Pushing for normal relationship that he doesnt want!

[Mysticrose37]

Kangol.. Wow. That hit home. That described me completely up till three years ago. I needed to buy things. I needed to go to the op shops and buy random things. It wasn't until I figured out why that I have stopped. I buy things that mean something now. Books, strategy board games and movies.
So I understand that filling of the void.

[Jack of Spades]

Originally Posted by Mysticrose37

Jack of spades.. Can I ask you something? Do you get normal playing cards flying at your feet? Like out of no where just to send you a message?

Why are you asking? Because of my nickname?

[Mysticrose37]

Jack of Spades. I guess yes I am. Just it happens to me all the time. But haven't met anyone else yet it happens to.

[Bornonthecusp]

Originally Posted by CreativeSpirit

All I know is I have told him how I feel.

So you've been honest and aired your feelings, the ball is in his court. He can choose to bat, kick or volley that ball over or not. It's up to him. It sounds like you've done your bit, how do you feel having done it?

[MissCreativeSpirit]

Could you please pm this person and not hijack this thread.

[MissCreativeSpirit]

My situation I feel id not just able to be put in s major box of generalities do-to-speak. I believe we can have a nice life together. I have spiritual as in psychic support to this end bring possible.

[Mysticrose37]

Creative spirit no worries good luck in your journey

[MissCreativeSpirit]

Originally Posted by Bornonthecusp

So you've been honest and aired your feelings, the ball is in his court. He can choose to bat, kick or volley that ball over or not. It's up to him. It sounds like you've done your bit, how do you feel having done it?

Like I have before with him. Powerless.

[Bornonthecusp]

Originally Posted by CreativeSpirit

Like I have before with him. Powerless.

Powerless how?

[Winter Song]

Originally Posted by CreativeSpirit

Like I have before with him. Powerless.

Well, you are powerless, at least over him. You can't make him be or do anything he doesn't want to be or do.

He does not want the kind of relationship you want, or at least he does not want it with you, and continuing to push for him to change in order to please you will only result in more pain and frustration for you.

However, you do have immense (potential) power over how you choose to view the situation, and where you choose to go from here.

You seem to be aware of your own issues as far as codependency, your need to control him, and your fears of abandonment. The "negative" experience of this relationship is showing you what you need to work on within yourself, and the issues you need to resolve in order to have healthy, mutually loving relationships in the future.

Yes, it is hard to let go, once you have given your heart to someone, but continuing to push for something they are unwilling or unable to give will not make them surrender; energetically, it will only push them further away.

Imagine that you were with a man who claimed he loved you, but also kept saying, "I need you to be this, and this, and this, and you can no longer behave in this way, and if you really love me you will change everything I object to in order to make me happy, because you are unacceptable as you are." Would you be so eager to please this person? I doubt it very much. Would you resist? I bet you would!

Stop pushing. It will get you nothing but further torment and frustration. There are countless other men out there who would willingly give you the things you are trying to pry out of this one, and who do not possess his negative traits. However, this man has shown you the ways in which you are still wounded, and still acting from that wounded place, and until you heal yourself you will continue to have great difficulties in relationships, no matter how willing your partner may be.