HELP! Wife having spiritual awakening/marriage in peril

[Theophila]

I was moved when I read this thread fieldingm.

Everyone has given some good solid advice , I cannot much more to what has already been said ,
I just wanted to mention that I was a child of parents WHO SHOULD OF DIVORCED....
I grew up with parents who stayed together only to make each other's life hell and created a myriad of issues in me that I suffered with till adulthood and I still have war wounds that haven't healed !
They still live , and they still have that aura of misery which is haunting to me ....
I don't know what it is like to have happy parents ...
That is what is important to have parents who are genuinely happy , whether together or apart ....

I too am divorced , we split when my child was four , and luckily I tried very hard to keep a good relationship with my child's father ...differences or not , I made sure my child knew we both love her and that didn't change one iota...

My child is super happy , she is a super positive kid, she amazes me with her ability to manifest good things as she truly has deep confidence and positivity such that she keeps me lifted ...

Children are amazing , and stronger than we think , it's the way we treat them that matters and that is to respect them and make sure they know that even though their parents may not be together , their personal relationship with mother and with father hasn't nothing to do with that...they want to know they are loved by both .....they are afraid of losing their love from us ...

It sounds like you both are friends , and that is an great foundation for a child , for the parents to be friends....
It seems you both would work together for the benefit of your child, I feel like you both would do what is best and that is extremely important ...
Other children are caught between feuding parents which is nightmarish ...

Ideally it would be great for you two to find each other again , and I think it still is too soon to go that far as thinking of divorce ....
Our separation was for around four years before we knew where things where going to end ....
She may get through what she is going through in time...
What is unfair though is to keep you in the shadow to wait...
You have every right to want happiness for yourself,
If it has to reach that point , maybe a trial seperation is a solution,
Maybe she has to see what life is like without you,
You sound like a really great guy, sometimes someone has to lose someone to realize what they have....
I wouldn't be hasty to conjure solid predictions ....
This could be just a phase , if this person stirred sth in her maybe it's better she does work through it cuase that means it was in her to be stirred..
Maybe it would have comeout of her sth different within your marriage , like a depression or a crisis ...

Again I feel for you,
Only simple advice , don't fill your head with future fears , take it day by day , nothing is more tragic in life than illness or death , everthing else can be worked through ,
Focus on your lovely child , yourself and know you will not lose yourself and whatever is meant to happen is always for the best as dim as it may seem .....
I wish you truly to be strong and hope for the best for you.....

[fieldingmellish]

Originally Posted by Angel44

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm in the midst of a spiritual awakening myself and it is not easy. My emotions are all over the place and I have basically isolated myself....thank God I'm not married. I've often wondered how difficult this would be if I were married. Please try to be considerate of your wife as she did not ask for this to happen at this time in her life. This is what I call the real RAPTURE...you never know when it's your turn.

Give her some space and try not to take it personal. At some point her emotions will balance out and she will have unspeakable Joy and Love in her heart. The fact that she didn't have a relationship with this guy makes me believe he was a catalyst ONLY. Give her space to go through this process and your marriage may be better for it in the end. Right now, sex is the last thing on my mine. I work, eat, meditate, and read spiritual material. It seems as if I can't get enough knowledge. I was never a religious person and all of this was triggered when I met my Twin Flame. It's a difficult yet beautiful process at the same time. Don't listen to those who have never gone through this experience. It's definitely an emotional roller coaster ride. Your wife is not making excuses neither is she being mean to you on purpose. She's REMEMBERING who she really is!!! In the process she has to shed all the layers of **** that has been piled on her since birth. She's a caterpillar in her cocoon. One day she will emerge as a beautiful butterfly. Be there for her as much as you can, love and care for your child...be patient and trust the process.

definitely--he could have just been the catalyst. but i think she still believes that he is her twin flame.

[fieldingmellish]

Originally Posted by Theophila

I was moved when I read this thread fieldingm.

Everyone has given some good solid advice , I cannot much more to what has already been said ,
I just wanted to mention that I was a child of parents WHO SHOULD OF DIVORCED....
I grew up with parents who stayed together only to make each other's life hell and created a myriad of issues in me that I suffered with till adulthood and I still have war wounds that haven't healed !
They still live , and they still have that aura of misery which is haunting to me ....
I don't know what it is like to have happy parents ...
That is what is important to have parents who are genuinely happy , whether together or apart ....

I too am divorced , we split when my child was four , and luckily I tried very hard to keep a good relationship with my child's father ...differences or not , I made sure my child knew we both love her and that didn't change one iota...

My child is super happy , she is a super positive kid, she amazes me with her ability to manifest good things as she truly has deep confidence and positivity such that she keeps me lifted ...

Children are amazing , and stronger than we think , it's the way we treat them that matters and that is to respect them and make sure they know that even though their parents may not be together , their personal relationship with mother and with father hasn't nothing to do with that...they want to know they are loved by both .....they are afraid of losing their love from us ...

