Fears of potential through the 'mirror' effect

[Ariaecheflame]

Originally Posted by Sam.I.Am

I wanted to reply sooner, but I kept resonating more and more with each reply that was posted. As I've previously mentioned on the forum, I met my mirror soulmate a little over a year ago. And while it's been a beautiful journey, it's definitely been filled with challenges.

I'm rather young (26) and for all that I've been through in my life (chronic pain, depression, anxiety, childhood trauma, etc), I can't say that I've ever "found myself" or the true essence of who I am. I know it's inside of me somewhere, but I'm just beginning the process of digging everything out and sorting through it all.

Really, the process of discovering myself through spirituality began with my SM. As my exact mirror (identical personalities, life paths, beliefs, mannerisms, etc) seeing my reflection in him, prompted me towards doing the inner work necessary to heal. But, it is challenging to heal when you've lost the essence of yourself. Or, better yet, never really had that essence to begin with. It really makes you wonder what you're exactly looking at when you look into your SM's (or twin flame's) eyes.

Every week, I watch the Twin Flame 1111 tarot card reading on YouTube. I believe the reader's name is Karen. While I'm not in a TF relationship, I find that the energies of both the DM and the DF still resonate strongly in soulmate relationships. Any how, if you get a chance to watch the reading online, I love how she described the "child orphan" phenomenon. It's similar to what you wrote about children not needing to be seen nor heard and I found her interpretation to be quite profound.

Essentially, the child orphan is pretty self explanatory with feelings of rejection and abandonment being the major themes. But, the card also has to do with children not feeling emotionally supported by their parents. The parents were present physically, but not emotionally. The child grows up feeling as though there are these imaginary walls where yes, needs are being met from a physiological standpoint, but really no one was really there for them. You become lonely, isolated, self-reliant, and learn to hold everything in for fear that your emotions will never be reciprocated or validated by other people.

Is it right to say that in a sense, growing up in that manner, we de-validate (word?) ourselves? How can we learn to give ourselves that which we've never been given? By far, that's been probably one of the biggest things that I've been struggling with throughout this journey.

For me, I know that my soulmate is my reflection. It is me who I'm looking at. But, at the same time, I feel like "That can't possibly be me!" And, I'm always afraid of getting trapped in that reflection, regardless of how beautiful it is.

In a lot of ways, I've been rather stubborn throughout this process. I feel myself desperately clinging on to the girl that I see myself as. Worthless, depressed, a "nobody," the list goes on and on. It's not that I want to maintain any of those images. I want desperately to heal and grow, but I am horrified of seeing myself in a light that I've never seen myself in before. My negative self image has always been who I am, as terrible as that sounds. Moving beyond that, I feel that I am being a fraud or "playing a role." And, I'm terrified of disconnecting from that because I feel so lost in my life.

To be honest, my mirror soulmate is the first person in my life who's seen me in spite of all of my flaws, insecurities, imperfections, etc. He's the only person who's seen my deeper essence and who has been so supportive in helping me work through the process of uncovering this image for myself.

I still have a long way to go, but I'm trying as hard as I can to take this journey one step at a time. Figured I would at least add my two cents in for now . As much as a headache as all of this can be, it's such a relief to begin to pull off all these layers and cut all these chains. Definitely been weighing me down for far too long

I am 5 years older than you! I was at the same point you are now at your age (one year into my awakening and accension process). We are part of the 'Pluto in Scorpio' generation.
Our wounds of abandonment, loss and betrayal. Typically this generation had absent and emotionally unavailable parents and part of our personal mission is to transmute this karma and step into our authenticity. Many in this generation disassociated and now have to go through a process of stepping back into our bodies and physical experience towards re- intergration.

I'm so glad thatyou decided to post a reply here. I resonated so very deeply with everything you had to say!

Here is a really good article about the Pluto in Scorpio generation https://wakeup-world.com/2016/07/18/...ion-1983-1995/

This beautiful soul did a Pluto in Scorpio soul video - he is part of this generation... he has those eyes which I felt a deep resonance with... my husband is the same age - we have the same energy in our eye's... similar to this guy.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8nJ8cz6BybA

I was in tears when I discovered this aspect of my chart... I felt deeply validated and had some sense of understanding and direction to take from it.

One way trauma and neglect effected me throughout my whole life is I have always had a very deep sense of loss... no direction and a lack of focus which stems from never knowing myself due to a lack of validation as a child.


I hear your words loud and clear... and I can feel the same energy!

