Spirituality, sensitivity - and dating/relationships

[Realm Ki]

So, here's my latest thought;

Many of us here on the forum are in some or several ways extra-sensitive.

To energies, light, sound, presences, other peoples emotions / spiritual state, to 'negative entities', to auras, to change, to stagnation, to touch, to heat and so on and so on....

In the past, before my awakening, I had serious problems in relationships. I mean, it sucked! I am an adult woman with virtually no real relationship experience. Everything has been tumultous, head over heals, distancing in various ways.

Part of this was luggages. That's been sorted.

Part of it was fear - that's a life long process to deal with and I believe I'm in an entirely different place with that, since "I've seen the light"

But part of it, I really sincerely believe has to do with my sensitivity to a whole bunch of things; I get so easily overwhelmed. I might need a date that is 1 minute long, if I'm not to go into 'over-drive', where I'm only surviving, not experiencing.

My plan has been not to date.

But to make friends, slowly. Build up a social life, one that is honest and where I can remove myself without excuses when I get overwhelmed. Friends that know what I'm talking about, friends like people from in here.

Somehow, something in the ether is now pulling me in a different direction, and while I'm not abandoning my plan to make friend, not at all! I would also like to ask in here;

How do you do it?

If you are sensitive/empath/auric/medium etc, how do you date? How do you deal with the 'overload'? How do you explain it/express it?

[FallingLeaves]

it has been horrible but I can't make it work. I don't even want to try any more. Sigh. This is what I get for not being able to utter the word 'goodbye' I guess.

[FairyCrystal]

Got over that years ago. High Sensitive Person, or HSP.
It got less and less and less when I learnt to properly ground and shield myself. I used to get overloaded, not with dating though, but with crowds, going out to pubs, too much input (light, sound, murmuring & conversations in one go). Not anymore. I enjoy life, don't need to take time-outs anymore either.
And all that in spite of a whiplash, which also make you sensitive to input, and a 2nd neck/head injury.
So it is possible, I've done it.
It is mostly a matter of not going outside of your own body and/or energy system with your energy. People who are sensitive tend to reach out, go to the other with their own energy. That's what wears you out.
So learn how to ground, which is not 5 minutes, proper grounding takes longer and it takes daily practice to make it stronger and last longer.
Shielding. ANd learning to pay attention and focus on others and other things without basically leaving your body with your energy.
These are the very basics of energy work. I learnt them in my first course of 3.
After I'd learnt those things during that first course I was fine.

The focus thing with your energy is easy to practice. Look at an object and completely focus on it, see every detail of it, no matter how minute. put your attention on as much as you can. Feel what happens to your energy and body.
Now do the same, but this time you stay in your body with your energy and still totally focus on that item.
You can do the same with people, like a date. And to be honest, dating is easy, one on one. I had problems with crowds, ppl visiting and all talking together.
But seriously, do the above -all of it- and you will do a lot better too.

[Realm Ki]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Not anymore. I enjoy life, don't need to take time-outs anymore either.

That is wonderful to hear!

ANd learning to pay attention and focus on others and other things without basically leaving your body with your energy.

I get that, I guess, in theory, but I am all over the place, it is part of my 'superpower'..? When I learnt I could do things in the 'outside', the sensitivity seemed like a small price, and made a lot of sense.

But no, ok, I will do this work in tribute to my human body, to the human experience - to be able to live fully as human also.

I guess my hesitation is that I've learnt to go where the flow takes me. To not use energy where there is resistance, but where it is enlarged. Containment to the body feel so restrictive... If you have any feedback on that, I'd appreciate it.

In a sense, I think I find the lightwork more important than the dating...

These are the very basics of energy work. I learnt them in my first course of 3.
After I'd learnt those things during that first course I was fine.

Great, now I know what to look for, thank you.

Look at an object and completely focus on it, see every detail of it, no matter how minute. put your attention on as much as you can. Feel what happens to your energy and body.
Now do the same, but this time you stay in your body with your energy and still totally focus on that item.

