Destiny Retrieval

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by FallingLeaves

Hi Necromancer!

but what I'm saying is you look at your ailments and fume, I look at your description of your ailments and know exactly the same thing I know from all your other writing: you are an advanced soul, helping show the way in your own way. In my mind, if it weren't so, you wouldn't be so 'afflicted'. It is just that, by your own admission you are jsut as confused as the rest of us, not even knowing what it is you are supposed to be showing!

As far as not being able to externalise you said it yourself in a recent post: the whole point of the way you go about meditating has been teachin gyou to internalize. You are a long way down that road, of course it will take time to go back.

Thank you so much for this and I needed to read it. I feel this thread, in itself is a healing and a catharsis for me, so I thank all who have contributed.

In one way, I feel that it's all about those notions of 'letting go' and 'opening up' and what is meant to be revealed shall reveal itself, but 'letting go' isn't as easy as it seems, especially when you need to put on a show for others.

I have also said somewhere previously, that I have internalised it so much, I have turned my self 'inside out' which to a person who meditates, well, that can be a good thing. lol

My focus has basically been internal my whole life though, so I got a 'head start'...

I'm learning a lot about myself lately and that's cool. Thanks again.

[Shivani Devi]

Communication with the Infinite does have its positive and negative aspects.

On the plus side, you're privy to all the knowledge and secrets of the universe. On the negative side, you become painfully aware of every failing due to the human condition.

I've had to battle God all morning, telling me that I 'talk too much'. lol

He's not telling me to 'shut up' in so many words, but to choose my words well and wisely, saying that silence often says much more than words can.

It's hard to explain this, but I can only try.

When the infinite beauty and mercy of the Lord fills my whole being, I want to shout it from the rooftops - I want to share and express it because it releases some kind of 'pressure valve' within me.

Problem is, the energy reaches my Heart Chakra, where I dwell on it, then I dissolve into it at that level, then it goes up to my Throat Chakra, where I express it and thus the whole energy dissipates into expression. It gets 'stuck' there.

Yeah, so the whole pressure isn't meant to be released at that stage, it's meant to build up before it can progress into the higher levels and into the higher Chakras.

Sometimes, this cannot be helped - like when we fall in love and carry a picture of our beloved around with us...telling all and sundry 'this is who I love' and showing the picture around and sharing the feeling, when if that feeling remains unshared, the love goes much deeper and way beyond what is currently experienced.

It's like trying to work out whether I have achieved enlightenment, or if I am just 'spiritually awake/aware' - whether I have attained Nirvikalpa Samadhi, or I am still stuck in Savikalpa Samadhi, or I am in a state existing between the two.

So God chimes in with 'you'll never know while ever you keep shooting your mouth off about it'.

It's all about the 'knowing' which must be kept to oneself in order to 'know more' or that silence which surpasses all understanding.

It is difficult for me to 'hold back', but it's not really 'holding back'...more like 'holding out' on God. I want to try and share it to bring others to a greater understanding, but what understanding can there be if I don't really understand it myself?

Because I tend to explain everything that is 'going on' and I'm not very selective about it either, God has said that He will help me release just the right amount of energy at any particular Chakra so that I can progress to the next.

I may have to spend less time on here as a result of it and instead of telling you all how I feel, show more of that feeling to God.

[SerpentSun]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Communication with the Infinite does have its positive and negative aspects.

On the plus side, you're privy to all the knowledge and secrets of the universe. On the negative side, you become painfully aware of every failing due to the human condition.

I've had to battle God all morning, telling me that I 'talk too much'. lol

He's not telling me to 'shut up' in so many words, but to choose my words well and wisely, saying that silence often says much more than words can.

It's hard to explain this, but I can only try.

When the infinite beauty and mercy of the Lord fills my whole being, I want to shout it from the rooftops - I want to share and express it because it releases some kind of 'pressure valve' within me.

Problem is, the energy reaches my Heart Chakra, where I dwell on it, then I dissolve into it at that level, then it goes up to my Throat Chakra, where I express it and thus the whole energy dissipates into expression. It gets 'stuck' there.