I will come back and post some more later

[Sam.I.Am]

Originally Posted by emeraldheart

I am 5 years older than you! I was at the same point you are now at your age (one year into my awakening and accension process). We are part of the 'Pluto in Scorpio' generation.
Our wounds of abandonment, loss and betrayal. Typically this generation had absent and emotionally unavailable parents and part of our personal mission is to transmute this karma and step into our authenticity. Many in this generation disassociated and now have to go through a process of stepping back into our bodies and physical experience towards re- intergration.

I'm so glad thatyou decided to post a reply here. I resonated so very deeply with everything you had to say!

Here is a really good article about the Pluto in Scorpio generation https://wakeup-world.com/2016/07/18/...ion-1983-1995/

This beautiful soul did a Pluto in Scorpio soul video - he is part of this generation... he has those eyes which I felt a deep resonance with... my husband is the same age - we have the same energy in our eye's... similar to this guy.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8nJ8cz6BybA

I was in tears when I discovered this aspect of my chart... I felt deeply validated and had some sense of understanding and direction to take from it.

One way trauma and neglect effected me throughout my whole life is I have always had a very deep sense of loss... no direction and a lack of focus which stems from never knowing myself due to a lack of validation as a child.


I hear your words loud and clear... and I can feel the same energy!

I will come back and post some more later

Hahaha, nice! For some reason, I always feel like I'm so much younger than the majority of people on this thread .

I've never heard of the "Pluto in Scorpio" generation, but resonated strongly with the article that you posted, so thank you for that. For as long as I can remember, I've always felt that I was meant to do more with my life, but I also felt very separate from the world around me. I need to get an official astrology chart done, but I do know that I am a Cancer sun, a Capricorn moon, and a Leo rising. If that's not a conflicting combination, I don't know what is LOL

Metamorphosis in particular, is a strong word that I resonate with. I've always felt that my divine mission in my life has been to discover, explore, and continuously learn to develop myself. But, that hasn't always agreed with my Cancer sun and in all honesty, I tend to lose motivation easily with my depression and anxiety.

Childhood trauma has been present for me since elementary school. I also had to deal with emotionally unavailable parents , mostly stemming from my father and his addictions. Rejection and abandonment issues were also triggered later in life for me after a series of bad relationships. Having Leo in my rising sign, I have a strong desire to connect with people and present my true self, but trust issues and a fear of loss and betrayal often get the best of me.

Oddly enough, my mirror soulmate is apart of the "Gen X" generation. You would swear I was his daughter. You can't tell me that the Universe didn't plan that out perfectly

Perhaps the biggest struggle of my journey so far has been that my mirror soulmate is essentially a father-figure in my life. It's a beautiful thing to be loved and guided on such a terrifying journey, but is a rather intimidating process when you haven't grown up trusting or being supported by adult figures.

My SM is about 20 years into his spiritual journey. By in large, my he had to face the majority of his spiritual journey alone. I know family circumstances had a large part in that, but I can't help but think that being apart of the "Gen X" generation plays a role too--and of course being a man in that generation. With our particular dynamic, there's a heavy father-like burden on him to ensure that I don't endure the same soul pain without guidance. He's expressed a strong desire to help "rush me through" the journey, in the hopes of alleviating any prolonged pain. But, there is also the realization on his end, as on mine, that I need to accept the challenge of transformation and feel my way through the good bad and the ugly.

I'll watch the video that you posted once my brain settles down and will get back to you, but I appreciate the links and the discussion.

[Ariaecheflame]

Originally Posted by Sam.I.Am

Hahaha, nice! For some reason, I always feel like I'm so much younger than the majority of people on this thread .

I've never heard of the "Pluto in Scorpio" generation, but resonated strongly with the article that you posted, so thank you for that. For as long as I can remember, I've always felt that I was meant to do more with my life, but I also felt very separate from the world around me. I need to get an official astrology chart done, but I do know that I am a Cancer sun, a Capricorn moon, and a Leo rising. If that's not a conflicting combination, I don't know what is LOL

Metamorphosis in particular, is a strong word that I resonate with. I've always felt that my divine mission in my life has been to discover, explore, and continuously learn to develop myself. But, that hasn't always agreed with my Cancer sun and in all honesty, I tend to lose motivation easily with my depression and anxiety.

Childhood trauma has been present for me since elementary school. I also had to deal with emotionally unavailable parents , mostly stemming from my father and his addictions. Rejection and abandonment issues were also triggered later in life for me after a series of bad relationships. Having Leo in my rising sign, I have a strong desire to connect with people and present my true self, but trust issues and a fear of loss and betrayal often get the best of me.

