RUNNER/STAYER

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

I do think runing is weaker than facing your fears but I can see how the runner could be running due to the reflections they see in us or from our behavior. Et tu brute!

Is it possible your real fear lies in the relationship with your wife? And that you are "running" away from your marriage?

It's a rhetorical question, you needn't answer. It's just that cold feet are really common. It's also common to have an affair right before a wedding. People freak out... because it's such a huge step towards dependency on someone. The real fear is that one will become intertwined and more and more dependent (as children enter the picture, and finances mingle, and as love deepens)... then the person might up and die on them or run off with someone else.

So people keep "one foot on the ground, one on the bed"... for security, safety.... you have one foot on the bed with your wife; the other is firmly and stubbornly on the ground ready to bolt if your TF beckons...

You say it would've only taken a word of encouragement from your TF... but you don't really know that. Because you were not afforded the opportunity to find out. You may very well have choked and decided to stay with your wife... or run away from BOTH of them!

I just think you are fooling yourself here a bit, BL... you are not facing the fear that shares your current bed. You ARE running ... from your marriage. You fret about the kids question... why? Because that just gets you embroiled even more deeply.

What was your gut reaction to Sarian's post (I think it was Sarian?) who suggested you focus on the here and now, and make the best of your current path? Did you feel utter fear at that thought? Consider closely...

You don't strike me as a man who has many fears, so it is possible that you are not all that familiar with what it feels like. It can come in many different forms, not always so obvious.

(Yes, yes... I know... I should read my own posts and apply them to my own situation and you know I do... )

Originally Posted by SerpentQueen

Is it possible your real fear lies in the relationship with your wife? And that you are "running" away from your marriage?

It's a rhetorical question, you needn't answer. It's just that cold feet are really common. It's also common to have an affair right before a wedding. People freak out... because it's such a huge step towards dependency on someone. The real fear is that one will become intertwined and more and more dependent (as children enter the picture, and finances mingle, and as love deepens)... then the person might up and die on them or run off with someone else.

So people keep "one foot on the ground, one on the bed"... for security, safety.... you have one foot on the bed with your wife; the other is firmly and stubbornly on the ground ready to bolt if your TF beckons...

You say it would've only taken a word of encouragement from your TF... but you don't really know that. Because you were not afforded the opportunity to find out. You may very well have choked and decided to stay with your wife... or run away from BOTH of them!

I just think you are fooling yourself here a bit, BL... you are not facing the fear that shares your current bed. You ARE running ... from your marriage. You fret about the kids question... why? Because that just gets you embroiled even more deeply.

What was your gut reaction to Sarian's post (I think it was Sarian?) who suggested you focus on the here and now, and make the best of your current path? Did you feel utter fear at that thought? Consider closely...

You don't strike me as a man who has many fears, so it is possible that you are not all that familiar with what it feels like. It can come in many different forms, not always so obvious.

(Yes, yes... I know... I should read my own posts and apply them to my own situation and you know I do... )

I've considered this how could I not. If there's any fear its that I'm not with the right person and yeah I've also considered that this other women could be a karmic soul mate thats put her just to get me to leave this relationship. But than I see all the times where my "TF" could have really made things difficult or easy however you look at it and it justy didn't happen (ie. leaving her boyfriend 5yrs ago when she said she would and therefore forcing my hand to do the same with my gf. Agreeing to see my 3months before I got married which clearly would have made it a whole lot easier to convince myself it was "real". The List goes on and on). If anything it almost looks like she's trying to protect my marriage.

My fear isn't commitment, been with my wife for 13yrs only strayed once for this other girl. Before that had a 3yr relationship. I even went through with the marriage with my "TF" admitting feelings for me and telling me she wanted to see if things could work between us. If that isn't giving someone with cold feet the push I don't know what would be. I honestly think its fear that I'm with the wrong person and I never really thought that till I met this other women.

But yeah your're right I am afraid. I"m afraid that I'll have kids with a women that in your words "I don't prefere" and will have my life complicated significantly because I spent my time living in the moment instead of spending my time soul searching.

Originally Posted by miss_believed

Im not sure if people have posted these before but i found a few cases where both sides have been recorded, just thought would make for an interesting post, gosh my good energy went haywire lately but after this post i must refocus and get to work on things lol.


“Non running” partners will be helped by understanding what a ‘runner’ experiences and by receiving validation that the issues of a ‘runner’ have nothing personally to do with their partner. On the flip side, by understanding what a ‘runner’ experiences, we can help them to maneuver through questions and fears about the connection.


I my research I have seldom come across material that explains what a ‘runner’ experiences. In the few cases I found, the information was written by a third party which was helpful but didn’t satisfy my desire to understand what a ‘runner’ experiences.


