Give Me Strength

So this hasn't been the greatest week so far....my TF & I had a Skype session Sunday night, and he said some things that really hurt (though I know, as usual, he doesn't intend it that way!) It would probably hurt less if he took a knife from my utensil drawer and jabbed it in my gut....
Anyway, he's now on vacation starting today and for the rest of the week.
When I woke up this morning I felt like something in me had "turned off" - I went through my place and took down/put away things I have that remind me of him, and it felt much better - like my space was cleared, and I had a sense of calm.
I changed the desktop pic on my laptop - used to be a pic of my TF, but I changed it to something else...
Then about 30 minutes ago I had my cell phone in my hand. I have a pic of him as the "wallpaper" on my cell, and I was going to even change that! Literally as I was holding the phone, it rang, and who was it???
My TF - calling to say he was thinking of me, and he briefly told me his plans for the next few days - which include spending time with me.....
Needless to say, that kind of took the wind out of my sails, so his pic is still on my phone!
But really.....one of his complaints is that I need to give him time to himself, and let him have space, etc...So I was determined to not contact him while he's on vacation.....Then he reaches out to me!!!

When he comes over, if he comments about the stuff being moved (which I know he will...) I'm going to be honest and tell him that, for now, it's easier for me to not have constant reminders in my face every time I turn around...

But honestly - he lectures me on being clingy, not having faith (in him/us), and being impatient...then as soon as I mentally back off, he reaches out....

Give me strength......

[Teal]

Go figure eh? I am going to write the tf manual.

I think that would hit me hard, too. I'm usually the person who "needs a lot of space" but even so...hearing that you two aren't on the same page with time spent together, well, that is a tough issue for any relationship.

That said, I think you have the right idea moving those things that remind him of you out of your sight. Honestly, if he needs his space, you deserve yours too. I know it hurts because you want more of him, but surrounding your space with things that are not him will give you more things to put energy into besides him, which will make his absence....less noticeable.

I guess I just mean that if he's able and willing to put energy away from you and your relationship, you should feel free to do the same!

I always wanted a close and cuddly relationship. I have always been in relationships that require space, and got tired of them because of that. And I guess this one is just a friendship. But is so special, even being at a distance is far worth it to me just to have it. Sometimes they have to get over stuff too...

I Can Wait Forever-Air Supply

And yeah, it more than likely it will be forever, but it's still worth it

[frenchbread]

I feel the same way about mine too, sesheta. If I express that I love him and he's the one, he says I'm being too romantic and that this connection is much more than that (which I know thanks). And if I try to lay off the lovey dovey stuff he starts wondering why I'm being distant. I'm like ok, I have no clue how to approach this now but I'm going to sit right here and think until I do.
I wonder if the connection's intensity has anything to do with back and forth that goes on. This is the dance right?

Good for you for putting stuff that reminded you of him away but how funny he contacts you and wants to spend more time.

Sorry about the Skype situation.

I think you have alot of strength. You seem very calm in your post.

[sunflwrdanzr]

I know we always say this but was there some kind of shift in the planets or something this weekend? Cuz yeah I had a rough weekend with my connection and I think we both were a little hurtful to each other, but then I cooled off, did some thinking in down time and was looking forward to this 3 week break I'm about to have from him as he goes out of town for business. (side note this will be the longest we will have gone without seeing one another since we met 10 1/2 years ago.) Not that I don't want to see him, I just feel we both need the space right now. So what does he do? Gets all playful, sweet, sentimental and huggy tonight, the last night I'll see him before his trip! That shouldn't frustrate me but it does. I just do one of these smile and roll with it as always. Supposed to see the guy I'm talking to currently tomorrow and am thankful for that because he makes me laugh, we can talk about this stuff because our relationship is casual and friendly more than anything, and just makes me feel good. Sadly no where near or like the tf but for now/once, that's ok.

To Iseke
I think that would hit me hard, too. I'm usually the person who "needs a lot of space" but even so...hearing that you two aren't on the same page with time spent together, well, that is a tough issue for any relationship.

--- It's so strange for me, because with my ex, I was the one who always wanted the space! And now, with my TF, I'm totally different...So I often think that Karma is just biting me...sigh...... ----

To frenchbread
If I express that I love him and he's the one, he says I'm being too romantic and that this connection is much more than that (which I know thanks). And if I try to lay off the lovey dovey stuff he starts wondering why I'm being distant. I'm like ok, I have no clue how to approach this now but I'm going to sit right here and think until I do.

---- YES!! Exactly! When I want time together, or ask about where our relationship is going, etc, my TF sings the "be patient, I need alone time, don't be clingy" song.....Then when I back off...or even today when he called me, I didn't say much, just being kinda quiet, and he asked me why I was being quiet!! It's like they want it both ways - LOL - I think this is actually more of a see-saw than a roller coaster.....Or maybe a tug of war????

You need to find someone who is compatible with your love language/expression and/or someone who appreciates your love expression.

He does not like your love expression/language.
He is even critical of your ways of loving him. That is just so sad.
In addition, he is passive aggressively attacking you when you try to meet his requests while suppressing your own needs.
No wonder that you are so confused. You don't know which song that you need to dance to.

It really does not matter if he is TF, SM, TS, SC or ***.
If your ways of expressing love is rejected and your relationship needs are not met, it is time to evaluate if you want to stay with him in a "physical relationship".

You can keep him as your spiritual lover in the soul plane but you may need someone else who can satisfy you in this physical plane.

You deserve to be with a man who wants to love you the way that you want to be loved.

Originally Posted by sesheta

To Iseke
I think that would hit me hard, too. I'm usually the person who "needs a lot of space" but even so...hearing that you two aren't on the same page with time spent together, well, that is a tough issue for any relationship.

--- It's so strange for me, because with my ex, I was the one who always wanted the space! And now, with my TF, I'm totally different...So I often think that Karma is just biting me...sigh...... ----

You are Goldilocks. Your ex was "Mr too big," your TF is "Mr too small." You have yet to meet "Mr just right."

It is okay to want to spend time with the person you love. Don't let anyone convince you that you have a problem and are too clingy or needy. It sounds like in past relationships you were not clingy at all, so this is not a personal failing or a pattern on your part. It just means when you are with the wrong person, the wrong relationship either brings out your need for space and distance, or your neediness and clinginess. The right person/relationship would make you feel just right.

I know we here in Spiritual Forum land like to say "work on yourself" and all of that... but let's get real. We are all very much a product of those we spend time with. If we are around someone who tells us we are flawed, we are "too this" or "too that" ... especially if it is someone we admire and view highly and that we love and think loves us back... someone we are convinced knows us better than we know our own selves (because, ahem, they are our TF's!)................well, guess what. We are going to feel flawed.

[Kaere]

Can I suggest a different perspective regarding the whole "give me space, where'd you go?" issue that's been mentioned here.

This is how I see it. They don't want space from you, necessarily... they want space from the relationship analyzing. They want to be with you, hang around with you, have fun and feel lovey-dovey-warm-and-fuzzy... and just enjoy being together. But the relationship dynamics, they want to figure their part of that out on their own... so let them. Space doesn't mean no contact necessarily, space means 'give me room to think'...

Just my take on it.