I want to die.

[anditmakesmewonder]

Originally Posted by TheDivineOne

I'm already dead.

Really...I don't know what to say, but honestly, I'm looking forward your transition. I hope things will change for better.

All I can offer is a song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PISkFEzC5XE

Wish I could do more.

[TheDivineOne]

Originally Posted by MergingWolf

for the longest of times I wanted the same thing, to die, I wanted it so badly I even dreamt of it every night, and many times became very lucid after being shot in the neck in one of my dreams, but I have a lot i'm looking forward to before I take the plunge , like merging with my higherself and inspiring the masses to follow their dreams and heal the world. I suggest If you want to go thru the motions, and experience what it may feel like to die , do it in dream world its satisfying, maybe you just need to experience it a few times in dream to get your fill then let go.

I still want to die every once in a while when I fail at achieving what I set out to do, Astral projecting, imaging how many fails I go thru and that's how many times I think about death, astral projecting is the one way I can get started on what I mentioned above but I fail at it a lot, but I keep trying, find a passion to pursue, it helps a lot.

That sounds really interesting. I've always wanted to have an OBE and NDE, of course knowing my luck it's never happened to me yet. At this point, i feel like the only thing that could ever make me happy is if i die a real physical death, really experience being in spirit form, really being set on being born female, and having my soul being funneled in a new body. That's just that.

Originally Posted by anditmakesmewonder

Really...I don't know what to say, but honestly, I'm looking forward your transition. I hope things will change for better.

All I can offer is a song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PISkFEzC5XE

Wish I could do more.

Thanks. All I can say is "thank you" and that I think i'm just at a week moment that hopefully i'll overcome. Hope your song helps. Thanks for it.

Hugs
Divine One

[ocean breeze]

What if there is no starting over?

[Des39]

Originally Posted by TheDivineOne

I guess the point of this lifetime was for me to appreciate being a woman for all it's worth and to not take it for granted. That's what it seems anyway.

Apparently, that's NOT the point of your lifetime. You cannot learn to appreciate what you already appreciate. That's no lesson.

Originally Posted by TheDivineOne

Only when i am a girl is then when i will appreciate life for everything it's worth. But until then i don't mind maintaining my cavalier "I've learned my lesson, so can i go now?" attitude.

You have not learned your lesson yet. As soon as you learn what you were meant to learn, you would not be bothered by it anymore and/or you will be free to go. But as you are still here, your lesson is still waiting to be learned and exams to be passed. As soon as you pass, it's over.

[Des39]

Originally Posted by ocean breeze

What if there is no starting over?

Then there is no point of anything. And nothing really matters. But what if there is starting over?

[TheDivineOne]

Originally Posted by Des39

Apparently, that's NOT the point of your lifetime. You cannot learn to appreciate what you already appreciate. That's no lesson.



You have not learned your lesson yet. As soon as you learn what you were meant to learn, you would not be bothered by it anymore and/or you will be free to go. But as you are still here, your lesson is still waiting to be learned and exams to be passed. As soon as you pass, it's over.

But there have been reports of people who were murdered in one life, being the opposite gender in the next life and having transgender feelings in that life.

[Des39]

Originally Posted by TheDivineOne

But there have been reports of people who were murdered in one life, being the opposite gender in the next life and having transgender feelings in that life.

That doesn't mean anything. Or at least that doesn't mean anything for you and your problem in your current life.
It's like you would have said that there are people murdered in one life and being homosexual in the other life, or being murdered in one life and being black in the other life, and so on. Sure, there are reports of anything, but what does it mean for your current life? Nothing. You have to find YOUR lesson in your current lifetime and not just guess something based on some reports on other people.
And now, apparently, your guess is wrong and you are stuck in one place because you think you have already learned and passed your exam, but, in fact, you are just wasting your time and still suffering, because it just wasn't your lesson.

[TheDivineOne]

Originally Posted by Des39

That doesn't mean anything. Or at least that doesn't mean anything for you and your problem in your current life.
It's like you would have said that there are people murdered in one life and being homosexual in the other life, or being murdered in one life and being black in the other life, and so on. Sure, there are reports of anything, but what does it mean for your current life? Nothing. You have to find YOUR lesson in your current lifetime and not just guess something based on some reports on other people.
And now, apparently, your guess is wrong and you are stuck in one place because you think you have already learned and passed your exam, but, in fact, you are just wasting your time and still suffering, because it just wasn't your lesson.

I brought that up because when someone is murdering you, the assailant most likely won't give any thought or consideration to if or not you've learned your life lesson and so you probably didn't... so it's kind of unfair that a suicide death probably won't lead to me changing gender.

[Des39]

Originally Posted by TheDivineOne

I brought that up because when someone is murdering you, the assailant most likely won't give any thought or consideration to if or not you've learned your life lesson and so you probably didn't... so it's kind of unfair that a suicide death probably won't lead to me changing gender.

Well, when you believe in some kind of God or Higher Truth or Universal Law or call it like you wish, you feel that nobody would murder you unless it is somehow needed or attracted by your karma and that Universal Law. And so nobody would murder you before you learned what you were supposed to learn, unless it is something you would learn exactly by the very action of being murdered. But yeah, suicide is your active and deliberate choice now (unlike being murdered) and so it is more like creating another karma or consequences in the future.

I do not know what spiritual belief or teaching you like or not, but if it is something favoring karma and reincarnation, you know that there is nothing like 'unfairness' and everything is like it should be. Just cause and effect. You are exactly where you should be depending on your previous actions. You now create your future circumstances, so it is up to you if you take it in an active way and will do or try to learn something, or if you would choose more passive way and expect to die soon and believe that something will change by itself. For example, that your gender will change in your next life. My opinion is that it will not change unless you discover what you have to discover now in this life in a male body. You do not have this male body by accident.

[TheDivineOne]

Originally Posted by Des39

Well, when you believe in some kind of God or Higher Truth or Universal Law or call it like you wish, you feel that nobody would murder you unless it is somehow needed or attracted by your karma and that Universal Law. And so nobody would murder you before you learned what you were supposed to learn, unless it is something you would learn exactly by the very action of being murdered. But yeah, suicide is your active and deliberate choice now (unlike being murdered) and so it is more like creating another karma or consequences in the future.

I do not know what spiritual belief or teaching you like or not, but if it is something favoring karma and reincarnation, you know that there is nothing like 'unfairness' and everything is like it should be. Just cause and effect. You are exactly where you should be depending on your previous actions. You now create your future circumstances, so it is up to you if you take it in an active way and will do or try to learn something, or if you would choose more passive way and expect to die soon and believe that something will change by itself. For example, that your gender will change in your next life. My opinion is that it will not change unless you discover what you have to discover now in this life in a male body. You do not have this male body by accident.

Okay, fair enough. While i do believe in some Divine Authority or Universal Law, i wholeheartedly refuse to give in to the Christian doctrine depiction of "God." That being said, as i've been told so countless times, i don't really care if i was born male for a reason and like to maintain my notion that i should've been born female... that being the reason why i'm transitioning to female now and am not detransitioning back to male for any reason ever.

But if it means me being born female in my next life, then fine, i will learn whatever i was supposed to learn here in this life, which is really irritating considering no one can help tell me my life lesson for me and i don't know what it is. But i think all that helps me to not feel so upset about it is transition, being who I want to be, even if i was born male "for a reason" and still look forward to my immediate next life and being born female in it... and maybe not being so eager to die soon.