It sounds like you both are friends , and that is an great foundation for a child , for the parents to be friends....
It seems you both would work together for the benefit of your child, I feel like you both would do what is best and that is extremely important ...
Other children are caught between feuding parents which is nightmarish ...

Ideally it would be great for you two to find each other again , and I think it still is too soon to go that far as thinking of divorce ....
Our separation was for around four years before we knew where things where going to end ....
She may get through what she is going through in time...
What is unfair though is to keep you in the shadow to wait...
You have every right to want happiness for yourself,
If it has to reach that point , maybe a trial seperation is a solution,
Maybe she has to see what life is like without you,
You sound like a really great guy, sometimes someone has to lose someone to realize what they have....
I wouldn't be hasty to conjure solid predictions ....
This could be just a phase , if this person stirred sth in her maybe it's better she does work through it cuase that means it was in her to be stirred..
Maybe it would have comeout of her sth different within your marriage , like a depression or a crisis ...

Again I feel for you,
Only simple advice , don't fill your head with future fears , take it day by day , nothing is more tragic in life than illness or death , everthing else can be worked through ,
Focus on your lovely child , yourself and know you will not lose yourself and whatever is meant to happen is always for the best as dim as it may seem .....
I wish you truly to be strong and hope for the best for you.....

thank you so much for this thoughtful insight.

Originally Posted by fieldingmellish

I am not a spiritual person (not disdainful of it) so I have no idea what Shakti and Serpent Power are in your above paragraph.

It's part of the tradition of Laya Yoga with Tantric leanings. Basically (and this is very basic) Kundalini is Shakti, the feminine principle, a coiled serpent at rest at the base of the spine - one's bum effectively. Through meditation and other practices She is awakened to shoot up the subtle spine to crash into Shiva (male principle) in the "head" chakra, in a marriage - causing an almighty explosion that some people call enlightenment, maybe gnosis but definitely a huge expansion of consciousness - which is why it can be dangerous if unprepared. Can bring serious disorientation (like a psychedelic experience that's gone wrong).

An ancient tradition. The Serpent Power is a text on this subject by Sir John Woodroffe who translated a lot of works on Tantra from the original Sanskrit and tried to explain it to westerners.

♥

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by fieldingmellish

Hi everyone.
I've been married to my wife for 5 years, together for 10.
we have a 4 year old together.
Ever since we've met, she has been spiritually active, devouring new age/self help texts like "The Secret," etc.
We had what I thought was a healthy, happy relationship and family.
About 2 months ago, at a work-related event, she met a guy whom she felt an intense "connection" to (no affair). (In his defense, it seems like he was probably oblivious to her feeling these things)
Apparently the connection/attraction was strong enough that it triggered an intense emotional response from her, which I've learned is her "spiritual awakening."
She is pulling further and further away from me, and our marriage now hangs in the balance.
She has basically said that her love for me has transitioned from romantic to platonic. We haven't really had sex in a while and she doesn't seem to want to be around me very much.
To say I'm devastated would be an understatement, mostly because we have a child together and I don't know how all this will play out.
I love her very much and want this to work out but also realize I can't be a round peg in a square hole. She's also insistent that because she's on this path to enlightenment/higher consciousness/whatever that I can't possibly understand what she's going through--which may be true. I don't doubt she's having a spiritual emergency but I also don't want to see my whole world crumble.
I also understand the "if you love someone set them free" maxim. I can't force her to feel things for me if she doesn't feel them anymore.
I just find it inconceivable how fast this is all happening. It's like she took a trip and never returned.
I'd like to add that I don't doubt the legitimacy of her experience--she is definitely going through something. But I find it hard to swallow that she wants to throw our entire 10 year history--and family--away because of this spiritual awakening. (to be fair, the awakening isn't all about us--she also has childhood traumas and other issues she wants to work through that have been repressed)
We are hoping to see a marriage counselor this week, but I feel like that may be an empty exercise...her mind seems kind of made up that she's not really into me anymore. I feel scared, isolated, abandoned--and to boot, as I've mentioned, I have a job to do and a child to raise--so I can't just curl up in a fetal position and cry my pain away.
If she wants to leave me, i will let her go. If we're meant to be, we will be I guess. But I just find this all so hard to fathom.
Looking for advice and guidance.

Wow I see some of the most sexist remarks I've ever seen on this forum in this thread, and that is sad, but I'd like to give you the opinion of someone who also lived through it. I met my twin while he was married and I can confirm to you that these things happen and it's not due to either party trying to start anything. Sometimes you just meet a soul connection and there it is, nothing you can do about it. For the first few months my twin and I were around each other we didn't even really speak to each other, so neither of us was trying to get anything started. But still, looking into each other's eyes caused my third eye to twitch (eventually open) and all my chakras to open (some where pretty severely closed) and my eventual full on spiritual awakening. So yes I can confirm to you that it happens...

