It’s really inconceivable that anyone would “run” from this

Originally Posted by jro5139

What if the person told you that you were perfect and that they felt the same way as you... and then told you that they would not be letting you in because they never have let anyone in and never will (that's the scenario I had to experience with my twin). If he had never acted interested it would have been so much easier.

Understand. This can happen; a very deep affinity (which would suggest both are coming from roughly the same starting blocks) then it's hard to say why that would happen. If one were happily married with a strong sense of duty toward family then the doors may be closed. Practical appreciation of what one has could just trump attraction to a new person, I suppose.

I suppose if your experience of love with your parents was being abused and abandoned, then it's not so hard to see why that person would run from love.

Could be. Perhaps this has been my pitch although far from run it's been about shutting it out as it means commitment when "growth" for want of a better term often means divergence. In relationships there's convenience sticking to the same person when things are moving on under your feet - a shifting sands thing. Love sounds good but after experiencing the shifting sand a bit you develop an ironic view of love, treat it with suspicion!
Could also lead to an unfortunately superficial 'love' born of insecurity. A Children's Officer once said to me "At least you aren't one of those who falls in love with anyone who'll give you a cuddle," We talked about it a bit. I suppose meaning that yearning to be "loved" prevails - and I noticed here and there that it brings a sense of achievement - conquest maybe - that leads the person to move on, maybe breaking hearts as they go.

I am a believer in unconditional love - as long as it doesn't make someone a doormat. There's no sense in running from that because it involves no commitment (which would mean conditions).

Point is, though, you can't make someone respond against their will. By all means try on high power sales techniques to open them up a bit and if that allows the affinity to mesh then, right, there's no sense running. Be honest though and if after a while the affinity isn't quite what was hoped, it may diverge or become just a convenience. I gave up on the word "love" as there are more specific words for "kinds" of love.

☼

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Understand. This can happen; a very deep affinity (which would suggest both are coming from roughly the same starting blocks) then it's hard to say why that would happen. If one were happily married with a strong sense of duty toward family then the doors may be closed. Practical appreciation of what one has could just trump attraction to a new person, I suppose.

So interesting that you mentioned blocks. It seems as though our blocks complimented each other. I recently was told in a reading that my feminine was blocked, I think it's possible his masculine was blocked.
I'm not sure how "happily married" he was, given the way he talked about her and comments he made, such as referring to her as his "first wife" (this was long before their separation). They didn't seem to have much of a deep connection and that was noticed by other people, besides me. I also figured that when he said that he had never let anyone in, that this included his wife.
But he had lots of superficial reasons to stay with her.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Could be. Perhaps this has been my pitch although far from run it's been about shutting it out as it means commitment when "growth" for want of a better term often means divergence. In relationships there's convenience sticking to the same person when things are moving on under your feet - a shifting sands thing. Love sounds good but after experiencing the shifting sand a bit you develop an ironic view of love, treat it with suspicion!
Could also lead to an unfortunately superficial 'love' born of insecurity. A Children's Officer once said to me "At least you aren't one of those who falls in love with anyone who'll give you a cuddle," We talked about it a bit. I suppose meaning that yearning to be "loved" prevails - and I noticed here and there that it brings a sense of achievement - conquest maybe - that leads the person to move on, maybe breaking hearts as they go.

Yup you nailed him, superficial and suspicious. He told me once that he never uses the word "love", not even with his wife (at the time). Also told me he doesn't trust anyone, including her. Although when I told him that I was falling in love with him, he cried.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Point is, though, you can't make someone respond against their will. By all means try on high power sales techniques to open them up a bit and if that allows the affinity to mesh then, right, there's no sense running. Be honest though and if after a while the affinity isn't quite what was hoped, it may diverge or become just a convenience. I gave up on the word "love" as there are more specific words for "kinds" of love.

☼

You're so right on the different kinds of love.
The affinity was always strong, even up to the last time we spoke, that was never an issue. If he didn't still feel it than why tell me things like "maybe we'll see each other again someday" and "I know where to find you". Leaving the door open for himself to come back?
And LP, I'm sorry to derail from your thread, but I do believe that a big part of the lesson in tfs is in letting go of control (on both sides). Lorelyen, you nailed it on the not controlling, and this is something I am learning. He tried plenty to control it himself, so obviously, something he needs/needed to learn as well.

[Dargor]

People who run away from you simply aren't worth your attention and love. Don't act like a yandere, be more of a tsundere.

