This is a very strange time

[Topaz]

Originally Posted by chartreuse

I know what you mean - the fear of this not happening has been one of the hardest things to deal with for me.

One key for me was analyzing what I was really afraid of. I know that I love him, and in a way and at a level that I've never experienced with anyone else, so there is certainly an aspect to the fear of just being afraid that I wouldn't get to experience it fully with him (i.e., in a real relationship).

But I also realized that part of the fear was my ego being afraid that if it didn't happen, the inevitable conclusion was that I HAD "dreamt the whole thing up," and how stupid and pathetic that would make me feel. Like, how could anyone be so silly as to manufacture a deep soul connection with someone out of thin air?

Another part of it was the fear that if it didn't happen, it was because I had screwed something up or wasn't good enough. This is a big one for me because of the vision - since I literally experienced a point in time (in the future) when we WERE together, it has always seemed to me that that was at the very least in the real realm of possibility, so the conclusion I drew was that if it didn't happen, it was because I messed it up somehow. I felt this way too about the fact of the connection in general - I'm pretty sure I didn't imagine it, so what would it say about me if he just chose not to be in a relationship with me?

It took me a long while but I finally realized that I had it all wrong, at least regarding the fear of feeling silly or of having him choose not to be with me. Fact is that his choices aren't about ME at all - they're about him and where he is or isn't at. I believe with all my heart in the connection itself...but the fact of the connection doesn't mean he's going to choose to walk the same path as me at all.

So that leaves the fear of just not getting something I know could be so beautiful...and that is definitely the hard one. I'm 44 and he is the only person I've ever felt like this about...odds seem to me to be against meeting another person I have this level of connection with. Many years ago I did have a soul connection relationship, but it was not nearly at this level.

I don't know if any of this resonates...all I can say is hang in there and try to remember that his choices say more about him than they do about you.

This so resonates with me xx

Originally Posted by chartreuse

But I've gotta say, I'm tired of working on myself in a void... I don't have any urge at all to spend the next several decades alone and trying to "grow" or "evolve," nor do I think that that is really what the universe intends for the vast majority of us...

No, I don't think so.. the truth is the time of working on yourself will come to an end.. when?

I dunno.. my guess let's say if it were me 2013-2016 maybe..

Of course this experience was designed and created for FUN.. but you certainly ain't having it.. (based on your 1st post) are you going to have fun if this man says "yes" I think you will.. but you may also have some bad times..

If he says no.. my guess is no you will not.. most people on rejection get depressed.. so watch out for that!

Originally Posted by chartreuse

If you don't have relationships, then you are never put in a situation where you can test what you have been learning.

Imagine for a second that you see this relationship past tense..

You could remember that time of the 1st kiss, the sweet rose and nice dinner you had.. than you can remember the time he locked you out of the house, cut off your cellphone and you went to small claims court against him with hate in your heart cause he stole $800 from you!

That's a relationship for most people when there over.. for some people they hope they'll never be over.. (maybe you'll luck out! )

So what I will say is.. working on yourself.. can avoid all those negatives that will pop up when a relationship teaches you something.. that's all I'm saying.. (and you can work on yourself IN the relationship.. there are no rules for you IMPROVING you!)

But you are a creator god, you may create whatever you want.. including the perfect relationship that works for you in all ways.. but the only way to create that is.. to BE that vibration.. and where is your vibration right now?

I dunno.. that's for you to answer..

I wish you well chartreuse

[NightSpirit]

[quote]

Originally Posted by chartreuse

@NightSpirit - thanks for clarifying; yes, it does make sense. What doesn't make sense to me is what role relationships, having emotional and physical intimacy with another, are "supposed" to play for those who have gotten to the point where they feel that all the time from themselves. Having that type of closeness with another person is truly a beautiful thing, IMHO, and I want that with him...I'll be fine without it, ultimately, I know that, but I do want it.

Are you asking...what's the point of having this coupling if you can be the same alone?...if you are then....

