Does anyone else feel like a mirror?

[SaturninePluto]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Yes, I notice that too, but I'm the totally gregarious type...and if I was 'person A' I would come straight out and say "excuse me, person D...I mentioned how nice Person C looked before person B did...you mustn't have heard me say it"...only to have the whole group look at me like an alien before fleeing in different directions...and I just go 'how cool is that!'

See in my case I would be person A but it would actually happen for myself a bit differently.

I would be Person A commenting in the way person B did- noticing the material and color.

Person B- Not I- would comment That is a very nice sweater- more in the way person A had commented.

Then I as person A I would feel like the group outcast- and eventually physically be pushed ever so slightly out of the group and conversation. That is to say the group would circle closer in until conveniently I was forced out of it.

But that was then. Now I wont tolerate Person B, C or D around me.

Essentially now a days the things people say have the nifty affect of bothering me less.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by SaturninePluto

See in my case I would be person A but it would actually happen for myself a bit differently.

I would be Person A commenting in the way person B did- noticing the material and color.

Person B- Not I- would comment That is a very nice sweater- more in the way person A had commented.

Then I as person A I would feel like the group outcast- and eventually physically be pushed ever so slightly out of the group and conversation. That is to say the group would circle closer in until conveniently I was forced out of it.

But that was then. Now I wont tolerate Person B, C or D around me.

Essentially now a days the things people say have the nifty affect of bothering me less.

Yes, I am exactly the same.

If people are trying to push me out of a group using 'deflection' or any another method, I just won't stand idly by and let it happen without voicing exactly what they are doing and making the 'subtle' glaringly obvious for all to see.

However, I also realise by doing so, I am totally overestimating the intelligence of the group, because it mostly flies over everyone's head like a jumbo jet because they're all as dense as wet cement...however, I won't get pushed without trying to take everybody over the ledge with me and eventually, I won't tolerate B,C or D around me anyway because they are simply not worthy of my presence.

[SaturninePluto]

.however, I won't get pushed without trying to take everybody over the ledge with me

Well Thank you for this. I cracked a smile, and at the risk of sounding emotional, it warmed a little bit of my stone cold robot heart.

Hmmm It's a true shame back when all this was going on for me, that when they physically would usher me out of the group conversation, that I hadn't gaged their reaction by jumping smack dab into the group and center as if at a mosh pit.

Ah well. No guts no glory.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by InfiniteFlight

I need a way to hold my own energy and to not allow this person to infiltrate. Do you (or anyone) have advice on how to go about this? I can usually do this fairly well with those I am not around all the time, but I'm finding it harder when I'm around this person 24/7.

The good option would also be to find ways to remove yourself from the situation during this 24/7 time, because you need space on your own during those times too, even if only for a short time.

I really think if you can't remove yourself from the situation for such long periods then try to learn some basic psychological behaviour through the use of body language.
For example you could cross your arms at them to make it known that you are closed to them, the same thing can also work with your legs. I know that putting a foot up on one knee & pointing the soul to be rude, however it can also tell someone that you are closed to them.

Giving a cold shoulder, turning your back, & whatever else you can find should help to shift the energy in your favour.
Experimenting with these should allow you to feel the change in the energy between you, & have you feeling better & more confident about the situation.

Choosing your moments is also important. If you act when they are making a fool of themselves then your body language can be even more effective & may even drive them off out of embarrassment.

These types of shunning techniques are something I've had success with also.

I should also add that I too also feel that the narcissist label might be too strong, perhaps energy vampire is a softer expression. I think it's important not to be too unkind to these types of people whilst dropping them as a friend cause a lot of us have been in this situation too & know that it's not a pleasant place to be.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by SaturninePluto

Well Thank you for this. I cracked a smile, and at the risk of sounding emotional, it warmed a little bit of my stone cold robot heart.

Hmmm It's a true shame back when all this was going on for me, that when they physically would usher me out of the group conversation, that I hadn't gaged their reaction by jumping smack dab into the group and center as if at a mosh pit.

Ah well. No guts no glory.

Ah...another with a stone cold robot heart.

At the risk of also sounding emotional, we made a connection today and my robot heart made a human beat and I'm also smiling. Thank you for that.

Yes, no guts, no glory...exactly and I'm the type who would do that 'mosh pit' thing, until the group had no alternative but to reconvene elsewhere and I would have the place all to myself.

It takes a special breed of person to be my friend, but once found, we are friends for life....however, those people are few and far between and I could count them all on one hand.

[shivatar]

Originally Posted by InfiniteFlight

I understand that, as sentient beings, we are all mirrors to the internal thoughts/feelings/emotions in each other.

But does anyone else here feel as if they are somehow affecting/attracting others around them more than some people?

I notice that when I encounter someone with emotional pain/trauma, I get one of the following reactions:

a) The person will completely spill their guts to me, telling me their whole life story within minutes/hours of meeting each other. They will unload all their pain and ask me advice on possible solutions. Despite that I just met or barely know them.

b) They will target me. They will look for reasons/ways to attack/berate me. They will look for anything "wrong" with me and try to point fingers at me for "what I need to change". Only to discover later that the very things they are attacking me for, are things within their own selves that they carry trauma from.

c) They will heavily attach themselves to me. Wanting to be around me all the time, trying to get "advice" or "help" from me, only to never take my advice and then come back to me seeking more and more counsel for self created problems. (This one seems to come on more gradually, probably because I am willing to help others and don't mind the first couple times... only to notice later that they are energetically using me and actually don't want to help themselves).


