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  #1  
Old 10-08-2018, 10:51 PM
ste20man ste20man is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
 
Question !!! Complete beginner that couldn't be more lost !!!

Hi there, I know everyone can and has an opinion on mostly everything but I'm asking only people who completely get what I am stating here to write back as I am doing myself no favours at the moment. No-one around me has a single clue as to what I speak about even though I know I am speaking a pure truth.

Not being able to connect fully with people is doing my head in and I don't know what to do, I'm so frustrated.

Some time ago at the height of a personal struggle I was on my knees, coming to the point where I had physically and mentally given up. I had no fight left to give and was completely spent. In this moment I was presented (in whatever level or manner) by a vast black "knowing" that was not "me", instantly realising that it had its own conscious nature that was fully aware of me. With this thing being quiet and conscious I had only 2 options, one was to edge away and hope that I could forget about it over time and the other was to "dive in" to it, to meet it at whatever terms it held. In a moment of madness I chose the latter. (It had to be madness or total desperation as no one would do so given time to analyse and think).

Just as I was chose to go, I was the most humble I had ever been, sending up a small prayer for the first time in my life that there just might be something "God?" bigger than me, a vein hope that I might be protected in some way.

This was my last wish as I crashed into this void. I had no idea as to what to expect and in truth I was completely willing to die, to let what would be, I had completely given myself over to whatever outcome there may be.

What I did not expect was what I received. I was cast not into dark or some kind of death but into light. An infinite sea of conscious light. It was aware and as conscious as I am now, a finite piece of an infinite sea of consciousness. An awareness that played and tossed my finite awareness around with only love, playing we me, soothing my pains, an infinite sea of consciousness vibrating with only love.

I remained in that state, instantly knowing it was eternal, that it went on in every direction forever. Knowing that it had always been that way that it always would. I knew in that first moment that "this" was the actual true nature of reality, not the room that I am sitting in now, not this keyboard I am typing on.

I only came back to this life when I began to realise that I had no physical body in that understanding. When this thought occurred to me in that sea of consciousness I simply slipped back into my physical body. I was on the bed crying over and over: "I never knew..." It was the loving beauty of it, still indescribable, a love multiplied by infinity.

Obviously as I have found this is not a knowledge that you can explain to someone, you can't wrap it up and give it as a gift. Even the fact that it is a pure unchangeable truth does not help in the sharing of such knowledge.

And that is my problem.

I am currently having the hardest of times squaring this knowledge with my friends and family, with everything, with me. To my closest people they say it seems possible and yet it is completely unprovable. To me, my understanding of life has now been changed at the very most fundamental level.

What am I supposed to do? Just carry on and pretend everything is the same?

I could start meditation to try and experience it once again?

Are you supposed to repeat?

Am I supposed to try and guide other people to this understanding?

Is the human race waking up in some way? Is this 2012 etc?

Most seem "happy" enough to walk the streets, go to their jobs and have a family (What else is there I suppose).

It has shown me that there is no distance between anything and that the only true thing that exists is connection This somehow makes me feel further away than ever before, always wishing to meet someone who understand even just a little of what I am talking about.

I'm starting at the University of Manchester this September to do Mental Health Nursing as helping people in every was is all I can think of doing. I feel I'm kind of being subtly guided so I will roll with that, I have a caring nature.

I'm not in love at the moment, I think maybe I'm just lonely perhaps.

If you truly understand what I am speaking of, what do you do? There is so much spiritual stuff out there that I don't know where to start. As this is the case I have decided to start here. I'll see where this leads as this happened 5 years ago and I still haven't got a grip of myself and my relationship to this experience and to this world.

Just please be truthful and honest if you can, this is really important to me, thanks ste.
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  #2  
Old 11-08-2018, 04:45 AM
sentient sentient is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,243
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Hi there.
Ok. I have had a somewhat similar experience to yours, which I’ll narrate, but with warning … it is a bit heavy.

When death becomes imminent, blackness comes and surrounds or covers us like a black cloak.
When a person is dying and aware of it, their subconscious becomes very active and powerful and awake at these times and sometimes people then project this blackness onto somebody else – trying to deflect the black feeling away from themselves out of sheer fear of it.
If the person is somebody I know, I used to get it upon myself – and then together we both surrender and let go into Spirit (or God or …..)
It helps the dying person when there is somebody else there, (even if it is other-dimensionally) who shifts with them into the same blackness and goes through the surrendering process.
Well …. death comes to us all, it is just a matter when.
Some people just have a ‘blackout’ and wake up dead, not really fully realizing they are dead.


