Those eyes of hers...

[SkyGodWarrior]

As I sit here writing I am in tears..... Why am I in tears I dont really know but at the same time I do... To be honest you could say that the very reason I am in tears is because of something truly ridiculous but in reality it is something that transcends time itself.....

What am I talking about........ Here is a bit of the story....
I was young around 21 not knowing what I was going to do. I was in school but couldn't go back because of a tax issue with my parents. I have always been alone and never talked to anyone about anything that really mattered. The irony is that I am a great conversationalist and communicator but I just didnt share things about my personal life... or at least I dont tell people things they dont ask about..... anyways needless to say I was sad, I was lonely and some how I had worked in the saying that I was a horrible person. It wasn't true but some how I let myself rationalize such a thing because of the lack of a significant other......

It was just another night I suppose until I closed my eyes...... I saw her great blue eyes staring at me...... her hand on her heart as I walked towards her..... there were no words exchanged as I was walking to her but I could feel my heart pounding.... there apparently was some kind of war going on around us as I saw that the sky was grey and murky as fire came crashing from above.... I was now within arms reach as my arms extended around her waist.... I could not and dare not let my eyes wonder at this point....... I told her to come with me....? Her hand touched my heart as she said that she couldn't...... the feeling of overwhelming grief consumed me.... I could not stay as I was an important part in the mission at hand. I could not stay any longer. I knew what she had decided was the right thing and I could not blame her......

They called me Sky God Warrior and I was back in my ship and I knew that I had to do what I had to do............. I pressed the button that dropped the bomb that would wipe everyone I ever cared about away from existence..... angry and full of rage and sadness instead of retreating and living on I flew my ship right into the molten crater I had just formed and died there.........

For the first time in my life I had experience a great love and a great sadness...... This life time happened thousands of years ago but when I think of her I still get a overwhelming feeling of happiness and sadness when I think of those eyes of hers.

[Baile]

This and your other recent threads got me wondering... are you depressed maybe? I was diagnosed with depression at age 40-ish, and during therapy was told I was probably depressed as well throughout my 20s and 30s. Spiritual people and people who are sensitive are prone to depression; the world is too harsh for them, and so they retreat into themselves, and their dream life, etc. It's a quietly invasive illness that causes a lot of emotional issues, and affects the will activity. So you might want to get that checked out. Also, you are coming up to your Saturn Return, that's a time of great emotional turmoil and life change. Read up on it, it might help shed some light on what's going on in your life right now.

[SkyGodWarrior]

I was on the lower end of depression until I made some life changes... I was working for a startup and invested to much of myself and was being taken advantage of. I was growing angry and more angrier and sad. I decided to part ways and do my own company. I am in the midst of a transition and I am faced with various paths to take... I dont like the situation that I am currently in yet I am grateful for it. I was partially sad because of the other post I had. I will be fine once I get out of this situation. I will be able to do my own thing and not have to do things or be surrounded by things I dont exactly like. I am over stimulated right now and need a break. As well as on the verge of creating something for myself that I have to stay focus and keep on the path.

Thanks I will check it out.

[CrystalSong]

In addition to your other attributes of being a good communicator you are a good writer - that was powerful.

[SkyGodWarrior]

I think writing and other creative works has to do with the emotion behind it. and thank you a lot :)