Yeah, so the whole pressure isn't meant to be released at that stage, it's meant to build up before it can progress into the higher levels and into the higher Chakras.

Sometimes, this cannot be helped - like when we fall in love and carry a picture of our beloved around with us...telling all and sundry 'this is who I love' and showing the picture around and sharing the feeling, when if that feeling remains unshared, the love goes much deeper and way beyond what is currently experienced.

It's like trying to work out whether I have achieved enlightenment, or if I am just 'spiritually awake/aware' - whether I have attained Nirvikalpa Samadhi, or I am still stuck in Savikalpa Samadhi, or I am in a state existing between the two.

So God chimes in with 'you'll never know while ever you keep shooting your mouth off about it'.

It's all about the 'knowing' which must be kept to oneself in order to 'know more' or that silence which surpasses all understanding.

It is difficult for me to 'hold back', but it's not really 'holding back'...more like 'holding out' on God. I want to try and share it to bring others to a greater understanding, but what understanding can there be if I don't really understand it myself?

Because I tend to explain everything that is 'going on' and I'm not very selective about it either, God has said that He will help me release just the right amount of energy at any particular Chakra so that I can progress to the next.

I may have to spend less time on here as a result of it and instead of telling you all how I feel, show more of that feeling to God.

Haha I think I kinda get what you're saying. And I think I should probably spend a little less time on here too, instead of walking several miles away from camp this week to mooch wi-fi. But this is the only place I can discuss these kinds of things. Only a select few people I know in-person aren't slightly unnerved by me, and those few that are comfortable around me still don't like talking about whole supernatural/spiritual thing.

My grandma and uncle love such conversations, and my boyfriend is also a very spiritual person, but he's been absolutely traumatized by the supernatural and tries to avoid the topic. So I visit SF instead. Mostly for reassurance that I'm not entirely insane, because I have experienced some freaky stuff.

I think I might be getting signs/hints to check out this church. It's down the past the cornfields by my mother-in-law's house, named Mt. Zion or something else with Zion. Have no idea what they're about though.

Then my mother-in-law received a magazine/pamphlet-type-thing in the mail last month, sent by the Friends Of Zion; no clue if they're connected to the church down the street at all. But the Friends Of Zion use the Living Bible, which is a tad too modern for my taste. Except for the Reach Out Living New Testament from 1969 that a friend gave me a few weeks ago.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by SerpentSun

Haha I think I kinda get what you're saying. And I think I should probably spend a little less time on here too, instead of walking several miles away from camp this week to mooch wi-fi. But this is the only place I can discuss these kinds of things. Only a select few people I know in-person aren't slightly unnerved by me, and those few that are comfortable around me still don't like talking about whole supernatural/spiritual thing.

My grandma and uncle love such conversations, and my boyfriend is also a very spiritual person, but he's been absolutely traumatized by the supernatural and tries to avoid the topic. So I visit SF instead. Mostly for reassurance that I'm not entirely insane, because I have experienced some freaky stuff.

I think I might be getting signs/hints to check out this church. It's down the past the cornfields by my mother-in-law's house, named Mt. Zion or something else with Zion. Have no idea what they're about though.

Then my mother-in-law received a magazine/pamphlet-type-thing in the mail last month, sent by the Friends Of Zion; no clue if they're connected to the church down the street at all. But the Friends Of Zion use the Living Bible, which is a tad too modern for my taste. Except for the Reach Out Living New Testament from 1969 that a friend gave me a few weeks ago.

It reminds me of the time I got sucked in by the Lion of Zion - Haile Selassie and I spent a good year of my life studying the Hebrew Hexateuch (the first six books of the Bible), smoking heaps of ganga and listening to Bob Marley...ah the 'good old days of my rastafarian bent'.

In the end, I couldn't become a Christian because the rest of the Bible just didn't exist - everything that was important happened in the first 6 chapters of it and it seemed like everything else was added as an 'afterthought'.

