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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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Old 04-10-2019, 10:51 PM
Fairyfizz Fairyfizz is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 12
Question Miss my best friend

Wow, firstly cant believe im going to write this but appreciate any advice.

Me and best friend were close like susters infact. We both seperated rrom our partners at similar times and we had a good friendship before then. She was in a bad relationship where DV was involved but she was brave and left. Fast forward 3 years and today i feel used empty and worried for my friend and our friendship.
She got a new boyfriend on a night out we went on. I had bad vibes from the off. Im not the jealous type and want nothing but love and happiness for her. But he has made no effort to endear himself to me. Infact from day 1 he has pretty much isolated her from you, family and friends who would challenge his intentions. Her contact to me over night became courtesy text mesaages. Within a week they were trying to have another baby. She has 4, but 1 lives with his nan due to his trauma suffered from DV in previous relationships. She was an amazing mother. Her ability to parent the kids who are boisterous was second to none till this man came along. Within a month she is pregnant and believes this man is her dream. Sadly since he has been atound in a short 8 weeks she now has only 2 children at home due to another son choosing to live with abusive ex who despite having an injunction she chose to let him go unsupervised to dads as he was too much at her new boyfriends house who she would take him to every weekend.
So my instinct continues to tell me this will end really bad and today she has had a miscarriage and i want to be there for her but sadly i cant. In 8 weeks he has put this barrier up and only his family does she now mix with.
I keep thinking she will wake up and see what she is losing as this is a compete complete personality change. She would never rosk losing her kids for a man but she seems blinkered. She is losing all who is close to her and choosing to live a life she should have had 10yrs ago bit now she has kids.
I feel bad because i predicted from the start this was going to end badly and it is but now i feel i cant make any real effort to see her because of how strong i feel. His energy i sense is very strong and the situation feels toxic so im partly to blame for avoiding her as i cant trust myself to keep my opinons to myself but all he speaks is lies lies lies and she believes it and i struggle not to call the lies out.

So sorry for the long post. Just writing it down has helped but any other advice would be appreciated.

Please dont think this is green eyed monster she has had other relationships but this man makes my skin crawl and i felt it since i first looked at him.

Thanks i advance
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Old 05-10-2019, 12:30 PM
Lorelyen Lorelyen is offline
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 7,430
I doubt there's much you can do. She has her own life to lead and she must plot its direction. If she errs one hopes she learns lessons but people don't always in which case some deeper trouble is at work.

You have no reason so ever to feel bad. I know just saying that is no consolation and won't make you feel better instantly - but here you are on a spiritual forum so presumably you're willing to try. You are not to blame. People own their problems and their actions and while you may hope to influence them it's often best to leave them to their own devices.

I reckon you should back off a bit. Give her time to sort herself out. Find things to distract to keep yourself neutral.

It's distressing to lose a best friend, like someone you can really trust - it's happened to me several times since my teenage...people change, they move away, circumstances change, and I'd hate to lose my current one, my soulmate. So I know how you feel...but not all is lost as once things have settled down she may be back in full. Be there in case she needs you. Her new partner might be acutely jealous of you hence giving you the cold shoulder.

But you aren't to blame for her actions.
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Old 05-10-2019, 09:52 PM
Fairyfizz Fairyfizz is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 12
Many thanks for replying. I have been doing just as you advised, backed off and let her know where ever we are door is always open.
Its like a loss but also the cycle of life and maybe it was a lesson i was needing to learn.

Thanks so much
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