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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #21  
Old 11-03-2018, 09:05 AM
Nature Grows Nature Grows is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel

As with everything - you don't know until you give it a go.

.

Yea i guess this is true, i have never approached a woman or asked one out/asked one to be my gf, they have always done that to me, and most of the times, except twice, i said no to them, even if i wanted to say yes. It was a mixture of not trusting people or being able to fully open up to others, worrying about things like the "what ifs" seeing other peoples relationships looking very unpleasant, listening to other peoples warnings and what they were saying ect.. ect.. (not saying not to do that)

But it's kinda messed up when you have someone say to you that they really like you an you also like them but then you say, no, get away... you know? sometimes i did wonder what would of happend if i done this or that. It doesn't bother me now though, im just sharing because what you said reminded me of this, plus something else today.

Its ok for OP to ask for advice tho an see other perspectives and what ppl say, at the end of the day she will just have to go with what she feels is best with this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
Lots of the words have a negative slant - penetrated (sounds brutal)
.
lol, yea it does, i picture some vampire castle with people stabbed through the stomach on sharp bits of wood an stuff with that one.

Btw i just skimmed through the thread quickly..
  #22  
Old 11-03-2018, 10:00 AM
Raziel Raziel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature Grows
Yea i guess this is true, i have never approached a woman or asked one out, they have always done that to me, and most of the times, except twice, i said no to them, even if i wanted to say yes. It was a mixture of not trusting people or being able to fully open up to others, worrying about things like the "what ifs" seeing other peoples relationships looking very unpleasant, listening to other peoples warnings and what they were saying ect.. ect.. (not saying not to do that)

But it's kinda messed up when you have someone say to you that they really like you an you also like them but then you say, no, get away... you know? sometimes i did wonder what would of happend if i done this or that. It doesn't bother me now though, im just sharing because what you said reminded me of this, plus something else today.

Its ok for OP to ask for advice tho an see other perspectives and what ppl say, at the end of the day she will just have to go with what she feels is best with this.


lol, yea it does, i picture some vampire castle with people stabbed through the stomach on sharp bits of wood an stuff with that one.

Btw i just skimmed through the thread quickly..


Dates can essentially be the same as going out with a friend.

Make a day of getting to know someone instead of the Hollywood "dinner for two".

Concerts, cinema, day at the park in the sun are all things you do because they are cool - if you become a couple this continues.


Don't get too hung up on stuff, be a gentleman & be yourself. Don't over compensate & fingers crossed she'll be just the same.
Getting to know a person is key - you might already know them as the OP seems to in which case you just enjoy spending time together.

At the end of the day you both hope to be happy & the only way to do it is to get on with it.

Even if nothing comes of a date its good practice for the eventual special lady.

Iron out the kinks

Its much better to let the ladies make the move IMHO because they already see something in you they like to take that leap & ask.

To quote the great guru Borat "Sexytime is good time yuus"

.
I love women, I love the way they think, the way they deal with issues. I love their strength & beauty. I find something enchanting in all of them.

Other guys make it complicated at times but hold the line & give any women/girls who meet you the guarantee that good guys exist everywhere.
.
__________________
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"I am your creation.
Now, as before - you criticise your own work."


- Legacy Of Kain
  #23  
Old 11-03-2018, 10:36 AM
Nature Grows Nature Grows is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
Dates can essentially be the same as going out with a friend.

I actually added more to the first sentence of my post, the GF part... every time these things happen naturally i have never an would not even want to set up some date with someone random and we sit down an she interviews me like some job interview, seeing if i fit her check list, it has never happend like that, its just you hang out with people an meet more people an.. yea.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
[b][color="RoyalBlue"]Make a day of getting to know someone instead of the Hollywood "dinner for two".

Like i said u misunderstood but i didn't write clearly, the hollywood dinner thing iv never done haha.. it seems fake and weird to me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
Concerts, cinema, day at the park in the sun are all things you do because they are cool - if you become a couple this continues.

yea.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
Don't get too hung up on stuff, be a gentleman & be yourself. Don't over compensate & fingers crossed she'll be just the same.

mmhmm..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
Getting to know a person is key - you might already know them as the OP seems to in which case you just enjoy spending time together.