Easy enough. (Haha, we'll see. Humbly, I realize it surely will take practice...)

But seriously, do the above -all of it- and you will do a lot better too.

I can't even imagine, what it would be like... This will be so interesting! Thank you again, again, again :)

[Realm Ki]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

it has been horrible but I can't make it work. I don't even want to try any more. Sigh. This is what I get for not being able to utter the word 'goodbye' I guess.

I empathize, believe me!

Did you read FairyCrystals message above? Maybe we should do a studygroup you and I, see if we can master this? PM me if you want.

I reckon keep going with your original plan - socialise; make friends. That way you keep positive and such sensitivities as you have will be "evenly distributed" so to speak. They may even become less relevant among the friendships you make. I have a "sort-of" relationship now - I think it's going to be a good one longer term and it transpired from me calming myself down a lot compared to younger years when I was a bit of a tearaway (I'm told), and just socialising where I can; caring less about dating than making casual friends and enjoying myself.

Great that you've made so much progress in a spiritual way though !
.

[OEN34]

In my opinion, it comes down to how you feel. What is your intuition saying - your heart space? What is that silent voice telling you?

The ego will be playing all kinds of tricks on you, telling you to stay single, don't look, look, try dating, don't date, work on yourself etc... this is all the mind as you know, but your inner GPS doesn't lie.

But absolutely take all pressure off you if you do want to date, and to be honest, with who you are, you will attract people who are vibrating at a similar frequency to you.

It is about relaxing with it all I find. Slowly does it. Enjoy it, take all pressure off and everything will work out exactly as it's supposed to.

Being an empath, you'll instantly tell if the energy is right or not - there's no denying that whatsoever, which gives you a 'head start' compared to those who settle for any connection (no disrespect to those people).

Good luck!

[Realm Ki]

Originally Posted by OEN34

... you will attract people who are vibrating at a similar frequency to you

[...]
Being an empath, you'll instantly tell if the energy is right or not - there's no denying that whatsoever, which gives you a 'head start' ...

This makes sense, that people that match energy wize will not affect me in the same way... That would be lovely.¨

With regards to the energy work FairyCrystal wrote about, I've got my work cut out for me! I tried it before and I cannot stay 'in' unless I keep my eyes closed. Seriously, it just does not happen. I tried 'blurring my vision', didn't help. I can visit the neighbors, I can sense the taxi driver down in the street, but I can't friggin keep in!

So, I will start practicing 'staying in' & 'going out' with my eyes closed - just to practice 'the muscle' so to speak, see what that does.

But it seems that most of you believe that the sensitivity can/will diminish under certain circumstances. Is that a prerequisite then, or are there folks in here who've managed with their sensitivities 'active'?

[FallingLeaves]

for me it isn't so much holding my energy back, if anything I withhold too much. I'm almost too good at not mixing with other's energy.

For me it is just the overwhelming feeling that no matter what I do I'm going to be rejected. Even when things are going well it is in the back of my mind, that it won't last and the other is just sooner or later going to find a way to reject me. Any more I just shut down early on because for me it is a horrible thought...

But even if it were a matter of holding my energy back I wouldn't do what was suggested here, because my experience is that any time I have to climb to find a balance there will be someone to slap me around until I lose my hold and fall down again. It has happened like clockwork and I just don't see a point in fighting what seems to be natural laws right now. It is like yeah, I can fight against the current and swim upstream, I proved it by doing just that. But right now I'm not seeing the point in continuing behavior that can't possibly lead to the desired result.

Even though everyone else is telling me that if I just do this thing I will get my desires, I just can't do it. I've been denied results often enough that I just don't want to believe the unbelievable any more.

And anyway think about it - if I did allow this what is going to happen next? Someone is going to feed me ANOTHER thing to just randomly do with promises of what I will get, and before you know it I'm on the treadmill again. I went to a lot of effort to mostly get off the treadmill everyone else seems so enamored of and don't see a point in going back...

