Why could I not feel his love then?

[Brian100]

Really, what are the odds both of us (Asearcher and I) are here now sharing the exact same story with different endings?

zillons to 1.

I just figured out her story was mine in reverse.

Which implies God did something here to both of us.

Her X --- told me the message...God wanted me to hear.

That she would have married me all alone if she had loved me.

Its really spooky what God can do thru time.

So God told me thru Asearchers X my girl really loved me! That is some power!

There is no way we would meet here with the exact same stories if there was no God.

What's the story? Would you get married all alone for love.

Now calculate these odds of both our stories here. . .many many years after my girl left me. She was gone in 1998. Then I stumble across Asearchers topic only to discover --she had the same choice. Except she was told it, and I never told it.

So this means him telling her (X demanded all alone wedding) ... was a message for me. That you would if you had loved me!

Stories with all alone weddings are zillions to 1... nobody discusses it.



I'm still tripping out.





Someone you loved
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXZNy75Yp68

I know her love. Its the highest passion.

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The all or nothing choice.

My girl and her leaving


My question to God was did she really love me?, and Asearcher told me thru her X she really did! But God really told me thru her X.
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And now Asearcher has the answer for her miscarry. Which must of been her real question to God. Which meant had she of done it for love.. maybe things would be different.
I do get some feelings she might of secretly loved him.

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When God answers your questions then you know he's God. But only with my God she could have known?

Originally Posted by Brian100

Really, what are the odds both of us (Asearcher and I) are here now sharing the exact same story with different endings?

zillons to 1.

I just figured out her story was mine in reverse.

Which implies God did something here to both of us.

Her X --- told me the message...God wanted me to hear.

That she would have married me all alone if she had loved me.

Its really spooky what God can do thru time.

So God told me thru Asearchers X my girl really loved me! That is some power!

There is no way we would meet here with the exact same stories if there was no God.

What's the story? Would you get married all alone for love.

Now calculate these odds of both our stories here. . .many many years after my girl left me. She was gone in 1998. Then I stumble across Asearchers topic only to discover --she had the same choice. Except she was told it, and I never told it.

So this means him telling her (X demanded all alone wedding) ... was a message for me. That you would if you had loved me!

Stories with all alone weddings are zillions to 1... nobody discusses it.



I'm still tripping out.





Someone you loved
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXZNy75Yp68

I know her love. Its the highest passion.

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The all or nothing choice.

My girl and her leaving


My question to God was did she really love me?, and Asearcher told me thru her X she really did! But God really told me thru her X.
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And now Asearcher has the answer for her miscarry. Which must of been her real question to God. Which meant had she of done it for love.. maybe things would be different.
I do get some feelings she might of secretly loved him.

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When God answers your questions then you know he's God. But only with my God she could have known?

yes this was unexpected...i am glad you feel you have been answered. who knows maybe the ex is up to something, he is on the other side so...

i never knew the ex's reason why he did not want anyone there. something happened to me when he said what he said and he had cross the line with me. so first he said it was over, and then express as if he is gonna think about how it was gonna be from now on, as if he was the boss of me and that I would just go with that. I do think he was sure of my love for him so I don't understand why he wanted that kind of proof for it, but what he said was nothing short but abuse. To make me feel real small. I did not deserve that.

anyways, I was surprised to hear he had kept all my stuff and our memories together now after his death and it was later left to a relative and i don't want it back so..and she wish to keep it...i thought he would have thrown that out long ago. i was also for first time told the stories they had of how he had talked about me to family, friends after it was over. he had put me on a pedestal. (and here i had felt small) and had seem very sorry, and very angry when hearing i had met someone else, as if he had hope we would get back together one day. he had said we were still friends and act as if we still had contact but we really didn't. as he got sick later on (depression or bipolar) he kept going back to the time when I was his in a nostalgic kind of way. then again he had proposed to his last girlfriend but she had not taken him seriously and said he needed to get his head screwed back on before that would happen, there were sort of on and off. even if he was dealing with depression or being bipolar he was very good at his job, even if he and his boss would butt heads now and then. He would say he still missed me when he heard the news of my (new) pregnancy through someone else and he wanted to be let know if everything was alright with me, and he would not forget this (even if he had a new girlfriend in his life) but keep asking, following me from a distance I guess through others. So there were lots of things I did not know.