I’ve met several people who have experienced a high level soul connection and two or three who I believe have met their incarnated Twin Flame. It’s been recently that I’ve had the privilege of meeting people willing to share what it feels like to be a ‘runner’. One of them is particularly enlightening as you will read. He describes the realization that perhaps it was not his soul connection but he who ran. Deep thanks to both of you for giving me permission to share aspects of your story. I am copying directly without edits. These kind people are sharing with you because they wish to help others and I believe that is exactly what will happen. I can feel the energy in their words and I know you will too. This is transformative information and I am grateful beyond my ability to express. The way in which each share the raw intensity of what they have experienced is breathtaking.



From “L” a female in the U.S.:

my fears were.. too much too soon like it came on to strong (him ,the situation) and i just couldn't handle it i didn't feel i was in a place of readiness and also i didn't think i was good enough for him not to mention he seems to be the ideal mate if i had to create him myself and it just could not be happening to me kinda felt like a dream not real it was happening to smoothly and too fast there was no fight or struggle ..that it! it was too easy my mind could not accept it





From “S” a male in Australia:



SHE IS THE RUNNER....or so I thought. I've had a lot of time to think about things now and the truth is every division was created by me. If there were no legitimate issues between us I would create one and you know what the most interesting thing is? - almost every time I caused an issue it was preceded by a positive moment or event that brought us closer together...go figure!

Next it would be "I'm sorry, I don't normally act that way" ha,ha,ha how many times I've offered that lame excuse to her.

What does it feel like? It feels like terror!
I takes away ALL CONTROL!
I feel helpless like a leaf in a caught in a tornado.
I resist because I cannot control it.
I'm a very, very guarded person and
all of the barriers I have created to protect myself my whole life are now threatened.

Whatever this connection is it will not allow these barriers. It takes them away and that terrifies me.

Who am I without them?

What will I be without them?

What if my heart learns to feel again?

Don't be angry at a runner.
They never meant to hurt anyone.
They just never expected to have to grow so very, very fast










I found these articals that I had saved on my Favorites and I thought you might find the answer to your questions here..I know I did. BTW Im the Runner!!


The Stayer

In my practice, I work with mainly stayers, for obvious reasons. In the stayer’s mind, they are the one left holding the bag, if you will. They believe they are the ones who know exactly what their mate needs to do to get their butter together so that they can carry on with their love fest. When I work with stayers, I often find that they are carrying this unconscious victim mentality. They come across as confident and strong, but when we work in a session, we usually uncover issues of abandonment and trust. We find that their mate’s running, triggers those abandonment issues, issues that they have pushed down years prior to meeting ‘the one’. This triggering of the abandonment issues, sort of compels the stayer to become forceful, manipulative and mistrusting in their dealing with their mate.

Because those who act out the loudest get the most attention, the stayer begins to make it their mission to ‘make’ their mates see the light. They are missing the whole point of the connection. They are not focusing on their own every painful issue that most definitely need to be addressed before anything can happen. Once the stayer begins to work on their own issues, they will be better able to forgive their mates for their irradict and painful behavior and trust the process of their connection taking form. Until they do, they will continue to grasp at straw in frustration, and become further estranged from the one they love dearly.
intellectualbrat12/26/2011 11:50:18 PM | IP

female from the depths of my, passionate dreams

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

intellectualbrat12/26/2011 11:48:55 PM | IP

female from the depths of my, passionate dreams

The Runner

As I had mentioned in previous articles, the soul mate energy is intense, and it’ sole purpose is to purify the energies within each mate so that we can reach a level of understanding of how to function from the Highest place in love and trust in all of our relationship, and in turn, the mates will become exemplifiers for others to emulate. This goal cannot be reached if we as mates are vibrating from a level of fear. As mates, we have reached a level of spiritual maturity where we have the ability to hold more and more spiritual light. Make no mistake, each mate, no matter what it looks like, have earned this ‘status’, if you will. So, Keesha, you may ask, why does my mate do everything in his or her power to keep me at arm’s length? That’s not spiritual maturity, Keesha?” And you are correct!

In this connection, each of the mates are challenged to address both their individual shortcomings and once they come together, they will learn to work as a unit to flow in greater love. There is a common theme among most runners and these are dealing with issues of the feelings of worthlessness, trust and sometimes addiction. It’s not that the runner does not feel the intensity of love for their mates, in their mid, they believe that they are not ‘ready’ or do not have what it takes to be a viable partner to their mates. So it’s not really their mate that is causing them to run, no, actually most runners have safely placed their mates way up on the ‘untouchable’ pedestal; it’s that they do not trust and love themselves enough.

The runner’s challenge is to take steps in understanding how to love and value themselves. They have to learn to change and release the pain from past relationships and learn to trust and improve their relationship with their non-physical guides. Most runners are capable of achieving this, but oftentimes, it’s the ‘stayer’ that stands in the way.
intellectualbrat12/26/2011 11:46:54 PM | IP

female from the depths of my, passionate dreams

Continue...


