something i found on runners

[Internal Queries]

Originally Posted by LadyImpreza1111

Thanks for that IQ. Its nice to get a perspective from someone who "runs". My soul connection wasn't ready to aknowledge the connection either. I understood his fear. I had to see him once in person to be able to put myself in his shoes.

I notice that in my dreams, when he has aknowledged our connection, he has only referred to it as "soul connection" and never "Twin Flame" which kind of confirms that maybe my revulsion to the term came from him. As if its not enough that one person is frightened because of the intensity.............adding a label to things probably just adds to what the "runner" feels is extra expectations being put on them.

well, my aversion to the "twin flame" label and meme is that it just sounds too much like a dime store romance novel. imo, it standardizes and trivializes a complicated spiritual circumstance that is already difficult enough to put into words without attaching such sickeningly sweet labels to it. GAK!

Being a runner and a stayer I would say thats pretty accurate.


However I want to stress that I ran because of expectations I imagined to occur. I hid because of fears I imagined would grow. I shrunk away because of insecurities or flaws that I thought were getting bigger or being pointed out by the other person. A combination of expectations from me, the other person, realstic, and not realstic all kind of merged together. The runner eventually gets to the point, I believe, where they realize it's not the flaws or wrongdoings of the other person but the flaws and insecurities of themselves. As for the stayers, they are usually forced to stop pointing the finger at the runner and point it at themself too. It is no longer "the runner left me" but "the runner is a reflection of me". To me, it's all the same thing. It kind of reminds me of beauty and the beast, minus the nice disney love story, and more of the revulsion to your true self being highlighted...but in the end it works out...just sometimes not how you think.


In short, the reasons why the runner runs is the reason why you stay. They both need help. We're all mental. lol

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by Internal Queries

oh yeah? are you a "Runner"? if not ... how would you know how accurate is this generalization?

i'm a "Runner" and i could tell you why i run but the last time i expressed the why and wherefores of my reactions to my "TF" relationship (gak! i hate that term) i was called a bully and the thread was shut down. the "Stayers" didn't want to hear the "Runner's" side of the story. they preferred to live in their one sided assumptions and wallow in their romantic woes.

lol no im not it just fits with every reading i ever had on the guy, but obviously not what hes told me himself so, im interested to hear your story though!

[miss_believed]

so you did,
im not sure about] that we did not date long enough a]nd i[ never put expectations on mine, unless he put them on himself nor did i ever mention ts at all it was actually him that mentioned spiritual connection a couple of times but i just gave him a look i of shock lol i did not discuss it further\

your right though i think actually the stayer needs to dig int]o themselves first so the runner can then in turn do the same and come out of their shell which they wont do till the stayer works on themself so in a way i feel at the beginning running appears the easiest but i think once the stayer, or IF the stayer finally heals themselves they actually get the last word.

Originally Posted by Internal Queries

well, i'll try to be succinct.

1. when one critter chases another critter the critter being chased will have one of 2 reactions. it either turns on it's persuer and defends itself or ... it'll run. simple natural base reaction.

2. expectations. "Stayers" have their expectations. they have their romantic notions as to how the relationship "should" work. often these notions have little to do with the reality of the situation and even less about the actual personality of their "TF". and what's worse is that the "Stayer" may have conflicting expectations that are confusing and impossible to fulfill.

3. acceptance or more precisely the lack thereof. a "Runner" may run because they can see there is no way they can fulfill the expectations of their "TF", that the image their "TF" has of them is too incongruent with who they actually are. the pressure to be that "TF" image can get to be too much. so it's "bye bye for now, my beloved but needy and confusing soul connection".

4. responsibility. apparently it's up to the "Runner" to adjust to the expectations of the "Stayer". the "Stayer" need not dig deeper into their own psyches and behaviors so to recognize how their "TF" may be mirroring some aspect of themselves. "Runners" may run because there may be some aspect of their "TF's" Id that is running or that, as in my case, the "Stayer" (though secret from himself) actually enjoys the chase and wants the "Runner" to run.

with all this lack of self awareness intact the "Stayer" can read something like the OP and feel secure that it's the "Runner" who lacks maturity and awareness and is causing disharmony. the "Stayer" can sigh woeful sighs, point fingers at their reluctant "TF" and commiserate with other "abandonned" "Stayers". how convenient.

yeah, i feel rather defensive because i'll twist myself into preztel knots to please my beloved One but as long as it always comes down to me and he need not recognize himself in the equation i'll keep running until he quits chasing me with expections i can't fulfill, acknowledge the hidden expectations i'm already fulfilling and accepts me for who We are.

