What are the traits you most admire in a partner ?

[ocean breeze]

Lying is understandable in certain situations. If a woman i just started dating had recently been in an abusive relationship, sexually assaulted, or had many sex partners, etc, i can understand why she would lie or withhold such information from me. I wouldn't get upset if i asked "is everything ok?" and she says "yes, everything is fine." Only to discover later that something happened to her. Especially if we just started going out.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

Agreeing and disagreeing is also fine with me. Courtesy and decency is great too. But when i feel there is a lot of misunderstandings and misinterpretations that's when i feel communication has been lost.

OC, claro que sí -- it's a common feeling but no need to linger there or get too dramatic, hahaha....moving on...

As for me, I'll continue to talk and to listen.
And to both agree and disagree

You do as you like. It's all good.
Peace & blessings
7L

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

Lying is understandable in certain situations. If a woman i just started dating had recently been in an abusive relationship, sexually assaulted, or had many sex partners, etc, i can understand why she would lie or withhold such information from me. I wouldn't get upset if i asked "is everything ok?" and she says "yes, everything is fine." Only to discover later that something happened to her. Especially if we just started going out.

OC....my thoughts...
Someone having been abused or assaulted...not sharing this right away of course makes sense, agreed. Tthis is private and doesn't harm your physical well-being. It's something that, like authentic love for one another, takes time and trust and real engagement in order to come into being.

On the other hand, someone having had many partners and withholding that is in the same vein as having an STD, in that it could easily transmit a bodily harm/disease/host of harmful viruses and bacteria to others...and it is vile and abhorrent to withhold this sort of info. Not the same thing at all as being abused etc IMO. In fact, it's a raging red flag if someone is ready and willing to shag you and sod all, no worries. As this is likely because they don't a fig about your body and your health, as it's all about them.

For this reason...if you've "just started dating someone" and if by that you (as many do) mean you've commenced shagging them or soon will...then the time has long since come in this day and age to once again separate the lion's share of the getting to know you part from the shagging part.

Because only if and when they really know you and love you, will they give a damn and own their [whatever] up front. Not everyone is willing to die or take on disease for a steady shag, and it's horribly vile and wrong of them to selfishly assume otherwise.

Caveat emptor...and this little public/pubic service announcement is here for everyone to see and absorb and hopefully take to heart. Thanks for letting me follow up on that one point, for whomever may benefit from this discussion.

Peace & blessings
7L

[ocean breeze]

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

On the other hand, someone having had many partners and withholding that is in the same vein as having an STD, in that it could easily transmit a bodily harm/disease/host of harmful viruses and bacteria to others...and it is vile and abhorrent to withhold this sort of info. Not the same thing at all as being abused etc IMO. In fact, it's a raging red flag if someone is ready and willing to shag you and sod all, no worries. As this is likely because they don't a fig about your body and your health, as it's all about them.

I can totally respect that point of view. But i can also understand why women may withhold that information if we are still in the processes of getting to know each other. She also needs to worry about her own safety from men who may see her as "easy" if trust hasn't fully developed. She may have also gotten involved with drugs, prostitution (by force, willingly, or for survival), etc, and is working hard to change her life around but is not ready to talk about her past with me yet. So in this i can see both points of view.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

For this reason...if you've "just started dating someone" and if by that you (as many do) mean you've commenced shagging them or soon will...then the time has long since come in this day and age to once again separate the lion's share of the getting to know you part from the shagging part.

If i just started dating someone it means i just started dating them lol. That's it.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Because only if and when they really know you and love you, will they give a damn and own their [whatever] up front. Not everyone is willing to die or take on disease for a steady shag, and it's horribly vile and wrong of them to selfishly assume otherwise.

I can see your point.

Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Caveat emptor...and this little public/pubic service announcement is here for everyone to see and absorb and hopefully take to heart. Thanks for letting me follow up on that one point, for whomever may benefit from this discussion.

You're very welcome. Good points.

[angelic star]

For anyone partnering with someone seriously, the truth is going to be out if you are with them for a longer time. You are going to know more than just the truth. If someone has a lying nature I guess it isn't going to be very easy with them.
I have heard people tell how they catch partners lying, and then these people got all defensive and adamant with excuses. I guess we don't have to share everything, but honesty is the first step to develop a greater bonding, a deeper bonding, or we limit our chances of connection in very subtle ways.
For someone wanting to develop a serious partnership , that's a waste of time. Honesty is always appreciated by the right people, by the more genuine folks.
On the other hand, maybe if everyone was being 100 percent honest with their partner , or like reading their minds all the time, there would be very few marriages/ partnerships in the world perhaps. If someone has a private nature they can still be honest. But for someone who has a lot to hide, honesty isn't the best virtue in a relationship I guess.
This isn't something you say to another always I guess. You can tell if a person is being genuine with you or not. At least if you share a deep bond with them you can tell if they are lying or not. If not immediately over a period of time you will know anyways.
If you want to go deeper, you cannot unless you be honest with yourself and your partner. One needs the courage to be vulnerable and one cannot risk it unless they be honest. Otherwise it becomes shallow I guess. Whether it's a process of building trust and communication is different. At some point one will develop and grow in a relationship and if they have been honest with each others and survived it, I guess they are the ones that come out stronger. It takes courage and it tests the waters.

