I feel Ive failed in this lifetime

[Impulsv]

Originally Posted by Impulsv

Thanks all
What I’m doing is Ive let my weight go and have gained 20 lbs.
I’ve cut my hair short knowing it’s want men don’t like
I’ve colored my hair red knowing no man will like it
I’m rebelling against the norms of beauty of what men look for
Perhaps pushing away the opposite sex?people say I need to start dating
I’m doing everything opposite to attract a man!
But in the same token
It’s what I’ve always wanted to do when young and didn’t to follow the conventional norms

I’m 42 lol

[BlueCat]

There is nothing bad rebelling aganist societal expectations if you do it from self love and you want to express your true self to the others, i'm no conventional woman even in my clothing, this means i would not attract many men and i don't care because i'm happy with myself and i accept someone that only accept me as i'm, also TF accepted me in this sense and i did the same with much suffering.
Now you need to love more yourself and try to ignore your TF for now, we all felt this rage towards our TF in the past or in the present because they went with that "another person", I know how it feels and i'm still angry at what TF did, i had like a deep rage and now i try to ignore all of what happened didn't exsist and i don't ask him about that person and stuff (because i hate with all my soul that person but these feelings are in the past now i'm like she doesn't exsist at all or trying to ignore her exsistence).

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by DaisySunshine

Yeah, I'm supposed to be compassionate, love him fully, focus on myself, and move on. But I can't forgive him, love him, or focus on the "positives" by working on myself and my life lessons. No. I can't. I'm bitter, and am livid with him. I'm sure he would breathe a sigh of relief if I found the positives in this and moved on, happy for him and his storybook little life. He doesn't get to just hurt me this bad then have his life work out exactly how he wants. I will be sure this haunts him.

some advice. don't. take the pain, accept that you hurt, that this is all so terribly unfair and life should be better... but it isn't and it is just so frustrating that there is nothing to make you feel better.

but don't try to get 'even'. it WILL backfire on you. Things WILL get worse rather than better.

This situation ISN'T fair, it SHOULDN'T be this way we SHOULDN'T have to face this. We have every right to be bitter about it. But the stark reality is that inasmuch as we don't like this, we are stuck with it anyway.

Be bitter if you must, in some ways that is more honest than what we encourage each other to do here. But leave him alone. Don't try to get 'even'.

[mystical]

Originally Posted by Impulsv

Thanks all
What I’m doing is Ive let my weight go and have gained 20 lbs.
I’ve cut my hair short knowing it’s want men don’t like
I’ve colored my hair red knowing no man will like it
I’m rebelling against the norms of beauty of what men look for
Perhaps pushing away the opposite sex?people say I need to start dating
I’m doing everything opposite to attract a man!
But in the same token
It’s what I’ve always wanted to do when young and didn’t to follow the conventional norms

feel like this is me lol ... to a tee lol ..

ur asleep .. .... u have walked one half of the journey .. the beuatiful bright journey where u learnt there was no limit to how much hope or love one could have and u experienced this in all its greatness ... but then he married ... and u accepted that was that . every belief u had broken . lost . of course ur angry . u took ur heart and soul to its limits ... but that was one half of the journey and all thatu learnt in that stage was to educate u for the future ... to remind u that when u journey to the dark . u know how to bring in the light . because u know u are the light . u already lived thro that . now u have to apply it . . the focus is off him now and its on u . this is where the real healing begins . once u come out of this phase u will be ready . ... his marriage right now . maybe thats so he can learn what he needs to while u purge and rest . if he was t leave her now . would u feel happy again ? healed? no . because the damage is already done now u have to heal that damage . u have control over everything . ur in control of ur thoughts and how u feel . dont let anything or anyone steal ur happy . no no no . u coe too far in this journey t just fall flat and give in to hatred for him . i know i know . its better than the aternative because al that will do is start of the hoping all over again and its obsessive lol . i get it . but balance . its all about balance . u know light and u know dark . combine them . even if u wake up tomorrow with a aha release moment ... its going to return again lol . the confusion the hatred . just got to make peace with it . to find peace . wake up and start living .... u had something special . it was an experience . nooone or nothing can take that away from u . but u can choose to fight back for ur happy :).

