Feeling hopeless

Hi guys, I'm sorry, I know there are hundreds of threads like this on these forums, I mean as if we didn't already know that the soulmate thing can be an emotional rollercoaster! But anyway, I just need to vent my feelings... I'm close to seeing my soul connection after 6 months apart and I'm feeling increasingly emotional, I can't sleep or concentrate on anything really. I'd been feeling happy and fantasising about romantic encounters between us, then shortly afterwards (I guess this is a lesson to me) I would get very sad and think, "but what if this never comes to pass?" Then I had a dream that he told me nothing would ever happen between us, and I woke up crying. Now I have this lead weight in my stomach and my heart aches so much, but my mind is saying: THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS!!!!

I'm trying to put it out of my head and stop expecting anything to come of this, good OR bad. Right now I just feel hopeless cause nothing has ever worked out for me in love & relationships so I don't see why this would either I know, I know, I need to stay positive and strengthen my relationship with God in order to get through this.

Originally Posted by loverevolution

Hi guys, I'm sorry, I know there are hundreds of threads like this on these forums, I mean as if we didn't already know that the soulmate thing can be an emotional rollercoaster! But anyway, I just need to vent my feelings... I'm close to seeing my soul connection after 6 months apart and I'm feeling increasingly emotional, I can't sleep or concentrate on anything really. I'd been feeling happy and fantasising about romantic encounters between us, then shortly afterwards (I guess this is a lesson to me) I would get very sad and think, "but what if this never comes to pass?" Then I had a dream that he told me nothing would ever happen between us, and I woke up crying. Now I have this lead weight in my stomach and my heart aches so much, but my mind is saying: THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS!!!!

I'm trying to put it out of my head and stop expecting anything to come of this, good OR bad. Right now I just feel hopeless cause nothing has ever worked out for me in love & relationships so I don't see why this would either I know, I know, I need to stay positive and strengthen my relationship with God in order to get through this.

I believe that all you need to remember is that YOU know yourself and your experiences and how you respond, read, and integrate those experiences into your life better than anyone. Each of us has our own Truth and path that no one else is privy to and cannot (indeed: shouldn’t try to) touch upon. Thus, I suggest taking whatever anyone else (including myself) says or advises with a grain of salt, unless it makes sense to you and/or you can positively use it in your life.

That being said, when I’ve come to situations in my life where my mind and heart and soul all appear to be conveying to me different things and I cannot discern them, I say “enough already” and head for the nearest source of chocolate and get myself into a lavender-scented bath. I believe that such confusion can arise when one’s soul is telling one to “slow down,“ “go with the flow.“ And I have found, personally, that when I do relax, slow down and go with the flow, that the answers (if I am truly meant to have them, that is) will find me in their own good time.

This may also prove to be a cure for your feelings of hopelessness, as well. Often I find, with myself, when I am very confused or frustrated, that the feeling of hopelessness jumps on in for no other reason than it senses my vulnerability and thinks it can come on by to cause even more trouble.

I hope I could help somewhat. In the very least, I wish you the very best with seeing your beloved, soon!

well said - i agree with munchen.

i also wanted to add that recently i've learned how to love with compassion and understanding and without expectations. it's allowed me to love and still hope for someone to be with me, but ultimately loving them so much that i wish for the best for them - regardless of whether it is with me or not. it's a higher level of love/trust and i assume also vibrations because it is all newer to me (in the past few months as i've grown) i may not be the best at explaining it. it has given me the ability to love more deeply, and understand and trust that things will work out with whom and when the time is right, and love without expectation.

it is a very different feeling indeed, but also very comforting in that i don't feel the hurt or attachment that i used to in that instead i feel this genuine whole love - idk it's very hard to explain!!!!

either way i hope things DO work out for you and you are able to be happy inside and out!

Originally Posted by loverevolution

I'd been feeling happy and fantasising about romantic encounters between us, then shortly afterwards (I guess this is a lesson to me) I would get very sad and think, "but what if this never comes to pass?" Then I had a dream that he told me nothing would ever happen between us, and I woke up crying. Now I have this lead weight in my stomach and my heart aches so much, but my mind is saying: THIS IS SO RIDICULOUS!!!!

I have a lot of positive fantasies about my connection, but I often find myself imagining negative scenarios in my head as well (kind of like what you saw in your dream).

One thing that someone I consulted with told me that has been helpful is that that "voice," if you will, is not what we ascribe it to be, i.e., it's not the other person at all. We link it to them, and when we start having those thoughts/dreams we tend to believe it's because they really feel that way, but really it's just you believing (consciously or not) that you're not good enough.

