Drifting without anything to hold on to

[Rsandee]

Last summer I met a girl abroad, we fell in love at first sight. We felt like we understood each other perfectly, something we never felt with anyone else. I read her poems and it was like I wrote them myself, I showed her some of my works and she felt the same way. She had trouble accepting a long distance relationship because she was afraid to be dissapointed. Eventually we did it anyway, we both went back to our respective countries and continued our studies. I waited for an opportunity to visit her for over a half year. I thought of her every day and we sent each other poems, stories and messages about how beautiful this was and how thankful we were to have met one another. Eventually she decided it was too painful and tried to lessen contact, I said I wanted to visit her because I felt it has been too long since we saw each other. She said it was intense and that she loved me like she had never loved someone or something before, but that it hurt and now she sees it as something in the past. She said she needs to be open for something new. Knowing she moved on, I decided to let go of her as well.

The way this happened was surreal. I met her at a moment that I needed her and the other way around. Every time I tried to visit her or surprise her in a nice way, something went wrong. It was like the world was keeping us apart after allowing us to cross paths once. I met her in a summer vacation for students, I was with her for two weeks. Those two weeks were all I got, no matter how much effort or dedication I put into this. It feels like it's not fair, but that's the only thing I feel. I feel no regret or pain, just dissapointment. I feel like I was meant to have this experience, maybe it will make me grow into someone that can handle an even better relationship. Maybe I was meant to learn from this and meet someone who's perfect for me.

I have no idea what to think, but I can say that right now, I live in the present. I'm not overthinking, my heart isn't hurting, I feel no real happiness or sadness, I just am. I exist.

[OEN34]

Originally Posted by Rsandee

I met her at a moment that I needed her

I feel like I was meant to have this experience, maybe it will make me grow into someone that can handle an even better relationship. Maybe I was meant to learn from this and meet someone who's perfect for me.

I have no idea what to think, but I can say that right now, I live in the present. I'm not overthinking, my heart isn't hurting, I feel no real happiness or sadness, I just am. I exist.

Top line; why do you feel you needed her? It's an interesting choice of words you use.

Your story was quite nice to read and I imagine a long distance relationship isn't easy, but you're right, it not working out happened for a reason. We're here to learn.

But, you answered it yourself in the second few lines above. I think those are fair reasons as to why it didn't work and she came into your life. Maybe it was to learn detachment from things, not just relationships?

It certainly sounds as though there was an attachment issue (I understand you may have missed her, but I am looking beneath the surface here).

Whatever it was for has propelled you one step closer to uncovering thing(s) that need addressing internally (attachment, loss, self love etc), and one step closer to someone more in alignment when you address these issues.

Your last sentence sounds positive, though. I call it the 'monorail' feeling. Nice and steady, not hugely high and not hugely low - just nice and even, like a monorail.

That way there are no expectations, demands or disappointments.

Best of luck to you.

[CrystalSong]

The Universe put a Helper in your Path right when you needed it most. How fantastic!

And when that situation which had caused the need passed so did the Helper.

Many more Helpmates and relationships are coming towards you.
Life's a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get. :)

If I may be honest I see this in a more pragmatic light.

Two of you in a place set aside, a summer school or whatever; time to be together away from your ordinary setting and you fell in love. It happens (happened to me a while ago at Dartington summer school).

What I find hard is this matter about her love for you being hurtful. Has she just moved on and is trying to let you down as gently as she can? I mean, if she really loved to the point of it hurting would't she be crying out for you to visit her or her you?

There may be lessons to learn... like don't let expectations run away with you; judge by deeds not words, how to extricate yourself from things like this, etc; but the real value is the experience, the inspiration, the feeling of a commonality. The love, such as it was when it blossomed. It's a treasured memory that has to be written into your history book, as things stand.

Best just to distract yourself if you can, join groups, classes, activities where you may find someone new.

All the best...
L