RUNNER/STAYER

[miss_believed]

Im not sure if people have posted these before but i found a few cases where both sides have been recorded, just thought would make for an interesting post, gosh my good energy went haywire lately but after this post i must refocus and get to work on things lol.


“Non running” partners will be helped by understanding what a ‘runner’ experiences and by receiving validation that the issues of a ‘runner’ have nothing personally to do with their partner. On the flip side, by understanding what a ‘runner’ experiences, we can help them to maneuver through questions and fears about the connection.


I my research I have seldom come across material that explains what a ‘runner’ experiences. In the few cases I found, the information was written by a third party which was helpful but didn’t satisfy my desire to understand what a ‘runner’ experiences.


I’ve met several people who have experienced a high level soul connection and two or three who I believe have met their incarnated Twin Flame. It’s been recently that I’ve had the privilege of meeting people willing to share what it feels like to be a ‘runner’. One of them is particularly enlightening as you will read. He describes the realization that perhaps it was not his soul connection but he who ran. Deep thanks to both of you for giving me permission to share aspects of your story. I am copying directly without edits. These kind people are sharing with you because they wish to help others and I believe that is exactly what will happen. I can feel the energy in their words and I know you will too. This is transformative information and I am grateful beyond my ability to express. The way in which each share the raw intensity of what they have experienced is breathtaking.



From “L” a female in the U.S.:

my fears were.. too much too soon like it came on to strong (him ,the situation) and i just couldn't handle it i didn't feel i was in a place of readiness and also i didn't think i was good enough for him not to mention he seems to be the ideal mate if i had to create him myself and it just could not be happening to me kinda felt like a dream not real it was happening to smoothly and too fast there was no fight or struggle ..that it! it was too easy my mind could not accept it





From “S” a male in Australia:



SHE IS THE RUNNER....or so I thought. I've had a lot of time to think about things now and the truth is every division was created by me. If there were no legitimate issues between us I would create one and you know what the most interesting thing is? - almost every time I caused an issue it was preceded by a positive moment or event that brought us closer together...go figure!

Next it would be "I'm sorry, I don't normally act that way" ha,ha,ha how many times I've offered that lame excuse to her.

What does it feel like? It feels like terror!
I takes away ALL CONTROL!
I feel helpless like a leaf in a caught in a tornado.
I resist because I cannot control it.
I'm a very, very guarded person and
all of the barriers I have created to protect myself my whole life are now threatened.

Whatever this connection is it will not allow these barriers. It takes them away and that terrifies me.

Who am I without them?

What will I be without them?

What if my heart learns to feel again?

Don't be angry at a runner.
They never meant to hurt anyone.
They just never expected to have to grow so very, very fast










I found these articals that I had saved on my Favorites and I thought you might find the answer to your questions here..I know I did. BTW Im the Runner!!


The Stayer

In my practice, I work with mainly stayers, for obvious reasons. In the stayer’s mind, they are the one left holding the bag, if you will. They believe they are the ones who know exactly what their mate needs to do to get their butter together so that they can carry on with their love fest. When I work with stayers, I often find that they are carrying this unconscious victim mentality. They come across as confident and strong, but when we work in a session, we usually uncover issues of abandonment and trust. We find that their mate’s running, triggers those abandonment issues, issues that they have pushed down years prior to meeting ‘the one’. This triggering of the abandonment issues, sort of compels the stayer to become forceful, manipulative and mistrusting in their dealing with their mate.

Because those who act out the loudest get the most attention, the stayer begins to make it their mission to ‘make’ their mates see the light. They are missing the whole point of the connection. They are not focusing on their own every painful issue that most definitely need to be addressed before anything can happen. Once the stayer begins to work on their own issues, they will be better able to forgive their mates for their irradict and painful behavior and trust the process of their connection taking form. Until they do, they will continue to grasp at straw in frustration, and become further estranged from the one they love dearly.
intellectualbrat12/26/2011 11:50:18 PM | IP

female from the depths of my, passionate dreams

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intellectualbrat12/26/2011 11:48:55 PM | IP

female from the depths of my, passionate dreams

The Runner

As I had mentioned in previous articles, the soul mate energy is intense, and it’ sole purpose is to purify the energies within each mate so that we can reach a level of understanding of how to function from the Highest place in love and trust in all of our relationship, and in turn, the mates will become exemplifiers for others to emulate. This goal cannot be reached if we as mates are vibrating from a level of fear. As mates, we have reached a level of spiritual maturity where we have the ability to hold more and more spiritual light. Make no mistake, each mate, no matter what it looks like, have earned this ‘status’, if you will. So, Keesha, you may ask, why does my mate do everything in his or her power to keep me at arm’s length? That’s not spiritual maturity, Keesha?” And you are correct!

