Help!!! Need insight Please

[imrtlrku]

Folks. Im going to give a quick backround with pertinent information about who I am and where I have been. Id like to know where I should go from here without just hopping into it. Your feedback will allow me to better understand what is going on around me so here we go! Disclaimer. There is a lot of violence in this story I just do not describe as it is not needed.

Born in 1985 in central Florida, I was of course apart of a dysfunctional home. Abuse was common. I started school and I was placed on ritalin for the next 7 years until I refused to take it anymore. I was very adventurous and intelligent. I was even smart enough to do certain things that no one had taught me before and it was all about sneaking and stealing but we will come back to that later on.

Abuse continues all my life until 12. I was small and powerless and thats why I was taken advantage of. Well at 12 I was 5'10" and 200 llbs so naturally I started standing up for myself. I am a full blown thief at this point as a child getting caught going to jail on multiple occasions. Now I think this is what fine tuned my intuition.

I ended up in numerous foster homes some were good some werent just one thing remained the same. I loved school I loved learning to this day I do massive amounts of research on any given topic that interests me . at 14 something changed I was put into a boys home/jail it was different. Ran by college kids.

No here is where it gets crazy. I know enough about the indigos now that I fall in suit with quite a bit but check this out. Im in this home thing and things are going great doing the program as I arrive they exclaim "thats a fully grown man." Just arent used to a 6 foot tall bearded 16 yr old.Just doing my time at this point I had done enough. One simple action changed it all. I was standing at the wall alone. Im told im talking and my privileges taken. Well I didnt do anything so the days of being the victim have been long gone so I snip back to the point this escalates where Im violent with people.

Well I get sent to Juvenile prison anyone on this planets worse nightmare for a child it is that. I was abused by prison guards across the board with violence to a point that I couldnt use certain parts of my body for weeks and left in solitary to heal. 4 months was longest time spent in solitary. I actually got kicked out of one because I went over the edge and this prison had no idea what to do with me all because of once again being told i was talking having privileges taken and something snaps in me and I turn the world upside down.

Now I do eventually get out and the story goes on. I have a new intuition that I use to steal during the night . If i had a bad feeling and it was a strong one I just wouldnt do it. I still do it to this day.

Fast forward to now I can give a highlight of the things I do. I am an angry dark and violent person. Emotion is just a fleeting idea. I do treat this myself. I have done so for six year. I would discuss that further but I think that is against the rules. Over the years being in these weird places I have become able to adapt to any situation anywhere. I can attract people I know can empower me to move further in life. I put thoughts out there whether negative or positive and im not the only one that sees it take form. I can manipulate the emotion in the room without speaking a word.

I can walk into a room angry as if im on fire and i can feel it spread it each person. Or when Im being funny and making people laugh and I can almost sense I higher trust. So there are funny things ive noticed over my lifespan so far.

Now to the present. I just learned about alot of this yesterday spending ten hours just soaking it all in. I have a son and I can see so much of myself in him. ANY understanding of this will help me focus on him and be able to guide him through life properly unlike I was. Were adults now were not the indigo children. So there are experiences that we can learn from, from each other on a grand scale. So the mistakes of the past dont have to be repeated.

Thank you for reading and your feedback any and all is greatly appreciated.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

things to do:
1- prioritize.
what is the most important thing for you?
what brings you towards feeling "complete and whole"?
everything else falls into place behind that or those things.
2- stay in the now.
the foundation for being is now. the past is just a memory,
and the future is just a projection; be stable in your now state.
there is no need to justify past behaviors, nor to forgive actions
which exist in the past [yours or others].
3- develop your sense of trust. the universe is a kindly place which
does not seek harm for any of it's citizens.
[your intuitive sense taps into this]

[StarChild]

You are a powerful being of Light capable of transmitting vast amounts of energy to an entire town full of people. Yes, the Indigo's are adults now, and some of the most powerful beings out there. Your son is probably a crystal or a rainbow child and these new kids are extremely sensitive. Therefore, I suggest you get centered, grounded, and stay positively charged.

Get your mind, your thoughts, and your emotions under control. Meditation really helps with all of this stuff. Don't worry if you can't visualize or if the imagery is a bit fuzzy, the important thing about meditation is to settle your mind into a state of clarity and calm. Be careful what you feed your mind and also what is being fed to your son's mind. Avoid TV as much as possible etc. (especially news)

What you have described are triggers, everyone has these. Identify all of these triggers that send you into rage or anger or violence. The beings that trigger you are testing you for temperance. A powerful being such as yourself must learn to temper and balance your flame. I hope you develop your own process, but what I do when I am triggered is I send it away with Light and Love. We actually must feel the emotions as they are being processed, but I can assure you that your Light body is stepping forward to process these emotions because you cannot keep these lower mind emotions. You must feel them, process them, and let them go with Light and Love.

You will continue to be tested, triggered, until you no longer react to the trigger. The way it works for me is like this: baby cries- damn that brings back bad memories of abuse- oh I remember this/that/my brain is now finding a memory that matches the lower resonance thought form and emotion that is associated with a baby crying- then it is identified or acknowledged, felt- oh that feels sad, then sent away with Light and Love. There is no way to process the emotional body without feeling the emotions. So you might want to create a process where you can safely express your anger and rage- exercise routines work very well. Somehow you need to let that energy flow out of you. Climb a mountain. Ride a bike. Go to the gym. Just move that body, move that energy, and let it go. Feel it, process it, and let it go.

Hope this helps. Namaste.