However – it seems that if you are a Tantric or Shamanic practitioner ……. ‘death’s doorway’ does come up sometimes, but not as physical death, but more like an empowerment.
This happened to me some years ago.


Death wasn’t my meditation focus, I was just following a sequence of symbolic teachings, tuning into their energies & allowing them to shift my awareness deeper and deeper (a kind of unification of dualities process).

At one point my ears started ringing so loudly that it sounded like I had live grasshoppers in my brain and the next thing was that this sound turned into blackness, like death surrounding me.
It was very, very intense feeling of this black energy which was so heavy and self-aware – as if I had thousand eyes upon me ….. it really put me on the spot.

Somebody had written that meditation is like deep sea diving. Sooner or later you are going to meet up with some offbeat looking critters. The point being that wherever you go – there you are.
The same thing can be said about awareness shifts – wherever you go, there you are.
I don’t think these shifts are dangerous as such, but if the mind cannot accept what is happening and starts to fight the shift – well then you freak yourself out – trauma, soul loss, what have you ….. or alternatively the mind can get morbidly obsessed, thus freezing the flow like a deer in the headlights …..

But back to the story …….
At that time I really didn’t know whether I was dying or not, but because it was an awareness shift ‘Spirit’ had led me to – what can you do when you have got grasshoppers for brain and the intensity of black death all around you. You take it for real and accept it as your situation or as your ground of awareness and just live with it - "chopping wood, carrying water" ....

But then that blackness turned into a kind of an ecstasy (ex-statis =”to stand outside of oneself”) – an awareness that felt a bit like ‘witness on wings’ or ‘witness to unfoldment’ …. where “I” became the dance and the tuneless tune of the Universe as well as the stillness (a zero point) and there was “radiance” shining through everything communicating direct inner knowing and it was as if the whole universe had become synchronistic all at once …….

But then I chickened out ….so I am of no help here …..
That kind of state puts very heavy demands on one and the aloness in the face of all that vastness isn't easy either!

But perhaps “The Bliss of Inner Fire” by Lama Yeshe could help, because it just sounds to me as if you had an experience where your energies spontaneously entered into the central channel and instead of physical death - you discovered the Inner Light.
https://www.sahajayogavic.com/wp-con...e_chart_sm.png
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  #3  
Old 11-08-2018, 03:40 PM
Aethera Aethera is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 451
 
I feel that you're still lost in it, and trying to understand the message you got after you sent the prayer and let go, found yourself in a place surrounded in infinite consciousness and love. That it didn't want you to give up. So it showed you, so you could see that you were loved.

Something that one finds purpose in.
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  #4  
Old 11-08-2018, 04:46 PM
Roger Wilco
Posts: n/a
 
hi seems to me that what your going to study you can use your spiritual sens very well although perhaps best to apply such knowledge with out telling those who are not familiar with it , in general sharing spiritual realities with those who do not have them, them selves is a ,best not to be done thing, since it might create unsettling feelings for them which they could express in all sorts of ways as reaction , ways really never beneficial to any one,, Yes you know now this is the incarnated world or reality and yes there is lots more . And of that 'more' some see this others that :-) but life in the incarnated world is as it is and will be like that for ages for reasons inherent to its very existence , explore it ? perhaps what ever suits you best and makes you happy
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  #5  
Old 11-08-2018, 10:19 PM
iamthat iamthat is offline
Master
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Golden Bay, New Zealand
Posts: 3,580
 
Hi ste20man

Here is my two cents.

Congratulations. You finally reached the point of surrender where you were willing to let go of small personality and surrender to something greater. And that something greater was not something strange and external but your own true nature, pure consciousness resting in limitless Being.

This may initially seem to be a void, an infinite blackness, but it is not an empty state. Or rather, it is both empty and full, because it is an all-loving all-accepting Consciousness. This is what we really are, and your circumstances pushed you to the point where you were ready to let go and surrender your small identity.

I had a similar experience back in 1982. I was doing a long meditate and on the evening of the third day I was ready to let go and surrender. I didn't know what I was surrendering to, but I sat in meditation just focusing on surrender. Suddenly it was as if some vast and powerful Being reached down and plucked me up into Itself, and I was in a void, where there were no thoughts. I just rested in this Being. I do not know how long I rested in that state, but gradually I returned to "normal" awareness. One thing which I did notice afterwards was that my thoughts, which previously seemed to fill my head, were now just like small bubbles rising through an ocean, and I was that ocean, untouched by my thoughts. That awareness has been present ever since.

