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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Past Lives & Reincarnation

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  #1  
Old 14-10-2019, 12:02 AM
bluetimetraveler bluetimetraveler is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 14
 
Past life stuff preventing me from having relationships

I am completely alone in life in many ways. I have only my mother, who happens to be at times my worst enemy. I did the best I could for her, and she does make her own effort in her own way, but the damage was too much. So I moved away from her recently and live in a small place for myself. I only see her for the necessary.

Suffered for almost a decade from an agonizing relationship online that destroyed my life because this man holds so much hatred towards me because of things that went wrong in past lives. Also suffered from the greatest levels of indifference from so called friends, even when I was physically so sick to the point of dying and wanting to die. I was totally abandoned by everyone.

But the spirit of a woman who was my sister in other lifetimes saved me too many times.

Now, I am trying to start a new life in a new job, but the end result is always the same. I come to realize that my karma is so bad from past lives that people force themselves to interact with me (very little, like only the necessary for job reasons) and then, again, people apply the silence treatment forever.

Since 2012 that I do a lot of healing work for myself and others in the astral. For years I thought this would make a difference and that I was, in some way, doing a service. Only to realize I was only undoing too many mistakes in too many lifetimes and integrating deep levels of trauma.

In my natal chart too many planets are retrograde, and my 7th house is totally afflicted with Chiron and other things. The man I loved betrayed me in the worst possible of ways.

I am doing my best to focus on my career and things go right in many ways in the sense that some things flow smoothly...but when it comes to interaction, there is just this huge wall between me and the world. People simply are not interested in me at all even when I do my best to show kindness.

In part I know that my problem is because I was born into a family that never loved me, I only got to know rejection so I seem to only attract that even after years of so much healing and training. Some people are kind to me, but only for the necessary job-related interaction.

I feel in a way stronger at least in the sense that I am no longer dying of disease, as I spent almost 5 years of my life isolated on bed. No one cared. Still no one shows any care at all.

My current contract will last 4 years and there are lots of interesting things to do, which are keeping me alive in a way, but I feel like other than the work I am meant to do physically, I have lost any sense of purpose because for people I seem to be invisible or always placing this wall.

Sometimes I still feel that my only hope is to die and reincarnate in a better life and hopefully in a different family.
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  #2  
Old 14-10-2019, 01:32 AM
kundalinikid kundalinikid is offline
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Oh my, this is all very sad. Please hang in there.
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  #3  
Old 14-10-2019, 01:49 AM
Apollo Apollo is offline
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Posts: 9
 
Sounds like you need to heal. This world isnt always sunshines and rainbows but you can always find a beach somewhere...
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  #4  
Old 14-10-2019, 04:24 AM
linen53 linen53 is offline
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Location: Colorado, USA
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You can change things around. But you have to initiate the change. Learn to love yourself and everyone else will come to love you. Maybe not your family that doesn't love you but people that you meet in the future will.

Learning to love yourself starts with accepting yourself for who you are right now. For all your flaws, mistakes and bad decisions. Learn to be your own nurturing mother. Literally wrap your arms around yourself and love the child that went unloved when you were little. Start there. It will grow and grow.
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If you hit rock bottom, start picking up rocks.

You know nothing, Jon Snow. Ygritte from Game of Thrones.
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  #5  
Old 14-10-2019, 07:57 AM
BigJohn BigJohn is offline
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Location: I live in a house.
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........ Yes, love your inner child.
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..
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He dipped the pen into the ink and then faltered for just a second. A tremor had gone through his bowels. To mark the paper was the decisive act. In small clumsy letters he wrote: ........... April 4th, 1984.
.................................................. .................................................. ............
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  #6  
Old 14-10-2019, 03:07 PM
7luminaries 7luminaries is offline
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I am so sorry for your troubles. Loving the inner child is very good advice. Let her know she is loved and worthy as a child of the universe and that you care for her suffering. Try to do this daily, and to set aside a little time to reflect and sit with yourself, to care for yourself and also to see about how you can best use your time to nurture and contribute positively to yourself and to your community.

The beach recommend was a good one TBH. Lying on the sand and letting the shallow waves wash over you is deeply healing but requires a deserted beach so you're not underfoot But getting a little sun & sand can be healing for many anyway.

I recommend water therapy (baths, swimming) and deep tissue massage, and finding ways to engage that are nurturing. You may considering joining some meetups or book clubs and volunteering with pets, challenged folks, & other volunteer or community activities. You could try a few and find a mix you really enjoy.

Also, I recommend trying to spend some time outdoors, preferably away from it all -- that is very healing, more than we know. It is also cumulative over the year, so it's important to get out for a little bit in all manner of weather, with the right layers and gear.

Last, you are aware of your past life issues and it sounds like you've tried to reach out, to be kind, and generally to sort things and make amends there. Please continue to send well wishes and good intentions but if the other party(ies) are hostile, remember that it takes all parties to reconcile and even if you offer remorse & repentance and sincerely apologise, it is for them to forgive and accept you as you are now. If they cannot do that (and you engaged with them for many years without kindness or progress), then you have done all you reasonably can at this time and you may leave it for now, in good faith.

After all, you also need and owe yourself that same effort, outreach, and kindness Remember, there are many, many other ways to be and do authentic love in the world, and to give back and make amends in these many other ways.

Peace & blessings
7L
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Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.

Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.

