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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Spiritual Development

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  #21  
Old 23-07-2016, 11:19 AM
Emmalevine Emmalevine is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sea-dove
There is always further one can go with this.

From the things you said, it sounds as if you did not go into the retreat with the right mindset to start with. Filled with desires and expectations. You didnt go into it with the thoughts of just being...

Retreats are best if you can let go and it sounds like your head was all over the place.

Maybe if you go to do another in future let yourself go into it on a deeper level. Instead of taking crime murder book with you, try taking a book of spiritual poetry or writings and leave things like your mobile phone at home. Be prepared to really be in the moment there. If you are wanting to go deep, dont be half heartened about it and give yourself all the possiblity of maybe that happening but without expectation.

If a crime book is necessary for you to be taking I do think its the wrong kind of retreat for you at the time and you'd be better of just heading for something like a health retreat instead with massage, tai chi and whatever else then a quiet meditative reflective kind of retreat which it sounds as if this one was supposed to be.

I took the crime novel for the train - wasn't intended to read it at retreat but as you say my mindset was probably not right. I took my phone with me as I was travelling alone but it was turned off during the retreat. As I said, I needed to book something urgently hence why I had my ipod with me, but that's not something I would normally do. I didn't realise the booking lines would open for what I needed to do at the time I booked my retreat, so that was unfortunate.

Previous retreats have been great, very successful so it's not that I don't know how to use a retreat, more than for some reason I wasn't inn the place to use it suitably this time around. Lesson learned. I agree there is always development and hopefully this experience will enable me to understand myself and my blocks better.
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  #22  
Old 23-07-2016, 12:20 PM
Sarian Sarian is offline
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I used to think I'd want to go to a retreat, but now, I don't. I don't get a good 'feeling' about them, in fact, I get more of a sense to not go... but that's just me. I'm sure some are great and beneficial but my thoughts tend to travel to cult-like. Not that they are but I think some can get too woohoo out there and not so much a good thing. Many people are in much need of a place to fit in and too often it seems someone takes control and let's power go to their head or feelings that they are in some contact with the divine, which often is just their own ego...and people follow. I am not one for herd mentality. I don't want to be a sheep. Maybe it's the loner in me, I don't know...but I have to say I have felt like you have in other situations or even back in the day I used to go to church. I need to go home...I miss x, y and z.

Maybe you are picking up on something off-kilter? I can do that at times and it can ruin my day...need to go...and I do. There was a time I really wanted to experience a retreat of some sorts but I've grown and changed so much so, that desire is no longer there. Doesn't mean I never would try one out but I don't need to....but I'm sure something will pique my curiousity. I love new experiences. (good ones)
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  #23  
Old 23-07-2016, 05:53 PM
Emmalevine Emmalevine is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarian
I used to think I'd want to go to a retreat, but now, I don't. I don't get a good 'feeling' about them, in fact, I get more of a sense to not go... but that's just me. I'm sure some are great and beneficial but my thoughts tend to travel to cult-like. Not that they are but I think some can get too woohoo out there and not so much a good thing. Many people are in much need of a place to fit in and too often it seems someone takes control and let's power go to their head or feelings that they are in some contact with the divine, which often is just their own ego...and people follow. I am not one for herd mentality. I don't want to be a sheep. Maybe it's the loner in me, I don't know...but I have to say I have felt like you have in other situations or even back in the day I used to go to church. I need to go home...I miss x, y and z.

Maybe you are picking up on something off-kilter? I can do that at times and it can ruin my day...need to go...and I do. There was a time I really wanted to experience a retreat of some sorts but I've grown and changed so much so, that desire is no longer there. Doesn't mean I never would try one out but I don't need to....but I'm sure something will pique my curiousity. I love new experiences. (good ones)


Hmm I think you may be right The desire is no longer there. I liked the idea of going because I'd been on retreat before and it always felt special...not in the cult sense, because I tended to go for silent retreats (I hated speaking to anyone, that took away the point of the retreat), but in connection and spiritual experience. Now I realise that I have those wherever I am and it's more about my mindset then it is about where I am. Like you I enjoy new experiences and also travelling, so it might also be a bit of stagnation since I had been on that particular retreat before and so it had nothing new to offer me externally. Lots to think about.
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  #24  
Old 23-07-2016, 07:47 PM
wolfgaze wolfgaze is offline
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From reading your post, it sounds like your next 'retreat' should consist of a train ride and a stay at the beach...

