Originally Posted by olhosdeamendoa
It is perfectly natural to want companionship of some kind, but not from an energy of "get me out of my loneliness and lack".
We need to be living a happy life and seek companionship from a positive energy. That's what I am learning. Otherwise we keep attracting abusive people.
Most everyone needs human contact and ideally some quality close relationships, for certain.
I agree with Lorelyen that there are many avenues for companionship and most of us have several of these in our lives: there are beloved friends, beloved family, partners, and others, such as neighbours and community work, volunteer work (often for strangers), spiritual groups such as church or temple, etc., and so forth.
However when you focus on one particular type of relationship and expect it to meet all or most or even a majority of your primary needs, then you are ripe for predation and manipulation.
And in no way does our human need for connection and meaning in all our relationships mandate that we must seek a sexual partner.
Even if they were an authentically loving partner who loves you for you and doesn't require sex as a condition for getting to know you. Hugely rare at this time, that
, although that is certainly just massively more appealing and stimulating
g than someone who makes all manner of demands on me and requires stone cold shagging but who can't be @rsed otherwise to get to know me and love me simply as a person
But even so, even if you weren't having to pimp yourself out or perform huge emotional labour IMO simply to get a "partner", it is neither possible nor fair to expect any one person to meet our primary or majority need for connection and companionship. LOL...and that's the other piece of the whole issue. Remove the leverage and seek your connection all throughout your daily live and your day-to-day interactions. Nurture your close friendships and family connections. Treasure your engagement with like-minded souls. Given to your community and -- as so many others can attest -- the quality and quantity of love and gratitude is IMMENSE.
I know it's hard to resist pimping out your humanity when you crave a child...and TBH that is at the heart of many women's desires for a REAL partner -- and not just a sexual "partner" who's down to shag you and hang out or maybe shack up for a spell. But it's not worth continually compromising your humanity and treading all you are underfoot. Who is left to pick up your pieces and treasure them if you've given yourself away entirely? Even if you have not yet experienced motherhood (not sure if you said), you can get a donor or IMO better yet, adopt
If someone loves you for you, they will be down with kids and at the very least with loving the child you already have. Otherwise would you even want that person
in your life? (If you said 'yes' or 'don't know' to this item, then I think you should seek quality therapy ASAP and really spend some time on this).
And BTW...only someone who loves you authentically, really loves you, not coz they're shagging you and even if your "fur coating" is shabby and worn (like the Velveteen Rabbit
) ...will ever be on par with the love you will have for your child.
Peace & blessings