Mild Panic Attacks Due to Freedoms?

Whenever I meditate, my heart seems to become louder and beat faster. My head begins to pulse and feel like it's going to explode and my chest begins to hurt slightly. It's like needles. But whenever I meditate, I realize how much freedom I have and how much I am capable of doing if I just decide to do it. But there is still imposed fear there. The fear that has accumulated since God knows when (I'll say childhood).

I'd look within and see how much I'm capable of doing if I decide to do it. I look and see how nothing I do in this life can reduce me to nothing. All the mistakes in the world that I make are not the be all and end all so long as I still have my will power. But then the fear surfaces from the years of observation and personal experiences. People who have teased me, given me funny looks for being eccentric and "wild" and "playful", people who have told me that I can't or "shouldn't" or that it's "wrong" to do certain things. The rules that tell me how to behave in a certain situation and that I have to stick to that which is safe. And that's when my heart begins to beat faster, my brain feels like air bubbles are moving around it and I begin to want to retreat back into that "safe zone" of accepting the limits that have been imposed on me. The more I discover this freedom, the greater the feeling of fear becomes and I want to cry because I realize how much I've allowed myself to be limited and just how much I am capable of doing.

How do I break the chains and overcome the fear? If anyones been through this, did you eventually overcome the panic attacks?

[Silver]

Originally Posted by Dynamist

Whenever I meditate, my heart seems to become louder and beat faster. My head begins to pulse and feel like it's going to explode and my chest begins to hurt slightly. It's like needles. But whenever I meditate, I realize how much freedom I have and how much I am capable of doing if I just decide to do it. But there is still imposed fear there...How do I break the chains and overcome the fear? If anyones been through this, did you eventually overcome the panic attacks?

I believe the reason is that you do not want to allow external rules /socially acceptable behavior-rules and etiquette to cramp your style ~ YET, you are just becoming aware that there is a need for rules ~ the ones YOU feel are important to apply and self-discipline. Sort of like an event horizon.

[in progress]

Originally Posted by Dynamist

Whenever I meditate, my heart seems to become louder and beat faster. My head begins to pulse and feel like it's going to explode and my chest begins to hurt slightly.

These symptoms are not uncommon so don't worry about them.

I've had trouble with panic disorder in the past too but I'm afraid I don't have any good answers. I took meds. Still had some panic attacks after I quit the meds but not often. I haven't had one in quite awhile. It just sort of tapered off on its own.

My therapist said something to me once that really made me angry. She told me that maybe I was using the panic attacks as an excuse not to do what I feared. So did I get angry because it was true or untrue? I'm still not sure.

Originally Posted by Silvergirl

I believe the reason is that you do not want to allow external rules /socially acceptable behavior-rules and etiquette to cramp your style ~ YET, you are just becoming aware that there is a need for rules ~ the ones YOU feel are important to apply and self-discipline. Sort of like an event horizon.

It would be very nice to create my own rules indeed. Something light like, "Do unto others..." or "Love God and love your neighbor as yourself." I guess I keep wondering how much of the socially acceptable stuff and the external rules are necessary and true.

Originally Posted by in progress

These symptoms are not uncommon so don't worry about them.

I've had trouble with panic disorder in the past too but I'm afraid I don't have any good answers. I took meds. Still had some panic attacks after I quit the meds but not often. I haven't had one in quite awhile. It just sort of tapered off on its own.

My therapist said something to me once that really made me angry. She told me that maybe I was using the panic attacks as an excuse not to do what I feared. So did I get angry because it was true or untrue? I'm still not sure.

I went to the doctor and the ER because I thought I was going to die the first and second time. Now that I know what they are I just lay down for a bit. They only happen when I meditate or when I'm in a moment of extreme awareness of what I'm capable of. Maybe that's what'll happen over time. I'll slowly adjust and the panic attacks will taper off. Or I don't know.