[Delay_Reaction]

Originally Posted by lunapixie

The other day I was giving a brief summary of my TF history to someone who, even though open minded, could not comprehend how in the world anyone would run away from a connection like this.

She got me thinking about it... and she’s right. It doesn’t make any sense that anyone would deny, dismiss, run away from exactly the type of connection others spend their entire lives seeking.

And yet, here we are. Chasers of a lost cause and runners without a cause...

Why would anyone run away from this connection you ask?

When two people find this connection, they simply don't know what to do with it.

While I believe my twin loves me unconditionally, she needs constant validation, something I was not able to give her.

At some point I realized that I'm not responsible for making her feel better about herself. She is.

So I run instead of chase something that will inevitably lead nowhere.

But then you might ask, why not just "stay" instead of "run"?
Why not at least give her some indication that I will always be there, willing to listen when things go awry? You know, just be a friend?

My answer to that is this:

True friends know when to back off.

When she started to drift apart from me romantically, I needed space, but she would always return and get back into my head space.

That was my time for healing, and she took that away from me because she just "couldn't stay away".

I politely asked for space, but she mentioned how unnatural it was for her to just ignore someone she cared deeply about and block them out of her life.

It sounds great, doesn't it? To have someone not willing to give up on you, even when you tell them to give you space so you can heal.

Some people would instantly trade places with me if it meant hearing from their twin every week, but being contacted by your twin is not as great as you think when communication is practically non-existent.

When you've laid it out on the line as I have and only get cryptic messages back, you eventually tire of it. When you see that the person you feel deeply connected to you instead consciously decides to spend their time with other potential love interests - there is a disconnect and it starts with self-healing.

So yes, I am willing to not run away from this connection, but only when we can both express how we feel candidly, and where communication comes not from a place of neediness or fear of the other rejecting them.

I need to let go of my anger towards her and she needs to stop seeking validation from me.

Once we do this, then we can re-unite.

Just some boring 3D stuff, but hey, I live in a 3D world and would like to have this kind of communication with the person I feel deeply connected to.

[happyhaunts03]

I will tell you exactly why people run, or at least why I did. I ran because I was scared of how intense it was. I had been hurt a lot in past relationships and couldn't believe that the intensity of emotion we both were feeling was genuine. At the same time I had a choice to make that had very poor timing--stay with him despite the fear, despite socioeconomic differences, cultural differences, etc., or go, run, but develop my career and personal goals that I had had for years, all the while avoiding that fear...I'm not saying I was right to run. I know that now. But, it happened. Most people don't know TF connections exist. I didn't until I met mine. And if you're not prepared? It's terrifying. If I could turn back time, I would have chosen to stay, but you know? I didn't make that choice. Now, I just have to accept that we must have separate lives for now due to the choices we both made.

I know we can look back now and say in retrospect, why would anyone run? But the reality is that that love? That feeling I had been seeking my whole life? It scared the hell out of me once it was in my grasp. But, at least my failure taught me something about not running from my fears.

[lunapixie]

From what I’m gathering, fear seems to be the number one reason why people choose to run.

Something else my friend (the one I revealed my TFness to) asked me was why wouldn’t I continue to reach out to him and try to help him see the light. My answer? Because years of reaching out, years of patience and understanding didn’t even matter to him in the least. So, no. I’m not doing anything at all anymore. I’m done and I feel great about making that decision.

Am I a runner? I don’t think so. I think I’m just tired of his games and he’s inability to see what I can see. Not his fault. You can’t force someone to grow.

[o0A0o]

Originally Posted by happyhaunts03

...But the reality is that that love? That feeling I had been seeking my whole life? It scared the hell out of me once it was in my grasp. But, at least my failure taught me something about not running from my fears.

Happy,

It is love. Fear does not change what it is. But fear has the potential to be all that matters.

You sound a lot like the person in my life.

[FallingLeaves]

not really. Of course they are going to run if you want to smother them

[Eternal Flame]

For all the people who don't get Twin Flames, or who aren't Twin Flames,

No it's not smothering.

Twin Flames will run when the love is really good.

That's the point of what we are discussing.

Other type of running is just regular relationships.

It is totally bizarre to realise someone is ignoring and ghosting you because the connection is too good.

This thread just reveals all the people who haven't had the full activated Twin Flame experience.

[airydoug]

It seems someone would run if they weren’t ready to do the work, speaking from personal experience