Destiny Retrieval

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

i empathize with much of your story The Necromancer.
what strategy can you employ to make the changes you desire?
given the knowledge that doing things has the effect of
causing mini-disasters?
it seems a posture of not doing is called for... allow.
i agree with dryad that you are "supposed to be love";
be true to your own nature and things will come into order for you.
release the idea that you are in misery; it is a self definition.

Thank you HORACE, after a week of flailing looking for a decent explanation, I needed to read that.

It's somehow hard for me to 'allow' things to happen even though I know they will anyway without my intervention and this is like torture for me.

So, most of the time, bad things happen because I try and control that which was just meant to happen and it feels like I am at the total mercy of the universe and this kinda scares me too.

However, in 'not doing' what should you not do? This also confuses me. I know I can sit in meditation and love Shiva and this is my only redemption and protection from it...yeah, my soul is fragmented when it realises it's only using God to protect itself from God.

If my true nature is Love and if I must be true to my own nature, that means being true to Love...(she learns fast doesn't she?)

People have been trying to mold the neroplasticity of my brain for years...it will happen when I am ready and when it is time...or something like that...but I need some kind of healing first, not just internet talk stuff...no disrespect to anybody.

Thanks, my friend.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by SerpentSun

I've never been anywhere near the ocean. Unless the Mississippi River counts as close enough. But it's funny that you'd say you only fear sharks, because I just expressed the same sentiment like an hour ago. I've never watched Jaws, but I have seen a playthrough of a Jaws video game, and it was a conversation point earlier. I said that I've ran into bears and bobcats before, and they're actually pretty okay. But something is just absolutely terrifying about a giant carnivorous fish.

Not only that...they are in plague proportions over here and every week you see a story on the news about somebody getting attacked by one and they show all the gory gashes all over their bodies caused by the huge fangs of these things and their surfboards are totally shredded...anyway, enough about what I fear the most. lol

[dryad]

Nothing, everything ..... is there any difference. Shiva told you he's not really Shiva didn't he? So what are you holding on to?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by dryad

Nothing, everything ..... is there any difference. Shiva told you he's not really Shiva didn't he? So what are you holding on to?

He told me He appeared that way because I think that way, but I don't equate that with Him not being that, but there's no difference between nothing and everything in the end and you are right. What I am holding on to is my presence in this world, I must have been born for a reason and I still don't know what that is, even though they say "live your life" and for me that just doesn't seem to be enough anymore, experiencing what I have in this regard. Maybe I'm just hanging on to my ego, but we need the ego to exist physically and whilever the ego exists, Shiva exists, I realise it already...

Hell, just call it my 'lila'. lol

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lila_(Hinduism)

[dryad]

Your right.

Do you think you are lost? Lost in the emptiness? Lost in the dark? Lost in the light? Lost in the world? Where would you place yourself?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by dryad

Your right.

Do you think you are lost? Lost in the emptiness? Lost in the dark? Lost in the light? Lost in the world? Where would you place yourself?

Does the fact I spent the past few days researching 'The Dark Night of the Soul' again help? I don't think I am lost, as much as wandering around aimlessly and just drifting in and out of people's lives (mostly out of)...but I also realise this is not about other people, this is something I must own to evolve.

That is where I place myself, but I also get grumpy, annoyed and cranky a lot too when the spirits decide they all wanna play "let's pee Necro off" (or my act of do-ing becomes a total disaster...either way).

That about describes it.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by dryad

Your right.

Do you think you are lost? Lost in the emptiness? Lost in the dark? Lost in the light? Lost in the world? Where would you place yourself?

Also....It's like constantly watching "Human TV" - seeing all the actors playing out the dramas of life before your eyes...they act well don't they? none of it is real..."

So yeah, I got that totally going on as well.

[SerpentSun]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

He told me He appeared that way because I think that way, but I don't equate that with Him not being that, but there's no difference between nothing and everything in the end and you are right. What I am holding on to is my presence in this world, I must have been born for a reason and I still don't know what that is, even though they say "live your life" and for me that just doesn't seem to be enough anymore, experiencing what I have in this regard. Maybe I'm just hanging on to my ego, but we need the ego to exist physically and whilever the ego exists, Shiva exists, I realise it already...

Hell, just call it my 'lila'. lol

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lila_(Hinduism)

I feel genuinely selfish when I try to just "live my life". Which is kind of funny, because I live a very simple, frugal, selfless life as a nomad who eats wild plants from the side of the road. But I feel so selfish if I'm not specifically trying to please others. Please others, do for others, make money for others, drop everything and move back to the city until springtime for others....I'm ashamed when someone asks what I'm doing and I have to admit that it's just a dear hobby.

Now do I really think I'm selfish? I honestly don't know, my understanding of "right" and "wrong" is completely bass-ackwards. But I do know that I'm never really happy unless I make someone else smile. Which is extremely difficult, because I'm kind of a jerk.

It's like that internal love you mentioned that can't be externalized. Even if I'm doing what I love, living the life I want, I still crave the happiness of others. I want a "purpose" and a "place in life. When I help others and they appreciate that help, I feel like I've finally accomplished something. But helping in a way they'll appreciate is the tricky part.

Just disregard all this, I have no true advice. Talking out loud to myself just kinda helps me out. And "lila" didn't load, so I can't give much input without some research. And it's almost midnight-ish here.

"Dark Night Of The Soul" sounds about right though....

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by SerpentSun

I feel genuinely selfish when I try to just "live my life". Which is kind of funny, because I live a very simple, frugal, selfless life as a nomad who eats wild plants from the side of the road. But I feel so selfish if I'm not specifically trying to please others. Please others, do for others, make money for others, drop everything and move back to the city until springtime for others....I'm ashamed when someone asks what I'm doing and I have to admit that it's just a dear hobby.

Now do I really think I'm selfish? I honestly don't know, my understanding of "right" and "wrong" are completely bass-ackwards. But I do know that I'm never really happy unless I make someone else smile. Which is extremely difficult, because I'm kind of a jerk.

It's like that internal love that can't be externalized. Even if I'm doing what I love, living the life I want, I still crave the happiness of others. I want a "purpose" and a "place in life. When I help others and they appreciate that help, I feel like I've finally accomplished something. But helping in a way they'll appreciate is the tricky part.

Just disregard though, I have no true advice.

Talking out loud to myself just kinda helps me out.

I have that one all figured out, my friend.

People call other people 'selfish' when their own selfish needs are not being met and they use the term to elicit a guilt response to get their own needs met.

Hence the reason why you experience the emotions you do, it is a 'human trick' and they learn these very early in life.

I saw through all the bull**** as soon as I was old enough to walk and talk - I was dangerous, so everybody just avoided me and I became a loner...I can also talk to the spirit world and recognise them by energy signatures.

I tend to ignore them mostly now because I kinda said "cut the bull and take me to your leader" and they eventually did (I went through a lot of "leaders" though) LOL

This is why Shiva is called Maha Deva. Devas are the 'shining ones' they are all the Angels...and Maha means "Great" so Shiva is the 'Great Angel' and in my books, that's close enough for a 'God"....raising vibrations way over the top.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Yoda was a leader, but the force ["an energy field created by all living
things, it surrounds us, it penetrates us"] which gave him life isn't a being.
i mention Yoda because i wanna bring you his most famous quote:
"Do. Or do not. There is no try."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ4yd2W50No

this addresses your question:

The Necromancer: However, in 'not doing' what should you not do? This also confuses me.

through my personal observations, i've determined that to have a body requires that you do something.
[it's logically impossible to exist in a state of non-doing... "if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice".]