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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #21  
Old 16-08-2011, 10:32 AM
Enlightener
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Everlong
I'm new here and just learning about TFs. It has been blowing my mind! I have been living this cycle for the last 29 years!

I am the runner. Only because we were not supposed to be together. He didn't care what other's thought, but I did. Then many years later I thought maybe I should give it a chance...and he ran! It broke my heart. Many years later he told me he was so sorry. He said he always loved me and still does, but did not trust the love. After I left he became depressed. He went through a lot of soul searching and is now one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. When we reconnected he said he never wanted me out of his life again. Even if he could not be with me, he just wanted me to be happy. He loved me so unconditionally. The relationship became so intense. But then, I did not trust the love so I ran and ran again (my friend said that is why he keeps coming back, because you keep running. Not many women run from him). Then I became someone I didn't know and said the most horrible things to him. I hurt him deeply. That is one thing, I have trouble with, is that I am always surprised that I can hurt him? I think it comes along with me trust issues with him. He eventually became exhausted and said, we should just be friends. We could never be friends, he even said it the week before that. So, I ended it. I would rather have a chance to heal and put this behind me, but I said I would always be there for him. The separation has been very difficult on me. I've missed him so much.

Now out of the blue, he texted me tonight. Just a friendly text to tell me something. But I can't bring myself to text him back, I don't know why? But I will...

Enlightener, you are saying I should be friends with him?

Yes, be his friend.

The reason you two are getting yourselves into these scenarios is because the two of you are hitting up against each others issues and insecurities (the places in which you aren't whole) every time you get together.

Be friends, let yourselves grow, lay the foundation for a great relationship.
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  #22  
Old 17-08-2011, 10:06 AM
miss_believed miss_believed is offline
Master
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 977
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Everlong
I'm new here and just learning about TFs. It has been blowing my mind! I have been living this cycle for the last 29 years!

I am the runner. Only because we were not supposed to be together. He didn't care what other's thought, but I did. Then many years later I thought maybe I should give it a chance...and he ran! It broke my heart. Many years later he told me he was so sorry. He said he always loved me and still does, but did not trust the love. After I left he became depressed. He went through a lot of soul searching and is now one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. When we reconnected he said he never wanted me out of his life again. Even if he could not be with me, he just wanted me to be happy. He loved me so unconditionally. The relationship became so intense. But then, I did not trust the love so I ran and ran again (my friend said that is why he keeps coming back, because you keep running. Not many women run from him). Then I became someone I didn't know and said the most horrible things to him. I hurt him deeply. That is one thing, I have trouble with, is that I am always surprised that I can hurt him? I think it comes along with me trust issues with him. He eventually became exhausted and said, we should just be friends. We could never be friends, he even said it the week before that. So, I ended it. I would rather have a chance to heal and put this behind me, but I said I would always be there for him. The separation has been very difficult on me. I've missed him so much.

Now out of the blue, he texted me tonight. Just a friendly text to tell me something. But I can't bring myself to text him back, I don't know why? But I will...

Enlightener, you are saying I should be friends with him?


from what i see and read the stayer gets the ultimate choice in the end, if both parties learn what they are meant to, i see that happening, and ive been told il lget it a lot, i love this guy so much but after a year and a lot of help getting myself out of this im ready to go out and try dating some guys and you know this is when the runner may just leave it too late.

im interested to know would you have acted when you were running if you had gotten a message saying you really cant come in and out of someones life, you need to choose kinda message, would that have changed your thoughts if you thought the door wouldnt always be open? just interested.
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  #23  
Old 17-08-2011, 10:08 AM
miss_believed miss_believed is offline
Master
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 977
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enlightener
Yes, be his friend.

The reason you two are getting yourselves into these scenarios is because the two of you are hitting up against each others issues and insecurities (the places in which you aren't whole) every time you get together.

Be friends, let yourselves grow, lay the foundation for a great relationship.

id love to be friends with mine but the way we met no mutual friends, dont live super close and only ever known each other in a date type scenario although we have friend type discussions when he shuts me out its on all levels although i know hed like me in his life as a friend, i do fancy him a lot but i actually could just be friends with him, you guys are lucky who can be friends with yours :)
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  #24  
Old 17-08-2011, 02:45 PM
Spirit25
Posts: n/a
 
My Soulmate had been playing the hot/cold game for months before I couldn't take it anymore and ended it. When he was there, the connection we had was so amazing. He was so amazing to me. Then he would distance himself from me and at the time I had no idea why. It was such an emotional roller coaster for me. The hardest thing I've ever experienced. When I questioned his actions, he just shrugged it off like nothing was wrong. He assured me that he loved me and that I had nothing to worry about. I gave him every opportunity to end things but he never did.