Speaking of which, herb is good....I should really get my head out of my backside and just go and do it - makes me more 'bearable' and even 'likable'.

[SerpentSun]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

It reminds me of the time I got sucked in by the Lion of Zion - Haile Selassie and I spent a good year of my life studying the Hebrew Hexateuch (the first six books of the Bible), smoking heaps of ganga and listening to Bob Marley...ah the 'good old days of my rastafarian bent'.

In the end, I couldn't become a Christian because the rest of the Bible just didn't exist - everything that was important happened in the first 6 chapters of it and it seemed like everything else was added as an 'afterthought'.

Speaking of which, herb is good....I should really get my head out of my backside and just go and do it - makes me more 'bearable' and even 'likable'.

Eh no religion fully fits me.

I like the Old Testament as a historical and anthropological resource, especially the oldest versions. It's a window into the lives and minds of the Middle Eastern people. I'm really not sure how I feel about past lives, or if I remember one, but I do feel a strong connection to the Dead Sea region. I like the New Testament for Jesus: the Original Hippie.

And you really don't seem like the "stoner" type haha. But I can definitely sympathize; I was semi-pressured into smoking when I was 18 as a last-ditch effort to help my anxiety/anger issues, and I'm glad I finally dismissed the disinformation and tried it. My parents treat Mary Jane as my psychiatric medication.

Apparently it makes me "nicer" and "less intense".

BUT while I believe psychoactive plants definitely have a purpose, I also think they should be used in moderation. Which I may or may not have a problem with. Even coffee should probably be used a little more sparingly, and tobacco in moderation could have medicinal benefits if grown organically; both can be used to treat atropine poisoning and certain decongestant overdoses. But almost any natural or synthetic substance can lead to tolerance or dependence if overused.

So why exactly did you stop smoking completely, if I may ask?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by SerpentSun

Eh no religion fully fits me.

And you really don't seem like the "stoner" type haha. But I can definitely sympathize; I was semi-pressured into smoking when I was 18 as a last-ditch effort to help my anxiety/anger issues, and I'm glad I finally dismissed the disinformation and tried it. My parents treat Mary Jane as my psychiatric medication.

Apparently it makes me "nicer" and "less intense".

BUT while I believe psychoactive plants definitely have a purpose, I also think they should be used in moderation. Which I may or may not have a problem with. Even coffee should probably be used a little more sparingly, and tobacco in moderation could have medicinal benefits if grown organically; both can be used to treat atropine poisoning and certain decongestant overdoses. But almosy any natural or synthetic substance can lead to tolerance or dependence if overused.

So why exactly did you stop smoking completely, if I may ask?

I didn't realise there was a 'stoner type' and I only quit recently because it was leading to tolerance and dependence - I was pretty much dependent on it anyway. lol

For me, it becomes 'damned if I do' and 'damned if I do not' so I tried abstinence - I mean the chemicals that get added to it are shocking and give me a headache.

You'll know when I write stoned because Advaita Vedanta (non-dual thought) is all I ever write about and I tend to not give a flying elephant about anything.

I gave up because why smoke when I have something better than that - it's free and I can access it whenever - it's called Shiva-love...but even Shiva is associated with herb...I cannot escape it.

However, I am able to fully let go on it and be more opening and accepting.

I bet this is something you thought you'd never find out about me eh?

[SerpentSun]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

I didn't realise there was a 'stoner type' and I only quit recently because it was leading to tolerance and dependence - I was pretty much dependent on it anyway. lol

For me, it becomes 'damned if I do' and 'damned if I do not' so I tried abstinence - I mean the chemicals that get added to it are shocking and give me a headache.

You'll know when I write stoned because Advaita Vedanta (non-dual thought) is all I ever write about and I tend to not give a flying elephant about anything.

I gave up because why smoke when I have something better than that - it's free and I can access it whenever - it's called Shiva-love...but even Shiva is associated with herb...I cannot escape it.

However, I am able to fully let go on it and be more opening and accepting.

I bet this is something you thought you'd never find out about me eh?