Oddly enough, my mirror soulmate is apart of the "Gen X" generation. You would swear I was his daughter. You can't tell me that the Universe didn't plan that out perfectly

Perhaps the biggest struggle of my journey so far has been that my mirror soulmate is essentially a father-figure in my life. It's a beautiful thing to be loved and guided on such a terrifying journey, but is a rather intimidating process when you haven't grown up trusting or being supported by adult figures.

My SM is about 20 years into his spiritual journey. By in large, my he had to face the majority of his spiritual journey alone. I know family circumstances had a large part in that, but I can't help but think that being apart of the "Gen X" generation plays a role too--and of course being a man in that generation. With our particular dynamic, there's a heavy father-like burden on him to ensure that I don't endure the same soul pain without guidance. He's expressed a strong desire to help "rush me through" the journey, in the hopes of alleviating any prolonged pain. But, there is also the realization on his end, as on mine, that I need to accept the challenge of transformation and feel my way through the good bad and the ugly.

I'll watch the video that you posted once my brain settles down and will get back to you, but I appreciate the links and the discussion.

So sorry... it took too long for me to reply to you!

I've been getting a surge of crazy... semi productive energy come through and have really had to get focused on those things which have been calling me.

Your dynamic is an interesting one... I can see how it would work well though in accordance to your soul needs.

I've tended to notice in my age group... alot of my peers either had parents in the baby boomers or gen X. Majority including myself in the baby boomer category and I was thinking about pretty much everyone who I knew of and was friends with at school in my age group (I went to a very large school) either were brought up with one absent parent or with both parents being emotionally unavailable to a certain degree.
I mean... it seemed like 99% of the kids had a parent who abandoned them, went to prison, passed away or the kid was adopted out through a closed adoption. And if the parents were still together there was frequently some form of trauma or neglect within that dynamic.
I actually can barely think of a single person in my year who was brought up in an emotionally stable environment.
I remember that when we'd all hang out in groups there would be like one parent usually a single parent and usually a gen X parent who would almost become the strong emotional pressence in many abandoned kids lives.

The only positively emotional role models I ever had were usually one of these single parents who were essentially working hard to provide for all the needs of their kids on their own.

Although even that effect differs vastly from kid to kid. My husband's father abandoned him and walked out. They don't have a strong emotional bond and because my husband was the oldest sibling he took it upon himself to take on a caregiver role... except to do so he shut down his emotions and now as an adult my daughter is copying him... taking that on board. She is a sun cancer/moon sign so highly sensitive but she looks up to her dad so much she tries very hard to avoid her emotional side. I find MYSELF through my journey of opening up to my own emotions also having to nudge and encourage my family to do the same.
Essentially we have created a model of a family neither of us ever had a model for as kids - so we have had to learn to parent ourselves as well as our child.
This is one very strong reason why neither of us want any more kids... It is hard enough for us to deal with the effects of our childhood and nurture our own inner child expressions let alone the emotional needs of further children. Plus I find MYSELF desiring an adult life in which I can basically re- do my entire childhood all over.
It takes alot of time and effort to deal with the energy of being in the Pluto in Scorpio energy... alot of inward journeying and re -establishing the intergration of all the personality aspects which were taken out very early on out of survival necessity.

I find it really interesting to be a part of this generation and to have also walk this particular path of accension with the help of a mirrorsoul/twinsoul experience... basically the whole thing requires a total breakdown of old foundations (which is what our generation has been doing) and a total re-structuring which the twinsoul journey greatly assists with.
The two energy dynamics work very well tohether... almost like it is perfectly designed that way.
I do wonder if this Pluto in Scorpio thing has any direct correlation with the later waves of indigos as well... I know personally post awakening I suddenly remembered my early role in my family and church as an indigo kid... so it does make me wonder.

We already have this innate ability to transmute trauma as part of the Pluto in Scorpio generation... something which the energy of the twinsoul dynamic only adds to.

[Sam.I.Am]

Originally Posted by emeraldheart

So sorry... it took too long for me to reply to you!

I've been getting a surge of crazy... semi productive energy come through and have really had to get focused on those things which have been calling me.

Your dynamic is an interesting one... I can see how it would work well though in accordance to your soul needs.