In this connection, each of the mates are challenged to address both their individual shortcomings and once they come together, they will learn to work as a unit to flow in greater love. There is a common theme among most runners and these are dealing with issues of the feelings of worthlessness, trust and sometimes addiction. It’s not that the runner does not feel the intensity of love for their mates, in their mid, they believe that they are not ‘ready’ or do not have what it takes to be a viable partner to their mates. So it’s not really their mate that is causing them to run, no, actually most runners have safely placed their mates way up on the ‘untouchable’ pedestal; it’s that they do not trust and love themselves enough.

The runner’s challenge is to take steps in understanding how to love and value themselves. They have to learn to change and release the pain from past relationships and learn to trust and improve their relationship with their non-physical guides. Most runners are capable of achieving this, but oftentimes, it’s the ‘stayer’ that stands in the way.
intellectualbrat12/26/2011 11:46:54 PM | IP

female from the depths of my, passionate dreams

Continue...


However, there may still be a few cases, where one soul has not reached the same level as the other. One partner may outgrow the other, and the demands of the less developed may be irksome to most other partners. However to the developed twin this mild set back must be met with tolerance and patience, otherwise the growth may be stunted. At this juncture it is a shame to let the stunting be a deterrent for further growth. For instance, if one soul were to suffer from some neurotic illness, this fact may be detrimental for both. So the care-giving partner has to sacrifice his smooth progression to confront the neurotic partner with the truth of the difficulty.

This may rock the marriage, but it has to be done. You do not spare the rod because you are afraid to hurt the naughty child. The soft stance will hurt the child more at a later date. This self-sacrifice must be persistent and long standing otherwise it will not work, for most neurotic diseases are brought over from past lives. The effort is worth it for it is for the mutual good of both, and the reward is enlightenment with the ultimate union with one’s twin. Thence the cross over to the higher spiritual realms never to return to earth again!
intellectualbrat12/26/2011 11:45:22 PM | IP

female from the depths of my, passionate dreams

The obstacles within the individual should mostly be solved by the time of the meeting. However, there may be few external obstacles that present themselves. One or both twins could have already been married when they meet. The eternal triangle is usually dealt by the almost enlightened individuals with accommodation to the existing families. If one were to hear that someone has walked out on the family to be with his or her twin soul, one can rest assured that it is not a twin soul union in their final incarnation.

The already committed twin is too responsible and would continue to honour the pre-existing marriage. The twins will know that there must be a very good reason for this inconvenience. It could be a test or because of unresolved karmic obligations. The twins would then remain as loving friends or colleagues without marriage disruptions. This is due to fact that they are no more powered by passionate physical sex, as their love is above that. They may meet at night in spirit for the purpose of uplifting a common cause.

They may meet in either the astral or mental world. They know that their separation is temporary and nothing in the world can stop their final union. Of course very occasionally their meeting could precipitate a marriage breakup, but this is with a marriage that is already collapsing. The breakup may induce some benefit to the aggrieved members, who can start anew with their own new partners. With this in mind, the twins who are uniting in this last incarnation, would have cultivated fidelity, joy, love and trust, and their union would be as solid as a rock.

A soulmate connection would be the divine connection, both Twinflame and Soulmate both have intense energies, Twinflame is the dynamite energy where Soulmate is the Dynamo that is quite powerful but long lasting, there are several types of Soulmates, friendships, family, children even pets. Twinflame is the explosion of energy where Soulmate is the generator energy, that is the difference.


It will be a Direct bond with this person, so drawn that you can’t let go of the connection even if you never had a relationship or if He/She is not single, that thoughts will be never ending, sometimes for years. Will it lead my life in destruction what do I do? The connection is very intense and you can feel what they are feeling even apart. Even when there is positive or negative life styles, you will sense this emotion. Sound a little scary? It can be a beautiful and traumatic experience as it sounds, Sometimes people can’t handle this deep Spiritual Bond with a some one and block it, but the Twin Flame is never one sided, the feeling between the two will always remain and will find themselves some way back to their Twin flame when Karma permits, this depends on every one differently. When will it connect? A Twin Flame usually pops up when you LEAST expect it. You will also find yourself coming down the the same symptoms of a "soulmate connection"it's telepathic, hugging aech other is like coming home for nourishment. Twin flames come together when they have service work to do on the planet

[miss_believed]

this pretty much ties in with all the readings i had too, it's interseting i don't wholly buy into runner/stayer but there is a definite dynamic and it's really interesting to know what the other side is thinking.

