Moving on- Feels impossible

So recently, in late October, I have decided to take control back of my life.... I had to cut off the one I adore, it was quite painful and scary.

He was the first one that I have ever gone this far with. He was very sweet and attentive, sometimes, and other times selfish, immature and just plain horrible to me.
The bond was so intense that not having him near me? It actually hurt, I was in a black, lonely hole. It's been months since then, and months since I have seen him. He started ignoring me after a while, and putting me down. Apparently he did like me but was intimidated by me and does not have the ability to love a woman(learned this way after meeting him). I tried to trust him and saw him as a great friend, and he completely crushed me.
I am so angry. And yet so sad.

For some reason though, I cannot get over the pain of past memories. All I want is closure, I want to tell him how I feel, and yet my intuition is telling me: cutting him off and not saying anything? That IS the best closure, for new doors are going to open, and he would not say anything back anyways.

I don't know. Very confused. Does anybody have experience in this? Do they come back around? Does not saying anything at all give you the best closure?

[Captain]

It takes a while to tangle and a while to detangle. You can consciously get closure by offering to honor one anothers feelings. If possible ask him what he needs from you to get on with his life. Hopefully he will respond in turn. I think the best is to be friends, no sexual but affectionate if one needs it and slowly tapering off when both are ready to stand on your own two feet and start a new chapter. And then completely letting go.

I don't partner with men who are "friends" with their ex's. Friendship is the biggest part of a relationship, if they don't at some point release one another they basically keep a small or large part of that relationship alive. This dilutes the intimacy they experience with a new partner. One must let go of the old to bring in the new, and that statement is most appropriate when it comes to romance.

But you aren't there yet. If he is willing and something tells me from your words this may not be possible with him since he has a mean side to him, but ya never know. If he is willing end it with love and patience. Simply be there for one another without pressure. Maybe go out to dinner once a week and don't date others for a few months. Good luck and Namaste!

[Astara]

I have had this exact same experience. I made the decision to cut my x boyfriend off completely because while I still had contact with him he could still control my emotions & would crush me at any given moment.

It has now been 7 months since I last spoke to him & nearly a year since I last saw him. He has text me or emailed me every month but I have not replied. This is not because I don't care but because I want control of my own life. He has hurt me far too many times. I know he's only contacting because he feels he has lost control of the situation by me walking away completely & he has essentially lost his back up plan. That is basically what you are to this guy too!

Don't say a word to him - cut him dead!! I know it's really hard & I still have days where I break down crying & want to talk to him but then I realise that actually my life has been much happier since I made the decision to cut him out of my life & take back control of my emotions & not give him the power to hurt me anymore.

Be strong & let him go!! x

Closure is pretty much impossible. And, many people do not give that kind of closure. You also have to ask yourself if wanting closure from him means just that or you are deep inside hope for a good response and reconciliation. Staying in contact with someone who broke up with you does not give you a chance to truly heal.

You will have to find closure inside you. Time helps, as well as friends an hobbies. It gets worse before it gets better or so I heard.

[fennel]

Originally Posted by Checkmate.

Closure is pretty much impossible. And, many people do not give that kind of closure. You also have to ask yourself if wanting closure from him means just that or you are deep inside hope for a good response and reconciliation. Staying in contact with someone who broke up with you does not give you a chance to truly heal.

You will have to find closure inside you. Time helps, as well as friends an hobbies. It gets worse before it gets better or so I heard.

I agree with Checkmate.

The closure takes time, and comes from you. Hoping your ex will change or come back around is pointless.

Here is an excerpt from part of a larger work by Ralph Waldo Emerson...highlights mine.

Though thou loved her as thyself,
As a self of purer clay,
Tho' her parting dims the day,
Stealing grace from all alive,
Heartily know,
When half-gods go,
The gods arrive.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

In other words, there will be other, truer loves...when you let this one go.

Hang in there...

Thank you very much for all the kind words... I've been told before that when I let this thing pass me and let it go, more romantic links will appear. I am hoping that it is true. I have no way to communicate with him anymore as I have cut him off, it's actually been easier this month compared to last. :)
I will do my best to accept what happened and just be done.

Briefly and in simple terms:

'Cutting off' has an energy of denial . Instead, consider focusing your energy/attention on yourself, your well-being, learning to manage/master your personal energy. And when you do think of him, consider simply having compassion for him - loving him (from afar, simply as a human being), and wishing him well. You have a huge opportunity to practice unconditional love here. It will go a long way to helping you move on - and you'll take a big step forward in your awakening.

Relationship in general is the toughest game on the planet, and it is critical for us in order to learn important lessons.

All relationship we are in, we are in by our agreement. Ultimately, no one can hurt you. It is really you hurting yourself. The person you were when you began this relationship could be hurt because you had a belief that you could be hurt - part of your Karma, and a pattern you have been in for lifetimes in some form or another, and that will continue in this life and the next - unless you decide to clear it.

When you develop the certainty/sincerity and the intuitive/inner-guidance that goes along with it, these kinds of situations will cease to recur in your life. It's really not complicated, but it's not necessarily easy.

Outside of this realm, your soul and his 'arranged' for this encounter (of your Earthly beings) for the purpose of learning lessons. It's a much different perspective on the other side of the veil, so the lessons are not necessarily what you might expect, but you can develop that perspective over time with intention/attention and practice. To do so, you'll need to let go of the normal human thinking/tendencies/reactions. And that is a big part of awakening and living a masterful, drama-free life.

There are many lessons to learn from this experience, and they will become more clear to you as time goes by and as you become more and more open to learning them. As you do, you become a different person - in very real terms. And at that point, better matches for you - people who are better reflections of your truths will begin to gravitate towards you, and you to them.

Best,
*e

[Astara]

There are many lessons to learn from this experience, and they will become more clear to you as time goes by and as you become more and more open to learning them. As you do, you become a different person - in very real terms. And at that point, better matches for you - people who are better reflections of your truths will begin to gravitate towards you, and you to them.
/QUOTE]

I I fully agree with this although it is hard to think of them in a kind manner after being treated so badly. However, I'm aware that being bitter only affects ourselves not them. This is something that myself & Heartlocket will have to work through. I've at least come a long way from where I was and that is because I've thought of things via a higher more spiritual perspective. x

[Illuminata007]

Originally Posted by Astara

I have had this exact same experience. I made the decision to cut my x boyfriend off completely because while I still had contact with him he could still control my emotions & would crush me at any given moment.

It has now been 7 months since I last spoke to him & nearly a year since I last saw him. He has text me or emailed me every month but I have not replied. This is not because I don't care but because I want control of my own life. He has hurt me far too many times. I know he's only contacting because he feels he has lost control of the situation by me walking away completely & he has essentially lost his back up plan. That is basically what you are to this guy too!

Don't say a word to him - cut him dead!! I know it's really hard & I still have days where I break down crying & want to talk to him but then I realise that actually my life has been much happier since I made the decision to cut him out of my life & take back control of my emotions & not give him the power to hurt me anymore.

Be strong & let him go!! x

In the same boat and I agree with you 100%

I deserve much better than being someone's back up plan.

For those who suggest staying friends, I don"t know about you but my friends LOVE me and treat well.

[Astara]

Originally Posted by Illuminata007

I deserve much better than being someone's back up plan.

For those who suggest staying friends, I don"t know about you but my friends LOVE me and treat well.

Exactly!!! If they really loved us they wouldn't have treated us like this in the 1st place!
Karma will give them what they deserve! But in the mean time we can move on with out heads held high & pity their new victims!! x