Is this the end or the beginning of a change?

[olhosdeamendoa]

I am very confused about my relationship with my TF. I'm not even sure anymore that he is my TF or is just a near twin or even a twin soul preparing me for a higher energetic connection.

We live in different countries and have been clashing a lot. He had a long distance relationship in the past that went incredibly bad and is still having flashbacks about it that impact our relationship.

Also, I feel ready to have a "real" relationship with someone close to me, with daily interaction and even living together, and he said he would want he move here where I live (is easier for him to move) but he doesn't make any plans or doesn't feel ready to make any plans.

He says he doesn't feel stability with me and although he loves me and wants to make the move, he has no idea when that would happen.

This on the other hand makes me feel incredibly insecure myself as if we are not creating anything together and just living for text messages, Skype calls and visits from time to time.

I talked to a shaman about this and he told me that just because I have a connection with someone doesn't mean I have a future with them. That I want stability and I am getting there soon.

If this is preparing me for a higher frequency relationship in the future, it is really taking all out of me really. I have been dealing with triggering after triggering and pain and changing relationship dynamics quite often.

Weeks ago I was lashing out to him out of pain and getting angry and I feel that was a behavioural patten I used to have and I now feel I let go of it. I am now able to talk to him respectfuly and in a mature manner even if I am in pain. So, silver linings I guess.

I was convinced some posts ago that we would be together when we would be ready, but now I am having real doubts about it.

We do have a strong and deep connection and telepathy is constant between us, but I am getting exhausted with this and sad and questioning if I should end things.

I am going to my hometown where he lives in a week and we just cancelled plans to see each other the day I arrive (he was supposed to meet me at the airport and meet my mom) and I don't even know if we are meeting at all.

Any advice would be appreciated. I feel I am reaching a breaking point where we either change our dynamic completely or this is the end.

[Inika]

choice is yours. choice is all we have. not to make a choice based on when they choose you. Waiting. They made a choice....correct? This choice they made leaves you hanging? Then what will you choose? To keep hanging? And then what> Hang some more? When is it your time to make a choice for you and not around what someone else chooses before you can make a choice? i see a lot of these people members here are attached to make their choice leaving the other waiting for them to return and make THEM their choice. Some have been waiting years for their turn to come back around again.

where is your power? With him or you?

[olhosdeamendoa]

Of course the power is in me. That is why I told him I am stepping back of this dynamic because I don't feel good in it. And I also told him that meeting my mom (as we planned before) is too much of a step for me when I do not feel a balance in this relationship. I feel I am giving way much more than him.

I am detaching and I also basically gave him an opportunity to either be a man and step up and make his actions match his words. If he doesn't, yes is in my power to walk away.

[FairyCrystal]

Well, just had a breakup with my TF, had a lot of insecurities, doubts and stuff beforehand too... all I can say is, try to focus on your own life, your own goals in life and things you enjoy doing. Don't make the connection your life, but an aspect of it. This is difficult, especially when things trigger us, but exactly then it is even more important to do this.
It is quite likely he feels you are dependent on him too much in order to feel good. Try to find your happiness and strength within yourself.
Try to find alignment. That's basically all it is about. A partner usually helps us to find alignment, and when we do, we feel we are in love. Now if you create this alignment yourself, then you're doing okay. If you lose it because of something he does (or someone else) not so much. Then you are or have become dependent on the other for alignment = feeling good and happy = you are powerless since you have no control over what others do.
And then you'll only feel good when they focus on you and not so good when they are busy doing their own thing.
The other will feel this, and to them it will not feel good, it is needy, clingy, making them responsible for your happiness. No one wants that.
So if you want advice... try to find your own alignment, meaning work on (more) inner strength. Have your own life, your own things, your own friends & fun & goals.
A very good things Rori Raye (relationship coach) says: if he isn't there, he doesn't exist.
Hard to do, but imperative if you don't want to make him/relationship too big an aspect of your life.

And do not let go of your boundaries concerning your life and what you need in a relationship. Don't set deadlines, we usually only set these out of fear and neediness. And when the time of the deadline arrives, we move the deadline because we daren't put our foot down. That will leave you feeling even less worthy and as if you failed yourself. Which in a way you then did.
You can tell him it makes you insecure to not know where the two of you are. But don't make demands.

What can also help... accept that if you aren't right for each other that he will fade away from your experience and someone else will enter your life. The Universe and Law of Attraction will take care of that. But this will work best of course when you are in a place of alignment.