I have lived and perhaps still do live in a home where paranormal stuff happens but now days only flickering with the electricity (even though we have had that checked and it should not be able to act like that). So first I thought the computer was tripping when suddenly playing Bee Gees song My Only Love on its own. No one had listen to it before and it should not come of by itself. But too there has been times when the radio starts on its own in the past etc, etc (long story).

so anyway the song my only love played with black background and the white lyrics, and it was happening around the time with the ex thoughts of death and so on. I can not say if it was just a flip on the computer or paranormal, or if I read too much into the lyrics, but still the lyrics of it did effect me. However I was not his only love, he had several girlfriends beside me so I don't wanna go look-at-me-kind of thing. It does strangely remind me.
link (if you like) https://youtu.be/duzopPreoJs?list=RDduzopPreoJs

it is true - I did love him once, but I have moved on from those in love feelings long ago. He is part of my soul group. But I believe there is not only one person in everyone's life that is the one fate - that one can not find love after that. I did find love after that and he too is I believe part of my soul group. My love for him was different, because he was different, and we as soulmates share most likely a different past as well. We have our story.

About time I have to tell you this. I have not understood how it can happen, but this was the experience I had: So I was in a room when all of a sudden i see a child appear and this child was in between the worlds but i still saw the child very clear how it look like and then the child was gone. if i should guess age around six.

later I had a child. This child looks identical to the child I saw. How this could be when the child was not even thought of yet and certainly not born yet I don't know. I could not foresee that the child would look like that, a total mix. This vision of the child came after I had gone through the miscarriage.

If the other side is flipping around with time like this - and like you wrote - it is impressive :)

[Brian100]

Asearcher,

i never knew the ex's reason why he did not want anyone there.

He said it for me not for you. . as I have showed you it was a message to me 20 years into the future.


Your message from God to me.

Her X --- told me the message...God wanted me to hear.

That she would have married me all alone if she had loved me.

His real reason could have been to make you call it off. But to believe that would imply ....(he couldn't tell you the truth). That you guys would never marry unless you agreed! So we're back to he said it for me. But you had a chance to agree!

Why didn't you agree? God might of let your baby be. 'To be or not to be is the only question' in life. Shakespeare.


Notice my girl didn't have to agree with me other than to run off and get married. . which I know, now, thanks to your story, that God pushed her to it with a tremendous overwhelming love. Otherwise, like you, would have said no mom there----> then no me.


My girl once asked me if I really loved her and I thought she was joking and I said no I never did with a smile. She went nuts afterwards!!! Went to the couch with arms crossed!

When I saw what had Happened I said no no... I do.. I thought it was too obvious. I wanted her to say you are a liar! And then we both could laugh! I would have told her you are too smart!

So him saying that to you .. is not as bad as what I said to mine.

I only said it to create doubt so she'd love me more. . but now realize it was a horrible mistake.

What I should of said was I love you forever.. & into the next life.

She still married me after? I never pushed her into it.

[Brian100]

Asearcher, its very obvious to me you haven't found true love yet by trying to remember this past fling. Your story was b/c my God wanted me to know why mine married me all alone and you could not do it.

Do you know what the odds are (this topic) for both of us having the same choice here in life? Astronomical. This whole topic is about your guy and my woman. Exact same choice. You said No to love.. and mine said Yes.. but we both had the same bad endings. So b/c of this I know she did it alone with me for love. I just don't know what pushed her!!! I think God did.

Which means she's mine in the afterlife! I bought my girl a single pearl necklace to put around her neck for when we meet again in paradise.

https://i.ibb.co/2g8nv6S/IMG-3330.jpg

her song.
https://youtu.be/M82ChD8qH-c


This topic is like a supernatural thing for me that is encoded heavenly message in your life experience to be relayed to me.. Its like God speaking thru you to me.