I've tended to notice in my age group... alot of my peers either had parents in the baby boomers or gen X. Majority including myself in the baby boomer category and I was thinking about pretty much everyone who I knew of and was friends with at school in my age group (I went to a very large school) either were brought up with one absent parent or with both parents being emotionally unavailable to a certain degree.
I mean... it seemed like 99% of the kids had a parent who abandoned them, went to prison, passed away or the kid was adopted out through a closed adoption. And if the parents were still together there was frequently some form of trauma or neglect within that dynamic.
I actually can barely think of a single person in my year who was brought up in an emotionally stable environment.
I remember that when we'd all hang out in groups there would be like one parent usually a single parent and usually a gen X parent who would almost become the strong emotional pressence in many abandoned kids lives.

The only positively emotional role models I ever had were usually one of these single parents who were essentially working hard to provide for all the needs of their kids on their own.

Although even that effect differs vastly from kid to kid. My husband's father abandoned him and walked out. They don't have a strong emotional bond and because my husband was the oldest sibling he took it upon himself to take on a caregiver role... except to do so he shut down his emotions and now as an adult my daughter is copying him... taking that on board. She is a sun cancer/moon sign so highly sensitive but she looks up to her dad so much she tries very hard to avoid her emotional side. I find MYSELF through my journey of opening up to my own emotions also having to nudge and encourage my family to do the same.
Essentially we have created a model of a family neither of us ever had a model for as kids - so we have had to learn to parent ourselves as well as our child.
This is one very strong reason why neither of us want any more kids... It is hard enough for us to deal with the effects of our childhood and nurture our own inner child expressions let alone the emotional needs of further children. Plus I find MYSELF desiring an adult life in which I can basically re- do my entire childhood all over.
It takes alot of time and effort to deal with the energy of being in the Pluto in Scorpio energy... alot of inward journeying and re -establishing the intergration of all the personality aspects which were taken out very early on out of survival necessity.

I find it really interesting to be a part of this generation and to have also walk this particular path of accension with the help of a mirrorsoul/twinsoul experience... basically the whole thing requires a total breakdown of old foundations (which is what our generation has been doing) and a total re-structuring which the twinsoul journey greatly assists with.
The two energy dynamics work very well tohether... almost like it is perfectly designed that way.
I do wonder if this Pluto in Scorpio thing has any direct correlation with the later waves of indigos as well... I know personally post awakening I suddenly remembered my early role in my family and church as an indigo kid... so it does make me wonder.

We already have this innate ability to transmute trauma as part of the Pluto in Scorpio generation... something which the energy of the twinsoul dynamic only adds to.

Please don't apologize! Especially with healing related issues, I often need several days to step back and reflect, otherwise my mind becomes extremely overwhelmed. I'm still working on trying to find the balance between my need to heal and rest. Hopefully, the process will become easier over time.

Yes, my soul dynamic is quite interesting, especially given my circumstances. Oddly enough, I met my mirror soul 4 years ago in passing. We only had one or two brief interactions before we reconnected in 2016. If anything, I think that's definitely eased the process. Things have been progressing slowly but strongly. While there is that inexplicable, innate love and trust, both of us are rather sensitive to the process, because we know what one another has been through and don't want to hurt one another.

Both of my parents are Baby Boomers. My mom was 42 and my dad was 34 when they had my brother and I. With the exception of one or two close friends, my parents were often some of the oldest in the crowd, especially my mom. My parents also didn't have a happy marriage and still don't, largely due to my father's alcoholism and lack of emotionally availability.

My mother is a fantastic mother! As the second oldest of seven children, and the oldest girl, she often took on the role of caregiver growing up, which is the role that she most prefers to be in. She also had her first child at 18, so she's never really had a life beyond taking care of others. Emotions have never been her strong suit, so while she did a wonderful job of nurturing and taking care of our physiological needs, the control of our emotions was often left to our own devices. Not a particularly easy thing for a child to cope with.

As far as my father goes, he also grew up in an alcoholic household. His father was an alcoholic for several years, but eventually got a handle on his addiction. My father's alcoholism started at a very young age (18) and not being able to live a life beyond that, a "fulfilling life," has definitely taken a toll on him. I think he had far too many personal demons to take on the responsibility of raising children, and the thought of that, in and of itself, was just too much for him to handle.

With my mirror soulmate, he describes both of his parents (Baby Boomers) as extremely loving and nurturing, especially his mom. His dad was more nurturing in the "push for the success" way, and I think that placed a rather heavy burden on my SM. He felt like he couldn't express his emotions growing up and spent the majority of his life pushing his emotions aside. A Cancerian himself, things continued to get worse with his chronic pain battle and his need to fix physical pain, which resulted in avoidance and several bad choices.

