Grief work

[Tobi]

Originally Posted by shoresh

Jim, thank you for sharing your experiences with your wife. I know Elisabeth Kubler-Ross had workshops while she was alive called Life Death and Transition. Anger release was covered. I love her work, and one of her trained counselors, Carol Kearns, helped me after the loss of my beloved son.
My own point of view, I don't think there are necessarily levels as much as different vibrational realities...you tune into them...
Tricia, nice picture of the spirit energy...
Finally, you may find this piece by Alan Wolfelt to be of help --
I found this article from Dr. Alan Wolfelt to be very helpful, especially in the beginning:
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Companioning the Bereaved*from Dr. Alan Wolfelt
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During this time, while many have been helpful, there are always those who just don't know how to respond, or ignore you because they can't deal with it or worse start telling you how to manage your grief...and they don't have a clue...

The following advice on how to help someone in grief by Dr. Alan Wolfelt really spoke to me on how to help those of us in deep mourning....especially the listening of stories, told and retold...

His idea of truly being a companion to those in grief is what I have needed in my own journey through losing now my second son....

" To companion our fellow human beings means to witness and learn as opposed to playing the 'scientific expert.' My 11 tenets of companioning the bereaved are as follows:
Companioning is about honoring the spirit; it is not about focusing on intellect.
Companioning is about curiosity; it is not about expertise.
Companioning is about learning from others, it is not about teaching.
Companioning is about walking alongside; it is not about leading or being led.
Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
Companioning is about discovering the gifts of sacred silence it is not about a filling every painful moment with talk.
Companioning is about listening with the heart. It is not about analyzing with the head.
Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about judging or directing those struggles.
Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain; it is not about taking away or relieving the pain.
Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.
Companioning is about going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.
You’ll note that a central role of the companion to the mourner is related to the art of honoring stories and being taught by the true expert—which is the person going through the experience.

Yes, I realize that the art of honoring stories sounds soft to scientists, but the good news is that it seems to work, and I plan to keep on teaching about the long-held understanding that telling and re-telling personal stories of love and loss are essential elements of supporting people in grief."

This is a very helpful post, shoresh, thank you.
One thing I have found of vital importance to the bereaved, is to be able to tell their story, in all its details. That story is sacred to them because it is the story of the loved one and profound things that happened between themselves and that loved one, which resulted in the loved one's passing over. Even the smallest medical details need to be spoken of, listened to.