Miss, I have definitely read before what you have posted and it's good to reread it again. It resonates exactly with me and what I'm going through. Just curious, though, Keesha is the author of one of your excerpts, and I followed her a lot last year online, had some very useful things on her website and YouTube, but she seems to have disappeared, shut down her online sites. I was very disappointed to see her drop off the face of the earth and have done searches on her with no success. You may not know who I'm talking about, and that's fine if you don't, but just was curious to know if you know anything about her since some of the excerpts sound like what I have read from her in the past.

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by ShiningStar

Miss, I have definitely read before what you have posted and it's good to reread it again. It resonates exactly with me and what I'm going through. Just curious, though, Keesha is the author of one of your excerpts, and I followed her a lot last year online, had some very useful things on her website and YouTube, but she seems to have disappeared, shut down her online sites. I was very disappointed to see her drop off the face of the earth and have done searches on her with no success. You may not know who I'm talking about, and that's fine if you don't, but just was curious to know if you know anything about her since some of the excerpts sound like what I have read from her in the past.

no no idea i was just trying to track down real life cases of runners speaking, i found this one below too, i have a feeling it's getting close to another chance and i just wanna be equipped

64 of 67 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Most unbelievable experience you could ever have, November 14, 2004
By Monsieur (Brockton, MA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Twin Souls: Finding Your True Spiritual Partner (Paperback)
This is the best book read so far to explain this. I met my twin soul three years ago. We had a relationship before we ever met in person. The way we met you wouldn't believe. But it was shortly after we did meet that I realized she'd been in these weird dreams that left a mark on me. They were different dreams like people say "astral" or spiritual meetings. When it all clicked together what was going on, I left her running! For six months I would not talk to her. It was the scariest thing ever! The bad part was in that time I didn't realize the torment I put her through. It was real bad. My stuff effected her. Things kept happening even while I would not deal with it. Coincidences kept on coming! Weird things like certain numbers and times. I know it was God's way of getting my attention and showing me the ultimate relationship but it was too much. After I looked into what it was, all made more sense. But hard for me to believe. Like you get stunned into shock. Meanwhile it changes you and nobody else can relate. The hardest part for us was it opened up all of our problems since kids and adult things. I felt exposed and cured at the same time. We totally got each other. I now realize we couldn't have healed if we didn't work on it together. But at the time I didn't feel good enough. I ran! See I'm no spiritual person or role model to world aid. All of my seven relationships ended up the same...broken up. Finally realizing everything I was going through, she was too. So I dealt with her. You don't understand what this experience is like!!! They know you on the inside because they are you. When you look into their eyes it's like you get pulled into them through the eyes. You see you. I still stand their lost in a daze sometimes. The most incredible feeling but it freaked me out in the beginning!!! It's like you see yourself the way God does. It's incredible and we sat there crying for hours! After comparing experiences and realizing all the hurt I put her through, we kept up the relationship but it went so quick. It's like you already known each other forever. It is like a "forced marriage" but it is the best you've ever known. We slowly dealt with it and realized our lives matched up many times and we are drawn to most the same things. Music, food, hobbies, even little habits we both do...at the same time! We even have the same sense of humor and weird lip thing we do. Take your average best relationship where you were compatible and x-it by 100. That's how the matches are. It's really weird! We got married two years back and our first baby's due any day now! The experience is incredible. I have no idea how much love you can feel. Filled with this happiness I never felt. It's not just a normal relationship. The twin flame and the soulmate are also different. You come into this light of understanding these bigger things and realize you knew the answers. It's weird. I never thought I would be married now and it even goes above what most people have in a regular marriage. Our connection goes beyond human communication. After I surrendered to what it all was and we got past the freakiness of it all, it's the best relationship. You know each other intimately,way no one else could. It's like we're extra stronger. Our disagreements are reactive but they're usually over pretty quick and as mad as we both get we're the only ones there in an instant to pick the other up or help them in a way nobody else could get. Every day is indescribable. Now we hardly have disagreements and have figured out how to deal with it all. The physical and sexual part of our relationship is something I can't even write. Never had anything like it. Even just holding her or when she holds me. Like getting charged by the universe. We still don't understand everything and we live fairly normal but we grow like one unit. We realized we didn't have to take on every problem of the world and for us, we started a small project helping one specific cause near to us both working with the environment. We do it on the side and it rewards us in the stragest ways. I never thought I'd hear myself talk like this. I'm a different man and have true love every day. It's this intimate relationship that's incredible and cool. You understand each other entirely. The feelings you feel are, I can't really explain it. It must be like Heaven. Though I didn't think I deserved it or was "enlightened" now I thank God every day for showing me this reality and giving me the strength to face it. It's just been incredible.

