Feels like they never existed

[jayysorathlavey]

let go of #ties with your #Mother. not fair to #YOU to slow down your life over worry to help her who chose to have you when she was not mentally #stable.

[Tobi]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Hello Ronin...



My Mom passed on suddenly and unexpectedly when I was the same age (20 years old)... This was back in 2002... It was very challenging for me to cope with this early on - there was no sense of closure and no feeling of acceptance for what happened. However over the course of 10 years this life event/experience would serve as a primary catalyst for me to eventually go through a life-changing and transformative spiritual awakening...

Please don't make yourself feel guilty for how you find yourself feeling at timess - you're not doing anything wrong. I can understand and relate to such feelings. I know for years I felt disconnected from my Mom - there also weren't any dream visitations that I could ever consciously recall. All I had to work with were my memories of her and the more time that went by - the harder it was for me to remember exactly what it felt like when she was still around and (physically) a part of my life. Looking back with hindsight, I actually feel that this experience of 'disconnection' was unknowingly (at the time) beneficial for me at the time in that it helped push me to continue my spiritual seeking and my inner-work. I do not view how you feel at this time in your life as any type of 'permanent' condition or orientation - just a transient phase. I think the following holds true - the more that we consciously identify with our physical identities and these Earthly lifetimes as our foundation or source of 'self', the more likely we are to feel disconnected and separated from our loved ones who have passed/transitioned on. Conversely, the more that we consciously identify with our higher aspects and therefore our Soul nature/essence/identity as our foundation and source of 'self' - the more likely we are to feel connected to our loved ones who are no longer physically present with us here during this temporary Earth experience. Does this make sense? By increasingly focusing and further working on tapping into your higher nature/identity (non-physical) - you will find it easier to connect with and relate to others on the same level (whether physically alive or not). Eventually you will reach a state where you find yourself completely at peace and feeling total acceptance for not only yourself, but for what has transpired.

I hope this helps you in some way. You're welcome to message me to discuss this further...

Regards,
~WOLF

That was a lovely post wolfgaze....especially the part I 'bolded'.

I hope, Ronin, that you will receive some comfort from this when you get your head around what wolfgaze is saying there.
Bless you

[Starman]

When you cross over to the other side this physical human life will feel like it never really happened; it will feel like a dream. The other side feels much more real than this 3D physical experience.

Both of my parents died some time ago, my sister and my wife both died from breast cancer, and my bother died from over weigh complications. They not only exist in my memories but also in how they influenced me.

I can say that it seems like they were never here but if they had never been here I would never be here either with the life I currently have. Everything is in motion; that is why it is called an “illusion,” because it is all very illusive.

[Journeyman Paul]

Originally Posted by Ronin

My mother died in 2008. I was just 20 years old.
It took me years to allow myself to properly mourn her.

She came to me in dreams, one of which I saw her crossing over to the other side in a dream, kind of like a reverse funeral, we were all [i don't even know who the people were] seated around her open coffin [she was cremated irl] in a marble arena when she "woke up" and got out of her coffin. Everyone rejoiced and welcomed her.
Another one was when I was going through a hard time in life, I was crying in my dream (in a public bathroom non the less) when she came out of one of the stalls and gently grabbed my face and smiled. It felt very comforting and I think that's about the time I stayed moving forward.

But now, most of the time I feel like she never even existed. I feel guilty about it.
My mother was a source of some of the greatest comfort AND greatest pain in my life.
Years out I can see the lessons I've learned from the relationship, but it's still like she almost was never here, like more of an imaginary friend.

Does anyone else get this?

Yes. Sometimes characters and events from films that we have seen, stories we have been told, dreams we have had, or books that we have read seem as real or more real that the people who have littered our past (here on Earth). It's all information. It's all about how you choose to use the information of these people, events, and interpretations for your own edification and learning. Live for the now for yesterday and tomorrow only exist in our minds--and are only viable in the way that we choose to use them.

[Journeyman Paul]

Agreed: Nice post, Wolfgaze!

[lancing]

Originally Posted by Ronin

My mother died in 2008. I was just 20 years old.
It took me years to allow myself to properly mourn her.

She came to me in dreams, one of which I saw her crossing over to the other side in a dream, kind of like a reverse funeral, we were all [i don't even know who the people were] seated around her open coffin [she was cremated irl] in a marble arena when she "woke up" and got out of her coffin. Everyone rejoiced and welcomed her.
Another one was when I was going through a hard time in life, I was crying in my dream (in a public bathroom non the less) when she came out of one of the stalls and gently grabbed my face and smiled. It felt very comforting and I think that's about the time I stayed moving forward.

But now, most of the time I feel like she never even existed. I feel guilty about it.
My mother was a source of some of the greatest comfort AND greatest pain in my life.
Years out I can see the lessons I've learned from the relationship, but it's still like she almost was never here, like more of an imaginary friend.

Does anyone else get this?

I know this feeling. It's not really a feeling of guilt, but almost like a feeling of obligation to remember your loved one because you don't want it to seem like they never existed. After my father's death his spirit actually lingered around me for years. Before his death I didn't speak to him for years. He wasn't around a lot in my childhood and I felt no need to form a relationship with him as an adult. He wrote me letters, he called me, he asked about me, he came to see me...but I had no interest in connecting with him.

Although he was sick, his death was sudden - he had no one. I felt guilty about my behavior...and he just hung around me after death. One day I decided to just write to him. I pulled out his old letters and I answered each one. It was quite cathartic. Then one night I had a dream that he and I were fishing together like we did when I was a kid. We didn't even speak to one another...just smiled and fished side by side. After that dream I didn't feel him around anymore...not really. However, I did feel him and sorta see him one more time when I was having a really hard time in my life, but I haven't ever since. Anyway, the letters helped...but...it actually wasn't until last week that I forgave myself for my behavior towards him. Forgiving and embracing myself was very hard and painful. However, it led to nothing but happy memories, gratefulness and admiration.

I understand you, but I also understand that your mother lives on. You don't have to build a shrine or think about her all of the time or anything grand. In the earlier replies someone said something similar to this...but know that...her immortal existence is even greater than her mortal existence. She exists as she's always existed. She exists within you, she exists around you, she exists for you...she is not some figment of your imagination. You'll never forget her, but you won't have to think about her all of the time. The beauty is in the fact that you are her daughter - a constant reminder that she indeed existed as a human being.

Oh, and I feel like all of life is this way. When you dredge up memories, everything feels like it was just a dream and never really happened (could just be my foggy mind). But that doesn't matter. What matters is the memories in our hearts - the knowing without needing tangible proof. Even though it may seem like your mother didn't exist, you remember her in your mind and your heart...and you know better.

Blessings, darling!