Thats the way i have experienced it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
At the end of the day you both hope to be happy & the only way to do it is to get on with it.

Even if nothing comes of a date its good practice for the eventual special lady.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
Iron out the kinks

huh? nvm.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
Its much better to let the ladies make the move IMHO because they already see something in you they like to take that leap & ask.

To quote the great guru Borat "Sexytime is good time yuus"

.

sometimes i just think its a bad idea to be in relationships i already have twice, one had to move far away then they came back for a bit but now idk where they are, an the other one did not continue but ugh.. what was i gonna say, i don't even know how to word it, im gonna duck outta this thread i may come back..

Just gotta not close yourself off to things if you want to go for it. this stuff is only a problem if i start thinking to much about stuff haha... and im not the only one LOOK at this thread!

OP said "would you risk it" this means do u fear the unkown.... this is what all this is about do we fear the unknown? or will we make friends with it?
  #24  
Old 11-03-2018, 10:51 AM
Raziel Raziel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature Grows

OP said "would you risk it" this means do u fear the unkown.... this is what all this is about do we fear the unknown? or will we make friends with it?

Excellent point!

I always advise the scout ahead option - move forward with caution, seize opportunities if they present themselves but be cautiously optimistic.

Many phrases: tread lightly, see the lay of the land being two of them hark back to how our ancestors handled their lives.

They wouldn't eat if they didn't take chances that arose yet danger was always an option.

Think of the movie Avatar - look how the Na'vi live, that was us in times passed (minus the blue skin).

Scout your relationships, watch for danger - it's all we can do without completely giving into fear.

.
__________________
.


"I am your creation.
Now, as before - you criticise your own work."


- Legacy Of Kain
  #25  
Old 11-03-2018, 10:58 AM
Nature Grows Nature Grows is offline
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.[/quote]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
Excellent point!

I always advise the scout ahead option - move forward with caution, seize opportunities if they present themselves but be cautiously optimistic.

Many phrases: tread lightly, see the lay of the land being two of them hark back to how our ancestors handled their lives.

They wouldn't eat if they didn't take chances that arose yet danger was always an option.

Think of the movie Avatar - look how the Na'vi live, that was us in times passed (minus the blue skin).

Scout your relationships, watch for danger - it's all we can do without completely giving into fear.

.

Yup being cautious is good too of course.. a balance like you say here, caution and action. Ok nice chatting.
  #26  
Old 11-03-2018, 06:40 PM
7luminaries 7luminaries is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature Grows
Yea i guess this is true, i have never approached a woman or asked one out/asked one to be my gf, they have always done that to me, and most of the times, except twice, i said no to them, even if i wanted to say yes. It was a mixture of not trusting people or being able to fully open up to others, worrying about things like the "what ifs" seeing other peoples relationships looking very unpleasant, listening to other peoples warnings and what they were saying ect.. ect.. (not saying not to do that)

But it's kinda messed up when you have someone say to you that they really like you an you also like them but then you say, no, get away... you know? sometimes i did wonder what would of happend if i done this or that. It doesn't bother me now though, im just sharing because what you said reminded me of this, plus something else today.

Its ok for OP to ask for advice tho an see other perspectives and what ppl say, at the end of the day she will just have to go with what she feels is best with this.


lol, yea it does, i picture some vampire castle with people stabbed through the stomach on sharp bits of wood an stuff with that one.

Btw i just skimmed through the thread quickly..

Hahaha @NatureGrows...you seem mostly in your responses to be a balanced and considerate gent, and I appreciate your more neutral tone here which allows for all opinions as input for the OP.

BTW there are no fangs or stakes here. I discuss predators on both sides but focused on the OP taking care with men, considering waiting or at least using protection, because she is female and speaking of a still-married gent just a few months on into his separation -- and voiced some understandable doubts about the situation.

If she were male I would say exactly the same thing, consider waiting, to take care and at least to use protection...and to be aware of men's too common vulnerability to predatory women offering easy sex with no consideration of love or getting to know you.

Peace & blessings mate
7L
__________________
Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.

Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.