[Dargor]

The rare trait of being able to see who people truly are on the inside... Because if it isn't for this beautiful trait I'd probably end up stuck forever alone.

[travelingwithin]

Originally Posted by Realm Ki

LOL, now I'm gonna join in and agree to disagree.

Honesty in important matters - for sure. But for the 'is something wrong' over petty annoyances, never mind. A 'no it's ok' - is true enough for me, if it means 'I know tomorrow/after dinner/after coffee it will be ok'

I've really had enough of the 'always completely blunt and honest'-type.

Not every little fact is worthy of honesty.

And not every situation is suitable for honesty, either.

So what do I admire; a level head, knowing what matters - and when, humor and tolerance, knowing humans shift w time... Oh, I also admire, truly admire a way with words, physical talent, artistic taste buds, an etherial mind, deep roots, good relations with bio-family, boundaries towards bio-family in cases where that is necessary, loving words only towards ex'es, musical interest / talent, hard working spirit, innovation, curiosity, knowing when to keep going and when a cause is lost.... And many many other things, which are neither a check-list or a shopping list, just things I admire in humans and angels alike :)

In some circumstances, like your example, it seems that 'no it's ok' is a good answer and of course it can solve the immediate problem, easier... But the person that asked the question, did it with a reason...to find out, to understand. And if the matter is not understood, the instinct of a person that asked the question creates a fake assumption of 'what's wrong' which can lead to unwanted situations, immediate or not.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

I can totally respect that point of view. But i can also understand why women may withhold that information if we are still in the processes of getting to know each other.

She also needs to worry about her own safety from men who may see her as "easy" if trust hasn't fully developed. She may have also gotten involved with drugs, prostitution (by force, willingly, or for survival), etc, and is working hard to change her life around but is not ready to talk about her past with me yet. So in this i can see both points of view.

Hello OC!
I think it's good to be compassionate and tolerant, but not at the expense of your own (or others's) health and safety. And that also includes mind screwage, as well as physically harming others. To clarify, whether someone has been sexually assaulted (and not just physically assaulted/beaten or otherwise abused, which could stay private) or whether someone has had many partners, they need to come clean very early on, or else stay strictly platonic/walk away.

IMO it's definitely inexcusable to withhold/lie/mislead if you're physical in any way (even short of full intercourse). And it's inexcusable if one is allowing others to consider him/herself as a partner when that one has clearly not treated others with even a modicum of real consideration, not for their basic physical well-being and not for their hearts.

Bottom line, none of these concerns means others have the right to judge a woman, a man, or whomever as a "bad person" for whatever has occurred. But that's a different thing entirely. One thing is moral judgment and another thing is dealing with the reality at hand, including the reality that their wants are not more important than others' right to life and health and wellbeing.

If she's not getting to know others platonically before her reveal, then she's being immoral and vile on just so many levels. At what point would you like to be screwed over? Your body and your heart...and then the reveal? Just your body (say short of sex but still swapping spit & fluids), or just your heart (no touching but she toyed with your feelings first and then revealed...and no can do) ?

Vile, all of it. You can only do a coffee date or two or so before you need to come clean. And that means honesty or else walking away. Being harmed doesn't give anyone the right to pass it on to others or to harm others...and if that isn't clear to someone, then you'd better run, not walk, away from them...they're not even worth a friendship.

This person's "right" to keep others in the dark and mislead and outright lie or withhold (lie of omission) to others does not outweigh the right of others to their life, their very existence...and to consideration for their health and wellbeing. Again...if they're going to engage with others, it would have to be strictly platonic or else they come clean and you have the ability to take the decision for yourself. Maybe after 6 months or a year, if they've been firmly celibate, they can get tested and you can decide if you get involved further. Or maybe that's not applicable and you just have to take a decision based on the information at hand.

Either way, that's your right...and if they deny you that, it is IMO a fatal (figuratively and also perhaps literally) abrogation of the most fundamental rights to life and liberty regarding your person.

If i just started dating someone it means i just started dating them lol. That's it.

I can see your point.

You're very welcome. Good points.

Same and likewise
Peace & blessings,
7L

[Realm Ki]

But the person that asked the question, did it with a reason...to find out, to understand. And if the matter is not understood, the instinct of a person that asked the question creates a fake assumption...

This I actually agree with more than I would want, since I contradict myself:)

Turns out, I don't appreciate a 'full lie' - ie with body language and energy really conceiling what is going on.

But rather an 'it's ok' with a shrug that does not hide that some thing's not perfect, but rather means; 'it my thing to deal with, I'll tell you if it becomes a thing'.

Which one really might argue would be a really cool thing to say, instead of shrugging shoulders

And since I have no intention of being in a relationship with someone who cannot let such a statement stand in it's own right at move on in trust, I stand corrected.

Honesty, is possibly/probably always possible and preferable. Human error however abunds, and I would rather he be honest when it counts than a flawless communicator...!

[angelic star]

Tbh I got another trait I truly admire in another ~ artistic and poetic
What better way to creatively and spontaneously express than poetry/ art itself. Art is channeling spirit and just is, without defensiveness, without so much thought and perhaps made up philosophy to justify one's point. It just is, in the moment, full of appreciation Spontaneity is such a beautiful thing.