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  #25  
Old 24-07-2016, 08:23 AM
Emmalevine Emmalevine is offline
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Originally Posted by wolfgaze
From reading your post, it sounds like your next 'retreat' should consist of a train ride and a stay at the beach...


As a matter of fact for the first night of being away I did in fact stay at a bed and breakfast by the beach before making my way to the retreat...and had a much better time (no expectations?)!!
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  #26  
Old 24-07-2016, 10:03 AM
Gem Gem is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmalevine
Just need to offload really and maybe someone can relate.

I recently went on retreat. I've been to this particular place once before and loved it. I have been on several other retreats on the past and always got a lot out of them. I would enjoy sitting in nature, reading, writing and reflecting on my life. I always felt profoundly connected to my spirituality.

But this time something was different. There was a little bit of stress due to the fact I had to book something important online (I could only book the day I was away - something I didn't know when I booked the retreat) and although I knew I could get wifi, it was unfortunately not strong enough to do what I needed to do. So that didn't help. But it was more than that. I felt I just wasnt getting anything out of being there. I felt disconnected, unhappy, didn't feel like writing, none of the books there did it for me, I actually continued with the crime novel I'd bought with me for the train! Not exactly spiritual retreat material is it, a murder mystery lol...

I just felt disappointed because I didn't feel what I hoped to feel and have felt in the past. I suppose that when I went on retreats before, my life was profoundly stressful and difficult, so being away enabled me to escape from that and focus on myself, with the hope of self improvement/development. These days my life is much less stressful (although not stress free) partly because of different circumstances, partly because I have accepted the things I can't change (at least to some extent - I still struggle with a few things of course).

I came away thinking that maybe I was seeking something external that I no longer need. When I got there I was in the mindset of 'right, now you are going to feel very connected, very spiritual, wonderful, relaxed' and all that stuff. I was seeking a spiritual experience because when I have gone before I have felt such an experience. On other retreats I even saw psychic phenomenon. So I guess I was hoping for that too. But no. Nothing. I spent one whole day crying because of the disappointment.

Does this mean I have changed? Does it show that where ever I am, whatever I do, it's about what lies within? Also, I wonder if I'm kind of bored with spiritual development because I've reached a point where I can go no further with it, at least on a mind-level. I'm trying to reach the stillness within and perhaps that's all I can do now.

So that's how I experienced my retreat. I couldn't wait to get home. I truly missed home, I missed my dog, I missed the internet, I even missed my other crime novels haha. I left the retreat 4 hours earlier than intended and enjoyed the train far more than I did my experience there.

On the plus side, I booked a bed and breakfast the day before I went on retreat and this was by the coast. I spent a whole day lying by the sea and that was much more fulfilling despite being surrounded by people, perhaps because I had no expectations of it.

This is my reflection but would welcome thoughts or experiences please. I'm trying to figure out why what worked so well for me no longer does. It really matters that I understand why I have changed.

Hi

I have been known to take retreats of the serious Buddhist meditation kind, where books, writing, computers, phones, even talking, and everything apart from ones toiletries and clothing, are prohibited. It's basically many days of intensive meditation without any distractions. I have always found these to be quite rewarding, but I couldn't describe them as 'pleasant'.

There is a lot there one can not get at home. Mainly you are relieved of everything like shopping, chores, cooking, cleaning and so on, and can devote the entirety of your attention to your meditations. There are proper teachers there who can help to refine the practice, good facilities for meditation, and Dhamma discourses that explain a lot about what its all about.

In your passage you describe the feelings of stress, disconnection, unhappiness, disappointment, along with hope, and I am interpreting some additional implied emotions pertaining to some of life's difficulties... it sounds like there was a lot going on, and I would consider that as very valuable experience.

At the retreats I am familiar with, feelings such as these, days of crying, and others that might include real anguish commonly arise. Everyone who undertakes the retreat will very likely experience significant emotional turmoil as well as periods of very happy feelings, and the healing process is like that, so I would consider all those experiences to be equally valuable, and not indicative of a bad retreat or anything.