There is the TV stereotype of a "stoner-type" that many I know do fit. Some choose to cultivate that image because they can, or so I suppose. But sometimes I also think those who fit the stereotypes more started earlier, like around 10-15, rather than already an "adult" like me. There does certainly seem to be a "cannabis culture" with slang and customs that I leave up to my boyfriend.

I prefer to be more discreet because it isn't entirely legal haha. And there are still those negative stereotypes, like I don't have enough reasons for folks to heckle me. But I certainly don't mind when people in their 40s-60s call me a "genuine flower child". It isn't entirely surprising that you'd smoke, but it is kind of surprising that you'd say so. I guess you seem to be the discreet type like me.

My humble advice would be to go for it, since it does help you relax more. If you can do it in moderation, that way the effects stay consistent, and you won't be so strung out when you run out. It is a medicine like any other medicinal herb. If you had a cold, I imagine you'd partake in a remedy. But not all day every day so that your sinuses stop up without a regular decongestant.

The same applies to mental/emotional distress. Depression, anxiety, anger, etc. Sure you don't necessarily need a mind-altering plant, the mind and body are remarkably powerful on their own. But I don't see anything wrong with a soothing smoke, calming tea, or occasional tincture when symptoms of stress become too distracting. Sure you can connect with God for free, but I don't think anyone minds if you need herbal help to chill out first.

But I do have to admit, sometimes I don't feel like meditation "counts" if I'm high. It's just so difficult not to be distracted by every little noise otherwise. Including constant mental chatter, perhaps because I fear that I won't "come back" if I just "let go" and fully relax. Kinda silly haha. Regardless, cannabis is an invaluable plant for making socialization more tolerable.

[Shivani Devi]

I tend not to let on that I smoke because the negative stigma around it means people can say "oh, that's not a spiritual experience - you were just stoned".

I agree about it making socialisation more tolerable though...it makes a lot of things more tolerable...

Just don't get entirely wiped on it, start meditating, praying to Shiva and go into the whole "let's raise kundalini while I am totally s-faced" or you will end up with a stupid neurological disorder that makes any autonomic nervous system function a manual chore....welcome to my life.

This is why I stopped smoking, because I go into deep meditation automatically, my breathing stops, my heart rate slows down and I get like Chicken Little going "OMG...the sky is falling...save me...SAVE ME!"

Still, I am going out to see a friend now. lol

[SerpentSun]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

I tend not to let on that I smoke because the negative stigma around it means people can say "oh, that's not a spiritual experience - you were just stoned".

I agree about it making socialisation more tolerable though...it makes a lot of things more tolerable...

Just don't get entirely wiped on it, start meditating, praying to Shiva and go into the whole "let's raise kundalini while I am totally s-faced" or you will end up with a stupid neurological disorder that makes any autonomic nervous system function a manual chore....welcome to my life.

This is why I stopped smoking, because I go into deep meditation automatically, my breathing stops, my heart rate slows down and I get like Chicken Little going "OMG...the sky is falling...save me...SAVE ME!"

Still, I am going out to see a friend now. lol

Right! Like entheogens totally haven't been used to contact the spirits for thousands of years. I agree that it can definitely be more dangerous, but divine bliss shouldn't be discredited just because being stoned enhanced the sensation. Society and that darn negative stigma though.

I still wouldn't say meditation is ever close to automatic for me. Then again, I also didn't really start taking spiritual development seriously until a few years ago. Theology and the occult used to just be abstract intellectual pursuits. I've always been such an incredibly analytical person, even as a little kid, and I start to drive myself crazy thinking about thinking about thinking. Smoking just makes it a little easier to turn down my internal volume.

And I'm also an extremely tense person. Aside from the occasional muscle spasms that remind me I still have nerves, I'm constantly so tense that I don't even realize it until I relax. My muscles even make weird little noises as the pressure is released. Smoking and stretching before meditation both help, but I still feel stiff as a board.

I WAS gonna say 2am is a bit late for that.

Isn't it summer over there?