I am so alone

Mysticrose37 · #1 07-10-2018, 03:47 AM

I feel so empty.
I feel so useless
I feel so lost
I feel so worthless
I am nothing and have no one to turn too.
I am so alone.
I have no friends to call
No one to laugh with
No one to cry with

My partner says I am selfish
Because I let my kids sleep in my bed last night
He tells me I am selfish and think only of them
He is angry at me and shuts down
I am so alone and confused

I have no where else to write this.
If I shouldn't please delete it.
I will understand.

FallingLeaves · #2 07-10-2018, 03:56 AM

sorry I can't give you more. I've always felt the same way.

Mysticrose37 · #3 07-10-2018, 04:38 AM

Thank you.
My children went home today it always hits me hard. That my abuser gets my kids and I don't. I feel like how am I supposed to understand and forgive that.
My eight year old said to me I am disadvantaged because of you.
All I could say is its not my fault.
I feel so helpless.

Shivani Devi · #4 07-10-2018, 04:58 AM

Sorry, but your partner is a creep and a bloody jerk (who is also poisoning your children against you).

How can it be selfish, when you care for your children? All I am hearing is "I say you are being selfish because you are putting the needs of others ahead of MINE" ...pot calling kettle black much?

Is there any way you can get this loser out of your life for GOOD? You will feel heaps better...and if joint/shared custody is a thing, I believe there are places/centres to drop children off and pick them up so your paths don't have to cross...and if you can do that...and your partner still stalks you or emotionally harasses you, there are things called "restraining orders".

Good luck with it.

Baile · #5 07-10-2018, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Sorry, but your partner is a creep and a bloody jerk (who is also poisoning your children against you).

This observation, repeated numerous times.

#1 priority is to get your children out of that dysfunctional environment. For their sake, not yours. After that, you will have the space to deal with your difficulties.

The 40s can be the mountaintop of the worst of all the karmic knots and decisions that have come before. The dam breaks in the mid 40s to 50s and it's a happy waterslide after that, wheeee! Take heart for the future. But act now.

Mysticrose37 · #6 07-10-2018, 10:10 AM

I think there is some confusion between my ex-husband and my partner. My ex-husband is the abusive one. I have tried getting my children but don't have eight thousand dollars.

As to my partner we have talked it through. I misunderstood him. He is angry that I am so upset every time I have to send them home. That my ex who is a nasty man has the opportunity to poison my children.

I have been informed by a very well know reader I will never get my children. I have to learn to accept that.

So I was just having a weak moment. Sorry everyone.

Baile · #7 07-10-2018, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mysticrose37

I think there is some confusion between my ex-husband and my partner. My ex-husband is the abusive one.

So I was just having a weak moment

You made it very clear your partner is being emotionally abusive at the very least:

My partner says I am selfish
Because I let my kids sleep in my bed last night
He tells me I am selfish and think only of them
He is angry at me and shuts down

You also stated you are alone, and have no friends and no one to talk to. A partner should be a friend you can speak to. My honest opinion? Sounds like dysfunctional things are going on, to the point where you back away from truthful statements you shared. People do that when things are starting to get to the core truth; truth that is often too scary to deal with. The "weak moment", unfortunate as it is to have to point out, is then backing down, shrugging one's shoulders, and going back into the dysfunctional situation. Fear of being alone, fear of finances, fear of security, fear of the future... these are the reasons people do that in those situations.

naturewalker24 · #8 07-10-2018, 05:08 PM

follow your heart and explain to your partner how that a child's heart is sensitive, and by allowing them to be with you they are being cared for. i'll tell him.

Mysticrose37 · #9 07-10-2018, 06:40 PM

Nature walk. I do agree with you. My ex-husband is all about him. He has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and I can't do a thing about it. As he is getting help. I feel like a pathetic excuse of a mother.

I work with young children all day and am fantastic with them. But I can't help my own child. So thank you for listening.
I will go now. I will pick myself up and keep moving forward.

Shivani Devi · #10 07-10-2018, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baile

You made it very clear your partner is being emotionally abusive at the very least:

My partner says I am selfish
Because I let my kids sleep in my bed last night
He tells me I am selfish and think only of them
He is angry at me and shuts down

You also stated you are alone, and have no friends and no one to talk to. A partner should be a friend you can speak to. My honest opinion? Sounds like dysfunctional things are going on, to the point where you back away from truthful statements you shared. People do that when things are starting to get to the core truth; truth that is often too scary to deal with. The "weak moment", unfortunate as it is to have to point out, is then backing down, shrugging one's shoulders, and going back into the dysfunctional situation. Fear of being alone, fear of finances, fear of security, fear of the future... these are the reasons people alsodo that in those situations.

I get the story now, Baile...There are two men in her life...The ex, who already has full custody of the children, but allows her to see them, and the current partner, who resents having to share his significant other, with her children.

Many people are the victim of "legal kidnapping" by an ex with more money, better lawyers, able to bribe children to lie to social services etc and unless you have thousands of dollars to get a better lawyer and buy your children back, you can kiss them goodbye forever... meanwhile, the ex is twisting their impressionable minds to eventually hate you, unless you can come up with the "ransom money".

There is one thing you have to realise...and it is crucial!

If your ex has been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder...It is hereditary and it is also a very dominant gene...It just takes a parent who has this to switch it on in the child...I know...I KNOW. =/

As much as it hurts, you need to accept that your children are lost to you already and move on...stop seeing them, because your ex will still get his revenge on you and abuse you THROUGH them, because this is what narcissists do...they use people as pawns and they are very good at it.

Meanwhile, I would also dump your current partner and not get another...You need time to yourself, time to heal and do everything you enjoy doing, without any abuse or criticism...and accept your children are dead...have a good cry and let go.

All the best.