Some years later in 1986 I had an even more powerful meditation where I realised that there is only one Being everywhere. Being everywhere, there is no separation and no distance. As you say, everything is connected as an expression of Being. Again, this awareness has remained ever since, unchanging and without limits.

What are you supposed to do now?

Firstly, I suggest you give up hoping that your family and friends will ever understand what you have experienced. How can they?

Are you supposed to repeat the experience through meditation or some other means? This may happen, but then again, it may not.

Are you supposed to guide others to this understanding? Difficult to do so when you yourself do not really understand what happened and how.

Perhaps your task at this moment is to consolidate what you have experienced. Aurobindo says that to realise the Divine within is one thing, but that is only the start of the process. Then follows the descent of the Divine into the lower vehicles. It is this descent of the Divine which transforms the lower nature, but it takes time.

On a practical level you say you are going to the University of Manchester. I may be able to point you towards people in Manchester who have had similar experiences. It is years since I had contact with them but they may still be around Manchester or perhaps Leeds. If you are interested then send me a private message.

Peace.
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  #6  
Old 11-08-2018, 11:28 PM
kuurt kuurt is offline
Knower
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 147
 
Reminds me of Eckhart Tolle, might read his books.
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  #7  
Old 12-08-2018, 11:49 AM
Empowers Empowers is offline
Knower
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 234
 
I suggest you play with it. Start meditating, yes, but not to necessarily step back fully all the time, but to feel the edges of that connection with everything.

I agree with iamthat in relation to trying to explain or move others to this knowing; however, the more comfortable you become in *your* knowing, the more people will ask you about it.

When I say play, I mean start to move through your day opening yourself to understanding the relationship between you and what and who is around you. Or meditate and put your awareness into 'inanimate' objects and learn what it means to be them - knowing that everything is part of this connection, you will be delighted and amazed at the different parts of existence and what they can teach you when you allow yourself to know them as they are.

As you might know or be able to recall from your experience, "it doesn't matter"; put in quotations to help you feel the significance of that sentence.

Therefore... play, look for the connection, see the relationship, allow the knowledge from the vast or the miniscule, let existence speak with you.

Or don't... consciously.

Because you are anyway. As you know.
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  #8  
Old 12-08-2018, 03:18 PM
Miss Hepburn Miss Hepburn is offline
Moderator
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southwest, USA
Posts: 24,945
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Angel1

You are one blessed and lucky person...what you did to deserve such an
Awakening into Cosmic Consciousness is beyond any of us.
( I figure, for me, it was because of past life spiritual work?)

Life is simple...when in doubt always chose kindness.
Smile, help others, listen to people, radiate the wisdom you received...
apply this awareness you were suddenly immersed in.

Cultivate confidence, my friend...be aware that the egoic part of the mind wants you to be confused...
don't buy into it...you are one of the few now.
Reflect/ project to the world your inner wisdom now.
It's a responsibility to learn who your audience is.


(And everything iamthat said.)
__________________

.
*I'll text in Navy Blue when I'm speaking as a Mod. :)


Prepare yourself for the coming astral journey of death by daily riding in the balloon of God-perception.
Through delusion you are perceiving yourself as a bundle of flesh and bones, which at best is a nest of troubles.
Meditate unceasingly, that you may quickly behold yourself as the Infinite Essence, free from every form of misery. ~Paramahansa's Guru's Guru
.


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  #9  
Old 13-08-2018, 05:51 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
Master
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 10,861
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ste20man
Hi there, I know everyone can and has an opinion on mostly everything but I'm asking only people who completely get what I am stating here to write back as I am doing myself no favours at the moment. No-one around me has a single clue as to what I speak about even though I know I am speaking a pure truth.

Not being able to connect fully with people is doing my head in and I don't know what to do, I'm so frustrated.

Some time ago at the height of a personal struggle I was on my knees, coming to the point where I had physically and mentally given up. I had no fight left to give and was completely spent. In this moment I was presented (in whatever level or manner) by a vast black "knowing" that was not "me", instantly realising that it had its own conscious nature that was fully aware of me. With this thing being quiet and conscious I had only 2 options, one was to edge away and hope that I could forget about it over time and the other was to "dive in" to it, to meet it at whatever terms it held. In a moment of madness I chose the latter. (It had to be madness or total desperation as no one would do so given time to analyse and think).

Just as I was chose to go, I was the most humble I had ever been, sending up a small prayer for the first time in my life that there just might be something "God?" bigger than me, a vein hope that I might be protected in some way.

This was my last wish as I crashed into this void. I had no idea as to what to expect and in truth I was completely willing to die, to let what would be, I had completely given myself over to whatever outcome there may be.

