Why does he think I need his love?

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by Raziel

I just read the whole OP in an american cheerleader voice:

"like oh my god - like there is this crazy guy who's like - oh my god a psycho stalker & he keeps taxxting muh & messaging muuh & like I'm totes not super into him"



I've worked with way too many ladies in retail fashion I think!

They all told tales about guys & then 2 seconds later were dating - it's doesn't really sound like the OP but it reads a little teeny.

Oh ok ya, retail fashion hey, i can imagine those girls being a bit like that..

The girls i work with are more kinda like farm girls/cow girls. In parks and gardens, land an conservation, park ranger stuff.

[OEN34]

Originally Posted by Raziel

We know nothing of this guy OR if hers is a slightly ott reaction to unrequited love.

This is a fair statement, but do you think these are signs of unrequited love when someone is saying if they allowed that person to love them, and hold them in their arms, that it would be the cure to their anxiety, bearing in mind they're not in a relationship, and you can't force yourself to love another?

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by Raziel

OMG!

At worst from her description he is Pepé Le Pew.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw5S7dz4PRU

We know nothing of this guy OR if hers is a slightly ott reaction to unrequited love.

I mean if she elaborates more then he may well be a stalker - but from that description it's unfair to start getting into his relationship with his parents.

.

I agree. To give advice on how to deal with stalking would be best. As oppose to making random accusation.

[Blue Tiger]

ParanoidHippie it does not matter whether he's nuts or gentle, or compassionate or a stalker. The only thing that matters here is that he's creeping you out. You have every right to not want him (or anyone else) trying to weasel their way into your life.

If you haven't already done so, tell him you are not interested. If he persists, offer to report him to the authorities. If you still feel fearful, get a canister of tear gas to carry with you. You should never be afraid to go about your own life because someone thinks you should be with them.

If he is a rational human being, he'll back off. If he doesn't back off, he probably isn't all that rational. Stand your ground, and reclaim your power from him. He's stolen that; that's why you feel fearful. You don't feel in control of your own life.

I understand the feeling. Someone trying to get too close is scary. Keep your boundaries and do not let him control your life.

Many responses here from males seem rather glib to me. At least one really
isn't in contact with his emotions enough to know what it's like.

But it IS fair to say that females probably feel greater unease / danger when
they're being stalked, whether in their imagination or actual.

Presumably when a male is stalked (no doubt there are cases) is easier to
put a stop to it. Not so easy for females. Read the news reports:
You'll find many more cases of women murdered when stalking runs out of control
than men. I haven't actual statistics but my daily trawl through the news
suggests that's a fact.

So, men, you need to be stalked by someone more physically powerful than
yourself to appreciate what it's like.
.

[Raziel]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Many responses here from males seem rather glib to me. At least one really
isn't in contact with his emotions enough to know what it's like.

But it IS fair to say that females probably feel greater unease / danger when
they're being stalked, whether in their imagination or actual.

Presumably when a male is stalked (no doubt there are cases) is easier to
put a stop to it. Not so easy for females. Read the news reports:
You'll find many more cases of women murdered when stalking runs out of control
than men. I haven't actual statistics but my daily trawl through the news
suggests that's a fact.

So, men, you need to be stalked by someone more physically powerful than
yourself to appreciate what it's like.
.

All of that is valid enough, but without further information we don't know if certain words are being used because of the OP's age or culture.

We have one side of a story.

We don't know how he has her number, or how often they interact.

I cannot believe the armchair psychology, criminology & presumption within the thread.

A person outwardly naming themselves paranoid hippie is surely introducing that to the table.

Have you people never listened to lyrics of songs? Love conquers all, I would do anything for love, I can't help falling in love with you - all tonally might be said by a mental case but will have also been first dances to weddings.

Also when did we decide feed someone suffering from anxiety instead of offering more positive alternatives & takes on situations? Hippie makes no mention of telling this guy shes not interested & continues to jump forward.

Originally Posted by Paranoidhippie

I don’t need his or other people’s concern. I just want some fun. I just doubt that’s what I’ll get.

Note what is said here - it's tonally unafraid but annoyed that other people would show feeling towards a person not wanting it.

.

[angelic star]

He’s sent me messages that say that being loved by someone will cure my anxiety. By someone I know he means him. He also said in a creepy message that all my anxiety will go away if I’ll let him hold me in his arms.

If that feels creepy then I guess that says it all. Some people just fail to get it.

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Many responses here from males seem rather glib to me.

I will post another reply now.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

At least one really
isn't in contact with his emotions enough to know what it's like.

I know your talking about the other guy here and not me, even tho my other post was quick, so... moving on...

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

But it IS fair to say that females probably feel greater unease / danger when
they're being stalked, whether in their imagination or actual.

