Think I should have said something earlier

froebellian · #1 29-03-2012, 07:38 PM

My friends wife had cancer, she has survived against the odds an extra 2 years, but I knew this year she was not going to make it.

I urged her kids who see me as a big sister to spend time with her, even telling her husband, hospital visits are more important than exams right now. They believed she would get better and she would be out soon.. I did not feel this.

I told him to let her plan a trip.. even though I knew she would not make it, but to give her some hope.. he did listen to that and believed she would make it.

I pushed this morning to tell him the boys shouldn't go to school and should be there with her. I was more insistent rather than passive suggestions.

She died 2 hours later today suddenly after I spoke to him.. I should have been more insistent earlier on..

I have learnt that my instinct was right but I hesitated.. but I did help prepare them for her death, but feel I should have had the courage to be more insistent.. my lesson.

WhiteWarrior · #2 29-03-2012, 08:33 PM

I think you did affect things positively for them. Well done. I really can't say I envy you that sort of foreknowledge.

onetruebeliever · #3 29-03-2012, 08:40 PM

Oh my. I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. Please don't beat yourself up, tho. Her family probably would not have believed that she would die very soon no matter what you said to them. They had hope and need to keep them going. Sometimes our instinct is strong, but in this instance, you had a stronger instinct not to push, not to upset the family's need for some sort of normalcy and hope she would get better. It's so very hard to lose someone you love. Again, I am so sorry.

#4 29-03-2012, 11:25 PM

I think you did the right thing. As WW says, it's not the sort of knowledge to be envied and it's hard to be certain beforehand what the best course of action is. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20 vision...

But the corollary is that you also know that she's OK now and in the future you may be able to help your friend in understanding some of what you understand....

#5 30-03-2012, 08:57 AM

You did all you could froe

knightofalbion · #6 30-03-2012, 02:27 PM

You acted honourably. You did all you could reasonably do.

froebellian · #7 30-03-2012, 07:46 PM

Thanks for the replies..

I believed it was not my place to interfere, but to support and guide which I have. I spoke to him this morning and he was crying.. I told him he must let the youngest son see the body as requested.. am glad he did as he didn't want to.

This knowledge feels like a curse..knowing, waiting and not able to say anything. Those who know me, know there is another death I know of of someone close and I cannot say or do anything but observe and wait until it happens.

#8 30-03-2012, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by froebellian

Thanks for the replies..

I believed it was not my place to interfere, but to support and guide which I have. I spoke to him this morning and he was crying.. I told him he must let the youngest son see the body as requested.. am glad he did as he didn't want to.

This knowledge feels like a curse..knowing, waiting and not able to say anything. Those who know me, know there is another death I know of of someone close and I cannot say or do anything but observe and wait until it happens.

Yes I understand how that might feel but I wonder if you are also using your gifts to help in other ways?

Are you a Spiritualist or someone who understands what survival implies, or even a medium? By the way I live in the UK where Spiritualism is alive but not well and mediumship is as valuable now as ever it was for those needing some understanding of a world whose workings often seem imponderable and impenetrable.

Native spirit · #9 30-03-2012, 09:35 PM

Hey Frobellian,

It can feel like a curse sometimes because you are put in the situation of do i say or do i not, you helped your friend in the way you found best nobody could have done anymore, my husband passed with cancer i knew that he wouldnt live as long as he thought he would, he asked me what i saw for him even though he believed in the spiritworld he didnt know what to expect so i went through it with him, he went very unexpectantly and very sudden, the doctors couldnt believe it when they were told,
i gave the kids a choice as to whether to see him or not some did the others didnt, but i know i did all that i could do for him. and you did the best for your friend ,

Namaste

froebellian · #10 30-03-2012, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Native spirit

Hey Frobellian,

It can feel like a curse sometimes because you are put in the situation of do i say or do i not, you helped your friend in the way you found best nobody could have done anymore, my husband passed with cancer i knew that he wouldnt live as long as he thought he would, he asked me what i saw for him even though he believed in the spiritworld he didnt know what to expect so i went through it with him, he went very unexpectantly and very sudden, the doctors couldnt believe it when they were told,
i gave the kids a choice as to whether to see him or not some did the others didnt, but i know i did all that i could do for him. and you did the best for your friend ,

Namaste

Thanks for your comforting words.. I am thinking we have this knowledge to help prepare and support those around us.