As far as knowing if he is her tf or a catalyst, it is really too soon to tell. This is because tf unions or relationships can take years or decades or even lifetimes to come together (there is a lot of growth that needs to be done first). So just saying they haven't come together yet, doesn't mean it's not a tf, most have a separation stage in which the growth is accomplished (it's not easy and it's often not pretty). But if I were you, I would worry less about classifying him and concentrate on yourself and your child (although I admit not the easiest thing to do).

Honestly, you seem to be a fairly mature soul yourself, you seem to be dealing with it well and not blaming her or him (most would) and that is commendable. The main thing I would say is, do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? To be self-loving would be a no...
My kids are being raised by parents who are no longer together (our breakup had nothing to do with another person) and I know it's hard sometimes but it can be done. You just put everything you have into being with that kid when you can be with them, you are and will remain a huge part of their life. Let go of trying to control her or the situation (she would just end up resenting you for it anyway) and trust that the universe will work it out the best for everyone involved.

[Clover]

Having feelings for another person is not the same as having a relationship with them. It is very natural and part of our human nature to have all sorts of different emotions transpire when we interact with people. Her heart is probably open, especially if she is expanding to ideas of spiritual consciousnesses. Love is not and has never been a once in a lifetime experice. Not to exempt an affair or dishonest behavour either, but maybe look at your situation on a larger scope here, the egoic mind ( in this case yours) and it's desire/need to control circumstances. Don't get me wrong, your feelings are very much valid, I am sure most of us have felt or been in your position at some point in our lives ( and it is devastating). You may want to read a Tolle or Asyashanti book, you will be better able to understand a bit of where a lot of people in spirituality perceive these types of situations.
Either way, you can't fight/resist the inevitable. I can imagine its very uncomfortable, but.....she's going to go through her 'thing'and there is nothing you can do to stop it. More than likely, its has nothing to do with this individual and most importantly, what she is going through has nothing to do with you either. She is experiencing individual personal growth. All internal. The only thing you can probably change or influence is your reaction to the situation. You can be supportive and let her ride this out, or you can beat up her with a stick and 'leave her' like the other male commentators suggested lol. Whats the rational choice?

I dont think anyone can predict for you what happens next. But one thing is certain, you both have a child together, your not going to lose her- ever.

[fieldingmellish]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Honestly, you seem to be a fairly mature soul yourself, you seem to be dealing with it well and not blaming her or him (most would) and that is commendable. The main thing I would say is, do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? To be self-loving would be a no...
My kids are being raised by parents who are no longer together (our breakup had nothing to do with another person) and I know it's hard sometimes but it can be done. You just put everything you have into being with that kid when you can be with them, you are and will remain a huge part of their life. Let go of trying to control her or the situation (she would just end up resenting you for it anyway) and trust that the universe will work it out the best for everyone involved.

Thanks for this. Ego aside, I think I am handling it all as well as I possibly can--doesn't mean I'm not devastated, but at this point, I'm ready to just let the chips fall where they may. And no, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I just find it somewhat incredulous that she's willing to risk our entire marriage and family unit because she's convinced herself that this guy she met is her TF. Maybe he is--who knows. I don't know. All I know is I'm not gonna keep holding on tightly, because that will just push her further away.

[fieldingmellish]

Originally Posted by Clover

Having feelings for another person is not the same as having a relationship with them. It is very natural and part of our human nature to have all sorts of different emotions transpire when we interact with people. Her heart is probably open, especially if she is expanding to ideas of spiritual consciousnesses. Love is not and has never been a once in a lifetime experice. Not to exempt an affair or dishonest behavour either, but maybe look at your situation on a larger scope here, the egoic mind ( in this case yours) and it's desire/need to control circumstances. Don't get me wrong, your feelings are very much valid, I am sure most of us have felt or been in your position at some point in our lives ( and it is devastating). You may want to read a Tolle or Asyashanti book, you will be better able to understand a bit of where a lot of people in spirituality perceive these types of situations.
Either way, you can't fight/resist the inevitable. I can imagine its very uncomfortable, but.....she's going to go through her 'thing'and there is nothing you can do to stop it. More than likely, its has nothing to do with this individual and most importantly, what she is going through has nothing to do with you either. She is experiencing individual personal growth. All internal. The only thing you can probably change or influence is your reaction to the situation. You can be supportive and let her ride this out, or you can beat up her with a stick and 'leave her' like the other male commentators suggested lol. Whats the rational choice?

I dont think anyone can predict for you what happens next. But one thing is certain, you both have a child together, your not going to lose her- ever.

I think I have been supportive as humanly possible. We are now in the preliminary stages of discussing her moving back into a duplex that we own so that she has her own space. It's time to start talking turkey. I told her I still want us to have dinners together and as much family time as possible so as not to disrupt our child's sense of normalcy.

I am going to let her ride it out--and part of me feels like...man, she is gonna miss me. but i guess that's just my foolish pride.

[fieldingmellish]

This morning someone told me that it sounds like a lot of what my wife is going through might be limerence (a term I had never heard before).

Does anyone have any insight?

[Aldous]

A related thread
http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...d.php?t=102918