[Lynn]

Hello

Too many times we put "Labels" on whom and what we are while I find that gives us insights to understand aspects of our self. I take a bit from all that I read as I understand that much is put out there to "sell" the book.

For me way back at 16 I was told I had to "Choose" one aspect of me that I could not hold in me three aspects of spiritual abilities and stay whole, and complete

Well in my 40's I found that balance ..... I am a Medium I am a Psychic and I am a Reiki Master Teacher - and I am good at all of them. I came in natural to it all and I had to reverse learn literally how it all worked. In combining the "Three" aspects of me I became me.

I have three children one is me again signs of that came in when he was 6 months old but I missed it til he was 2 ( something he likes to remind me of that his "Medium Mom" missed he was seeing the dead ). By the time he was two I was with my second child again special in his gifts, then a third and again special in her abilities. So the plate was very full.

I sent the first off to school and he would talk to the "dead" openly, have what other kids saw as "rocks' with him but he knew they were "crystals" ext so I had to explain so many things to the school Councillor. Not an easy thing to do. Second child is high functioning Autistic (told in grade 2 he would never read past that grade level ) at 13 he reads everything everyone else can read, (why is a mystery one day it just happened the teacher said ) he now is on track to graduate full course load.) Third is more of a challenge she has hit the "Mental Memory Level" so she is good with memory but not advancing in learning comprehensions.

Here again all talented in the "Paranormal Realms" and "Healing Realms" but do not fit into any of the full categories that children are placed in. Indigo, Crystal, Star Child ext....they are a part of it all like I would be.

What your life path did was prepare you for whom you are now. I have my hubby a member here on SF Heart that had a very abusive childhood, and was from one home to another home, but survived it all. Hard as it was it made him the man he is today. For me I was shut down to all I am as a child and I had to learn to be me on my own path.

While many say "forgive and forget" I do not buy into that one more I go with while your past at times is horrific and people have done bad things to you, they are life lessons you survived and can grow from. There is Karma that does take care of those that abuse, so to forgive them, I am not sure on more I bless that they had a path, a life path to learn from and you had a life path to learn from. In seeing how it moved you forwards or can move you forwards you grow as a person.

With children that are more spiritually advanced its about setting boundaries but too making sure they stay true to whom they are. For me that was not having them go around saying "there is a dead person wanting to talk to you" or "using crystal energies on someone without full permissions" "reading others thoughts and emotions". Not easy but its an invasion of personal space.

I have been blessed the schools understand me and my kids and I have been at times called upon to help other parents with their kids issues....that are not issues but are just abilities.

Your the bridge for your child as most times your from the same Soul Family and have shared many a past life connection with them. Show them all the aspects of "labels" out there not just one. This way they find the information that will serve them best.

Lynn

[imrtlrku]

Awesome replies. Thank you for all of the information. In all honesty I have been working on the anger triggers for a long time and it is working out tremendously. The world of psilocybin and psilocin needs to be looked into. I have considered myself many things. in the past sociopathic devoid of emotion and manipulating those around me to do what I wanted. Now in the present. I feeeeeel so much more that I was missing.

I have a fiancee and a 3 yr old. Our family unit is whole and I have been with this woman for 10 yrs. So there is significant time there. Along the lines for the past few years i secretly considered myself shamanistic because of HOW I use the above mentioned chemical. I consider it an amplifier. Those around me feel the effects of it as if they are on it just from being around me. Considering what Im learning now. I may just be an indigo that found a way to start to break past the barriers that I have formed through the torment to keep myself safe. My anger is in much more control now actually no violence since my son was born. (last altercation was 6 months before). So his birth changed the game in my mind things are be re wired re programmed.

Im starting to think that all of my past did lead up to who I am today and I am quite proud of who I am. And I think that I was never meant to learn about all of this till the exact moment I did. There is so much information and so much I have come across and this never came up once as if it was hidden. and after searching about it all it is apparent there is tons of information. Thank you all I really do appreciate it.

[cahill]

Your vibration is still a bit low....

[dryad]

When indigos grow up we evolve into crystals.... probably where your starting to go now.

[GypsyRose]

From what I've learned and seen first hand, there appear to be 3 distinct types of Indigos. They all share many things in common but also have some distinct differences, specific directions they tend to pull toward. Indigo 1 are the planetary gridworkers (those that tend to travel a lot and feel very connected to the earth and the specific energies within a region). Indigo 2, who tend to be those going into the healing arts and Indigo 3 who came into the body with two polar soul essences. Indigo 3s are also called Polarity Integrators and their mission revolves around building a new blueprint, or "husk" for this one ("half") soul essence within them that agreed to come in to be "rehabilitated." So, if you ever get the feeling you are two different people, two extremes... this is very likely why. It's because you kind of are. You will see that the majority of Indigo 3 come from backgrounds of abuse, trauma and/or tragedy, have "false" parents and typically deal with severe physical and/or mental health issues. This is because their task is extremely difficult and most don't recognize their mission because of the vicious cycle they tend to get pulled into (drugs, meds, depression, aggression, severe health issues, etc.). As has been mentioned here already, the key for a Polarity Integrator is to pull everything to the center. EVERYTHING starts to show itself in polar opposites once you're aware of it and your mission is to bring in balance. What changed everything for me was REALLY understanding male and female aspects within micro/macro cosmic environment. Unlike what many blogs and web sites will say about the Indigo 3 diminished DNA capability, new information is emerging that Indigo 3 can "upgrade" once a mission is accomplished. The problem is because their mission is so tough that most don't succeed in even recognizing what is going on.