He said Don't worry Brian...

Her X --- told me the message...God wanted me to hear.

That she would have married me all alone if she had loved me.

That's the answer to my riddle. B/c he new Asearcher, and probably 99% of all woman, could not do that for love! But he told me my girl did do exactly that! Its supernatural now to me.


Your riddle:

i never knew the ex's reason why he did not want anyone there.

God told me the answer to your riddle too.

she would have married him all alone if she had loved him.

And then the baby to be... not to be.
Its like God had you set up for the True love thing... only had to say Yes.

He asked for it all alone b/c it was your mans test for your True Love. Wow, what a test! That be the ultimate test!
Your guy went for broke! All or nothing. Your man wanted to know if you were True Love. And he said that to you.... b/c My God told him to say it to you so I could hear why you said no 22 years later from my story. Its a mind blower!


And it means my girl was 'Predestination' where God select two people for Paradise! It means he brought us together. (insert her Marrying me first) Mark 10:9


Yesterday Once More
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nO4W1_jea8





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Originally Posted by Brian100

Asearcher, its very obvious to me you haven't found true love yet by trying to remember this past fling. Your story was b/c my God wanted me to know why mine married me all alone and you could not do it.

Do you know what the odds are (this topic) for both of us having the same choice here in life? Astronomical. This whole topic is about your guy and my woman. Exact same choice. You said No to love.. and mine said Yes.. but we both had the same bad endings. So b/c of this I know she did it alone with me for love. I just don't know what pushed her!!! I think God did.

Which means she's mine in the afterlife! I bought my girl a single pearl necklace to put around her neck for when we meet again in paradise.

https://i.ibb.co/2g8nv6S/IMG-3330.jpg

her song.
https://youtu.be/M82ChD8qH-c


This topic is like a supernatural thing for me that is encoded heavenly message in your life experience to be relayed to me.. Its like God speaking thru you to me.


He said Don't worry Brian...



That's the answer to my riddle. B/c he new Asearcher, and probably 99% of all woman, could not do that for love! But he told me my girl did do exactly that! Its supernatural now to me.


Your riddle:



God told me the answer to your riddle too.




And then the baby to be... not to be.
Its like God had you set up for the True love thing... only had to say Yes.

He asked for it all alone b/c it was your mans test for your True Love. Wow what a test! That be the ultimate test!
Your guy went for broke! All or nothing. Your man wanted to know if you were True Love. And he said that to you.... b/c My God told him to say it to you so I could hear why you said no 22 years later from my story. Its a mind blower!


Yesterday Once More
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nO4W1_jea8

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Hi Brian100, there are some things you write here that I agree with but others I don't. If you think or do not think I have found my love does not really matters, because I know in my heart and soul I have. What I had not done though was to go through what this bad break up and having my secret and miscarriage - so when he died, and we were still connected mentally, I had to go through that in order to close that chapter. I need you to respect my words when I write that I have found my love.

That you had something so horrible happen to you 20 years ago and am still in the state that you are in love with her - is something that I respect. I don't think it is good for you, but that is a different manner. You have chosen not to move on. But I have. There were still things left unfinished. SO that is what I have been dealing with, it is also part of grief, one has lost someone one has once loved. He is dead and he wasn't old. And it hurts to see the damage he did to himself and to others because he was not in a good place within himself. And it hurts to see family and friends that I was once part of and who I really liked and loved, treated me well and kept on treating me well after his death - hurt. It hurts to see people you care about hurt.

About my miscarriage, even if years has passed, this is still a sensitive subject to me. Others may have worked through this and may have thicker skin about this, but I am still not one of them. Perhaps even if you have the best intentions in the world to understand what a pregnancy and a miscarriage does to a woman you can't really get it until you have experienced it for yourself. If you have been pregnant and lost it too soon - then we can relate better to each other about this. Obviously you can't being a man, just as I am sure there are things you as a man can tell me and I can sympathize with you but I can't really know until I have been through it myself. So please, respect that.

