Seeking help here

[BeastMatt]

Hi. I suffered greatly for an unsolvable adversity for 1.5 years. I have paid over 8,000USD for seeing psychologist, but they all did not help. I meditated for few months for an answer, but I was not so sure.....I tried online spiritual sessions, but I did not find they helped.....My issue is about my music, family and society(and thus health, insomnia, growth and career).
I have found every possible people to give help, but my issue is still remained unsolved.....I suffered a lot, I am very painful. I have thoughts of suicide(although I did not take action and I did not plan to). I have tried my best to help myself, but I cannot.
I sincerely seek help here.....I appreciate very much if you can help me find a solution together.....Please pm if you can. Thank you!

[John32241]

Hello Matt,

Can you tell us more about what your meditation experience was like.

John

[BeastMatt]

Hi John,

I meditated 8 years ago due to a traumatic experience. I thereafter discontinously meditated whenever I wanted, or when I felt the need to. There were long periods that I didn't meditate at all.
Recently, due to the pain that I suffered, and wanted a decision about a very important issue(could be for life), I meditated regularly for 1-2 months, but the answer I wanted just frustrated me. I got two answers inside me. I couldn't distinguish which one was really my higher self telling me. They sounded equally important, but at the same time contradicted to each another, which drove me crazy. My experience in meditation was it took time to get into the state of tranquility, the state of absence of thoughts only appeared like 3 seconds in a 20 minutes meditation. The state of stillness could last for 3 to 5 minutes I think, but there were thoughts, but I could feel the stillness inside. Occasionally, I felt there were no boundaries between me and my body, and immerged to all that was. After I opened my eye with that state after meditating, I could still feel myself became all that was, and this feeling would dissipate gradually. Many times when I felt frustrated or angry or offended that day, it was very hard for me to meditate, and there would be thoughts all over inside my head during meditating.

After all, I am still an elementary meditator.

But, why the question.....?

Matt

[John32241]

Hi Matt,

You have had some good meditation experiences. It can lead to productive self talk conversations with your higher self. The link to my web site on that is in my signature.

I am curious what that conflicting advive was that you received. Your decision about that very important issue, have you made it yet or are you still perplexed? There are often very good reasons for all those answers you get from inside you. You can not ignore any of them has been my experience.

John

[ThatMan]

Originally Posted by BeastMatt

Hi. I suffered greatly for an unsolvable adversity for 1.5 years. I have paid over 8,000USD for seeing psychologist, but they all did not help. I meditated for few months for an answer, but I was not so sure.....I tried online spiritual sessions, but I did not find they helped.....My issue is about my music, family and society(and thus health, insomnia, growth and career).
I have found every possible people to give help, but my issue is still remained unsolved.....I suffered a lot, I am very painful. I have thoughts of suicide(although I did not take action and I did not plan to). I have tried my best to help myself, but I cannot.
I sincerely seek help here.....I appreciate very much if you can help me find a solution together.....Please pm if you can. Thank you!

Do you live in USA? I suffer from pretty much the very same condition and I tried so many things, I have not found a solution to fully cure myeslf from depression. I ask you this because they have produced a very powerful drug called "ketamine" and at this moment it's only available in USA, it's so powerful that many depressed people have been totally cured, I read lsat nigth several stories, you only need a few small dozes of it and it's only given in special places, you know, hospitals.

Ketamine here in the UK is a controlled substance,originally a Horse tranquiliser.it is addictive though I should imagine it gives relief for depression.lol.

[ThatMan]

Originally Posted by hazada guess

Ketamine here in the UK is a controlled substance,originally a Horse tranquiliser.it is addictive though I should imagine it gives relief for depression.lol.

The good thing is that it cures depression, this is a new dicovery, they had no idea that it cures depression, not only that you have relief, but the depression it's not returning back, this is what I read, there are many stories.

The problem with depression is that it's a real problem in the brain, something is not working correctly, meditation only ameliorates the effects, I've been meditating for more than a year, almost daily, and I still suffer from depression and anxiety.

[BeastMatt]

Originally Posted by ThatMan

Do you live in USA? I suffer from pretty much the very same condition and I tried so many things, I have not found a solution to fully cure myeslf from depression. I ask you this because they have produced a very powerful drug called "ketamine" and at this moment it's only available in USA, it's so powerful that many depressed people have been totally cured, I read lsat nigth several stories, you only need a few small dozes of it and it's only given in special places, you know, hospitals.

Nope I am from a big city in Asia.
I am CPTSD though, not depression...

BeastMatt

I feel for you.
I was brought up in trauma and violence.
I do not want to pretend I have experienced
what you have, but I can relate to what you have
posted so far.

I do want you to know there is a way out of your
dilemma and I encourage you to keep seeking
the answers you need to feel on stable ground.

For myself the healing has been bumpy but
worth it, once you start feeling freedom from
past traumas.

I too suffer from depression but I'm on an antidepressant from my doctor,(A medium dose) that seems to do the trick,no amount of talking to professionals helped me.I blame the cause on trying to be somebody whom i wasn't to try to fit in.