However, there may still be a few cases, where one soul has not reached the same level as the other. One partner may outgrow the other, and the demands of the less developed may be irksome to most other partners. However to the developed twin this mild set back must be met with tolerance and patience, otherwise the growth may be stunted. At this juncture it is a shame to let the stunting be a deterrent for further growth. For instance, if one soul were to suffer from some neurotic illness, this fact may be detrimental for both. So the care-giving partner has to sacrifice his smooth progression to confront the neurotic partner with the truth of the difficulty.

This may rock the marriage, but it has to be done. You do not spare the rod because you are afraid to hurt the naughty child. The soft stance will hurt the child more at a later date. This self-sacrifice must be persistent and long standing otherwise it will not work, for most neurotic diseases are brought over from past lives. The effort is worth it for it is for the mutual good of both, and the reward is enlightenment with the ultimate union with one’s twin. Thence the cross over to the higher spiritual realms never to return to earth again!
intellectualbrat12/26/2011 11:45:22 PM | IP

female from the depths of my, passionate dreams

The obstacles within the individual should mostly be solved by the time of the meeting. However, there may be few external obstacles that present themselves. One or both twins could have already been married when they meet. The eternal triangle is usually dealt by the almost enlightened individuals with accommodation to the existing families. If one were to hear that someone has walked out on the family to be with his or her twin soul, one can rest assured that it is not a twin soul union in their final incarnation.

The already committed twin is too responsible and would continue to honour the pre-existing marriage. The twins will know that there must be a very good reason for this inconvenience. It could be a test or because of unresolved karmic obligations. The twins would then remain as loving friends or colleagues without marriage disruptions. This is due to fact that they are no more powered by passionate physical sex, as their love is above that. They may meet at night in spirit for the purpose of uplifting a common cause.

They may meet in either the astral or mental world. They know that their separation is temporary and nothing in the world can stop their final union. Of course very occasionally their meeting could precipitate a marriage breakup, but this is with a marriage that is already collapsing. The breakup may induce some benefit to the aggrieved members, who can start anew with their own new partners. With this in mind, the twins who are uniting in this last incarnation, would have cultivated fidelity, joy, love and trust, and their union would be as solid as a rock.

A soulmate connection would be the divine connection, both Twinflame and Soulmate both have intense energies, Twinflame is the dynamite energy where Soulmate is the Dynamo that is quite powerful but long lasting, there are several types of Soulmates, friendships, family, children even pets. Twinflame is the explosion of energy where Soulmate is the generator energy, that is the difference.


It will be a Direct bond with this person, so drawn that you can’t let go of the connection even if you never had a relationship or if He/She is not single, that thoughts will be never ending, sometimes for years. Will it lead my life in destruction what do I do? The connection is very intense and you can feel what they are feeling even apart. Even when there is positive or negative life styles, you will sense this emotion. Sound a little scary? It can be a beautiful and traumatic experience as it sounds, Sometimes people can’t handle this deep Spiritual Bond with a some one and block it, but the Twin Flame is never one sided, the feeling between the two will always remain and will find themselves some way back to their Twin flame when Karma permits, this depends on every one differently. When will it connect? A Twin Flame usually pops up when you LEAST expect it. You will also find yourself coming down the the same symptoms of a "soulmate connection"it's telepathic, hugging aech other is like coming home for nourishment. Twin flames come together when they have service work to do on the planet

Thank you for this information. this is a much needed glimpse at the other half.....

[miss_believed]

Originally Posted by BeautifulLife

I've considered this how could I not. If there's any fear its that I'm not with the right person and yeah I've also considered that this other women could be a karmic soul mate thats put her just to get me to leave this relationship. But than I see all the times where my "TF" could have really made things difficult or easy however you look at it and it justy didn't happen (ie. leaving her boyfriend 5yrs ago when she said she would and therefore forcing my hand to do the same with my gf. Agreeing to see my 3months before I got married which clearly would have made it a whole lot easier to convince myself it was "real". The List goes on and on). If anything it almost looks like she's trying to protect my marriage.

My fear isn't commitment, been with my wife for 13yrs only strayed once for this other girl. Before that had a 3yr relationship. I even went through with the marriage with my "TF" admitting feelings for me and telling me she wanted to see if things could work between us. If that isn't giving someone with cold feet the push I don't know what would be. I honestly think its fear that I'm with the wrong person and I never really thought that till I met this other women.

But yeah your're right I am afraid. I"m afraid that I'll have kids with a women that in your words "I don't prefere" and will have my life complicated significantly because I spent my time living in the moment instead of spending my time soul searching.

i feel you here too in that if i am not sure theres no chance or of what i want then im going to struggle to live in the moment and start a family with someone else and risk being in a total complex mess in a few years time with children or something.

Originally Posted by miss_believed

i feel you here too in that if i am not sure theres no chance or of what i want then im going to struggle to live in the moment and start a family with someone else and risk being in a total complex mess in a few years time with children or something.

If we are truly honest withourselves and truly believe we've met our twin flame how could we not see the added difficulty we bring into our lives by willfully adding marriages and kids into the picture. Would we not "prefere" to be with our twin flame if we felt the timing was right.

[LadyMay]

Love this. Thanks for sharing.