For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way

and become themselves despite all opposition.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke
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  #7  
Old 14-10-2019, 08:20 PM
iamthat iamthat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Golden Bay, New Zealand
Posts: 1,398
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluetimetraveler

Now, I am trying to start a new life in a new job, but the end result is always the same. I come to realize that my karma is so bad from past lives that people force themselves to interact with me (very little, like only the necessary for job reasons) and then, again, people apply the silence treatment forever.

I am doing my best to focus on my career and things go right in many ways in the sense that some things flow smoothly...but when it comes to interaction, there is just this huge wall between me and the world. People simply are not interested in me at all even when I do my best to show kindness.

In part I know that my problem is because I was born into a family that never loved me, I only got to know rejection so I seem to only attract that even after years of so much healing and training. Some people are kind to me, but only for the necessary job-related interaction.

I feel in a way stronger at least in the sense that I am no longer dying of disease, as I spent almost 5 years of my life isolated on bed. No one cared. Still no one shows any care at all.

Sometimes I still feel that my only hope is to die and reincarnate in a better life and hopefully in a different family.

You say there is a huge wall between you and the world. Presumably this wall was built by you when growing up, to protect yourself from the pain of rejection. But now this protection has become a prison, keeping you trapped in and keeping everyone else out.

You say that no-one cares, no-one is interested in you, and people have to force themselves to interact with you. Your self-esteem, your sense of self-worth, seems very low. Is it that no-one cares, or is it that you keep everyone around you at a distance to avoid the possibility of being hurt? How people behave towards us is usually a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.

I don't usually recommend that people see a therapist because I know that there are good therapists and bad therapists, and a bad therapist is worse than useless. But it sounds like you need to talk with someone, to let down your barriers and really communicate. Otherwise nothing will change.

You might hope to reincarnate in a better life, and that may well happen, but first you need to deal with your challenges in this life.

Peace.
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  #8  
Old 15-10-2019, 03:43 PM
hazada guess hazada guess is offline
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Location: united Kingdom
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iamthat...................good post.I agree totally.
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  #9  
Old 19-10-2019, 02:59 AM
bluetimetraveler bluetimetraveler is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 14
 
I have to thank you all very much for all the suggestions and encouragement. These past years have been so tough, but at the same time, I felt that for weeks since I moved to this new job opportunity things had been flowing towards a much better direction before the last full moon hit.

The week was very intense, so much healing took place and I considered many of the things said by you all who replied.

For example, for years I did focus much on healing the inner child, but this year I felt like maybe I had enough healing as to move on. But the mention from iamthat about the feeling of the wall being likely related to huge trauma causing me since early stages to develop this protection really got me thinking.

There has been a very specific topic from past lives about childhood, and there was some sort of scenario being replicated in this lifetime and going very deep again into this issue, I did feel like a huge wall broke down. There was definitely a shift in my energy and mostly this was a topic that for years I have been trying to give closure to but in meditation I was told I had not gained enough strength yet to really start undoing the damage.

After days of literally having very little rest, it was impossible to sleep at night, feeling like not even wanting to eat (when normally I feel the need to eat well enough) and sobbing very hard each day, the moment came to dig very deep into the trauma.

It was a particular situation in my job that lead to all of it and it was causing a deep crisis because every day and every night I felt horror just to see some sort of subconscious mirror while interacting with someone or just by the sight of this person passing near me. I could not cope with the confusion and even at night I would have weird dreams about this person and see in my inner eye this person.

My guides in spirit form said that I would have to cope with this and that at some point in the future I would understand who this person is and why it was causing this degree of breakdown at all levels.

After the intense emotional purging, there came a point of stabilization and now I no longer feel this confused around this person.

The strangest thing is, after almost 5 years today I met with someone I was connected to in a very friendly way. While talking to this person, it struck me that she looks so similar to two particular beings that have been around me for so long in spirit form. The person in my job that caused the whole crisis also seems to look very similar to at least two other guides.

I know for sure that these people are not incarnated version of my guides but they do seem to be connected to them in some way. Like they carry a genetic link to them from past lives, like extended family or something like that. For that reason, these people seem to be connected to me from very ancestral times, including lifetimes of wars or other forms of conflicts and they are not aware of any of this but I am because of all the retrogrades in my chart.

Next thing to do after living some of the most intense healings and purgings of my life I am definitely going to plan a trip to some beach some time soon. I live far away from any beach but I'll be so glad to go to one!!

Another thing that really did help is that, I am definitely very hesitant to go to therapists for several reasons, but I asked the spirit of two of my ancestral soul connections to help me out by allowing me to do a therapy session and they agreed. I sent my thoughts to them, without any filters, telling me all that was bothering me and I told them about the situation I went through. I felt like they were caressing my forehead and they told me not to fear any of these very intense feelings or even the confusing thoughts. That I only had to allow everything to come out as I spoke and I got to release a lot of the situation going on.

Next day, so much of that wall that I have felt for so long was gone...

Thanks a lot to all of you. I seem to be coming out of a nightmare that felt so endless for so long. I know there is still a lot of healing to do, but a huge thorn is definitely gone for good.
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  #10  
Old 19-10-2019, 08:29 PM
iamthat iamthat is offline
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Location: Golden Bay, New Zealand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluetimetraveler
I know there is still a lot of healing to do, but a huge thorn is definitely gone for good.

Excellent. Well done. It sounds as if you are on quite a healing journey.

Peace
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