I have wondered if there was a shift in fate for me and the baby and if I was to keep the baby had I not gone through heartbreak and much stress at the time of the pregnancy. But nobody knows that. It could have been that we had married - his way - and I could still have lost it.

there is also something else about love and sacrifice that I hope can get your attention. If you love someone else you respect them. If you love someone else in that respect means you want them to feel whole and strong and they can only feel whole and strong if they still have their free will and they still are not ask to sacrifice in order to please you - to prove your love. If one is going to play that sick game - the one superior (the one that keeps asking the other person to prove it's love) and the inferior giving and giving and giving til it never ends and it is never enough - will have lost energy, who they really are, it is as if their soul is dying. One can turn this around - if you love someone - what right do you have to ask that person to sacrifice for you so that you get to have 100% of the cake and the one giving it will have nothing in return. Is that love? Is not love - both ways?

when my ex got me to that small, little place after he had dumped me i was first confused, did not dare to you know hardly breath because i did not understand what was going on, and then i realized later that he was humiliating me. he was pushing me down. He was having the attitude "when-I-tell-you-to-do-something-you-do-it". That is no way to communicate between two equal partners, TWO people (not one) that is suppose to love each other and go in a marital union TOGETHER. That is not ONE making the shots and the other follow out of FEAR that if I don't do it his way he will not love me no more. Many, many couples compromise, they give and take. They talk about it. They sort it out.

Your dream-girl did it your? way - but it could also have been that this was her way too, that she did not mind doing that, or if it was all for you -then maybe she did that because she understood your reasoning. I can't say, of course.

I have had a terrible fear of heights. the answer was not found in this life but two other past lives. in one i was a child who was climbing a small mountain-stone in a forest while my dad had told me just before not to go further - but i went further after having turn around to see dad with his back almost turn against me and talking to another grown up. i climbed higher and i fell and they rushed to me. and I died. The other life I was a female and running, being chased by a man. I turn around and see that he was still running to get me. He hadn't stop. There was a cliff there. i ran off the cliff. i died.
in the first one when i was a child who fell down i claimed that my dad in that life was my ex. in the life when i ran to my death i said my ex was the man chasing me. if you don't believe in past lives - it's fine.

one day - this life - when i was walking with a friend and our kids, hers and mine, were running ahead i suddenly saw a potential danger in front of them and called out "STOP!". My children stop immediately. Hers didn't. they just kept on running and she was screaming her lungs out. Why did mine stop and not hers? i did not think about it then but as we all got talking my children said that i had explained to them before - long time before - that mom is taller and so mommy's eyes can see things you can't because well, you're too short now - so when mommy calls out stop it is because i see a danger you don't see and i want you to trust mommy on this - and stop, right away. Just stop. so I had explained why. My friend had never explained why and they might just felt she was bossy and no one is the boss of them and you know living out their free will 100%.

now i don't know but if my ex was the dad and later the man doing the chasing - it may very well have been that he did not explain, he gave orders, and demanded obedience. the man chasing me could have stop. if he had stop there had been no reason for me to continue to run. i felt a fear, panic, and anger when i had ran. I can't say if I intentionally killed myself or if it just happen.

I'm sure I have lost you somewhere with the past life thing as you don't believe in it,but explaining why you want someone to do things your way instead of pushing them down and threatening them with consequences etc can make a world of difference.

[Brian100]

Well I was just being honest with you on your 'I have no idea question.'

What happened to your baby--- might of been avoided if you had run off with him? B/c I see you leaving and not telling him as an omen. . from a higher power. But revisiting this guy makes no sense if you had found new love? You must be missing him or feeling bad you went down a different path and have remorse now? If you want to know 'why' he did that to you its to test how good your love was...he tested you. was it right? No. Were you right? Who knows. You will never know b/c when you left all this future disappeared. And you created a new future ...and a whole new outcome. And now that he's gone...why worry about him?

