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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #1  
Old 10-04-2017, 02:14 PM
fieldingmellish fieldingmellish is offline
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HELP! Wife having spiritual awakening/marriage in peril

Hi everyone.
I've been married to my wife for 5 years, together for 10.
we have a 4 year old together.
Ever since we've met, she has been spiritually active, devouring new age/self help texts like "The Secret," etc.
We had what I thought was a healthy, happy relationship and family.
About 2 months ago, at a work-related event, she met a guy whom she felt an intense "connection" to (no affair). (In his defense, it seems like he was probably oblivious to her feeling these things)
Apparently the connection/attraction was strong enough that it triggered an intense emotional response from her, which I've learned is her "spiritual awakening."
She is pulling further and further away from me, and our marriage now hangs in the balance.
She has basically said that her love for me has transitioned from romantic to platonic. We haven't really had sex in a while and she doesn't seem to want to be around me very much.
To say I'm devastated would be an understatement, mostly because we have a child together and I don't know how all this will play out.
I love her very much and want this to work out but also realize I can't be a round peg in a square hole. She's also insistent that because she's on this path to enlightenment/higher consciousness/whatever that I can't possibly understand what she's going through--which may be true. I don't doubt she's having a spiritual emergency but I also don't want to see my whole world crumble.
I also understand the "if you love someone set them free" maxim. I can't force her to feel things for me if she doesn't feel them anymore.
I just find it inconceivable how fast this is all happening. It's like she took a trip and never returned.
I'd like to add that I don't doubt the legitimacy of her experience--she is definitely going through something. But I find it hard to swallow that she wants to throw our entire 10 year history--and family--away because of this spiritual awakening. (to be fair, the awakening isn't all about us--she also has childhood traumas and other issues she wants to work through that have been repressed)
We are hoping to see a marriage counselor this week, but I feel like that may be an empty exercise...her mind seems kind of made up that she's not really into me anymore. I feel scared, isolated, abandoned--and to boot, as I've mentioned, I have a job to do and a child to raise--so I can't just curl up in a fetal position and cry my pain away.
If she wants to leave me, i will let her go. If we're meant to be, we will be I guess. But I just find this all so hard to fathom.
Looking for advice and guidance.
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  #2  
Old 10-04-2017, 03:10 PM
Baile Baile is online now
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fieldingmellish
She's also insistent that because she's on this path to enlightenment/higher consciousness/whatever that I can't possibly understand what she's going through... her mind seems kind of made up that she's not really into me anymore.
Hi fieldingmellish. The above two statements pretty much say it all. She's treating you like you're nothing. That's a clear sign she's wanting to move on. And yes, it really doesn't sound like she'll be receptive to counselling. I've been on both sides of this predicament, and can tell you it's best for your happiness, and state of mind, and self-esteem, to joyfully wish her the best and then move on. Nice that you have a child; you can pour all your attention and love now into that beautiful soul. And hey, in a year from now you'll laugh and wonder why you even doubted letting her go, I can guarantee it. Time is a great and miraculous healer. All the best.
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  #3  
Old 10-04-2017, 03:42 PM
fieldingmellish fieldingmellish is offline
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thanks Baile. I'm not sure i'd go so far as to say she's treating me like I'm nothing--but because she's having such a roller coaster of emotions, some days she is cordial, some days she just wants to be left alone.
I am coming to peace with the idea of letting her go--it's the having a child part that scares me now. I don't want to have to "lose" any time with him simply because she's having a spiritual crisis. I dont want this to negatively impact my child. It just kills me, as I'm a child of divorce myself.
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  #4  
Old 10-04-2017, 03:51 PM
MIND POWER MIND POWER is offline
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Don't have kids with this woman, and get out of the relationship! you need to bounce right now, before she gets you for 18 years.........

(But because you love her, still keep a eye on her around this other man! In the Garden of Eden God gave man the responsibility to watch over everything including women! Especially the ones that we Love! as chivalrous men this is what we do!)

Once a women feels a certain way, no marriage councilor or academic workshops are going to change her mind! because love is not logic or actions to a lot of women totally! its a feeling, its a shiver down her spine! a jolt in her heart or wherever (And these are the things in life they are constantly searching for! that's all this man may be to her!)...

But yes my advice is that you get out of this relationship, she has already said to your face that her love for you is platonic! No woman that loves you should ever be able to speak to you like that! (Have some respect for yourself as man!)...

Get out of the relationship for the time being!
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  #5  
Old 10-04-2017, 03:59 PM
fieldingmellish fieldingmellish is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MIND POWER
Don't have kids with this woman, and get out of the relationship! you need to bounce right now, before she gets you for 18 years.........

(But because you love her, still keep a eye on her around this other man! In the Garden of Eden God gave man the responsibility to watch over everything including women! Especially the ones that we kind of fancy! as chivalrous men this is what we do!)

Once a women feels a certain way, no marriage councilor or academic workshops are going to change her mind! because love is not logic or actions to a lot of women totally! its a feeling, its a shiver down her spine! a jolt in her heart or wherever (And these are the things in life they are constantly searching for! that's all this man may be to her!)...

But yes my advice is that you get out of this relationship, she has already said to your face that her love for you is platonic! No woman that loves you should ever be able to speak to you like that! (Have some respect for yourself as man!)...

Get out of the relationship for the time being!

We have a 4 year old together, who is the greatest joy of my life.

But you're right--she has said it is platonic so I guess that's that.