I guess what I am asking is, right now I am involved in the life of the second type of person. This person looks for any vulnerability possible and attempts to exploit it. This person says that they are so mean to me because I "annoy them", except when I ask what is so "annoying" this person points out things about "me" that they actually dislike in themselves. This person targets me so often that several of our mutual friends have noticed and said something. This person will often make really messed up remarks, like telling me to "roll on the ground with the dog" and insinuating that I have masochistic tendencies (enjoying pain). This person says they "want to see me blow up" and thinks I need to "be a better person". They also call me evil, say I lie all the time, and equates me to villains in popular movies and stories.

Yet, I am actually a very nice person. It literally hurts me to lie to others or to hurt others in anyway. I am not masochistic at all, nor do I want anything more than the happiness of others. So...

And this person isn't always this way. Sometimes they tell jokes and look at me for a smile. Or seeks me out for normal friendship activities. Or makes up nicknames and inside jokes. We are in the same circle of friends and have spent a lot of time together over the last 5 months or so. Yet, everytime things seem to be ok with us for awhile, another bomb gets dropped on me.

What I am trying to figure out is, how do I get it to stop? I understand that USUALLY a mature way to do this would be to have an adult conversation about boundaries and the way they talk to me. But I have already tried this and either the person gets angry because it "was so long ago" or "wasn't a big deal" or calls me "too sensitive". It's only when I completely and utterly break down that this person is willing to talk, but then always manages to turn the conversation around to how it's my fault. (I was breaking down because I didn't understand why I was being targeted. I get it now and am not as susceptible.)

I'm not sure how best to handle this. Right now, I am forced to be around this person for awhile longer. I'm not sure how best to navigate this situation. I know that to pretend everything is "fine" is only allowing this person to leach my energy further. But when I try to say that it's not ok, that doesn't seem to be sinking in either. I try to avoid this person, and that only delays the inevitable for a little while. How do I get this person to leave me alone? To see that this pain and darkness and hurt is NOT me, but actually coming from inside them? How do I effectively let this person know that I am not a receptacle for their negativity?

Honestly guys, I've been trying different things for months. Any help would be appreciated.

you are half out of luck because you can't force a person to look inside their self and face their pain. However you can be confrontational when they begin to project their pain unto you, then critisize you for reacting. Just be really honest and don't pull punches, don't allow their negativity to make you feel negative, say whatever you have to say in order to remain at peace inside. Usually it's just a "I think and I feel _____, would you please _(stop doing ___ or start doing ___)".

Sometimes the idea of niceness can be detrimental. We think we are acting one way because we are nice, but actually we are ignoring what we should be doing because it's difficult. Sometimes hurting someones feelings is being nice to them, if being honest and truthful to them when they are being deceitful to their self hurts their feelings then so be it. A lot of people with pain act negatively because they are in denial about their pain, they pretend everything is OK but deep down they want to scream, they go from happy and laughing to saying very mean things in the blink of an eye. emotional whiplash.

[Shivani Devi]

Well, we have all seen the 'deflection technique' at work but there's another one, which I call the "Living in 5D effect" and it's why I basically isolate myself totally and have nothing to do with humans anymore now whatsoever. It's very sad, but when you read this, you will all understand why.

So, I go into a group setting and try to 'mingle'...this is exactly what happens, every damn time!:

Me (Person A): "Person C, I like your top...the colour really suits you".
Person B: "By the way, did anybody watch the football last night?"
Person C: "Yeah, really close game...glad the Dogs got up".
Person D: "That final try should have been disallowed".
Person B: "Nah...it was totally legit".
Me: "Yeah, I saw the game, it was a really close one, so what football teams do you all follow?"
Person C: "So, person B, do anything interesting over the weekend?"
Person B: "Nah not much, just mowed the lawn, took the kids to karate had a pretty quiet one...what about you, person D?"
Person D: "I went to the beach...took the kids and the missus".
Me: "That's awesome. The beach is really nice this time of year. Which beach did you go to?"
Person B: "Cool, person D...so, person C...how's your dog? I heard you had to take him to the vet"
Person C: "yeah, he had a bowel obstruction...it cost my a grand for the operation...he's fine now, but I'm broke as hell"
Person D: "I had to take my cat to the vet last year to get some furballs removed...vets are very expensive".
Me: "Yes I know, I have a little Maltese Terrier and had to have him desexed...cost me $600...I'm glad to hear your dog is on the mend, so tell me, what breed of dog is he?
Person C: "yeah, person D, you're right, but we love our babies, so what else can we do? if it costs, it costs eh?"
Me: "oh would you look at the time? I gotta dash, cyas...nice to talk to you all"
Person D: "I wonder if that contestant will get through to the next round of Australia's Got Talent tomorrow?"
Person B: "He can't sing for nuts...don't even understand how he got this far."
Person C: "Yeah, I agree with person B...he's terrible"
Person D: "He's a lot better than that girl who was on last week...it's good she didn't make it"..
Me : *leaves without anybody noticing I was even there or gone*

I feel like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense..

[Centered]

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

Well, we have all seen the 'deflection technique' at work but there's another one, which I call the "Living in 5D effect" and it's why I basically isolate myself totally and have nothing to do with humans anymore now whatsoever. It's very sad, but when you read this, you will all understand why.

But you are truly not isolating yourself if you are speaking to us now.

And for the record I'm glad you haven't totally isolated yourself, but I get what you are driving at.

Let the chaos end and with it this current matrix we are in, back to an all loving source I say.