PS. for all you women "Stayers" out there. masculinity is imbued with natural force and aggression. traditionally men are the hunters so most men don't like to be chased. they usually prefer to do the chasing. that's romance 101.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by thehermit

Being a runner and a stayer I would say thats pretty accurate.


However I want to stress that I ran because of expectations I imagined to occur. I hid because of fears I imagined would grow. I shrunk away because of insecurities or flaws that I thought were getting bigger or being pointed out by the other person. A combination of expectations from me, the other person, realstic, and not realstic all kind of merged together. The runner eventually gets to the point, I believe, where they realize it's not the flaws or wrongdoings of the other person but the flaws and insecurities of themselves. As for the stayers, they are usually forced to stop pointing the finger at the runner and point it at themself too. It is no longer "the runner left me" but "the runner is a reflection of me". To me, it's all the same thing. It kind of reminds me of beauty and the beast, minus the nice disney love story, and more of the revulsion to your true self being highlighted...but in the end it works out...just sometimes not how you think.


In short, the reasons why the runner runs is the reason why you stay. They both need help. We're all mental. lol

sooooooo true!!!!!!!

[mystical]

In short, the reasons why the runner runs is the reason why you stay. They both need help. We're all mental. lol[/quote] well at least im not alone :)

ive given up with runner scenario s as at one point i thought i was one but now i m not too certain a ........it s gotta be about the karma . my GUT tells me the story carried on from the last ...and many issues to release until we are cleansed from the past

Originally Posted by Internal Queries

well, my aversion to the "twin flame" label and meme is that it just sounds too much like a dime store romance novel. imo, it standardizes and trivializes a complicated spiritual circumstance that is already difficult enough to put into words without attaching such sickeningly sweet labels to it. GAK!

I agree 100%.

I agree about the labels. These connections just are, but naming things is very human. I'm sure many "runners" don't look at it that way. It simply comes down to where people are at. Mine said plainly, he did not have the capacity for what this is and where it was headed. Pretty straight forward. I did think we'd manage to be friends as someone suggested. That would be nice, but can be hard when there is that level of passion. I know when I am near him, restraint does not come to mind. These connections are very intense for day to day living. Especially when people are on a mission to do certain things. In fact, when we met his whole life was about to change, we had to meet at that moment or it would not have happened. Still, I imagine even if the one who causes the separation believe they must, it could still be hard. They also are losing that higher level cosmic experience *well the in person in each others lives aspect.

I'm new here and just learning about TFs. It has been blowing my mind! I have been living this cycle for the last 29 years!

I am the runner. Only because we were not supposed to be together. He didn't care what other's thought, but I did. Then many years later I thought maybe I should give it a chance...and he ran! It broke my heart. Many years later he told me he was so sorry. He said he always loved me and still does, but did not trust the love. After I left he became depressed. He went through a lot of soul searching and is now one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. When we reconnected he said he never wanted me out of his life again. Even if he could not be with me, he just wanted me to be happy. He loved me so unconditionally. The relationship became so intense. But then, I did not trust the love so I ran and ran again (my friend said that is why he keeps coming back, because you keep running. Not many women run from him). Then I became someone I didn't know and said the most horrible things to him. I hurt him deeply. That is one thing, I have trouble with, is that I am always surprised that I can hurt him? I think it comes along with me trust issues with him. He eventually became exhausted and said, we should just be friends. We could never be friends, he even said it the week before that. So, I ended it. I would rather have a chance to heal and put this behind me, but I said I would always be there for him. The separation has been very difficult on me. I've missed him so much.

Now out of the blue, he texted me tonight. Just a friendly text to tell me something. But I can't bring myself to text him back, I don't know why? But I will...

Enlightener, you are saying I should be friends with him?