I like your idea of relating without the withholding but realistically it couldn't work for me because I'm stuck in the wrong sort of body to be able to work out that kind of balance, either. The very fact that I'm the guy and have to be the initiator shuts everything down before I even get started because not only do I dislike relating that way, but I just attract rejection if I do it and like i say I can't cope with that. But I don't get the other choice because I AM THE GUY and there are certain things I am supposed to do to support the societal contracts, or I just don't get anything back.

I'm starting to be of the mind, if I have to give things I just don't want to give and be things I just don't want to be, and not even get anything I personally would want from it, I almost think it is better just to do without whatever thing people are promising me today.

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

for me it isn't so much holding my energy back, if anything I withhold too much. I'm almost too good at not mixing with other's energy.

For me it is just the overwhelming feeling that no matter what I do I'm going to be rejected. Even when things are going well it is in the back of my mind, that it won't last and the other is just sooner or later going to find a way to reject me. Any more I just shut down early on because for me it is a horrible thought...

But even if it were a matter of holding my energy back I wouldn't do what was suggested here, because my experience is that any time I have to climb to find a balance there will be someone to slap me around until I lose my hold and fall down again. It has happened like clockwork and I just don't see a point in fighting what seems to be natural laws right now. It is like yeah, I can fight against the current and swim upstream, I proved it by doing just that. But right now I'm not seeing the point in continuing behavior that can't possibly lead to the desired result.

Even though everyone else is telling me that if I just do this thing I will get my desires, I just can't do it. I've been denied results often enough that I just don't want to believe the unbelievable any more.

And anyway think about it - if I did allow this what is going to happen next? Someone is going to feed me ANOTHER thing to just randomly do with promises of what I will get, and before you know it I'm on the treadmill again. I went to a lot of effort to mostly get off the treadmill everyone else seems so enamored of and don't see a point in going back...

I like your idea of relating without the withholding but realistically it couldn't work for me because I'm stuck in the wrong sort of body to be able to work out that kind of balance, either. The very fact that I'm the guy and have to be the initiator shuts everything down before I even get started because not only do I dislike relating that way, but I just attract rejection if I do it and like i say I can't cope with that. But I don't get the other choice because I AM THE GUY and there are certain things I am supposed to do to support the societal contracts, or I just don't get anything back.

I'm starting to be of the mind, if I have to give things I just don't want to give and be things I just don't want to be, and not even get anything I personally would want from it, I almost think it is better just to do without whatever thing people are promising me today.

I often wonder the same things. I'm not the type to initiate a relationship or ask a female out. Idk why it's not how I operate. I just kind of accepted it and roll with it. Also with the I'm a man I'm supposed to be hard and emotionless. That's not me. I'll never find someone I can be with fully if I'm not being me first. Yeah to look at me you would think I'm a gym rat and macho DTF type but to talk to me definitely contradicts the way I look. Look to your strengths. Don't worry about what you're lacking. I can list a million amazing things about myself that only the girl I marry will get to experience. The point is finding those things in myself is part of ego but at the same time it only makes me love me more. I don't stress who will see it or if I'll be single the rest of my life. I don't brag about it to others or females. If someone comes along and finds those things out. then I know she's for me for the simple fact she found a way to drag them out.

I was just using the analogy about being single and climbing a mountain and as I start getting close to the top someone always comes to distract me and take me back down. Recently just decided no matter what gets thrown at me I'm just going to keep moving up. I don't care it Buddha himself need assistance I'm still going up. To see what's up there.

Realm: I know you're going to keep honing your sensitivity. But in the mean time you can wear crystals if you don't already. Grounding crystals have helped me tremendously. And as far as dating and making friends. Every time I catch myself thinking the same exact things "How am I going to befriend anyone or attempt to date again" someone comes along to show me that my kind of people are still around they're just waiting for me to make room for them in my life.