Yea i can understand that, i think the thing for some guys sometimes is that we think, oh thats no big deal at all or if that happend to me it would be no big deal, sometimes we forget that what is not a big deal to us can be for others, instead of comparing it if we just listen with compassion and from a point of, this is there situation they are explaining from where they are at, it's not about where im at in this.. you know? but i have been like that before thinking things like oh, are you seriously complaining about this? and stuff like that, iv done that before and there are times when i have not been like that too, somethings and situations are more serious then others, but still at the end of the day we can be more mindfull and heart centered that, ok it might not be a problem for you, but its not about you when someone is hurting or has an issue they are concerned with.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Presumably when a male is stalked (no doubt there are cases) is easier to
put a stop to it. Not so easy for females. Read the news reports:
You'll find many more cases of women murdered when stalking runs out of control
than men. I haven't actual statistics but my daily trawl through the news
suggests that's a fact.

So, men, you need to be stalked by someone more physically powerful than
yourself to appreciate what it's like.
.

Maybe us guys need to get lost in the woods or something huh, im thinking somewhere where there are alot of bears....

Originally Posted by ParanoidHippie

I’m dealing with this crazy guy right now. He’s in love with me and cares way too much about me. He’s a stalker, so he knows all about how anxious I am. He’s sent me messages that say that being loved by someone will cure my anxiety. By someone I know he means him. He also said in a creepy message that all my anxiety will go away if I’ll let him hold me in his arms.

So when i read this an think about it, i think maybe his either trying to manipluating you and exploit your weakness (anxiety) or... he actually believes what he is saying, someone like this can be harmless, sometimes maybe not as well when you upset them, sometimes they won't harm you but maybe themselves or make you think they will or try make u feel guilty about them being sad ect..ect.. they play games.

Originally Posted by ParanoidHippie

I’m not into him and probably not into any men. I don’t think a girl loving me will cure my anxiety either.

Try loving yourself, and really being there for you, this is a rough time for you? theres no one to help it seems? but you are always there for you, we can be like our own best friend and be there for ourselves.

Originally Posted by ParanoidHippie

I just want something casual, but I’m even scared of that. I’m scared they’ll see how anxious I am and get creepily invested in me like that guy. I don’t need his or other people’s concern. I just want some fun. I just doubt that’s what I’ll get.

What do you mean by just want something casual and just wanting some fun? do you mean you just want to hang out with people yea? you don't want anything else just fun, friend stuff, then you need to make it clear to people who think otherwise, speak up if you don't, i know you said you think this guy is a stalker but most people once you say that they will get it, you can even just say hey i already have a boyfriend. The way you said you don't need his or other peoples concern made me think of those girlfriends who try to mother there boyfriends or they be with someone who they think is in need of help, once the person is ok then they kinda lose interest in them.. maybe he is one of those but a guy one.

Anyway All the best OP.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Many responses here from males seem rather glib to me. At least one really
isn't in contact with his emotions enough to know what it's like.

But it IS fair to say that females probably feel greater unease / danger when
they're being stalked, whether in their imagination or actual.

Presumably when a male is stalked (no doubt there are cases) is easier to
put a stop to it. Not so easy for females. Read the news reports:
You'll find many more cases of women murdered when stalking runs out of control
than men. I haven't actual statistics but my daily trawl through the news
suggests that's a fact.

So, men, you need to be stalked by someone more physically powerful than
yourself to appreciate what it's like.
.

A lot of truth to this, sadly. I don't think we do generally give much thought to what it's like to be a member of the opposite sex, to the different challenges and experiences we face; a while back I got to thinking about what it must be like to be a woman, to be pursued by people who are testosterone-fuelled and generally physically bigger and stronger than you, and it made me realise how intimidating that must feel sometimes - and more so if you're prone to anxiety, as the OP is (I've experienced fairly severe anxiety in the past and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it's a truly awful, desperate feeling). I've got so much admiration for women, that you cope as well you do in this world.

To the OP, maybe express your feelings to this guy, that his attentions are making you feel more anxious, not less, and that if he really does care about you he'll back off and give you space. If he persists it might be necessary to get the police involved, because you shouldn't have to put up with this.

[angelic star]

ParanoidHippie it does not matter whether he's nuts or gentle, or compassionate or a stalker. The only thing that matters here is that he's creeping you out. You have every right to not want him (or anyone else) trying to weasel their way into your life.

If you haven't already done so, tell him you are not interested. If he persists, offer to report him to the authorities

I agree actually if this person has some sense they will back off, if not then well you need help from someone to get it across. If you haven't yet talked to this person about what you want, then you should. If you already have and they refuse to leave you alone, then you should report and seek some protection for yourself. It might not be a big deal, but if feelings aren't mutual I don't see why anyone has to persist so much for you to need them. Some people just think they will make you like them by hanging around as long as they can, but does not always work that way. If you haven't made it clear yet, you should.