[Volaju]

Originally Posted by Impulsv

You may or may not recall my tf married. Ever since I’ve been in major depression , find life meaningless. Im out of depression but stuck in major hate for my tf. No I don’t hate myself I hate him for how much he hurt me!
For stringing me along for all those years. I would have preffered being ignored the first time we met. Being ignored any time after whenever I reached out.

I guess I can chose to belive it was because he was running but I chose to look at facts, not signs , syncs, miracles n hang on some false hope of his return.
I’d rather hate him than hang on to hope. I chose reality n hate seems to be the only thing propelling me to move forward.


So I’ve gone 1000 steps backwards on this journey of unconditional love.
I know I’ve lived this before with same results. Is it to much to expect I’d do better in this life!

I'd like to ask something, and please don't take what I'm about to say as an open offense or that I am trying to be negatively critical of you, but- is this what you have perceived your life worth to be?

I have met some people in the short time I've been alive who also feel they have failed their lifetime -but in contrast to the reasons- I see something much different here. I have friends, people like myself who feel like we failed humanity, that they failed our lifetimes because we failed to help others and be better people who look beyond ourselves and trying to make a better picture for others. I know people who lost three of their children, watched them grow to be amazing people, only to die and feel their lives were meaningless and yet they stood up and realized their purpose continues beyond that.

And so I ask, you feel you failed your lifetime because of one person -who, no matter how strongly you feel about- is but one aspect of the greater purpose and journey this life is suppose to mean for us? I would recommend you look inward and be mindful of the choices that we are all given as individuals--for failure is but a step to fruition--but to achieve such fruitfulness, you must be willing to see this through and make the most of it.

And do not mistake what I say as if this is something you should know, or as an easy task, or something that should come naturally. It takes time to understand why we make the decisions we make, why we do the things we do. I struggle with the idea I've failed my life for many reasons as well, but for myself its because I have failed to change this horrible-excuse-of-a-world into a place for others to be happy, where there is less suffering and where people can be themselves without discrimination. But, I know despite this, there is at least some things I can do to help others and there are at least ways to make better decisions about how we handle the reality we have been dealt.

Your life is like a hand of cards but you don't what you have, and you're in the game whether or not you want to be. You can either fold now, or play what you got.


May you find happiness in life.

[ssdm1]

I felt like this a week ago when I found out mine was living with a woman and he had not told me. I may have to face them marrying at some point.

When I found this out, I felt like all hope was lost. I felt flat. I felt like there was nothing in front of me.

What I learned is that I do want him as my friend. That ending our friendship would only hurt him and serve to ease my pain. He had been with her prior to my return to his life and he has made his choice. There is nothing I can do to change that. I am not happy he hid that and one day I'll ask him why he did.

I'm working toward acceptance of his relationship. It still hurts to see photos of them on social media and want that to be me. Seeing him happy with her is difficult.

I have to face myself in this. My jealousy. The fact that while he does care for me it is in a different way than I care for him, and that has nothing to do with the person I am. He is my friend and as hard as it is for me I am trying to keep the friendship with him and get to know her. Nothing is harder than this.

I wish you the best in your own journey. This is not for the faint of heart.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Volaju

I'd like to ask something, and please don't take what I'm about to say as an open offense or that I am trying to be negatively critical of you, but- is this what you have perceived your life worth to be?

I have met some people in the short time I've been alive who also feel they have failed their lifetime -but in contrast to the reasons- I see something much different here. I have friends, people like myself who feel like we failed humanity, that they failed our lifetimes because we failed to help others and be better people who look beyond ourselves and trying to make a better picture for others. I know people who lost three of their children, watched them grow to be amazing people, only to die and feel their lives were meaningless and yet they stood up and realized their purpose continues beyond that.

And so I ask, you feel you failed your lifetime because of one person -who, no matter how strongly you feel about- is but one aspect of the greater purpose and journey this life is suppose to mean for us? I would recommend you look inward and be mindful of the choices that we are all given as individuals--for failure is but a step to fruition--but to achieve such fruitfulness, you must be willing to see this through and make the most of it.

