Breakups and Revenge

[Really!]

Originally Posted by Shaunc

Lorelyen. Breaking up with someone in a relationship is hardly the same as a criminal being punished for breaking the law. Everyone has had their feelings/heart hurt before it's part of growing up. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you go back to them or let them back into your life it just means that you don't want to waste your time and energy hating them. Also how are you expected to meet the right one if you keep letting the wrong one back into your life.

I agree w/Shaun ...

What a scarey thought to enter into a relationship w/an opening caring heart only to find you've found someone who will target you w/vengeance if doesn't work out ...
Thinking about it sends shivers up & down my spine ...

As Confucious says, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves" ...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ge-doesnt-work

[seedoflight]

Hummm Revenge

Nah... I was always thankful "a break up happened" "before" it became more permanent, like having children, or getting married.
For the most part relationships can be tough, you are two totally different unique individuals merging into a "singular" unit... everything from having "them" stink up your bathroom, to kneeing you in their sleep needs to be dealt with, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't... Now as for cheating on you, phew! Yeah that really hurts, and our natural reaction might be to rent a woodchipper and tell "their" family and friends that they volunteered for the Peace Corps and won't be back for 5 years But in the end its probably best to just cut your loses and be thankful that you don't need to get them a Christmas present ever again.

[Really!]

Originally Posted by seedoflight

Hummm Revenge

Nah... I was always thankful "a break up happened" "before" it became more permanent, like having children, or getting married.
For the most part relationships can be tough, you are two totally different unique individuals merging into a "singular" unit... everything from having "them" stink up your bathroom, to kneeing you in their sleep needs to be dealt with, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't... Now as for cheating on you, phew! Yeah that really hurts, and our natural reaction might be to rent a woodchipper and tell "their" family and friends that they volunteered for the Peace Corps and won't be back for 5 years But in the end its probably best to just cut your loses and be thankful that you don't need to get them a Christmas present ever again.

I love it!

[FallingLeaves]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

^^ In spiritual terms negative energy is but the opposite to positive energy. In an ideal situation they balance = the Middle Pillar.
Pushing to turn everything positive gets little done. Fine for affirmations but not in the cosmic balance of things.

I sometimes get the idea on this forum that spirituality equates with the passive and meek. Trouble with that is the danger of becoming a doormat.

I have an acquaintance about to die who was raped and given Aids. I mentioned this some time ago when the passive lot were out to "forgive" everyone everything. She gave up wanting to live as a result. So anyone who claims that something that inspires revenge isn't spiritual is not spiritual (in my reckoning). It's important that the culprit doesn't think he'll get away with it again. He's been caught; he'll be in prison but like you that is hardly justice. So there's a pogrom now somehow to get hold of him and avenge the act by ensuring he'll never again be able to commit such a violation.

You're right - it won't restore the girl's life...but he won't do it again. If they can bring this off then he'll hopefully give up and follow her to the grave. Even with your tragedy it's important for the safety of all to get such people out of society.

It's how it is. One has to take a stand at some point.

I don't think of myself as a wimp nor passive nor aggressive. It's easy to be either of the latter, difficult to be just.
It's how we are individually.

...

while on the face of it what you say seems reasonable, the reality is that then revenge starts getting used as another thing to bludgeon people over the head with, in an attempt to get one's own way. That is another way of looking at what you just said, after all... and some will do just that.

I'm not sure that legitimizing something so potent is really a good idea...

[Incognitomagnito]

Appreciate those who have come along and shown you what you don't really want. Seeking revenge will only come back on you as you will be seeking revenge on yourself. The relationship was a choice that you made. It may have been the wrong choice but it has shown you that which doesn't serve you any longer. That's the way it goes, we make mistakes and we learn. We are all products of our enviornments, upbringings and surroundings, as are they of theirs. Have compassion and understand that it is you who draws yourself into the situations that take action, conscious or unconscious. There are things from your past that shape your desires in these certain people, and there are things from these other people that have shaped their desires. Learn the patterns, learn the cycles, learn from the mistakes. There is no need for revenge, would you cut off your nose to spite your face ?

[Khalli]

As someone in the final stages of divorcing a wife I've been with for 24 years( 22 of them married ), and it's over somethings that were very hurtful too. I am grateful for the time we spent together and would never do anything to cause Her harm. I learned and grew a lot over the years, now it's time to move on to a new adventure.

Plus, I'm a firm believer in what you put out, you receive and I will not waste my time and energy on negativity.

[Please Leave Me]

some people deserve revenge though lol

[Really!]

Originally Posted by Please Leave Me

some people deserve revenge though lol

For instance?

[Rozie]

I agree with Lorelyen about much of what she had to say. In that case revenge may not be the word, but vengeance. If someone truly wrongs you, then it is appropriate to seek retribution. That is what law enforcement is for.

For a break-up that is not a vicious attack on your person, then revenge or vengeance isn't called for. Even cheating and running off with someone else isn't an act of harmful intent. It is more about someone changing their mind.

Willful acts of vengeance, are not called for unless the infraction involved willful intent to harm.

As for marrying someone who later aims to annihilate you, that happens all the time in divorce court. The stakes are high and people turn into backstabbers, and it can get as ugly as you want it to be.

[Really!]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

^^ In spiritual terms negative energy is but the opposite to positive energy. In an ideal situation they balance = the Middle Pillar.
Pushing to turn everything positive gets little done. Fine for affirmations but not in the cosmic balance of things.

I sometimes get the idea on this forum that spirituality equates with the passive and meek. Trouble with that is the danger of becoming a doormat.

I have an acquaintance about to die who was raped and given Aids. I mentioned this some time ago when the passive lot were out to "forgive" everyone everything. She gave up wanting to live as a result. So anyone who claims that something that inspires revenge isn't spiritual is not spiritual (in my reckoning). It's important that the culprit doesn't think he'll get away with it again. He's been caught; he'll be in prison but like you that is hardly justice. So there's a pogrom now somehow to get hold of him and avenge the act by ensuring he'll never again be able to commit such a violation.

You're right - it won't restore the girl's life...but he won't do it again. If they can bring this off then he'll hopefully give up and follow her to the grave. Even with your tragedy it's important for the safety of all to get such people out of society.

It's how it is. One has to take a stand at some point.

I don't think of myself as a wimp nor passive nor aggressive. It's easy to be either of the latter, difficult to be just.
It's how we are individually.

...

The difference is the girl you mentioned is a victim, a doormat is a volunteer people pleaser ...
The scales of justice restore balance for society, not a particular individual ...
Lady Justice is blindfolded to represent objectivity ...
A civil lawsuit brings justice for an individual ...
The reason neither can restore the girl's life is b/c she is a victim w/no control over her life, of what was done to her or taken from her ...
No amount of revenge or justice could or would heal her emotion wounds even if she were to survive AIDS ...
Revenge is about retaliation, its not about taking a perpetrator off the streets ...
Viewing revenge as a negative energy should be enough ...
Acting on it is dangerous & time consuming; revenge is on too high a level of negativity to create or attract positive energy ...
It's not that it can't be done, it most certainly can over many years while risking one's health as well as wasting one's life acting immature ...

As for the OP's suggestions, the word revenge appears to have been used to peak interest in angry wounded people by the author. The revenge anger motivates a person to focus on their health & well being even though many are unaware the suggestions are actually helping him/her to let go & be happy ...
There's always a chance the ex could care less about any improvements, but hopefully, you won't care either ...