What I did not expect was what I received. I was cast not into dark or some kind of death but into light. An infinite sea of conscious light. It was aware and as conscious as I am now, a finite piece of an infinite sea of consciousness. An awareness that played and tossed my finite awareness around with only love, playing we me, soothing my pains, an infinite sea of consciousness vibrating with only love.

I remained in that state, instantly knowing it was eternal, that it went on in every direction forever. Knowing that it had always been that way that it always would. I knew in that first moment that "this" was the actual true nature of reality, not the room that I am sitting in now, not this keyboard I am typing on.

I only came back to this life when I began to realise that I had no physical body in that understanding. When this thought occurred to me in that sea of consciousness I simply slipped back into my physical body. I was on the bed crying over and over: "I never knew..." It was the loving beauty of it, still indescribable, a love multiplied by infinity.

Obviously as I have found this is not a knowledge that you can explain to someone, you can't wrap it up and give it as a gift. Even the fact that it is a pure unchangeable truth does not help in the sharing of such knowledge.

And that is my problem.

I am currently having the hardest of times squaring this knowledge with my friends and family, with everything, with me. To my closest people they say it seems possible and yet it is completely unprovable. To me, my understanding of life has now been changed at the very most fundamental level.

What am I supposed to do? Just carry on and pretend everything is the same?

I could start meditation to try and experience it once again?

Are you supposed to repeat?

Am I supposed to try and guide other people to this understanding?

Is the human race waking up in some way? Is this 2012 etc?

Most seem "happy" enough to walk the streets, go to their jobs and have a family (What else is there I suppose).

It has shown me that there is no distance between anything and that the only true thing that exists is connection This somehow makes me feel further away than ever before, always wishing to meet someone who understand even just a little of what I am talking about.

I'm starting at the University of Manchester this September to do Mental Health Nursing as helping people in every was is all I can think of doing. I feel I'm kind of being subtly guided so I will roll with that, I have a caring nature.

I'm not in love at the moment, I think maybe I'm just lonely perhaps.

If you truly understand what I am speaking of, what do you do? There is so much spiritual stuff out there that I don't know where to start. As this is the case I have decided to start here. I'll see where this leads as this happened 5 years ago and I still haven't got a grip of myself and my relationship to this experience and to this world.

Just please be truthful and honest if you can, this is really important to me, thanks ste.
Tears are coming to my eyes as I read this. I have experienced this state quite a few times now in exactly the same way as you have described it.

I don't connect with people easily either..yeah, I also felt like connecting to "The Source" would be a whole lot easier than connecting to my fellow being on any level that my "Soul" could actually relate to...and I allowed myself to surrender to it in the spirit of Love, which seemed to flow in all directions out from this total Wellspring of it.
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  #10  
Old 13-08-2018, 06:35 PM
sentient sentient is offline
Master
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,243
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Good reply iamthat!

Quote:
Difficult to do so when you yourself do not really understand what happened and how.
On intuitive level you do know directly within what is happening, but your left brain data knowledge might not have a clue.

Quote:
Suddenly it was as if some vast and powerful Being reached down and plucked me up into Itself, and I was in a void, where there were no thoughts. I just rested in this Being. I do not know how long I rested in that state, but gradually I returned to "normal" awareness.

Well, my very first ‘death’ (that started with a pure full moon shining, then with a thunder sound, then bells) was that suddenly this huge force-field came upon me and ‘swallowed’ me. A total blackout. I had no idea how long I was in that blackout state either, but when I was ‘spat’ or ‘shat’ back into my body, my awareness had been ‘rearranged’.

The second ‘death’ was as I described earlier on this thread, but this time I did not have a blackout, but slowly went through the blackness, like ravine ….. with grasshoppers sound and the intensity of - as if thousand eyes upon me until the light – the radiance emerged and inner fire was ignited.

Curiously I just came upon a net page image, which depicts so well the intensity of going through the blackness:

https://arcanesecret.com/2018/02/26/...ime-and-space/

http://www.sunnyray.org/Bindu-chakra.htm

Quote:
Lead us from unreality to reality
Lead us from darkness into light
Lead us from death to immortality.

I am not the doer, Omnipresent is the doer,
Great Lord Deep alone is the doer
OM Peace Peace Peace

So one knows, but doesn't know! ...... and I am still piecing the ‘jigsaw puzzle’ together what the heck happened.
But then again, one should really have enough faith in the intuitive knowing and just relax into it and just stay cool, calm and collected to stabilize the new “normal”.
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