My TF story 5 years later

[wonderingheart]

I met my TF 5 years ago at a social gathering. When we bumped into each other it was intensity, sparks flew, like nothing either of us had ever experienced. The problem, we were both married. We ran in the same circle of friends and we would see each other often but we never talked. One day he messaged me on facebook and it quickly escalated into something far deeper.

Yes, this sounds like the beginning of a torrid love affair, but it wasn't. Well, maybe it was...

We talked about everything and it was pretty amazing, the connection was otherworldly, but we were both married. We refused to cross that line and spent a good deal of time going back and forth, not talking and then talking. One day, we both got drunk and we had sex. I have zero words at all to describe it, but I felt as though white bursts of energy were exploding between us. This was when I had to ask myself, what is this? I did a little digging and discovered twin flames.

The journey we embarked on was painful, unrelenting, magical, and full of a fiery passion that is only found in the best movies. Yes, it was like I was living in a terrible love story where you keep screaming for the couple to get together but nothing works right!

We were both tangled up in abusive marriages, but we never discussed leaving them or being together. We only discussed keeping away from each other because it was wrong to do anything else. Yet, we always managed to find out way back to talking. I would experience extreme emotions and was very unstable at times, so was he.

Two years ago it reached a peak. Feelings and emotions went far too high and everything came out. I had my doubts, thought maybe it was an obsession we both had, the thrill of the affair, etc. I challenged it all and dismissed the twin flame thing entirely. We broke and had sex again, and it was more intense and passionate than before. We parted ways and spent the better part of a year not speaking. It was horrible but it allowed me time to sort through my own things in my life.

When we did speak again, he told me he was working on things in his life and he needed to do it without me in it. I could not be a contributing factor in his decisions. Three months later my abusive husband packed up and left. It was the absolute best day of my life. I embarked on a long journey of grief, pain, and self discovery I could never have envisioned. Many nights I wasn't sure I would make it, but I did, and I did it without the influence, help, or support of my TF. This was my journey and I needed to do this on my own. He and I did not speak for an entire year....

Several months ago he and I started speaking again, it was very casual. I had found the woman I wanted to be and knew what I wanted. I knew how I wanted to be loved, I knew how I wanted my life to be. I had learned so much in going through the process of exiting a very long abusive marriage. Then the bomb drops. When I finally told him that my ex and I had split nearly a year prior, he informed me he had left his wife a mere two months after my ex had left. He also embarked on a serious journey of self discovery and grief as well, and he did it without me. He did it on his own. Neither of us knew the other had separated from their spouse.

We have reunited, and it feels so good! Now, without all the blocks, barriers, baggage, and "need" for that love, we are able to experience a love that has no boundaries. A love that is full of the most amazing experiences. My soul sings when he touches me. When he smiles at me, all my worries fall away.

In the words of Jerry McGuire, He completes me. Every single part of me, he completes me.

With all of this said, these are the things I have learned in this journey.

1. You cant change any of it. Period. You cant force it, you cant try for it, you cant change anything. It will be however it is supposed to be.

2. Your TF will never intentionally hurt you. If they do, they WILL hurt in return. Every. Single. Time. They will do everything in their power not to hurt you.

3. They are not destructive or abusive

4. The feelings do not ever, ever die. They never go away. They cling to you like glue. There is no waxing and waning. They are always, always there.

5. They run for a reason. It is not you, it is not what you are "doing" they are running for a reason. Whether it be the intensity, the pain, the way they see themselves in you, whatever the reasons are they run, I do not believe they will ever run because of something "you" have done. No, that's not what it is.

6. They will challenge everything you ever believed about yourself, your life, and your soul. Nothing will ever be the same again.

7. Other unhealthy relationships were purged from my life before reunion. Friendships and romantic relationships both. They were all be purged from my life. The ones I needed remained, nearly every unhealthy aspect of my life was purged. My entire life has been rebuilt. The same happened with him.

8. Stability came into my life BEFORE he came back. Only then could I truly handle the intensity of this love. The same thing happened to him.

My experience has been extremely painful. We both had a very deep and powerful dark of night, we both purged a lot of negativity. He was roughly about a year behind me. Once I realized that letting go was my only option, once I worked on rebuilding myself once my marriage was over, once I aligned myself with the woman I was truly meant to be it all fell into place.

The more I chased, resisted, demanded help from the universe, the more I held onto what I wanted the further it seemed and the harder it got. Once I reached the true genuine surrender phase (the one we all hear about but we never really get there) then everything else in my life literally fell into place on its own.

Going into ourselves and becoming who we needed to be as indivduals was the ONLY thing that made this possible for him and I.

Our marriages dissolved on their own. Well, maybe not on their own, I think the universe had a hand in it. One thing is for sure, I do love that man with every fiber of my being. My whole heart and soul belong to him.