The point is that the partner is the 'bonus' on the physical plane. If we were just spirit/vibration and not born to earth then it wouldn't need playing out as it does here on earth. Because we deal with duality, all is presented in that manner...male/female, yin/yang...balance. We can acknowledge this as Self and still 'have our cake and eat it to' lol. The male/female coupling of this equal energy is powerful and IMO it is meant for our purpose of coming together to enhance and balance working towards the higher good. It's hard to explain, sorry.

[quote=NightSpirit]

Are you asking...what's the point of having this coupling if you can be the same alone?...if you are then....

The point is that the partner is the 'bonus' on the physical plane. If we were just spirit/vibration and not born to earth then it wouldn't need playing out as it does here on earth. Because we deal with duality, all is presented in that manner...male/female, yin/yang...balance. We can acknowledge this as Self and still 'have our cake and eat it to' lol. The male/female coupling of this equal energy is powerful and IMO it is meant for our purpose of coming together to enhance and balance working towards the higher good. It's hard to explain, sorry.

Yes, that is what I was asking, and your answer does make sense.

When I think back to the way I was during the last few months of last year, in such raw pain over the separation, and not understanding what was going on, and then early this year intellectually understanding it but not "knowing" it, (which was better but not by huge amount), one of the things I kept thinking that would just make me burst into tears was how could the universe be this cruel. I didn't know if I would ever see him again; he seemed to be literally light years away rather than just several dozen blocks. I just couldn't wrap my mind around how even spiritual evolution justified me being shown this and not even being given a chance to actually have it.

Now I see things a lot differently (and am glad I went/am going through this, no matter the outcome), but as you know, I still want a chance to be with him. I find encouragement in your answer, because I hadn't understood what was being said regarding this entirely, and I was thinking that I'd better get on the horn to the universe and have them check their paperwork because I really, (and I'm VERY SURE about this) DID NOT sign up to spend the rest of my life completely void of meaningful romantic relationships (meaningful having been completely redefined for me by this experience, BTW).

Anyway, thank you for your answer!

[NightSpirit]

[quote=chartreuse]

Originally Posted by NightSpirit

Yes, that is what I was asking, and your answer does make sense.

When I think back to the way I was during the last few months of last year, in such raw pain over the separation, and not understanding what was going on, and then early this year intellectually understanding it but not "knowing" it, (which was better but not by huge amount), one of the things I kept thinking that would just make me burst into tears was how could the universe be this cruel. I didn't know if I would ever see him again; he seemed to be literally light years away rather than just several dozen blocks. I just couldn't wrap my mind around how even spiritual evolution justified me being shown this and not even being given a chance to actually have it.

Now I see things a lot differently (and am glad I went/am going through this, no matter the outcome), but as you know, I still want a chance to be with him. I find encouragement in your answer, because I hadn't understood what was being said regarding this entirely, and I was thinking that I'd better get on the horn to the universe and have them check their paperwork because I really, (and I'm VERY SURE about this) DID NOT sign up to spend the rest of my life completely void of meaningful romantic relationships (meaningful having been completely redefined for me by this experience, BTW).

Anyway, thank you for your answer!

You know, unless i go back and read it again, I've lost the reasons behind your OP. Somehow it doesn't matter, because its about what is said between the lines that count the most.

For what its worth.....These powerful relationships are never easy! I've yet to see someone say they are out of the stacks I've read and heard about. These type of relationships leave one in a state of limbo and surrealness....and why wouldn't they?....these are not your normal, run-of-the-mill couplings. They are profound and require full time energy poured into them because these couples, while enjoying the romantic side, are doing the soul work together. Both have to be really and truly prepared for them.

Another idosyncronicity I've noticed with them is...they don't last as long. One usually passes on. I feel they can't last as long as normal relationships because both 'burn out' too quick....gee I hate putting 'burn out' but can't think of another word for it.

I had 6 yrs with my husband....2yrs of living half a world away from each other and the other 4yrs together. My husband passed 4yrs ago this coming november.
We had everything against us being together. He in USA...me in Oz. His immigrating at a later age and so on. It was extremely difficult, but we made it. The universe worked its magic for us because it was meant to be. We did work together for the higher good. It had its very highs and very lows! Would I trade it? Not on your nelly! It was my hugest learning curb and I'm set for life now with my spiritual understanding. I was doing the work to find my soul and found it, as he did. There is nothing that can be taken away from that.

when the time is right for you, the universe will weave its magic, so keep doing your soul work...find it within you and he will come.