For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way

and become themselves despite all opposition.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke
  #27  
Old 11-03-2018, 07:05 PM
7luminaries 7luminaries is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raziel
I say this in a pleasant tone - a lot of what is presented from a certain perspective just sounds anti-sex from my perspective.

It isn't the first time either.

Lots of the words have a negative slant - penetrated (sounds brutal), shagging partner (Groovy baby!), Unitarian predator (sounds like a Buffy villain).
Caution in this example is hovering around being physical & scare stories used to illustrate this.

Different strokes and all that.

I'd like to note that I did take into account the Original Posters age (I always check out the poster) & tailored my comments accordingly - with the presumption that shes not daft & will have witnessed or experienced many things herself. I can see that she too was previously married for example .

Perhaps its a cultural thing, I can speak of the (literally) hundreds of English retail ladies I have worked with, many of them still friends.
I can think of one manhunter, most talked freely & discussed relationships with each other & I was often included in said conversations.

Once an individual had implants, different ladies were having a curiosity feel - old Raz was openly offered the same option but I declined out of respect for my fiancée even though it was clinical in nature.

Alongside this many came to me individually (due to my role) & we would work one on one - here they would open up about their lives & I'd be a sounding board & agony uncle.

Those personal perspectives of theirs do not match the "women don't want intimate sexual relationships" argument but "Mr Right" was a common ideal.

Most are married/in long term relationships with children now, it might be the 2nd go around but it is what it is. Again perhaps its a cultural thing.

I don't disagree that time is needed to heal but Ghost_Rider_1970 puts it best, missing out on something good due to a self imposed rule is giving way too much energy to the previous relationship.

As with everything - you don't know until you give it a go.

.

Raz, hello there & thanks for your courteous response :). I'm not certain what you mean about cultural differences. I don't necessarily really buy into too much of the mainstream cultural paradigms and I find my own voice. Is that what you mean?

No, what I say it's not anti-sex though yes, I often use terms designed to penetrate the haze and garner the reader's focus with a bit of texture and colour.

The fact is, the entire sexual context, the experience of being vulnerable and being penetrated, and the repercussions on the individual and her body are just so very, very different for women. And being tender-hearted and being repulsed and traumatised by animal sex devoid of love or commitment is simply the way a vast majority of women are wired -- whether they are able to articulate it or not. Most women do desire sexual intimacy IF with a committed and authentically loving partner. And otherwise most women do NOT desire it, full stop. That's why you heard so much of "Mr. Right"...that's how they were attempting to convey this deeply ingrained need for authentic love, commitment, and presence, in order to feel loved and whole during a sexual act.

Men folk who respond to throw caution to the wind and freely "date" (meaning also "shag", as I understand) whomever seems to get on with you well enough at first blush IMO simply don't get how it is for the majority of woman across the vast majority of their lives -- and that's not too surprising as they aren't women...and that's why I too am being kind in pointing this out

It's not at ALL anti-sex to discuss the reality that sex for most women is a deeply personal and yes,"de facto" it is also a thoroughly invasive act which for women which always carries the risk of disease and pregnancy. A great deal of love and trust is required to honour this reality for many if not most women, particularly when we've reached the age of emotional maturity but really at all times. Shagging rights (even if supposedly "exclusive") are essentially meaningless to a vast majority of women without a context of authentic love and some level of freely given, meaningful commitment.

Moreover, given the facts of our reality, there is a great deal of needless risk involved physically and also emotionally for a woman IMO when she even begins to contemplate having sex with anyone like this. I.e., someone on the rebound, OR someone who doesn't love her, &/OR someone who is not even free (emotionally or legally) to engage seriously as a life partner. Any of the above indicate IMO a no-go, but at the very least IMO they point to a need for caution and taking one's time rather than denying or ignoring the reality of the other's situation.

Likewise, due to different wiring, the vast majority of women (predators and outliers aside) across the vast majority of their lives just don't crave sex for its own sake nor does focus on visuals and genitals and flesh and parts arouse a woman's desire for sex with strangers or whomever. That is, for the vast majority of women across the vast majority of their lives, we don't like animal sex (or, "just sex"), meaning sex that is disconnected from a very uniquely personal heart connection...which requires a lengthy and authentically engaged period of getting to know you.