As for my comparison to my girl -- she did what you could not and defied logic! And I'm catching God making this happen to her. She really came back after she put me though hell with this new guy..married me,, then went back to him. So why come back at all? That's where God comes in. He made sure I married her first! Mark 10:9 says what God joins together can't be undone.

Was my girl crazy? idk. But God did something!

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Originally Posted by Brian100

Well I was just being honest with you on your 'I have no idea question.'

What happened to your baby--- might of been avoided if you had run off with him? B/c I see you leaving and not telling him as an omen. . from a higher power. But revisiting this guy makes no sense if you had found new love? You must be missing him or feeling bad you went down a different path and have remorse now? If you want to know 'why' he did that to you its to test how good your love was...he tested you. was it right? No. Were you right? Who knows. You will never know b/c when you left all this future disappeared. And you created a new future ...and a whole new outcome. And now that he's gone...why worry about him?

As for my comparison to my girl -- she did what you could not and defied logic! And I'm catching God making this happen to her. She really came back after she put me though hell with this new guy..married me,, then went back to him. So why come back at all? That's where God comes in. He made sure I married her first! Mark 10:9 says what God joins together can't be undone.

Was my girl crazy? idk. But God did something!

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brian100, I saw red when - to me - you came to the conclusion that because i did not marry my ex his way I therefor killed our future child. that is how i read it. It may not have been how you meant it.

the conclusion I have drawn since is that the heartache and stress i felt was created both by my ex and by myself, just as the baby in my tummy was created both by my ex and myself. That actually helps. before emotionally it was just me.

the reason i have come up with why I could not tell him before it was too late is too because I was afraid he was going to reject the baby just as he had reject me. So even without giving him a chance - a chance he was entitled to i put up all kinds of possibly realities.

[Brian100]

No I said when you left you changed your future with him-- like having a time machine for that very moment-- and God must of said it was better that way you didn't have his child b/c you weren't going to Marry him?


But if you had told him and did Marry him your whole future was going to be something else? And you would've given birth -- a very different future. And a whole different direction in life. But from what I'm reading you had already thought he was bad for you?

Originally Posted by Brian100

No I said when you left you changed your future with him-- like having a time machine for that very moment-- and God must of said it was better that way you didn't have his child b/c you weren't going to Marry him?


But if you had told him and did Marry him your whole future was going to be something else? And you would've given birth -- a very different future. And a whole different direction in life. But from what I'm reading you had already thought he was bad for you?

Thank you. Now I get your point.

Yes, I thought he was bad for me because too some time after i would not see or talk to him I faced someone he had started dating after our break up. I don't know if she came to gloat or to ask permission or what but she did not act as if she looked for permission. But i told her last time i spoke to him (what date it was). think she wanted perhaps to make sure he did not date both of us at the same time. I also found out if and when they had started to go on this date that they had been on like 2 or so years before that, she was as it then turn out an ex girlfriend of his but he had never told me about her, I had never heard of her, so there i stood - pregnant - and found out by her gloating expression that they had went on a new date. i had my poker face on and just said something like i hoped they had had a good time and wish them all the best with this. She had this talk with me alone, he was not with her. I don't know if he ever found out we met and had this talk.

Much later for it to make any difference she told me nothing had happened and that he hadn't even kissed her at the end of the date and as it turn out he had not ask her out again after all and that he said he had still been in love with me (but I don't know if he had said that just an excuse for not wanting to go on more dates with her). Another friend of his was sure he only used her to make me jealous of him and start to answer his call or see him or to boost his own self confidence - even if I would get mad he still would want to see me. but could he not understand it hurt too much? I was too proud to let him see my tears. he had robbed me off enough dignity. (it took time before i could get her gloating expression from my memory).

I for one did not think of dating an ex or anyone - it was too soon and I was pregnant with his baby.

