Emotional Health/Well-being and Unhealthy relationships

Rfrost · #1 16-12-2015, 05:09 AM

I really wasn't sure where to post about this, but I was looking to find some advice about this certain predicament I am in. It does refer to the emotional/psychological well being of myself and the person(s) who is involved. I have a close connection with my soul sister who is also my best friend, but over the past 6 months- 1 year it has been starting to deteriorate. I'm not really sure what to do.
We have been roommates with each other for about 2 years now. About a year or so ago, we were living in another state with another room mate that had a high amount of physical, emotional, and psychological issues, and the connection between me, my soul sister, and this person was highly toxic. There was much conflict and it reached a point where we both left and went to my soul sister's hometown, currently where I reside.
I left my hometown due to the unhealthy living situation there, and just with the fact that I wasn't happy, nor healthy. I find myself to be very happy where I am living right now, location-wise. I have a job, a home, a car, friends, going back to school, I mean my life is going up! However, I am not happy with the living situation I am in and nor am I happy with who I am living with.
I currently feel like I'm being taken advantage of, manipulated, invalidated, hurt, and unsupported in many ways, and I don't want to go into any heavy specifics right now, but pretty much in ways where its making it difficult for me to care for myself. We fight, a lot, often her taking out a lot of anger or stress on me. I also feel like things in the house are not being done/flowing in appropriately like cleaning, running errands, getting groceries, etc. I've tried just about everything I can think of. I've tried making room mate guidelines with my sister (twice), making a finance chart (and have personally done my own finances many times this year), making a chore chart, sitting down with her and having a heart-felt conversation without fighting (numerous times), encouraging her to cook, clean, workout, watch tv or movies, make artwork, go shopping, or do random stuff with me, getting everything down on paper, keeping my distance from her, ignoring the conflict or that nothing is getting done, trying to get out more and hang out with more people, taking on more hours at work, going to therapy, and... well I've lost track.

What I can say is I've gained weight, I haven't been able to sleep well in a long time, I'm losing a lot patience, faith, hope, and strength within myself and others, and I feel my psyche just going all over the place.

I'm really just looking to reach out for outside advice from my friends and family. ANY advice whether through this thread or through a pm would be wonderful, I truly do appreciate this, thank you.

-Alex

Shinsoo · #2 16-12-2015, 11:50 AM

Perhaps the toxic relationship you two had with that toxic roommate, is still affecting her. Have you sat down with her and asked her what's been going on, why she's acting this way? Does she have a job?

Rfrost · #3 17-12-2015, 03:39 AM

Oh yeah! We have both talked about it endlessly. We have worked together on the specifics of what has happened and I have learned a lot on why our past room mate did what he did, felt how he felt, and so on. I have gained a new perspective and have found that I am really starting to move forward.
However, I find that a good portion of the conflict originates from her not being able to let go of the past, and it goes much farther back than the toxic room mate we both had. She still has a lot of anger towards her parents, her sister, her old relationships, ex friends, other family members, losses and health issues in the family, etc. I mean, she has definitely made progress with therapy... but I still find that the stuff she is hanging on to is really affecting our relationship. It has affected her health greatly as well.

Oh yeah, she has a job. However, she doesn't really do well connecting to others when I have made a lot of friends... I love talking and connecting to people.

nailspiritseeker · #4 10-01-2016, 07:13 PM

It sounds to me like she has some internal issues to deal with. Unfortunately, we can't help people who don't want to help themselves as much as we may love them. It sounds like you have done every thing you can think of. It has been almost a month later though, how are things going? If they haven't improved, it may be time to consider detaching yourself from her energy. It is hard to do when you live with someone, but a little space might help. Hope things improve for you.