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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #11  
Old 15-05-2019, 02:53 PM
linen53 linen53 is offline
Master
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 14,332
 
And please don't listen to those who say there is something wrong or unfinished in you. The Creator does not withhold treasures for us because we are imperfect. There are plenty of happy couples who are imperfect.

It's just that the right one has not come along.
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  #12  
Old 15-05-2019, 02:57 PM
sunshine sunshine is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 21
 
@Linen53: Thank you. I also think if you sort it out first in your head (or heart) and then with the other, it is worth having a bond like that. I appreciate that you share my opinion (and it's probably the unpopular one ;))

@FairyCrystal: Thanks for stopping by! I already did an extended Matthew Hussey Youtube binge lol, and I do agree with his points. But as I said, when I was younger, I spent a lot of time mingling and being "out there" and said yes to every invitation I got and believed the saying that "everyone deserves a fair chance". In hinsight, would I have done it again? No. I would listen to my gut and not fall for the trap that quantity brings results. It doesn't. It does take up a lot of time and energy though, and you learn that being a nice person doesn't always pay off. Therefore I am more selective nowadays, maybe I even give a "busy" vibe. I like how you said "not being bothered" - I think that describes me aswell :))
About being someone's nr.1 - if you're anything like me, you see other people way cooler, smarter, more beautiful and in general better than they actually are. Therefore if you believe that your parters previous partners were like that, is it maybe your perception? Or did they undoubtedly give you the feeling that you're their second best? If so, they're not really a positive force in your life. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, so please don't put it up :) Regarding the sentence that something is missing to single people, otherwise they wouldn't be single .... I don't know, to me this is not a correct standpoint. Firstly, that would mean that everyone who actually is in a relationship, has everything figured out (that's not true). And secondly, there is no limit to the work one has on oneself, so that would mean we would all stay single forever. I think it's more about destiny and opportunity and luck. As you're still in search for the ideal plus one, I hope you meet him soon :)
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  #13  
Old 15-05-2019, 03:29 PM
FairyCrystal FairyCrystal is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,062
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Single people aren't missing something. I never said that.
When you don't want to be single and yet you are and nothing works, then something is off. Law of Attraction, and that never is wrong. Hasn't anything to do with then having to blame yourself. It just is a mirror to have another good look at what's going on.
Anywho, you're drawing conclusions based on something that was not said.

Also, Matthew Hussey's message is not "go out as much as possible".
But alas... I hope you figure it out.
I'll withdraw as clearly we're not on the same track.
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  #14  
Old 15-05-2019, 04:16 PM
Rachella Rachella is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 187
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshine
Thank you, @Linen53:) As @Tuesday mentioned if I'm holding on to something, it got me thinking... I am still friends with the guy I met online. We talk on a regular basis and meet occasionally for a drink. We had a period after the breakup where we didn't talk at all, but we reconnected again as friends. We are both still single and I think it is defined clearly that we are only friends (we also don't cross any lines).

Is this a bad thing? One friend of mine says it is not okay to remain friends with exes. I think it's hard to find a kindred spirit, someone you are always open with, can have a laugh and get support when in need. I don't consider this relationship as something that hinders me from going forward. It is a friendship and I believe also that he sees it a such too (without having an ulterior motive). Why I broke it off was because I didn't fall in love and there was always something missing, emotionally (I was upfront with him about it too). I always enjoyed his company, as I still do, but didn't feel enough emotion to keep going, especially knowing of how much I could actually feel with the "right" person. I actually felt drained because I felt like I was lying to myself and everyone around me, including him, so I broke it off. He accepted it, he wasn't in love with me either, but could also continue dating since everything else was fine. I never hid any emotion from him, I let him know about my doubts and eventually I just couldn't bare dealing with my bad mood anymore (and he probably got fed up too lol). But as friends, we function well, and personally I don't see a problem with just being friends to one another.

Is it bad? Sooner or later I know one or both will meet someone new and probably stop talking (which is a pity). But right now I feel like it "doesn't cost me" to be friends and I don't see a problem in it. However, one of my friends frowns upon it and advises me to cut all ties (which I see no point doing).

Maybe I'm in the wrong. Any thoughts on that? :)

Hi, I just wanted to add, about being friends with exes... well, yes if you both have new things to tell each other, and none of you is holding onto memories from the past. I have always been friends with all my exes, for reasons that have probably to do with my poor boundaries many of my exes have often tried to keep in touch.
Recently I realised that I had to cut them off, because in fact they didn't add anything to my life. In particular, one of them was getting in touch very often earlier this year, sending vocal notes, kisses, "I always think of you and miss you so much." The reason being, he was having issues with his wife so I think rekindling some kind of emotional closeness was a boost to his ego. Of another one, I realised I really could not stand the tone of passive aggression behind humour and fake politeness.
I have got rid of a few numbers on my phone and felt very good about it. I am much older than you, and at this point in my life I do realise that friendship with exes is really an exception. So, again, make sure they're not tapping into your energy for their own good but you both have new things to add to the interaction. Best wishes!
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  #15  
Old 17-05-2019, 08:52 PM
sunshine sunshine is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 21
 
@Rachela: Wow, thank you for your reply! The things you described are luckily not happening to me (or happening yet lol),but I totally understand the problem here and I think it's not a rarity in other people's relationships too...
For now we are both keeping a positive vibe in each other's life and it's always a fun or pleasant interraction. It's not an exploitation of any kind. But it's so funny because I feel like the scenarios you experienced are common also sometimes in my life when people step over boundaries solely because I am single and they're not. In your case it's the exes. I would do as you did. Delete and let them deal with their issues themselves...
I know also a saying we have here and it goes in the lines of: "People are like monkeys.They don't let go of one branch unless they have a hold of another." :)
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  #16  
Old 18-05-2019, 09:15 AM
Lorelyen
Posts: n/a
 
...............
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