So overall that was a difficult period, I even got called in to the boss' office because of my sudden pukes and looking all white in the face and feeling so tired, like a zombie. they say pregnant woman has a glowing aura to them - if so mine was stolen by someone else, ha ha. The boss was the only one except for mom to know of the pregnancy and I asked of his discretion. I was not yet third month pregnant and frankly told him that it was my ex baby and i had not told him yet but was going to so I really did not want to go out with this among my colleagues yet, and he understood, was sympathetic to that. in one way he was glad because he thought I had started drinking after the break up.

I guess you could say I was afraid and thought the ex was bad for me after the break up because he had hurt me so much - emotionally - not violently.

Worst time I saw his temper was when a car hit from the side (where i sat the closest) instead of waiting for his turn. my ex, who drove, had to react fast, and first ask if I was alright, then he slam the door when he got out to face the other driver. he was so mad. I was alright, but he kept wanting to take me to the hospital later but for what? I finally did and they said the same thing. I thought he was going to kill the other driver. but he was like that. One other time he thought a dog behaved bad and push it to the floor in a very humiliating gesture. When he did his break up with me and after I kind of felt like that dog.

When I heard of his death I thought of the time in the car when he react fast and wondered if he by any chance had gotten into a fight with someone, why he would drive too fast. Guess we will never know what went through his head those last minutes before his death. But I do know he was a good driver so it still puzzles me how it could happen like that. I have thought about if he wanted to commit suicide but wanted it to look like an accident but I hope i am dead wrong if so. I really did not know him at the late part of his life.

At the funeral it was so bad when they began complain that he had left no child behind, but in one other way it was fortunate because that child would be without a dad. It wasn't about money he did not have a child and he was old enough to settle down. When starting to talk of the child thing his friend told me in confidence that he - my ex that is - had express that his, or our love, for one another had been so special, so big that if there had been a God we would have been parents together one day and if he had wanted babies with anyone it would have been with me, but now that dream was gone. Do you think he could have felt something? Known something? How would that be possible? I did not find out until after his death that he had thought this.

He would too complain that his last girlfriend would always order the most expensive thing on the menu, in contrast to him remembering that I use to order the cheapest thing there was, it got to be an inside joke between us. When the friend reminded me of that I remembered it then too.

Anyhow, I am glad you feel that he spoke through me to you and that it has help you to understand something that you have been wondering all these years.

About your situation from what you have told me she did love you, but she was caught between you and her ex. If the ex was the father of her child then maybe she felt she own it more to the child to try to make it work with him. That she step aside from her true feelings for you in this regard. Could also be she split from you both and her old world because it all got too emotional stressful for her and she needed that energy, to find balance, so that she could focus on being a good mom. she could have feared for her sanity.

i have been told after a miscarriage that after it was very easy to get pregnant again because the body has been cut in the middle of a pregnancy-process and is still on the go. you described that your love said to you that she was first pregnant with you to then have an abortion and then got pregnant again but said this was the other guy's. it is most likely the same spirit that has been hoovering over her, wanting her as a mom, for things that she and the spirit, child, need to accomplish in this life together.

These are just my thoughts from what you have told me and I don't claim to be right or wrong about them, it is only an observation. I hope i have not upset you, if so I apologize.

the child that i saw in my vision standing in the room - i had never had that type of experience before and it shocked me but it was so real. I can't say if it was the spirit of the first baby i had and lost or if this was another spirit. either way it came years before my child was born. So even if I did not even know if i wanted to become a mom - the child knew in the future I would dare to become pregnant again and want to be a mom. which then means that my fate with the child's dad was already in the making or otherwise the child would not have had those kind of looks that I saw.

i only wish my ex would have had another one, a good one, destiny now that we parted. I am not so sure if it was destiny what happened to him. they say he did not have a seat belt on. he could have forgotten it, yes, but what if he didn't. I don't even want to think about it. i never knew i mattered that much to him. especially about the comment on the baby, babies that he said so late in his life. he did suffer from depression or was bipolar or both at the end of his life and from what I know when one suffers from depression one can get real nostalgic and think things were better in the past or have regrets.