I just can't wrap my head around it.
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  #6  
Old 10-04-2017, 07:24 PM
Lorelyen
Posts: n/a
 
Some women are fickle. I doubt a "spiritual awakening" is the first time this
has been used as an excuse. Your consolation is that once her new romance
falls into the banality of routine, she's going to come down with a bump.
These intense "the grass is greener in the next field" antics simply can't last.
What a couple hope for is that their relationship is a great deal deeper once
that happens. It might just happen with her like that in which case to your
great sadness, she's met Mr Right. It's now up to you to get going to find
your Miss Right. For her it isn't going to be quite the easy ride with your child
ever present and you as the dad in the background. Will she be able to trust
this guy and him her? After this fracture one might hope so but it's by no
means guaranteed.

Sometimes I think these alleged spiritual awakenings are laden with
selfishness and obsession. They're a convenient excuse like the violent man
in court who declares "But God told me to do it!"
Too often one teases back the cover to see that the motives are entirely carnal
and when that eases off...what's left. Spiritual doesn't always mean "good"
and love isn't always altruistic adoration.

I wish you the best and hope that you're able to accept that even if there's a
possible reconciliation, it could never be the same. Give her the big E
and put your time into the welfare of your child.



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  #7  
Old 10-04-2017, 07:46 PM
RedEmbers RedEmbers is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3,514
 
Hi fieldingmellish.

I went through a spiritual awakening a few years ago, catalysed by a man I was in love with at the time.

I was also with my now husband and had a child with him, the same age as yours is now.

These experiences I have noticed tend to go one way or another - more commonly I have observed they seem to end in a break up.

I really just wanted to add another perspective here though as someone who came out on the other side, still married (happily) and strengthened in love.


I won't put my whole speil on here right now but would be happy to answer questions.
I just wanted to pop in and say that going through the motions of awakening serves the purpose of opening people up to greater personal truth and greater love... but it can sometimes appear to be taking a strange path to get there.

I know that for me personally - the whole thing though extremely trying on the relationship at the time strangely ended up being the biggest blessing for our marriage.
There are often many shades and grey areas to these experiences.
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  #8  
Old 10-04-2017, 08:17 PM
Mused Mused is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 561
 
what she feels for that guy is just raging hormones. that is not love.
i recently went through that with a friend of mine. [she had 'those feelings' for some guy at work]
let's just say that the guy wasn't interested in her romantically, just wanted to get laid.
in the end she quit her job [too demanding and she nearly fainted there, she really couldn't do it anymore].
now a few months later, she doesn't even think of the guy anymore..

if my friend told me 'she's awakening spiritually' because of some guy i would have dragged her to the mental ward. i don't think marital counseling will work. :(
unlike men, women are very emotional because they pass through too much hormonal changes in a very short period of time.

i'm sorry you have to be in this situation, i know it is not pleasant.
i think the only way to salve your marriage is for her to stop working there, and find another job. it is not ideal to live in a sexless marriage, but it can be done.
at the same time, if you and her have constant fights, and can't seem to get along at all, separation is better. you have to think of your child and her needs come first seeing how young your kid is. and your wife should also think of her child's needs.

not much help here.. just wanted to tell you you're not alone.
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  #9  
Old 10-04-2017, 09:03 PM
fieldingmellish fieldingmellish is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 35
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorelyen
Your consolation is that once her new romance
falls into the banality of routine, she's going to come down with a bump.

Sometimes I think these alleged spiritual awakenings are laden with
selfishness and obsession. They're a convenient excuse like the violent man
in court who declares "But God told me to do it!"
Too often one teases back the cover to see that the motives are entirely carnal
and when that eases off...what's left. Spiritual doesn't always mean "good"
and love isn't always altruistic adoration.

I wish you the best and hope that you're able to accept that even if there's a
possible reconciliation, it could never be the same. Give her the big E
and put your time into the welfare of your child.




I'd just like to clarify that this isn't a situation where she's begun a new romance with this guy--or even looking to. According to her, merely being around him and feeling his energy or whatever was enough to trigger this whole kundalini awakening. I'm not sure she thinks this new guy is "Mr Right," but it's definitely someone that caused her to re-evaluate everything she thought she knew. I'm not saying it makes sense.

While I do think she probably has a carnal feeling for him, she swears that this whole thing is "bigger than that."

I do feel like this IS laden with selfishness. thanks for that.
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  #10  
Old 10-04-2017, 09:04 PM
fieldingmellish fieldingmellish is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 35
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedEmbers
Hi fieldingmellish.

I went through a spiritual awakening a few years ago, catalysed by a man I was in love with at the time.

I was also with my now husband and had a child with him, the same age as yours is now.

These experiences I have noticed tend to go one way or another - more commonly I have observed they seem to end in a break up.

I really just wanted to add another perspective here though as someone who came out on the other side, still married (happily) and strengthened in love.


I won't put my whole speil on here right now but would be happy to answer questions.
I just wanted to pop in and say that going through the motions of awakening serves the purpose of opening people up to greater personal truth and greater love... but it can sometimes appear to be taking a strange path to get there.

I know that for me personally - the whole thing though extremely trying on the relationship at the time strangely ended up being the biggest blessing for our marriage.
There are often many shades and grey areas to these experiences.

thanks for that. I'm really hoping we survive this, but at this point, I think she's rejecting me emotionally and physically. I'm just worried about how this will affect our child. if SHE'S the one leaving, I feel like I shouldn't have to make any concessions for her.
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