My Pattern: Always when my life is + it is when I am praying, and when is - I am not

[Bubbles]

I realized this pattern... when I am praying, as constantly, night and night... my life is better overall. It's like I am shielded of my fears to actually happen. My life is better. But when my life is overall bad, I realize I am not praying.

Could this be a coincidence? I think not somehow. Also, sometimes after not praying for long... I feel ashamed to come to pray to Jesus, to God... right when I need it. It's like that little voice in the back of your head "oh, now you are in need of help and you seek to pray, but what about when you are doing well?" and this somehow discourages me, makes me feel like a person who takes advantage.

Can anyone relate or have some input on this? I remember, I think... might have been more than once.. but few years ago, I was praying and talking to Jesus as to what I have done today, what I succeeded, what I failed, what got me in awe or where I did a mistake etc.. it felt great to share this and things were working great. It really felt like a connection, as how some people out there say "you need to discover God/Jesus", usually that phrase is not taken serious... but I know there is more to it.

I really wish I would regain that moment, that connection. I am just too ashamed that I have to return to God/Jesus because I am in a needy time. And this is what stops me, the shame.