I can remember my 3rd or 4th retreat. Because I had been before, I came to expect certain things based on previous experiences, but then it didn't turn out as expected, and was very different to the previous times. That set me aback at first, like 'this isn't working out'... it was so different to previous times, even though the environmental conditions were almost exactly the same. It was pretty hard going, and all nature of frustration and disappointment and despair were coming up for me, but that was the way of it. At that time it was the way of things; when I gave space of meditation, more adverse feelings like I described were needing to come through. The way of practice at that particular place of retreat teaches how to deal with these more difficult life episodes, so I had certain skillsets that enabled the process.

My interpretation of your recent retreat, reflecting upon my own, is that just because the experiences were mundane or unpleasant and the feelings were of a difficult, hard nature doesn't makes such feelings and experiences less valid, important or pertinent. It's actually a set of lived experiences to be valued for their profundity. Maybe we are conditioned to invalidate and devalue hurt feelings and give most importance really nice ones, and feel adverse toward the former and craving for the latter, but my philosophy is, treasure 'this feeling' regardless of 'what it is like'. A very difficult retreat can be most trying, but also very productive.
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  #27  
Old 24-07-2016, 11:12 AM
Emmalevine Emmalevine is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gem
Hi

I have been known to take retreats of the serious Buddhist meditation kind, where books, writing, computers, phones, even talking, and everything apart from ones toiletries and clothing, are prohibited. It's basically many days of intensive meditation without any distractions. I have always found these to be quite rewarding, but I couldn't describe them as 'pleasant'.

There is a lot there one can not get at home. Mainly you are relieved of everything like shopping, chores, cooking, cleaning and so on, and can devote the entirety of your attention to your meditations. There are proper teachers there who can help to refine the practice, good facilities for meditation, and Dhamma discourses that explain a lot about what its all about.

In your passage you describe the feelings of stress, disconnection, unhappiness, disappointment, along with hope, and I am interpreting some additional implied emotions pertaining to some of life's difficulties... it sounds like there was a lot going on, and I would consider that as very valuable experience.

At the retreats I am familiar with, feelings such as these, days of crying, and others that might include real anguish commonly arise. Everyone who undertakes the retreat will very likely experience significant emotional turmoil as well as periods of very happy feelings, and the healing process is like that, so I would consider all those experiences to be equally valuable, and not indicative of a bad retreat or anything.

I can remember my 3rd or 4th retreat. Because I had been before, I came to expect certain things based on previous experiences, but then it didn't turn out as expected, and was very different to the previous times. That set me aback at first, like 'this isn't working out'... it was so different to previous times, even though the environmental conditions were almost exactly the same. It was pretty hard going, and all nature of frustration and disappointment and despair were coming up for me, but that was the way of it. At that time it was the way of things; when I gave space of meditation, more adverse feelings like I described were needing to come through. The way of practice at that particular place of retreat teaches how to deal with these more difficult life episodes, so I had certain skillsets that enabled the process.

My interpretation of your recent retreat, reflecting upon my own, is that just because the experiences were mundane or unpleasant and the feelings were of a difficult, hard nature doesn't makes such feelings and experiences less valid, important or pertinent. It's actually a set of lived experiences to be valued for their profundity. Maybe we are conditioned to invalidate and devalue hurt feelings and give most importance really nice ones, and feel adverse toward the former and craving for the latter, but my philosophy is, treasure 'this feeling' regardless of 'what it is like'. A very difficult retreat can be most trying, but also very productive.

Thanks so much for your contribution Gem, that really speaks to me. I've been caught up in thinking my retreat was a failure of sorts because I was unhappy and I can't describe it as peaceful, especially in comparison to previous retreats. But you're absolutely right, the fact I felt disconnected and disappointed doesn't mean the retreat itself was not a success as it's all a learning process. Ive gone back to a book I'm currently reading, The untethered soul by Michael Singer, and realised that it's all experience passing through my field of consciousness, it's not right or wrong, it is what it is and perhaps how I felt then is simply indicative of where I am right now and the blockages I can let go of. My feelings point to fear, of not being in touch with my heart, because I feared not being connected to my spirituality, and my desire stemmed from that fear. In reality, I am always connected and it's only by getting caught up in my mind's dialogue that I feel otherwise. I appreciate your grounded reply, it reminds me that all experience is valuable and can't be categorised into success or failure, good or bad.
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