Cancers are all different depending on the exact layout of their chart. And, to be honest with you, I don't think other signs realize just how complex Cancerians are. People tend to say, "over-emotional," "needy," "sensitive," "stubborn," "introverted," blah, blah, blah. But, Cancers are so much deeper than that. They are empaths. They understand the emotions and complexities of others and still choose to come from a place of love. Cancers are also extremely passionate beings who give their fullest to life but at times, the world is too much for them to handle. Especially in this day and age, I think it's hard for Cancers to stay grounded in such a complex world and that's where things begin to go array.

I think it's also important to understand that not all Cancerians are communicative beings. I tend to be a sit down, talk it out, kind of gal, and my SM is quite different in that regard. He throws himself into working out, playing the guitar, reading, whatever it may be that calms his heart and soothes his soul. It's incredible what a simple yoga class for example, can do to calm your mind and give you the answers that you seek. I mention this because perhaps, your husband and daughter can communicate their emotions through an activity. Maybe you daughter can start journaling or expressing herself through craft. It takes time, but I think having an outlet for her emotions to flow might be extremely beneficial.

I can definitely understand what you're saying about children. To be honest with you, I've been going back and forth on having children myself. I want children, but I also understand that my soul has needs in this lifetime. I am horrified of being "tied down" and not being able to pursue my passions, as I would feel obligated to ensure my children's needs were met.

With all of that being said however, being one who's always handle her emotions by herself, I've really come to love having a mirror soulmate who not only loves and supports me, but also helps me tear down long held beliefs and foundations. I really feel like there are some lessons that are best learned with a companion by your side. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world

[Ariaecheflame]

You seem very grounded and balanced in your perspectives. It is very refreshing

My parents were much older than me as well 44 and 39 when they had me so there was a funny dynamic as I was becoming a teenager growing up in a vastly different world... one of the positives of my childhood was I had an awful lot of freedom haha... of course as I grew up that freedom translated into lack of direction but... such is life.

Hey, thank you for talking to me about some of the deeper aspects of cancers. I have actually (vaguely) realised that I can guide my daughter to express her emotions in a way which suits her needs best.
I don't mind if she doesn't talk to me about everything. I just want her to know that she can talk to me if she needs to.

So... thank you again for the reminder!

One thing I forgot to mention was to do with the astrology of Pluto in Scorpio.
I found it interesting to have a look at all the other factors in my own chart... to get a bit of an idea of what transformation of the Scorpio energy could look like.
I have come out of many years of healing and am now stepping into taking a deeper look at what is emerging and how I can embrace that in an empowering way... that is sort of the thing with us folk... we came here to be transformers haha.

I have ascendant in Scorpio as well... moon in gemini and sun in virgo so basically what I am noticing is the positive elements are emerging from all these signs and I am starting to understand how well placed they are to empower me into BECOMING more of who I am.

I am a writer so... I am learning through Scorpio ascendant that I am safe to express emotions and natural passion and my natural way of doing so is communication through writing (I'm using the moon in gemini to assist me with that).
The virgo sun is my most challanging aspect but it also acts like an inner parent which I need moving forward hahaha...as it wants me to learn how to ground myself and get focused and clear about my desires... and it seeks to assist me in grounding those desires... I never strongly resonated with my sun sign haha... but am seeing now - it is more to do with what I need to learn in this life and it is perfectly places to assist the expression
I desire to take in this life.

Anyway... I used to really despise my moon and ascendant signs hahaha.
I'd dated Scorpios as a teenager and they drove me crazy in a not great way haha - and my parents and deceased grandmother are Geminis and they all drive me crazy with their annalytical natures hahaha... they often seemed quite 'cold' and unapproachable due to the constant analysis.
So I was well versed in the negatives of these signs! It is pretty funny really how well matched all this energy was looking back hahahaha!

What is emerging now are the positive aspects and they are there to assist my life's purpose in this next phase... it's also helping to transform my relationships with others as well... giving me deeper insights into our dynamic and fostering a deeper empathy... which I find very interesting and super cool.

I am in no way an expert in astrology - very far from it haha... but these are some things which I have observed may of be some interest to your own path...
I like the way which this stuff can be used to help empower - and give a little hint of direction...

I really wish I could explain what I mean without talking about myself all the time hahahaha!

Ps. The healing gets easier and more efficient as self awareness grows. Each layer you heal provides you with new tools for the future. We all heal in our own ways.
One of the benefits of having a mirror soulmate to assist us is that it helps us to discover our own unique ways of progressing through the various layers.

Take care!!
I have enjoyed reading about your insights.