I knew he loved me but I couldn't understand why he was acting this way. He eventually told me he did want a future with me, but at that moment his life wasn't stable enough to fully give me what I deserved. He told me the same thing after we broke up when I ran into one day out of the blue. That day is one I will never forget. I was so emotional. He looked happy,sad and nervous all in one when he saw me. He told me the breakup was hard on him too cause he still loved me and wanted to be with me, but he couldn't be there for me the way I needed to be. He needed time to sort out his life. He knew he was moving to another Province, which is thousands miles away and he couldn't ask me to give up the things I loved to move with him. He gave me a huge hug and kissed me goodbye. Then he literally ran away from me. He was so nerved up he ran into the door as he looked back at me.That was the last time I saw or heard from him. Which was a year ago this month. I couldn't understand it and I've tried so hard to move on this past year but everything reminds me of him and the time we shared. Usually it doesn't take me long to get over a breakup but this one I can't. It's like the more I try to fight it or deny it the harder it gets.
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  #25  
Old 17-08-2011, 02:56 PM
twinwonder7
Posts: n/a
 
Yep, it seems surrender to the process is the best way. Keep moving forward with your life, but cry when you need to, etc. I found when I tried to be all tough and say SEE IM OVER IT, it came back at me even harder. Resistance is futile :)
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  #26  
Old 17-08-2011, 03:01 PM
Spirit25
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinwonder7
Yep, it seems surrender to the process is the best way. Keep moving forward with your life, but cry when you need to, etc. I found when I tried to be all tough and say SEE IM OVER IT, it came back at me even harder. Resistance is futile :)

Thanks for this! Just sometimes it's so hard. The longing for my SM sometimes come unbearable and the fact he completely shut me from his life. There are somedays I question if we even have a connection at all. Then something happens or pops out at me to show me that it's fear that keeps me question it. It's all so new to me and it does frighten me cause its all the unknown.
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  #27  
Old 17-08-2011, 03:04 PM
twinwonder7
Posts: n/a
 
@spirit, mine did the exact same thing! He kind of shrugged it off and even seemed to block out a lot of what happened. I did seem him again after the initial separation and he actually said, really I said that or that happened? He really put the walls up and nothing has ever been that intense. It took me to the highest high, higher than I even knew possible and brought me crashing to the lowest low. BUT, you'll get through it!! It may get intense, but you are loved!!!
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  #28  
Old 17-08-2011, 03:29 PM
Spirit25
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinwonder7
@spirit, mine did the exact same thing! He kind of shrugged it off and even seemed to block out a lot of what happened. I did seem him again after the initial separation and he actually said, really I said that or that happened? He really put the walls up and nothing has ever been that intense. It took me to the highest high, higher than I even knew possible and brought me crashing to the lowest low. BUT, you'll get through it!! It may get intense, but you are loved!!!

WOW!! That line you wrote about the highest highs and lowest lows. That describes exactly how I felt when I was with my SM. I was so torn. I was so hurt by his actions then he would do something so sweet that made me feel bad for doubting him. It was a vicious cycle for months that didn't seem like it would end. I couldn't take it anymore so I ended it. Though I regret it heavily most days I know in my heart it was the best thing for both of us. We wouldn't be able to heal or understand this connection if we were still together. We need to be apart to go on our separate journeys. I just miss him so much.
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  #29  
Old 17-08-2011, 03:57 PM
LadyImpreza1111
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enlightener
Yes, be his friend.

The reason you two are getting yourselves into these scenarios is because the two of you are hitting up against each others issues and insecurities (the places in which you aren't whole) every time you get together.

Be friends, let yourselves grow, lay the foundation for a great relationship.

I honestly think if one or both of them is not ready, then being just friends is not going to be that easy. If they haven't healed or grown, they are always going to be facing their old issues because the other person reflects it right back to them. Heal and grow first.
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  #30  
Old 17-08-2011, 04:01 PM
Enlightener
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by miss_believed
id love to be friends with mine but the way we met no mutual friends, dont live super close and only ever known each other in a date type scenario although we have friend type discussions when he shuts me out its on all levels although i know hed like me in his life as a friend, i do fancy him a lot but i actually could just be friends with him, you guys are lucky who can be friends with yours :)


Maybe you can add him to facebook (if you have it), or send him an email every once in a while asking him how he is. I know it can be hard sometimes with certain scenarios
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