How do you really forgive someone?

Have you ever forgiven someone, without them apologizing, for something devastating? Something that people go to jail for, if they get caught? What does forgiveness mean? Is it something more than just not thinking about what they did to you?
I know it wasn't about me, and I don't feel affected by my past anymore. But how do you send the message that what happened wasn't okay, without holding onto anger?

[Ninjajms]

Forgiveness begins with the realization that you no longer want to carry the resentment, bitterness, hurt around. I wrote an anonymous letter via craigslist.......in that letter, I explained that I was forgiving her not for her benefit-but for mine-I told her that what she did to me as a child was unacceptable-that she could have her shame back to carry-that I was forgiving her for my well being..........I then sent it to the universe and was able to gain freedom'' to forgive means to move forward-knowing it was not okay what this person did-knowing she no longer owed me anything

[kris]

I am a firm believer in karma. This means that I always try to do what is right based on my actions' karmic consequences. This also means that those who wrong others will get back recompense for their actions. Going to jail is thus not the only way people pay for wrongdoing. I think we all have innate ability to know right and wrong, viz. conscience. We should give wrongdoers time to get the message about their wrong actions from their conscience or from karma.

[baronesslucy]

I forgave my father for not paying child support. My grandmother often stepped in and loaned my mother money when she needed it for dental appointments, my brother's glasses, etc, so my older brother and I never were in need or want. My grandmother loaned my mother money so she could get a decent car. Her boss was shocked when he found out that my dad hadn't paid child support in years as my mom had a nice car and I had nice clothes.

Today a father who doesn't pay child support can go to jail. Back in the 1970's, this wasn't enforced like it is now.

My dad was supposed to get money from an oil well which had been sold at the height of the First Gulf War once my aunt died. It was a lot of money. Well, my aunt told someone about this that she shouldn't have and this person and a couple of others took this money and my dad never saw a dime of it. My aunt died with virtually no money and my dad never saw one dime of it as others had taken the money after my aunt had a stroke.

My mom didn't have too much sympathy for him as the amount of money he would have gotten from the oil well was hundreds and hundreds of times the amount of money he would have paid for child support. Mom said it was Karma.

[Miss Hepburn]

I have studied forgiveness for years bec of my father's terrible treatment.
Then, in a sudden moment maybe 6 months now...I "saw" the whole thing.

He was really my dear friend/buddy in another life...he volunteered to treat me badly
to show me how it feels...so I would finally stop it, once and for all.

Moral of the story...we know nothing...thank all transgressions, thank the transgressor...
That person is your teacher or like the old saying , your guru...
Accept in humility all lessons learned from all injustices done to you.

Thank you, Lord....see I'm doing it again.
Teach me, bring me closer to You in any way that purifies me,
changes me to be a better soul. Allow me to see You in the bitter and the sweet.

[Rah nam]

Originally Posted by smattering

Have you ever forgiven someone, without them apologizing, for something devastating? Something that people go to jail for, if they get caught? What does forgiveness mean? Is it something more than just not thinking about what they did to you?
I know it wasn't about me, and I don't feel affected by my past anymore. But how do you send the message that what happened wasn't okay, without holding onto anger?

The process is very simple, it all happens in your head or head and heart.
And depending how strong the emotions are, it might be a process rather a one off action or event.
What is simple is not always easy. But it becomes easier in time and the one benefiting is you.
We are what we think.

Originally Posted by smattering

Have you ever forgiven someone, without them apologizing, for something devastating? Something that people go to jail for, if they get caught? What does forgiveness mean? Is it something more than just not thinking about what they did to you?
I know it wasn't about me, and I don't feel affected by my past anymore. But how do you send the message that what happened wasn't okay, without holding onto anger?

I think forgiveness is simplicity. You are child of this universe. You chose to dwell on your glory. Your glory is you did not do injustice, you witnessed someone's folly and you decide to gravitate from there, feeling grateful that at least you are not like them.

[Lisbet]

Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn

I have studied forgiveness for years bec of my father's terrible treatment.
Then, in a sudden moment maybe 6 months now...I "saw" the whole thing.

He was really my dear friend/buddy in another life...he volunteered to treat me badly
to show me how it feels...so I would finally stop it, once and for all.

Moral of the story...we know nothing...thank all transgressions, thank the transgressor...
That person is your teacher or like the old saying , your guru...
Accept in humility all lessons learned from all injustices done to you.

Thank you, Lord....see I'm doing it again.
Teach me, bring me closer to You in any way that purifies me,
changes me to be a better soul. Allow me to see You in the bitter and the sweet.

I love this, and completely agree.

A dear person to me was sexually abused as a child. After the abuser died (he died young), my friend was able to reflect and forgive him because he knew the abuser was no longer an abuser. You realize that once our life is done, the character we play is gone. We go back to being all the same as one another. He did not wish this person to hell or any of that. He wished this person go to peace. I believe that is forgiveness. There is no need to forgive a transgression or to forgive the character whose job it is to transgress, but to forgive the soul. Forgiveness does not mean letting someone remain in your life who harms you or brings negativity, it doesn't mean accepting transgressions done on to you or others. It means letting them go, clearing yourself of them and knowing it is all temporary.

I have heard of past life regressions where someone collected various accounts from around the world. And found two people who recalled a past life where one was the abuser and one the victim. (They had names). These people did not meet in the current life, but the abuser in the past life had issues with being abused in this life. The victim in the past life became an abuser in this life. So there are accounts of this out there where we do indeed reverse our roles from lifetime to lifetime.

Dr. Wayne Dyer also recounts his life and learning to forgive his father. He comes to the same conclusion, that those who do us wrong are our teachers. We have chosen these lessons in this life.

Those are my beliefs anyway.

when you 'don't' forgive a person, they still have power over you.

a couple of close friends and i just did a little ritual.

i had a few things that i held in resentment and knew it was time to let them go. we each had been writing down things on pieces of paper. we brought them to the ritual.

we sat an an outside table, i put tobacco and sage in a smudge bowl and let it. we then each read our paper, touched it to the fire and let the smoke take it to the universe.

an example that i had was, 'i hereby release all the anger and resentment toward X. that is his stuff, not mine. i give it up to the universe for the highest loving good.'

you'd be surprised how freeing that is. part of it is doing something actually physical rather than saying it in your head. it is strong intent.

[John32241]

Originally Posted by smattering

Have you ever forgiven someone, without them apologizing, for something devastating? Something that people go to jail for, if they get caught? What does forgiveness mean? Is it something more than just not thinking about what they did to you?
I know it wasn't about me, and I don't feel affected by my past anymore. But how do you send the message that what happened wasn't okay, without holding onto anger?

Good Question.

Humanity will evolve to a point where we can see each person as a Divine human. The incarnated self is frequently a victim(not really) of their circumstances. They carry an inner rage for violations against them which they have experienced and express them self with an escalation in violence.

The most effective message to send energetically is compassion for their journey. Humans experience all of these things to eventually elevate the energies of love for All That We Are.

John

PS essentially there is nothing to forgive once we understand what is going on.