[quote=NightSpirit]

Originally Posted by chartreuse

You know, unless i go back and read it again, I've lost the reasons behind your OP. Somehow it doesn't matter, because its about what is said between the lines that count the most.

For what its worth.....These powerful relationships are never easy! I've yet to see someone say they are out of the stacks I've read and heard about. These type of relationships leave one in a state of limbo and surrealness....and why wouldn't they?....these are not your normal, run-of-the-mill couplings. They are profound and require full time energy poured into them because these couples, while enjoying the romantic side, are doing the soul work together. Both have to be really and truly prepared for them.

Another idosyncronicity I've noticed with them is...they don't last as long. One usually passes on. I feel they can't last as long as normal relationships because both 'burn out' too quick....gee I hate putting 'burn out' but can't think of another word for it.

I had 6 yrs with my husband....2yrs of living half a world away from each other and the other 4yrs together. My husband passed 4yrs ago this coming november.
We had everything against us being together. He in USA...me in Oz. His immigrating at a later age and so on. It was extremely difficult, but we made it. The universe worked its magic for us because it was meant to be. We did work together for the higher good. It had its very highs and very lows! Would I trade it? Not on your nelly! It was my hugest learning curb and I'm set for life now with my spiritual understanding. I was doing the work to find my soul and found it, as he did. There is nothing that can be taken away from that.

when the time is right for you, the universe will weave its magic, so keep doing your soul work...find it within you and he will come.

Well...I've already got the "limbo and surrealness" thing covered, that's for sure. It's funny that you say that...when I finally had occasion to call him through my work after months of separation, to check on his status on what he was doing through my work, he said "basically, I'm still in limbo." I had a pretty good laugh over that at the time, given the double meaning.

As for my OP...there wasn't a point, really. Just felt like venting a little, but also seeing if it touched a cord with anyone (pun not intended, lol). As for where I'm at now, he's coming in tomorrow (he had had to delay a couple of days) and although the brain fuzziness is gone for the most part, I'm still not able to really feel him or do cards or anything.

Part of me just can't believe I'm feeling like this now...for the 18 months after the vision (the time before I met him in the physical), every time I thought of him I was so excited and I had no doubt that we'd be together. Then when he started coming into the office, there was this beautiful energy being around him and everything just felt so warm, and once we had that moment of recognition/connection when our eyes first really met, there was this sense of momentum towards this actually happening that I never even would have thought to doubt or question. And then the separation happened, 'nuff said about that, and once it ended, AGAIN I felt like for sure this was going to work out. Now a week away from what very well may be the very last time I see him unless one of us actually makes a move (and that's assuming he really does want this too, otherwise it will be the last time anyway), by and large I just feel anxious, which I know doesn't help on any level, but it's there.

He did call in the other day to reset his appointment and that conversation left me feeling positively giddy and warm for absolutely no reason whatsoever (it was totally professional, as always), much like I used to feel last summer. I just wish so badly I had a way to find out if he knows how I feel...it's hard for me to believe he doesn't and I KNOW that on some level he has to be aware of the connection itself, but if I knew he knew, then I wouldn't have to risk making him uncomfortable by saying something or giving him a note...

I'm trying to maintain faith that it will all work out...and in a way that comes down to maintaining faith in HIM, that even if he doesn't feel the same or does but just isn't in a place where we can be together, he won't just leave without acknowledging this at all, not because I feel that he's the guy and he should be the one, and not because I feel like he should be braver than I am apparently capable of being, but just because of the stupid practicalities of the situation...he still has to have contact with the office for awhile even though he most likely won't have to come in again, and I hate hate hate the idea of putting him in an awkward position; it would be so much infinitely better if he CHOSE to broach the subject.

Anyway, I'm burning up my morning going round in circles in a maze that feels like it has no exit...gotta get off now.

Hope everyone has a great day (or evening)!