What has helped me move away from this is spending some time on positive self-talk (like affirmations). One I use a lot is "I am worth loving, and the love I have to give is worth receiving." It's made a big difference for me - last fall when the separation started I literally could not say anything positive about myself without wanting to cry because I just felt like I was lying to myself. I didn't understand what was going on at the time, but now I look back and can see how much I was taking his absence as an indictment of me, when it wasn't that at all.

Now when I do my affirmations - I can not only say them with conviction but look myself in the eye while I do, because I know I'm not lying to myself.

One other thing I might mention (because my situation is similar to yours, it sounds like), is that the first time I had contact with him after a period of separation, it did not go well at all, because (and again, this is something I only realized in hindsight) I was expecting him to let me know that he'd missed me somehow, hoping for some sign that he'd been thinking about me like I'd been thinking about him.

When I didn't get that, I reacted badly, being very dismissive and almost out-and-out rude at the end of the conversation, even though he hadn't done ANYTHING wrong at all and in fact had been extremely polite and nice. Just mentioning this as a warning to check your expectations before seeing him; trust me, you will NOT like the way you feel if you make the same mistake I did. Better to just enjoy the encounter and work on letting HIM know that you're glad to see him and making him feel appreciated, even if, like me, your situation requires that you not say anything overtly yet.

Thank you guys for your compassionate and wise answers. Munchen, you're right that I'm responsible for integrating my experiences and learning from them... I think I need to sit with my feelings and just observe what is coming up to be healed, and deal with it one tiny bit at a time. I do feel like this is a healing crisis, ultimately. And yes, chocolate can be a great remedy, thanks for the reminder ;)

"when I am very confused or frustrated, that the feeling of hopelessness jumps on in for no other reason than it senses my vulnerability and thinks it can come on by to cause even more trouble."

That was very well put, and true for me also! It helped put things into perspective for me.

CJ82Sky - you are so right, unconditional love is the key here. Perhaps that's what the TF thing is meant to teach us. I have briefly experienced those high vibrations of unconditional love since my soulmate situation arose, and when I was in that state of mind, I felt fantastic and untouchable.... and like you said, I wanted nothing FROM this person, I only wanted them to be happy and well. 'Genuine, whole love' is the way to go. It can be hard to cultivate and maintain that though when you're in a funk. That's why I need to pray.

Thanks again for your support :)

May I also add that it may be best to step back from this man until you are healed and able to deal with the situation better. I am actually in the same boat as you (read letting go in the love and relationship section) and letting go of him until I am more able to cope with things has been benificial to me. Time alone to relax and heal is always good and it may be forever or it may be temperary, but I feel like I am better able to deal with whatever the universe throws at me.
Hope this helps!!
Nameste!!

Hey, just to echo what Angel 247 says above, stepping back to take time out and heal, really does help you to approach the situation from a different perspective.
But then, you say that you are reconnecting after 6 months apart - I am right there with you with my own experience although I have been in contact with my soul connection probably 4 times in those 6 months. Always with other people around, always with no time or space to "be".
Use your intuition, feel how you feel, know in your heart whether seeing them will cause more pain or whether you just need to see them for peace of mind (in my case, i go back every so often to say hi and just to sense that "we are always going to be ok"). It may be that when you see them, the experience is not what you expect (good or bad), so bear that in mind too. Hope this helps - the idea of the unconditional love aspect to this whole experience is key. I don't want a romantic relationship with my soul connection (even if my mind does fantasise about it every so often), but I love him all the same, without explanation and without need of explanation.

aw loverevolution, i know exactly what you are going through.
i have been separated from my soul connection for 5 months now, and believe me it's hell. one minute you're replaying the moments you had together in your head, and the next second you're thinking "what the heck are you doing? get over this already, it's clearly not meant to happen." your mind is a [i]constant[i] roller coaster, and when you think you are starting to get a handle on it, something crazy happens, like your dream.

soul connections, i believe, are a test. they test every fiber of our being and they teach us unconditional love. they shed all of the things in our lives that aren't on the same spiritual frequencies anymore because we no longer need them. unconditional love is something i never really knew before i met my soul connection. yes, i suppose i have unconditional love for my family and closest friends, but never for someone that i only knew for 3 weeks. we love them bcause we are made to love them. we just do, it's innate in us. like apart of our dna or something. and those moments of higher frequencies, when your are at total peace with the connection and only have feelings of unconditional love toward this person, i believe are just glimpses into what a reconnection will feel like. but it all comes in due time. :)

just a quick question, how do you know that you are moving toward seeing your soul connection again? because lately, i too have been getting strong vibes from him, although he is dating someone else. i don't know what this means. peace n love!