RUNNER/STAYER

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

"We find that their mate’s running, triggers those abandonment issues, issues that they have pushed down years prior to meeting ‘the one’. This triggering of the abandonment issues, sort of compels the stayer to become forceful, manipulative and mistrusting in their dealing with their mate."

wow.......

yeah i did this too, i always had skeptical trust with guys, not even due to my own experience just the industry i worked in made me that way seeing it in others.
I definitely assumed him to be a player when he backed off and i started either pulling back more, ignoring or becomming challenging and forceful lol

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by CopperMine

Yep, being the Runner, I can relate to the feelings of worthlessness and trust. When this whole thing started alooooooong time ago, I felt I wasn't worth the love, worth the connection. But I also felt being pushed by my Twin to be better, to do this and to do that, to be this and to be that, come back, and don't do that, and so on.... And it drove me nuts! I didn't feel like I was enough.... So it did kind of feed my fears of never measuring up. Obviously now that I've had these years to myself, I've had time to improve my self-esteem. I find myself more balanced, more calm and less affected by pressure. And my twin seems to have found peace himself.

arghhhh thats what ALL my readings say and have for a long time basically all of what you said above, but i wonder if the stayer learning their lesson slowly means the runner can learn theirs, ie when the stayer stops running in their head the runner stops running slowly, as each triggers the other.

Originally Posted by miss_believed

arghhhh thats what ALL my readings say and have for a long time basically all of what you said above, but i wonder if the stayer learning their lesson slowly means the runner can learn theirs, ie when the stayer stops running in their head the runner stops running slowly, as each triggers the other.

Lol... Honestly, I think it's about the timing. When I found out that my twin was ready, (as I wrote in the other thread) I basically felt like I had to be ready myself, so I started to push myself to be ready. And then I saw a dream where I was trying to contact my twin, but backed off at the last minute, I woke up with the message: " Patience is a virtue, timing is everything. You see, there is no method to your madness."

Originally Posted by CopperMine

Lol... Honestly, I think it's about the timing. When I found out that my twin was ready, (as I wrote in the other thread) I basically felt like I had to be ready myself, so I started to push myself to be ready. And then I saw a dream where I was trying to contact my twin, but backed off at the last minute, I woke up with the message: " Patience is a virtue, timing is everything. You see, there is no method to your madness."

I agree that timing is everything. When i knew my TF wasn't ready I felt little pressure on my end to get myself ready and thus didn't initiate the work that needed to be done. Once I saw signs that she might be ready or moving in that direction I felt panic because I realized I hadn't been working on myself and hadn't done anything to get myself ready so how could things be any different this time around.

I think one of the twins at least in my situation needs to present themself as being ready to encourage the other to get their own issues resolved. This process is difficult enough as it is and when fears are invovled I think some of us need a little bit of courage which can only be provided by the other partner presenting themself as being available and willing to face their own fears.

This is all about reflection so by one of the twins overcoming their fears and being the first to present themselves as ready it should dispell a lot of fears in their partner and help catalyize their healing process. I think when one partner gives into their fears it does the opposite thing. It reflects strong fears back onto their partner so I think the real test is for 1 of the twins to break the cycle and change the reflected fears into reflections of hope and love.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

I agree that timing is everything. When i knew my TF wasn't ready I felt little pressure on my end to get myself ready and thus didn't initiate the work that needed to be done. Once I saw signs that she might be ready or moving in that direction I felt panic because I realized I hadn't been working on myself and hadn't done anything to get myself ready so how could things be any different this time around.

I think one of the twins at least in my situation needs to present themself as being ready to encourage the other to get their own issues resolved. This process is difficult enough as it is and when fears are invovled I think some of us need a little bit of courage which can only be provided by the other partner presenting themself as being available and willing to face their own fears.

This is all about reflection so by one of the twins overcoming their fears and being the first to present themselves as ready it should dispell a lot of fears in their partner and help catalyize their healing process. I think when one partner gives into their fears it does the opposite thing. It reflects strong fears back onto their partner so I think the real test is for 1 of the twins to break the cycle and change the reflected fears into reflections of hope and love.

this is interesting i felt panic till i made the phonecall and opened up and told him how i felt, then i truly felt my bit was done, like that was my lesson in all this and it was over to him then to work on himself, i had 2 amazingly peaceful months, the energy was low just something faint, i had my mind back, it was like he was there but it was a very patient energy that felt i wanted him to take his time and do what he needed.
I was cool, happy to go with the flow even finding myself looking openly to new connections with guys.
thats why what happened on friday shocked the hell out of me, as it was the biggest force yet and a very different feeling.

i probably sounds so contradictary at times but just throwing ideas out there.

