She's running.......

airydoug · #1 10-09-2017, 11:28 AM

She's running. Haven't posted in a while but I know she's afraid. I don't think she trusts me, maybe she never did. I know she's got big trust issues because of her family problems but this is so painful to watch. We've done backwards and forwards for 2 decades. She's afraid and she's said it herself more than twice. Good guys she doesn't let in well because she doesn't think she deserves good having been told rubbish growing up. It's her 35th birthday on Tuesday and I want to surprise her with flowers but I don't know how well she'll take it. Nobody has ever bought her flowers but me, or done anything nice for her (she's only ever dated dudes who take advantage), and the last time I gave her flowers she didn't think she deserved them. She did but she doesn't handle stuff like that well which is frustrating in itself.

What would you say to someone who clearly wants to catch up but is too afraid to speak up or demand what they want? And how long can a runner run before the running becomes too exhausting?

Zoeila · #2 10-09-2017, 11:56 AM

it's been said a million times before...she's running from herself not you. stop blaming yourself. if you change yourself in an attempt to stop her from running your only going to make her run more.

#3 10-09-2017, 01:09 PM

Hard to say. Be patient. The impetus to do something for herself has to come from her. Is she in touch with professional advice?

airydoug · #4 11-09-2017, 05:55 AM

Cheers guys.
Lorelyen yes she has been seeing a therapist on off for 7 years. Like once every 6 months?

She reaches out to me at times a true love interest or lover would, sometimes the early hours of the morning, middle of the night. I'll reply and we'll have a short and sweet backwards and forwards conversation, she'll tell me she deeply cares about me in her own way, then when I reach out to her, say 2 days later, she'll ignore me for weeks. But talk indirectly if that makes sense. There's tension of every kind. I don't want to bring it up with her but it's getting harder and harder to function not know ing where her head is at.

#5 11-09-2017, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by airydoug

Cheers guys.
Lorelyen yes she has been seeing a therapist on off for 7 years. Like once every 6 months?

She reaches out to me at times a true love interest or lover would, sometimes the early hours of the morning, middle of the night. I'll reply and we'll have a short and sweet backwards and forwards conversation, she'll tell me she deeply cares about me in her own way, then when I reach out to her, say 2 days later, she'll ignore me for weeks. But talk indirectly if that makes sense. There's tension of every kind. I don't want to bring it up with her but it's getting harder and harder to function not know ing where her head is at.

Just my view but the therapy seems too infrequent. In fact you're probably a better therapist in that you care and help her when you can. It'll take a lot of patience. It's so positive that you haven't dismissed her as a lost cause. Are you in contact face to face a lot? The possibility of just taking her out like to movies and things where you can just be together without having to interact? Anything to pull her out of her unwitting cloister?

Zoeila · #6 11-09-2017, 03:17 PM

you have to let her go and go on with your life. if you are truely connected eventually the pain will bring her back.

Illuminata007 · #7 11-09-2017, 11:26 PM

You can send her quick message HB if she gets weird about flowers. Yes therapy every six months with some of issues you describe is highly inefficient. Does she want to improve? Because they are many avenues to heal. The bottom line is that this is work she has to do for herself. All you can do is be there for her when she lets you but do not put your life on hold. Do whatever you need to bring joy and happiness in your life, she may never be in a place where she can accept your connection in this lifetime. It is not your fault and there is not much you can do about that. Work on your own self-esteem and self worth, making your life work for you, filling your life with people who love and accept you. If you are twin flames, your work will also benefit her although that is not the main reason for doing these things.

MissTetley · #8 20-09-2017, 01:19 PM

I had an experience of 'running'. My head and thoughts never came into it. It was involuntary, a feeling of utter panic yet I wanted more than anything to stay and spend more time in his company. I don't even think I said goodbye when I shot off from the table we were at. Heaven only knows what he thought of me at that time but it certainly helped explain his reaction when he suffered the same reaction later on when he was due to come to where I was.
I have come to understand that it's not a conscious choice but on a soul level we know that something profound is happening, that it's out of our control (which is incredibly scary) and that there are going to be major changes happening as a result because our souls know who we have met and what is going to happen up ahead.

This sudden awareness on a soul level causes the physical body to run or stay away because we feel safer living under the old ways of existing.

And yet.... there is that undeniable pull to know more, to love and be loved at this new level and the feeling of how things were when with the other.
We may run physically but we sure don't run far on a soul level.