As well, sex doesn't serve as an emotional crutch for the vast majority of women across the vast majority of their lives, so if they don't crave raw sex with just whomever -- and if it's not serving them as the piston booster or emotional crutch -- then without a deep heart connection and some meaningful level of commitment, sex and demands or offers of sex from gents give women very little of what they need and want from a man in a partner relationship. Even if yes, they get on well. If gents were to begin much more broadly getting to know and love women by spending time first without pressing for loveless sex and road-testing, I think it would be a beautiful thing and would give a solid chance for a real love of one another as people and as friends to grow. Within this context, it would be VASTLY more appealing for women to consider men as mutually committed, authentically loving life partners. In turn, authentic love would actually sustain a long-term desire in women for physical intimacy and sex with the man they loved. I know gents wish there was an easy peasy switch to flip but there's no shortcut to authentic love (and thus nor to a woman's sustained desire for a man's touch).

Though I appreciate your input and your right to your opinion, we probaby can just agree to disagree of much of it. I will say, I find your response refreshingly hilarious and I particularly appreciate the random details like turning down the offer of copping a "purely clinical" feel, LOL...because I just can't make this stuff up heheheheh.....

Good times mate...and I do agree with the live and let live bit.
Peace & blessings
7L
__________________
Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy.

Here we must be unafraid of what is difficult.

For all living beings in nature must unfold in their particular way

and become themselves despite all opposition.

-- Rainer Maria Rilke
  #28  
Old 11-03-2018, 07:43 PM
Raziel Raziel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 7luminaries

Though I appreciate your input and your right to your opinion, we probaby can just agree to disagree of much of it. I will say, I find your response refreshingly hilarious and I particularly appreciate the random details like turning down the offer of copping a "purely clinical" feel, LOL...because I just can't make this stuff up heheheheh.....

Good times mate...and I do agree with the live and let live bit.
Peace & blessings
7L

The 12 year old boy inside my mind was screaming in the name of everything for me to just cup & squeeze but the mature adult channelled an inner Gandhi

I'm all for loving relations - I'd advocate it purely after marriage if I were to think conservatively & honourably but my standards cannot be applied to the world as it isn't mine alone.
Any religious group with similar beliefs often fail elsewhere in their system of dogma or house rules.

I will say just for the sake of openness that we had a girls school not too far from me as a boy & those girls were savages. One whiff of a male & it was all out war to obtain him ... any viewers of the walking dead will recall the walkers at the prison fence - that was those girls - my friend & I went up there once in 17 years - we were lucky not to get torn asunder!

That mindset actually harmed one or two of my female friends that attended as they used to take guys down like dragon slayers.


.

Again - different strokes for different folks. It depends on personal life experiences, hardships & life lessons.

At least in an open forum those things can be pooled together & collated in the mind of a poster.

honk honk!

.
__________________
.


"I am your creation.
Now, as before - you criticise your own work."


- Legacy Of Kain
  #29  
Old 12-03-2018, 01:19 AM
LostintheLore LostintheLore is offline
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When I was first with my girlfriend she was married and still lived in the same apartment. We surely have had our ups and downs and worked through a lot. That was a few years ago and we are doing great. If it feels right, go for it.
  #30  
Old 12-03-2018, 03:24 AM
Nature Grows Nature Grows is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 7luminaries
Hahaha @NatureGrows...you seem mostly in your responses to be a balanced and considerate gent, and I appreciate your more neutral tone here which allows for all opinions as input for the OP.

BTW there are no fangs or stakes here. I discuss predators on both sides but focused on the OP taking care with men, considering waiting or at least using protection, because she is female and speaking of a still-married gent just a few months on into his separation -- and voiced some understandable doubts about the situation.

If she were male I would say exactly the same thing, consider waiting, to take care and at least to use protection...and to be aware of men's too common vulnerability to predatory women offering easy sex with no consideration of love or getting to know you.

Peace & blessings mate
7L

Thank u 7luminaries, yes i understand what u are saying, and we can say what ever we want to try assist the OP its fine no worries, thanks take care.

Have to go out so just a quick post.
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