i've met this one at the wrong time, sort of...

I clearly see his position in life right now although I put no verbal communication outwards when around him, I read him every second we're around each other and I notice his eyes gaze over at me tons trying to figure me out.
He asked me once why am I so sweet & innocent but i wasnt sure what to say. The first night I was with him at halloween, supposedly he kept saying to my friend "that one, that one's mine. the red head, she's mine. I want her, that one." and even his girlfriend freaked out when I was leaving the house for a bit with him and our friend, she kept saying "where are you taking her? dont take her away from me! bring her back!"

I went through the past couple of days crashing and turning and turning inside myself and my soul in utter confusion hurt a gapping hole not being able to help him. He suffers from a huge internal aggression, but I can completely understand his nature and energy. I've seen him flip out in rage before, but to me he was calm and I felt completely normal and that was the first night I met him, I just kept feeling to be near him and my friends who came with me to the party kept eyeing me in wonder.

I havent slept in four days and have ran into him a few times just as I think of him. I got lost on my way to see someone, a bus drove my way and I shook my head as the bus drove by there he was glaring at me with a knowing smile. From what my friend was telling me about him, although I know who he truly is inside, she was saying some pretty scary things and once I caught eyes with him and the bus drove away I started running in utter terror. I ran and ran and once I met up with her freaked but was also somehow in a good uplifted talkative mood.

The next day on the bus home I sat a little farther up from him and his girlfriend as he spoke. "It's too much, it's too much" he said instantly I tried to get comfortable in my seat. I could hear his girlfriend saying to calm down and sit down throughout the ride. I realised through a talk with someone last night he must of been referring to the money situation he is in? and with people he has buisness with. But the thing that doesnt make any sense, is how I heard him say throughout that ride, "She's just testing me."

I was terrified because I wasent sure what his reaction was going to be. I didn't know if he was going to get up and go over to me. I know he would never hurt me, but I went along the past couple of days thinking he was violent like that and that's what hurt my heart and soul believing what my friend told me. Every single person that got on the bus and went upstairs stared at me, I never looked away from the window, I realised I had been numbly crying on the side of my face that was leant on the window.
Also for some reason whenever we have talked to eachother in small conversation, it always is me asking him "why?" when he tells me not to do something, where he then tells me why it's a bad idea........ I'll tell him I want to do something, like peirce my own lip, and he shakes his head and I get instantly absorbed by his presence, gazing at him, asking him why, my eyes filled with some emotion, he always has to pause before responding or looks away. Every situation not many, there's always the situation where I'm asking to be intoxicated and he refuses which surprises me, or when my friend offered me a beer at her work and he sounded shocked "your offering her a beer? at this time?" I was shocked he seemed to care like he did. I feel sort of stupid now with how I give no verbal communication before with him ..

This is the first time ... I've felt something ... since her.

Help send some positive energy this way ?? I felt a little too drastic when I was alone :( I'm not sure who he is yet and who we are in relation to eachother, at the same time I do. I just hope to be with him so, so bad.

I'll send some possitive engergy your way, Bella.

I just want to ask though.what are you scared of?

Of what he is capable of in power of his emotions. Of knowing him so clear & vividly on the inside although it can't be properly understood of how I do. Of the fact how so many people that know him tell me to stay away, I'll get hurt, he's just working my head with the small things he says but I know who he is in soul. I'm scared of how over powered I had been just from talking about him the first night, despite the continous bad remarks my friend was making in explaning who he is & how he has acted. I'm scared of how when she told me he put his coworker in a choke hold and held him off his feet quitting work, or how he's gone and attacked someone with a baseball bat, slashed peoples tires before, ect, that I was even more overwhelmingly in soul attracted to him. I sat in this sort of pain, wallowing, as if there was a error in my soul and in who I am .... I'm not sure how to explain my state. I was having mood swings & all I could think about was him, wondering and worrying, my heart feeling like it was breaking, now i just woke up and I cannot explain my state of being ..... I feel so ... like I've woken up in a total different state of mind I know this state of mind where I sense anything is possible .... but it's going to take a long while to get where I want too...............

hmm, you know when you was at school (dont know if your still at school) theres always a kid who is soooo hyperative, their so frustrated that it often comes out in anger. Theres always a kid like that in every class. And everyone dislikes them, they become an outcaste because of their behaviour and it makes their behaviour worse. Ive come across a lot of this type and always seem to be the person to talk to them and go "whats wrong?, why are you doing this" sometimes not even needing to ask before they tell me about their troubles, about whats hurting them inside.Then ive seen them sink and show such vulnerability. Their fighting was a false display of the strengh that they do not have.

The reason why im rambling on about this is because he does sound a bit agressive so i wont encourage you to get in too deep with him just yet. BUT you also mentioned hes worried about you and hes subtly shown that hes caring. However he has something following him that is causing him pain.He has'nt told anyone about this , maybe nobody has asked. Maybe YOU should ask?

Thats exactly it. When I see his eyes I see his self back when he was a little boy, trapped there. His eyes are filled with this eternal question .... struggle .... knowing.

I'll try one day. He's just surrounded by people that can't see his soul yet .... I do, but I have to wade in the background of things ....

and thats why hes calling out to you.

remember to stay strong though ok.For both of you. Good luck!

I will :(



I just hope I do not have to wait any longer. I hope he realizes more in his soul. I hope he acts on the pull.

positive thoughts bella :) believe everything's gonna be alright... dont ask how and when, just BELIEVE. just get happy, do the things u like to do and just believe he'll be yours. cuz i belive he will be if u want it :)

:)