When the other one prefers not to hear

Just met this woman (nurse) that is open minded and knows about the afterlife. She admits she believes there is something greater than what our eyes can see, but doesn't want to know too much. While working at the hospital, she has seen shadows walk by and has had a case where a deceased patient kept ringing the bell to the point she had to walk into the room and ask him to stop it. For those reasons, she prefers ignoring it all. I guess she has been scared enough and prefers not to know too much.

I can't tell yet if we will have a relationship, but it did click between us and I will definitely give it all I have. I did generally explain my beliefs and she also expressed she is into Buddhist beliefs. We are also extremely compatible on everything we have talked about and also explored our differences, which are little things compared to the big picture. To make it short, we spent 5 hours sitting at the same table on our first date and it seemed a lot shorter than that!

I guess I am just looking for other people's experience and stories that will give me an idea on how to deal with the fact that she knows about the invisible, but prefers to keep it hush hush, while I normally love to talk about it openly, just like a bunch of guys will talk about cars and football.

[Theophila]

It sound like there are so many positives. Maybe it is too early for her to be open on a subject that she is sensitive to.
If I had a sensitive spot for something, I'd need time to be more comfortable talking about it.
My aunt is a nurse and works at a cancer hospice where people go to spend their last days in care so she is around death all the time.
When she was off work,I never asked her what was going in there but there were days she would bring it up herself when she felt she needed. I can understand how they would have to hold themselves together just to do their job.
Be supportive and in time I believe if she feels the need she will. Remove that expectation from her and she may actually come around and come to you since she knows you are open and you will be double fulfilled in knowing she is .....
All the best...

Thanks. I'll definitely let her bring it up. She made it clear and I agreed that we'd talk about spirits that one time and never again. Anything included in Buddhism is still open for the take.

I didn't think about the fact that she might come to me for advice or just telling her story, that's in a way comforting.

There is a thread on Buddhism in the Religion & Faith section, you might learn something about it. This relationship
seems promising. I agree that she might be willing to talk more when she knows you better.

I would just talk to other people about it if I feel the need to express it so openly.

[Tanemon]

Fundamental differences in personal "make up" or personality tend not to change too much over time. I wonder if your nurse friend is more quiet about things in general, even though she obviously enjoyed talking with you about the things you discussed? I don't know the answer to that, but it sounds like maybe your friend is somewhat introverted, and like you are more extroverted.

There is a little survey you can fill out (I think there are versions online, but I originally did it with someone who administered it and I filled in my answers on paper). It's the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment.

Originally when I took it, my profile showed introversion to some degree, however when I did it again some years later it indicated my being slightly extroverted - and I believe it's because I sort of ride that line. But some people, though healthy psychologically, are definitely introverted (and some are definitely extroverted).

If you are an extrovert in your general personality, it could be you expect or hope for others you meet to be that way too... which will not always happen.

Originally Posted by SpacePilot

I guess I am just looking for other people's experience and stories that will give me an idea on how to deal with the fact that she knows about the invisible, but prefers to keep it hush hush, while I normally love to talk about it openly, just like a bunch of guys will talk about cars and football.

At least one problem is the difficulty of describing personal experience(s) for which words are so fallible. There is no vocabulary in common among people except in the grossest terms. Worse when it comes to mystical experiences (which may be hers) and the small-print. So it could be she hasn't the words to communicate what's there rather than prefers not. Perhaps she wants to achieve a degree of rationality first.

Just an example - without pointing at an object, describe the colour "red". What are its qualities?

♀

[Captain]

Originally Posted by SpacePilot

Thanks. I'll definitely let her bring it up. She made it clear and I agreed that we'd talk about spirits that one time and never again. Anything included in Buddhism is still open for the take.

I didn't think about the fact that she might come to me for advice or just telling her story, that's in a way comforting.

I wouldn't be happy about that agreement. It's one thing if she simply can't hold a conversation about spirits and gets nervous and chooses not to talk about them. Then you would have the opportunity to respectfully avoid the subject with her. In this hypothetical she may change but we can never ever expect or rely on that happening. We accept people for who they are in the present.

Refusing to talk about it denotes an element of disrespect. Has she told you she understands and respects those who are knowledgeable and experienced with spirits? Or is it all crazy making for her?

A great and compassionate guy and I were recently checking each other out and when he found out I had just returned from a lengthy retreat in a Tibetan monastery in the mountains of Nepal HE ROLLED HIS EYES. I haven't heard from him and if I did I would let him know we are not compatible.

As an empath my partner need not understand, but needs to respect and realize there is "something positive" about it.

[Tanemon]

Something Ishtar said also seems like it could be relevant: "I can understand how they would have to hold themselves together just to do their job."

And this might extend to not wishing to talk about these experiences, ordinarily.

I don't believe you can expect someone working in a hospital as a nurse to be as chatty about these personal experiences as you indicate you are...

Originally Posted by SpacePilot

[she] prefers to keep it hush hush, while I normally love to talk about it openly, just like a bunch of guys will talk about cars and football.

I know I'm at the other end of Canada, but out here the likelihood is that a nurse in a hospital speaking openly and frequently about these sorts of experiences (with "ghosts") would be recommended for "treatment", then probably put on an anti-psychotic drug, and possibly relieved of her employment (i.e., fired).