And do not mistake what I say as if this is something you should know, or as an easy task, or something that should come naturally. It takes time to understand why we make the decisions we make, why we do the things we do. I struggle with the idea I've failed my life for many reasons as well, but for myself its because I have failed to change this horrible-excuse-of-a-world into a place for others to be happy, where there is less suffering and where people can be themselves without discrimination. But, I know despite this, there is at least some things I can do to help others and there are at least ways to make better decisions about how we handle the reality we have been dealt.

Your life is like a hand of cards but you don't what you have, and you're in the game whether or not you want to be. You can either fold now, or play what you got.


May you find happiness in life.

Volaju...wise words indeed. And there is no other way forward but through it all.

At the same time, I want to add something for Impulsiv, who was hoping to bring things to a better place, with at least some positivity and lovingkindness, in this lifetime.

Impulsiv - your intentions for good and for healing and reconciliation from probably a boatload of various other-life trauma and negativity, was and is the correct one.

If you were not able to manifest an exchange or a relationship based upon agape, or authentic love -- whether simply as people and as beloved friends, or whether as partners (I forget everyone's individual stories but in either case...)...then you can join the vast majority of humanity, I'm sorry to say. Where beloved agape platonic long-term friendship between men and women is almost unheard of, and where beloved agape partnerships are also so rare as to be almost unheard of.

Remember partnerships are largely arranged in non-Western countries (and were historically done everywhere)...and they are now largely built on sex and ego demands in the West, meaning that there is no mutuality of agape (authentic love, which actively seeks the highest good of the other, and in no way is dependent on sex or expectations of sex, nor on ownership or possession, etc).

So...now you realise what we're up against in the most universal sense, no matter who you are, ask yourself this. Have you reached out and put forward forgiveness, unconditional love, and acceptance of your reality? Have you done whatever you could to mend fences and come to a place of mutual respect, honour, dignity, and reconcilation, even if you were to part ways afterward? Have you left the door open for a platonic, agape, unconditionally loving relationship in pure friendship?

Don't be surprised if he's not interested, as humanity has really never before recognised a woman's right to authentic love in ALL relationships, including with men....and nor have society ever openly acknowledged that ALL people build agape love the same way, platonically and through beloved friendships...and that NO PARTNERSHIP between men and women will ever be unconditionally loving without foundational agape, prior to demands and expectations for sex and servicing and ego boosting. All humanity, and particularly nearly all men, will have grow hugely in spirit before they can grasp this most simple and basic of truths.

Which is, that agape love is foundational in ALL human relationships, regardless of social distance (i.e., you interact with the stranger less than your child), or else they are not authentically loving. Or else, they lack love, full stop. And instead are putting forth affection or possession or sentimentality as "love". Cruelty, exploitation, abuse, deception, apathy and intentional turning away from alignment with spirit...these are not authentically loving acts or ways of being and doing.

If you feel righteous anger and deep pain about having received any of these behaviours from a soul family member with whom you were consciously trying to give and receive agape -- perhaps even with conscious awareness of past-life trauma to be healed -- your intentions were true and good. Please open up freely and talk with the guides...they can often shed a more overarching perspective on things.

Above all, you may feel the weight of the spiritual burden of what lies between you, still unresolved. Unfortunately, if you've done what you can to reach out, forgive, and leave the door open, then realise you've done what you can at this time and that you can do no more this lifetime, if they are unwilling to TAKE OWNERSHIP for their own behaviour toward you or others. Ask the guides for healing and then work on sending forgiveness and love as you heal...it will come easier in time as the healing balm of forgiveness strengthens you in love and spirit. Even if your efforts are or have been completely ignored &/or mocked, still it's your own loving intent to reach out and to forgive their unkindness that will heal you and move you forward powerfully on your path. Ask them to remove all your obstacles to your own spiritual growth. I recommend the transcendentals whom we call angels...they are pure of spirit.

Peace & blessings
7L