I want to die.

[TheDivineOne]

Originally Posted by Lynn

Hello

We may not get the life that we want in this lifetime but that does not mean that we get the easy way out of it. We have a journey we must take for the Soul that is within us so do we not owe that Soul to do the best for this life.

I came into this life unhappy to be female, I even tried to go out of ie at birth. I did not get to. Then at 19 I was told I could never have children, so I so wondered what this life was for if I had to be female. WHY no kids.

I have three kids I had them late in life but I have them, so this was part of the life path I would have missed out on. I too now have the most wonderful man in my life, again late in life we found each other but again I would have missed out on this aspect.

I spent 33 years of my now 54 years of life in an abusive relationship and I did not hide from that experience but I grew from it into whom I am now. I now can say to others "I have walked in your shoes" and help them not spend 33 years in that place like I did. I too know now what LOVe feels like and what a gentle touch is like.

I am happy to have life's breath in me, yet there were so many times in my life I did ask for death to find me and take me away from it all. I had a NDE and that too was a lesson event that did not take me out.

Life is not easy and I know that mine still is not easy but it is life. I bless that very breath I take in and out each morning as I wake. Find something small to cherish in life and build upon that and see where the journey takes one. Remember that the next life in could be even worse if we do not maybe do our best in this one.

Lynn

Hello Lynn. Thanks for replying.

I'm really sorry to hear about the things you've endured. I get that life isn't particularly easy. Other than embracing my womanhood after i'm finished my transition, that'll be pretty much all i'll ever appreciate being that i have absolutely nothing else to live for.

At this rate, i still feel cavalier about life itself and feel myself at the point where i still don't feel like living a long life, that me being alive isn't something i appreciate very much, but i do keep telling myself i have my life after transition to look forward to, maybe then i'll have something that makes me happy in life.

And in my next life that i am female, i get that my life won't be easy then but i hope that at the very least it's easier and that i remember that this is what i really, so desperately wanted so then i'll take better care of myself and well-being.