That was really interesting - thank you :)
However, does anyone see some of both sides reflected in themselves? I do! As I read that article, I found myself totally relating to the following emotions of the "runner":

Whatever this connection is it will not allow these barriers. It takes them away and that terrifies me.

Who am I without them?

What will I be without them?

What if my heart learns to feel again?
*************************************
Then, I also found myself nodding in agreement, seeing myself in the following information about a "stayer":

They come across as confident and strong, but when we work in a session, we usually uncover issues of abandonment and trust. We find that their mate’s running, triggers those abandonment issues, issues that they have pushed down years prior to meeting ‘the one’. This triggering of the abandonment issues, sort of compels the stayer to become forceful, manipulative and mistrusting in their dealing with their mate.

So - while I consider myself more of a "stayer" than a "runner" I think that all of us may have a bit of both inside of us - part of the balancing act of a TF relationship, perhaps?

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by sesheta

That was really interesting - thank you :)
However, does anyone see some of both sides reflected in themselves? I do! As I read that article, I found myself totally relating to the following emotions of the "runner":

Whatever this connection is it will not allow these barriers. It takes them away and that terrifies me.

Who am I without them?

What will I be without them?

What if my heart learns to feel again?
*************************************
Then, I also found myself nodding in agreement, seeing myself in the following information about a "stayer":

They come across as confident and strong, but when we work in a session, we usually uncover issues of abandonment and trust. We find that their mate’s running, triggers those abandonment issues, issues that they have pushed down years prior to meeting ‘the one’. This triggering of the abandonment issues, sort of compels the stayer to become forceful, manipulative and mistrusting in their dealing with their mate.

So - while I consider myself more of a "stayer" than a "runner" I think that all of us may have a bit of both inside of us - part of the balancing act of a TF relationship, perhaps?

im positive when one runs both are running, but in different ways, generally maybe like one is running inwardly (the stayer) and this manifests itself to the other to run,
the fact they get scared and run may even indicate the fear holding them back is literally our fear and till we can diminish it htey are held away at arms length. Ie they are the runners but we are the ones with the main work to do

"We find that their mate’s running, triggers those abandonment issues, issues that they have pushed down years prior to meeting ‘the one’. This triggering of the abandonment issues, sort of compels the stayer to become forceful, manipulative and mistrusting in their dealing with their mate."

wow.......

Originally Posted by miss_believed

im positive when one runs both are running, but in different ways, generally maybe like one is running inwardly (the stayer) and this manifests itself to the other to run,
the fact they get scared and run may even indicate the fear holding them back is literally our fear and till we can diminish it htey are held away at arms length. Ie they are the runners but we are the ones with the main work to do

agree..looking back I've noticed every time she was running I was to. We both still are...sucks

There is a common theme among most runners and these are dealing with issues of the feelings of worthlessness, trust and sometimes addiction. It’s not that the runner does not feel the intensity of love for their mates, in their mid, they believe that they are not ‘ready’ or do not have what it takes to be a viable partner to their mates. So it’s not really their mate that is causing them to run, no, actually most runners have safely placed their mates way up on the ‘untouchable’ pedestal; it’s that they do not trust and love themselves enough.

The runner’s challenge is to take steps in understanding how to love and value themselves. They have to learn to change and release the pain from past relationships and learn to trust and improve their relationship with their non-physical guides.

That right there... describes me and my TF absolutely perfectly..... I don't believe either of us are "stayers" but both of us have taken turns running. He is working on releasing pain of past relationships, which is not an issue for me.

"improve relationship with non-physical guides"

Huh. That was the reading I got on the reading thread last week. I don't really have any guides. I don't really believe in them. But maybe I'm supposed to be getting the memo and I have yet to read it?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Thanks for posting this!

Yep, being the Runner, I can relate to the feelings of worthlessness and trust. When this whole thing started alooooooong time ago, I felt I wasn't worth the love, worth the connection. But I also felt being pushed by my Twin to be better, to do this and to do that, to be this and to be that, come back, and don't do that, and so on.... And it drove me nuts! I didn't feel like I was enough.... So it did kind of feed my fears of never measuring up. Obviously now that I've had these years to myself, I've had time to improve my self-esteem. I find myself more balanced, more calm and less affected by pressure. And my twin seems to have found peace himself.