on the side of destroying what God made? I have researched illness and diseases and what causes death and I have looked at the opposite side too, and life sustains life best. if you deviate too far or are deprived from nature disease, disorder, and death ensue. there is a proper way to do things but please tell me I'm just confused and none of you that posted are actually arguing against God's divine creations provided for us...


thank you for your posts and the concern about the anxiety. I did try niacin way back in the day and a lot of other things (I used to work at a Vitamin Shoppe and have since spent many years researching online and reading books, etc.) but I have been sick since childhood so my body is in need of deep healing and repair. and I do not follow the fruitarian or even all raw diet that I am defending here. I need to at least for a little while to heal myself more rapidly but as I'm sure most of you afraid of it can contend, it isn't easy.. and cooked foods are addicting. and I don't have the support of anyone offline including my fiance, even though he doesn't eat til early evening usually because he says it makes him tired and then he doesn't want to do anything.. but says when he eats raw cucumbers and stuff he doesn't feel tired like that. case in point.. but he is not wanting to wake up, he has some other issues and consumption flaws which I won't talk about right now, but be sure his consciousness is commandeered by something, or else I think he would certainly be more open to having an evolved and evolving relationship and lifestyle.
anyway so it's something I've been wanting to get myself to do for a long time, years in fact.. even just taking a break from cooked foods, and eating anything raw, but I know that fruit is the most healing and restorative. it has the highest water content generally, and is teeming with antioxidants and the magnetic, electric, or electromagnetic etc properties of it are the highest. that is lost when food is cooked, and it is part of vitality and when you put thought into it, it only makes sense that food should be eaten alive. We benefit from the negative ions or anions, and cooked food or processed food loses them the more and more it is deviated from its natural state.

*sigh* I didn't think I would be facing judgment about wanting to feed my daughter pure foods here. the point of my thread was really how forlorn I've been feeling by not having the support and consideration I wish for. I know that people are nescient about what the human diet is actually supposed to be though, however I am still surprised at the amount of mindlessness about it here. do you guys who are against my trying to feed my daughter fresh real foods really think that God or the divine powers messed up or expected us to process his creations in a factory and remove all the oxygen and enzymes and other life activity and store it in plastic pouches made from petrochemicals and other toxic ingredients? and give that to babies? what sense does it make? what sense does it even make to kill the foods before we eat them by boiling or baking them? this is just silly..

and exhausting that I have to fight so hard for the truth which should be obvious. story of my life I guess and anyone open to learning and seeking the truth no matter where it takes them or to what conclusions. but it does end up coming down to common sense.

inavalan as for b12 I don't think you understand what it actually is and how it is made

well thanks for replying everyone though I can't hide the fact that these posts have made me sadder and more confused about how so many people on this poor planet can be so confused about how to honor and live symbiotically with it. there is no argument against mother earth and her divine creations, only laziness and thoughtlessness because if you think about it or research it you can easily find out God did it right. I know this honesty won't gain me any friends but I need friends that are willing to search and fight for the truth anyways and support those who do sacrifice their social likability, livelihood and time to do it too

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by Sapphirez

...

inavalan as for b12 I don't think you understand what it actually is and how it is made

...

I was asking with best intentions.

Somebody very close suffers of pernicious anemia (B12 deficiency), so I'm very well informed. Actually, after mentioning your posts and situation to her, she wondered if you actually don't already have that deficiency. She knows how it feels.

Take care!

[Sapphirez]

I know inavalan, I'm sorry this is a sensitive subject for all of us. but the thing is I promise you I believed a lot of the things you do and I was surprised to learn otherwise but I can't deny the truths I have been fortunate enough to happen upon. Now I suppose many of my problems would be solved, outwardly and inwardly, if I would only take the steps to practice what I preach more and prove that it is what works. My body is deficient in all sorts of things and I was anemic as a child, but you know what? I suffered with kidney and bladder infections and was hospitalized for a period of time (and of course I ate meat and animal products as a child) and that has a lot to do with anemia, the body in general does more than you realize. that is why I said what I said, because b12 deficiency has much to do with how the body is working. the kidneys are directly connected to the adrenal glands and the adrenals are important in the matter of b12.

Did you know that cobalt is available all sorts of places and that the body uses it to make b12? I can't say I know everything about b12 but I do know more than most resources will tell you. that being said, ideally we should be able to manufacture it in our own bodies sufficiently. are we healthy enough? not usually. do we eat close enough to the Earth to get it? not usually. but as I am sure you've probably heard, most other species get their b12 from bacteria in the soil or on their foods and at least ruminants can make it in their own bodies. it's said that humans can too given proper conditions.

anyways, I have looked into vegan b12 supplementation and it's important to steer clear of any synthetics. there are certain foods which are said to have b12, and most are concluded to not have bioavailable sources, but some do. I have only seen research on a small amount of foods or substances that are reliable sources so I'll just briefly mention a couple things such as moringa greens and a special version of blue algae which is said to contain b12 which I've taken. there are other sources said to supply it but nevermind that, the research I have seen says that purple nori is one of the best vegan sources of b12 and is bioavailable for the human body. there is a lot more for all of us to learn about b12, but the main thing to take away is that just because a mainstream urine sample says something doesn't mean it is the reality. I can guarantee you all sorts of people with serious health issues and disorders could have urine or even blood tests that say they are fine. mainstream medicine has little understanding of true health and the human body's functioning. I'm not saying they can't say if you have b12 or not but just because it says you do it doesn't necessarily mean you are healthy or your body is in pique condition

I can find the purple nori and other vegan sourced b12 research studies for you if you want, just let me know