this is very interesting to me. My friend ran from our relationship a good 20 years ago leaving me broken....for lack of a better word. I spent most of my life searching for something equal to, to no avail, for the gift i was given of that relationship. When we reunited 4 years ago, i started gaining clarity over everything i had done all those years and why i had done it. Lots of things changed for me when we were reunited, from leaving a job that was literally killing me to starting my own business, finally gaining control of my health ect......so many positive things. This was all happening and i knew he was tied to it all, i just did not have a label to place on our relationship at the time;) At first the lessons were easier because they involved what occurred in our past.....but then they became more intense because they included what was happening "now". I feel as though i have been placed on some fast track program as the lessons have come at me like a snowstorm. At times i wonder if although i was the stayer perhaps i had more to learn or have somehow been behind since he was the runner and he had more time to realize why it was he ran. For me, i was left wondering for 17 years why this man walked away from something i saw as near perfection. And it wasn't until a few months ago or so that i realized i have been going through a spiritual awakening and what our relationship is really about. These past few years i have been telling him about how much i learn from our relationship......i just never connected the dots until now. How many lessons are there to learn on this journey? i feel like an overachiever.......lol

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by imabeliever

this is very interesting to me. My friend ran from our relationship a good 20 years ago leaving me broken....for lack of a better word. I spent most of my life searching for something equal to, to no avail, for the gift i was given of that relationship. When we reunited 4 years ago, i started gaining clarity over everything i had done all those years and why i had done it. Lots of things changed for me when we were reunited, from leaving a job that was literally killing me to starting my own business, finally gaining control of my health ect......so many positive things. This was all happening and i knew he was tied to it all, i just did not have a label to place on our relationship at the time;) At first the lessons were easier because they involved what occurred in our past.....but then they became more intense because they included what was happening "now". I feel as though i have been placed on some fast track program as the lessons have come at me like a snowstorm. At times i wonder if although i was the stayer perhaps i had more to learn or have somehow been behind since he was the runner and he had more time to realize why it was he ran. For me, i was left wondering for 17 years why this man walked away from something i saw as near perfection. And it wasn't until a few months ago or so that i realized i have been going through a spiritual awakening and what our relationship is really about. These past few years i have been telling him about how much i learn from our relationship......i just never connected the dots until now. How many lessons are there to learn on this journey? i feel like an overachiever.......lol

imabeliever please can you get some feedback from the other half what he went through in that time and his thoughts? im super interested to know the other side.

Originally Posted by imabeliever

How many lessons are there to learn on this journey? i feel like an overachiever.......lol

sometimes its not lessons that stand in your way but rather 'a' lesson. I think in my case it really is the same lesson that we both refuse to learn and thus the cycle repeats. We're now entering the 4th round of repeating the exact same cycle we repeated 5yrs ago. I can see all the same energy reappearing.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

sometimes its not lessons that stand in your way but rather 'a' lesson. I think in my case it really is the same lesson that we both refuse to learn and thus the cycle repeats. We're now entering the 4th round of repeating the exact same cycle we repeated 5yrs ago. I can see all the same energy reappearing.

this is what i agree with beauitiful life im getting a reading with fiona, i just wanna know my lesson in this , i am pretty sure it's personal power but more in the way of opening up etc and being confident in that, but if theres more or more details, i just want to know i don't even care about the rest right now but im done with the cycle tbh and making the same mistakes time and time again
almost a year and half is enough to be fair my pulls pretty low at the moment but im making sure whatever it is stays that way or improves cause the middle ground is not the place to be! lol

Originally Posted by miss_believed

this is what i agree with beauitiful life im getting a reading with fiona, i just wanna know my lesson in this , i am pretty sure it's personal power but more in the way of opening up etc and being confident in that, but if theres more or more details, i just want to know i don't even care about the rest right now but im done with the cycle tbh and making the same mistakes time and time again
almost a year and half is enough to be fair my pulls pretty low at the moment but im making sure whatever it is stays that way or improves cause the middle ground is not the place to be! lol

well from my experience until you break the cycle it WILL repeat itself. It repeats itself because the connection doesn't go away so 1 of you will eventually initiate the reconnection which will restart the cycle. Each time you reconnect it reminds the other person that you aren't good for gone and I think that dispells enough of their fears to at least pull them back in even if its only for a moment till they start running again. Its in that moment that you have to show them that something is different and that the blockage from the past has been removed or their fears will only mount up and cause them to start running again.

The start of each cycle I think is the test to see if you've learned your lesson. And than when you fail this test you are forced to endure a complete cycle again before you have another chance to pass the test. My cycle each time had started with my TF giving me the chance to try things again but due to my blockage she eventually lets her fears get the best of her and runs. I remain there trying to outwait her running till she eventually finds another guy to throw in my face which causes me to run as well since my hopes are dashed. Time than goes on till I realize the connection isn't going away and my fear for losing her for good becomes stronger than my fear of rejection so I contact her. I'm than given a chance to show that things are different and since they never have been we go right back around in this painful cycle.