Take care and a big hug.

[Illuminata007]

If you want to move this forward or reach some resolution I would suggest telling him you need to have some idea of when you can move close to each other. But first apologize for your any outbursts, tell him you realize it was not the best way to express yourself and you are working hard to rectify this. This may be a reason why he is backpedaling a bit . Try to wirk out your differences without resorting to anger. Tell him how you feel, you may say "I feel you pulling away, I could be wring about this, can we talk about it?" Unless your "guru" is a TF, s/He will not get this connection.

[olhosdeamendoa]

Originally Posted by Illuminata007

If you want to move this forward or reach some resolution I would suggest telling him you need to have some idea of when you can move close to each other. But first apologize for your any outbursts, tell him you realize it was not the best way to express yourself and you are working hard to rectify this. This may be a reason why he is backpedaling a bit . Try to wirk out your differences without resorting to anger. Tell him how you feel, you may say "I feel you pulling away, I could be wring about this, can we talk about it?" Unless your "guru" is a TF, s/He will not get this connection.

Thank you. Yes I did apologize for the outbursts and he understands why they happened in the first place. We are now able to talk calmly and in a mature way.

But since we started this months ago he has always been like this. Focused on his own life and not showing the desire to open up completely to another person.

He continues to say he has no idea of when he would be able to move here. I find it very selfish to do that because basically he is saying to me "hey sit down confortably because you are going to be waiting a long time for me and I don't even care to tell you how long".

I have been trying to reach a compromise but he just doesn't want to. He was concerned I wouldn't wait for him until he was able to move and I told him that I would wait for him, but I need to know that he is doing things to actually move and have a deadline to close the distance.

The only plans he really does is for holidays and visits and plans for his own life: his work, his house, etc. Nothing else. He said he wants to look for a job here but he doesn't even have his CV translated to English yet, which is basic stuff.

I don't see him ready to move or make any plans, and I don't see myself waiting without knowing anything or without seeing him motivated to come and doing things in that sense.

He seems to be motivated to continue his life the way it is and have like a "part-time lover" at a distance for holidays and visits. And I want an actual commited relationship with someone that is ready too to open up to another person, have stability and feel we are creating something together.

So I do not think we are a match and I'm thinking we are not even TF's but twin souls preparing us for something else in the future.

Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa

I am going to my hometown where he lives in a week and we just cancelled plans to see each other the day I arrive (he was supposed to meet me at the airport and meet my mom) and I don't even know if we are meeting at all.

Any advice would be appreciated. I feel I am reaching a breaking point where we either change our dynamic completely or this is the end.

Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa

But since we started this months ago he has always been like this. Focused on his own life and not showing the desire to open up completely to another person.

He continues to say he has no idea of when he would be able to move here. I find it very selfish to do that because basically he is saying to me "hey sit down confortably because you are going to be waiting a long time for me and I don't even care to tell you how long".

I have been trying to reach a compromise but he just doesn't want to. He was concerned I wouldn't wait for him until he was able to move and I told him that I would wait for him, but I need to know that he is doing things to actually move and have a deadline to close the distance.

The only plans he really does is for holidays and visits and plans for his own life: his work, his house, etc. Nothing else. He said he wants to look for a job here but he doesn't even have his CV translated to English yet, which is basic stuff.

I don't see him ready to move or make any plans, and I don't see myself waiting without knowing anything or without seeing him motivated to come and doing things in that sense.

He seems to be motivated to continue his life the way it is and have like a "part-time lover" at a distance for holidays and visits. And I want an actual commited relationship with someone that is ready too to open up to another person, have stability and feel we are creating something together.

So I do not think we are a match and I'm thinking we are not even TF's but twin souls preparing us for something else in the future.

Just my view - he doesn't sound like he's going to offer you an actual committed relationship right now quite honestly, particularly with ref to the first quote up there. Perhaps he finds your expectations overwhelming. Have you had a long enough "friendship"? I mean being together long enough for him to get to know you? Or you him, like how you'd get on in each other's daily lives/living together?

Inika and FairyCrystal have made pertinent points so no need to elaborate there. Frankly I'm inclined to agree with your closing line - not a good match. If he's a bit-of-a-flybynight now, what will he be like with you knowing you'd wait for him endlessly?

[Illuminata007]

Tell him what you are observing abd be honest, you have a timeline o how long you will wait. Beyond that there is not much you could do.